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The Bible as Literature

The Bible as Literature

The Ephesus School

Each week, Dr. Richard Benton, Fr. Marc Boulos and guests discuss the content of the Bible as literature. On Tuesdays, Fr. Paul Tarazi presents an in-depth analysis of the biblical text in the original languages.

1228 - The Bible is Making Fun of You
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  • 1228 - The Bible is Making Fun of You

    The Bible, Fr. Paul explains, is a holy joke. 

    That’s a big relief. Even hopeful. 

    Looking around, I see that the current state of affairs is an unholy joke.

    Truly, if the Scriptural God is not laughing at us, mocking us, and ultimately—as Fr. Paul explains—entrapping us, he is not God. 

    He can’t be. 

    What kind of god, what monster, would be happy with us? I mean, seriously, people? 

    Look at us.

    Do you think it sounds odd that God would say, “Here is a nice tree in the Garden, now don’t eat of it,” when you say to little children: 

    “We love you. We do not want you to go hungry. So we will send you food, but we will not let you touch it. We will just talk about how much we care because we are not violent like the God of the Old Testament.”

    May this God, the vengeful and terrible God found only in the text (the one everybody ignores and abuses), the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, mock, shame, confound, judge, terrify, and entrap us without reprieve for the sake of the poor until his Kingdom comes in power.

    (Episode 318)

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    Tue, 19 Mar 2024
  • 1227 - A Maskil

    Code Pink! Code Pink!

    People are running around with blinders on! 

    It appears they’ve been reading English translations of the Septuagint!

    Half keep referring to something called the Books of the Kingdoms, which do not appear in the Bible; the other half are enamored with some goofy Greek nonsense called “philosophical questioning.” 

    One of them keeps eating ice cream in a stupor. 

    They insist that the Bible is about building churches, investing in property, planning for the future, defending walls, funding wars, protecting their people, and—above all—trying to prove which tribe held the first theropod roast in prehistoric Palestine, which, at that time, was known as, well, “nothing,” because we probably did not have language yet. 

    Some of these people are doing DNA tests and then photoshopping pictures of themselves holding a Bible while standing at said therapod roast.

    Ah, the suffering of Job. But Job was a fool. I mean, look, what did his supposed righteousness get him? 

    A house in Tel Aviv? 

    But that’s what you want. 

    So you host Lenten retreats about the deep spiritual meaning of Job’s suffering and how to be patient like him in anticipation of your colonial therapod roast.

    Disgusting. 

    And just to be clear, Elihu, Father Paul explains, is no better. 

    The structure of Job, the syntax of the canon, and the placement of Psalms all undermine you: all of them de-historicize, de-value, and de-center the human being.

    So, please. 

    It does not matter what your DNA test says. 

    If the result of your DNA test comes back “human being,” that is already way too much information. 

    May God have mercy upon the therapods. 

    (Episode 317)

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    Tue, 12 Mar 2024
  • 1226 - Lie to Yourself, Please

    Scripture unmasks your illusions. Religion, family, friends, ideas, institutions, nations, individuals, “isms” of every school—all your human ideals and beliefs are a lie. 

    Unfortunately, you can’t sleep around with your lies and remain faithful to the Master.  

    You do, in fact, have to make a choice. Note my use of the word “fact.” 

    So, please, step in front of the bus or return to the safety of your lies. 

    That is how this works. 

    Go ahead—I insist—lie to yourself. It’s better for you. Enjoy your environmentally safe lifestyle. Don’t forget to vote. 

    There you go. See? You are a good person. Your hands are clean. God bless you. 

    You should be a guest on “The View.” 

    Notice, I said god bless you. I did not mention the text. I was talking about your god, not the God of Scripture.  

    Anyone who can’t see the true face of their idolatry or who tries to apologize for it or the idolatry of this age in any way is morally bankrupt.

    It’s true. I’m not lying. 

    The West is having its moment—it’s painful to watch and definitely long deserved, but the pain, at least for now, is located in the weakest part of the body. 

    But you cannot dull the pain of facts with the stupor of your idols forever. 

    MENE, MENE, TEQEL, UPHARSIN

    Your narratives certainly feel good. Family is dear to you, and personal relationships mean everything to you. You take courage in speaking truth to power and in the freedom to disagree, to be different—that’s the American way, Fr. Marc. 

    What a great story. You should work for Disney. 

    Thanks be to the Scriptural God: the Bible is not your story. Let alone a story.

    It’s a text with consonants totally foreign to your colonial brain, laid out in a particular order, in a language concocted from the many Semitic languages of the many peoples you still number among your enemies, you fool.

    It’s funny how you love all your idols, your religion, your atheism, family, friends, institutions, and your “democratic values,” but you still somehow manage to hate the same enemies you were commanded to love. 

    As Fr. Paul used to say in the classroom, God is merciful, