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Sex With Dr. Jess

Sex With Dr. Jess

Dr. Jess O'Reilly

In Sex With Dr. Jess, Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, Toronto-based sexologist, author, and media personality, shares tips on how to enhance your sexual life to improve the quality of your relationships. She interviews guests with questions ranging from how to deal with jealousy to getting down in the bedroom, as well as hosting thought-provoking episodes centered around compatibility and strengthening relationships.

379 - 12 Strategies To Manage Rejection
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  • 379 - 12 Strategies To Manage Rejection

    Do you struggle with rejection?
    How does your response vary from the boardroom to the bedroom?
    Do layers of your identity affect how you deal with rejection?

    We surveyed our community regarding their experiences of rejection, and we shared their insights in this week’s episode. We think it’s a great one! Thank you to those who sent messages. We appreciate you.



    Thank you to our sponsors AdamAndEve.com - save 50% on almost any single item + get free shipping and a bunch of other FREEBIES with code DRJESS

     

     

    If you’re looking for an episode on sexual initiation techniques, click here.

    Check out the 12 insights on managing rejection below, as well as the full transcript (scroll down).

    12 Insights on Rejection from Our Community

    (Some of these have been edited for clarity/brevity.)

    Why can women say no to sex, but when a guy says no, it’s crazy?
    For me, it’s all about connection. When I get rejected over and over again, it brings up feelings of unlovability, unworthiness, being unimportant, etc. I’m working through some of that, but I also think it’s normal; in a monogamous sexual relationship. Taking care of myself doesn’t provide an emotional connection, and it can even hinder connection when it’s all I’m left with.
    Rejection is just God’s Protection (it’s supposed to rhyme).Yes. Can we re-frame rejection to be something that safeguards us against things that aren’t good for us? Didn’t get that job because you didn’t click with the hiring team, maybe, you wouldn’t have liked working with them anyway? You approached someone to make a new connection, and they were aloof, maybe that’s not the energy you need in your life? 
    Don’t take it as a negative. Don’t take it personally. People have many different preferences. It’s not about you.
    Accept rejection. Don’t let it turn into dejection. For me, it’s about not personalizing it. My GF isn’t in the mood? Cool. It has nothing to do with me. And honestly, I don’t feel like it’s my job to get her in the mood. Sometimes I will, but if she knows what she has to do to get herself in the mood too. She likes sex as much as I do. I know that for sure. So if she is working too much, or going out too much and feeling tired or not doing the things that facilitate her mood, it’s not about me. But this only applies since we started talking about sex. 10 years ago, I know she said no because the sex wasn’t so good for her. Now that I know what she likes. Now that we’ve both learned to be better lovers, we don’t personalize things as much. So I guess it begins with making sure the sex is good and learning to be an open, caring, attentive lover. And then you don’t personalize it when they say no.
    Everything changed for me when I finally talked to my wife about the all one-sided initiation. I was in your workshop in _______. You said that we need to share initiation because when one person does all the sexual initiation, they’re the only one who has to deal with sexual rejection. The other is often avoidant. So when my wife and I finally had that conversation, and we both agreed that we should both initiate, I learned that sometimes I’m not in the mood when she’s in the mood. And she learned; what it feels like when I say no. The first part — my finally saying no to her because I wasn’t finding myself in the mood made me realize that I’m not rejecting her. I’m just not in the mood for sex. So I get that it’s the same for her. She’s not rejecting me. She just - doesn’t want that type of connection at the time. So switching sides helped. But also, because she was pretty upset the first few times I said no, it changed the way she communicates her NO to me. We’ve talked about; how to reject with more grace and what we can do when the other isn’t in the mood. So it’s not a big deal anymore.

    Fri, 11 Mar 2022 - 41min
  • 378 - Quick Connection Exercise for Couples

    Want to boost connection & appreciation in a matter of minutes? In this episode, we work our way through this short activity, One Thing I Love About You. You can try it with a partner or anyone else you love. It’s simple and you can power through it in a few minutes if you keep things short and sweet. Use these prompts to get started:

    One thing I love about your body…
    One thing I love about your voice…
    One thing I love about your energy/aura…
    One thing I love about your touch…
    One thing I love about your personality…
    One thing I love about your character…
    One thing I love about how you interact with others…
    One thing I love about how you treat me…
    One thing I love about your…

    This exercise is excerpted from The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay: Techniques & Strategies for Mind-Blowing Pleasure by Jessica O’Reilly & Marla Renee Stewart. This book is full of advice and activities designed to help you better understand and communicate sexual needs, desires, and values. Order your copy here.



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    If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!




    Rough Transcript:

    This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

    Quick Connection Exercise for Couples

    Participant #1:
    You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware, here with my always lovely other half, Dr. Jess. I'm just here celebrating, man. I'm celebrating you. It's your birthday. What was yesterday? Kind of a big deal. Yeah, such a big deal that I was out of town for work and just flew in this morning. That's all good. You come pick me up? Not made you, but you came 06:00 a.m.. I've been up since, I guess, the equivalent of 02:00 A.m. Here, and we're feeling good. I'm actually feeling fine. I've got the adrenaline rush because I just have started another speaking tour. I'm finally feeling like I'm getting back to work. Pretty excited. We are going to do a quickie podcast on that note, because I have another flight to catch. Yeah. Which is greater flight off to an exciting place for other work prospects. So. And Brandon's joining me. Looking forward to it in Barcelona. Barcelona? You have a friend in Spain. Brandon has the equivalent of I guess it's the modern day pen pal. Yes, I have a penpal. I do. But explain what you do, because I think it's really cool. I went on to a website where you can communicate with other people who are trying to learn your language. So I've been trying to learn Spanish for years. And I'm off and on and off and on.

    Fri, 18 Feb 2022 - 23min
  • 377 - The Ultimate Guide To Dirty Talk: 60+ Tips & Examples

    Are you comfortable talking dirty? Do you feel silly trying new lines, approaches and scenarios? You’re not alone. Jess and Brandon share their struggles (while sharing a few laughs) and offer guidance & strategies for all types of dirty talk from sweet and romantic to naughty and kinky. They try out dozens of lines that you can practice on your own and share with a partner (or two!).

    Want to learn more about dirty talk? Check out The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay co-authored by Marla Renee Stewart.

    And check out  IOBAToys.com for the OhMyC, a silent clitoral massager that fits in the palm of your hand. Use code DRJESS to save 30% off!

    If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

    And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



    Rough Transcript

    This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

    Episode 218: Master Dirty Talk: 60+ Tips & Examples

    (00:05):

    You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

    Brandon (00:16):

    Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half Dr. Jess.

    Dr. Jess (00:23):

    Hey, hey.

    Brandon (00:24):

    How are you?

    Dr. Jess (00:25):

    I'm fine. I want you to talk dirty to me.

    Brandon (00:28):

    I want you. I want you right now. You smiling and laughing at me doesn't help with the confidence here.

    Dr. Jess (00:36):

    I’m not laughing, I was just smiling at you. What do you think I want to hear in bed when I say talk dirty?

    Brandon (00:43):

    I think you want to hear that I want you that, I can't stop thinking about you.

    Dr. Jess (00:49):

    You never say that. If you know I want to hear that

    Brandon (00:51):

    I know it, it doesn't mean it’s what I say.

    Dr. Jess (00:54):

    So why don't you say that?

    Brandon (00:55):

    Because I feel stupid. Talking dirty, I feel dumb.

    Dr. Jess (01:01):

    Perfect setup for this episode.

    Brandon (01:03):

    Is it really?

    Dr. Jess (01:04):

    I think so, because we're going to be talking about dirty talk. And I think so many of us feel that way. But can I ask you something? In the heat of the moment, when you're like all riled up and you’re turned on and you know that I'm liking it and you're liking it, do you feel less silly?

    Brandon (01:17):

    No I still feel silly. Because I think, because I don't know what to say.

    Dr. Jess (01:21):

    But you do know what to say, because you just said it, in jest.

    Brandon (01:25):

    Yes but in the moment, it's like I'm drawing so many blanks.

    Dr. Jess (01:32):

    Well yeah anyhow. I was thinking that what I find is, that the more turned on I am, the less self conscious I am. If I'm in the heat of the moment, 'cause I don't worry about what's going on around me, I don't think about anybody else's needs.

    Brandon (01:47):

    Fri, 18 Jun 2021 - 38min
  • 376 - Eroticize Daily Interactions: 20 Actionable Tips For Busy Couples

    How do you keep things exciting amid a repetitive routine?
    How can adults be more playful (because playfulness is associated with happier relationships & hotter sex)?
    What simple changes can you implement to make your daily interactions more fun, passionate and erotic — even if you’re super busy?

    You’re not a light switch, so you likely can’t get turned on in the blink of an eye. This week, to celebrate our wedding anniversary, we share 20+ specific strategies and action items you can use to make your relationship more romantic, intimate and erotic.

    If you’re looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Lovehoney, We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS15 at checkout to save!

    Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

    Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping.



    And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



    Rough Transcript:


    This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

    Episode 341 - Eroticize Daily Interactions: 20 Actionable Tips For Busy Couples

    Intro: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight.

    Dr. Jess: Hey, we've got a replay of one of my favorite topics, one of my favorite episodes on eroticizing daily interactions from April 2021, so you might hear some references to a totally different time. It's a time warp.

    Brandon: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I am your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, hey. How are you?

    Dr. Jess: I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. I'm interested in this conversation for the two of us as well.

    We're going to be talking about how to make your daily interactions more erotic and What are you laughing at?

    Brandon: I'm immediately thinking about eating a banana.

    Dr. Jess: Oh my gosh, because in my presentations I always talk about how [00:01:00] to eroticize daily interactions because you're not a light switch. You can't go from talking about your taxes and your work and your kids and whether or not your dog had a bowel movement on its last walk to just flipping the switch and being, oh, hi.

    Hey. Tear my clothes off, right? And my joke is when I say To eroticize your daily interactions. I don't mean make everything annoyingly erotic, right? I don't want to be eating a banana and have Brandon look over and be like, Oh yeah, you eat that banana. That's what I'm talking about. It's really more about playfulness and flirtation and I don't know, all these different ways to be erotic.

    It doesn't have to be super sexual or graphic. So we're going to be getting into that. I mean, I guess before we do, I should ask you, Do you feel like our interactions are particularly erotic?

    Brandon: I don't think that I'm an erotic person. I feel very self conscious whenever I'm [00:02:00] trying to do something that I think is erotic, whether I've seen it on, you know, TV, movie, somewhere, I feel like a goof doing it.

    So when I see people who are genuinely erotic and...

    Fri, 16 Apr 2021 - 42min
  • 374 - 4 Types of Couples — Which One Are You?

    Do opposites attract?
    Are you really attracted to funny people or do you find attractive people funnier?
    And which type of dating couple are you?

    Researchers suggest that there are four types of dating couples and your type can influence whether the relationship lasts. Jess and Brandon explore these research topics in their last episode of 2023.

    Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping.



    And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



    Rough Transcript:


    This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

    Episode 344

    4 Types of Couples -- Which One Are You?

    [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

    [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Alright, alright. Are we ready to talk about four types of couples?

    [00:00:17] Brandon Ware: I'm always ready to talk about four types of couples. Which four types of couples are we talking about?

    [00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: Four types of couples. Which one are you? It reminds me of like a quiz. What type of onion are you?

    [00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I'm a white onion.

    [00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: You are a white onion.

    [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: Because I can only name two types of onions.

    [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: What's the other one?

    [00:00:31] Brandon Ware: Red onions.

    [00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: What about Vidalia?

    [00:00:33] Brandon Ware: I don't know what that is.

    [00:00:34] Jess O'Reilly: Green.

    [00:00:35] Brandon Ware: Sure. Green.

    [00:00:35] Jess O'Reilly: Yes. Spanish.

    [00:00:36] Brandon Ware: Okay. Listen, listen.

    [00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: Shallot.

    [00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Onion connoisseur.

    [00:00:41] Jess O'Reilly: I like an onion. So we'll be talking about four types of couples and some research. But before we do that, I wanted to very briefly dive into some other research and data that I've come across this week.

    [00:00:51] Jess O'Reilly: And we have a little announcement at the end, I guess before we dive into it, I need to shout out adamandeve. com because they've got a big, big, big sale going on. And. You can save 50 percent off almost any single item plus free shipping and rush handling with code. Dr. Jess 50,

    [00:01:08] Brandon Ware: Dr. Jess 50.

    [00:01:09] Jess O'Reilly: Go buy something that vibrates something. Okay. Question for you.

    [00:01:12] Brandon Ware: Yes.

    [00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Are funny people more attractive to you?

    [00:01:15] Brandon Ware: Funny people are more attractive.

    [00:01:16] Jess O'Reilly: Like, are you attracted to funny people?

    [00:01:18] Brandon Ware: Yes.

    [00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: Hang on. Am I funny?

    [00:01:19] Brandon Ware: Hold on. Yes. You're very funny, but what, but what else is like, what's the and

    [00:01:24] Jess O'Reilly: well, the question is, are you attracted to humor? Or do you find attractive people funnier?

    [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. I'm going to just say this. So I noticed that every little joke, like every little snide remark,

    Fri, 08 Dec 2023 - 25min
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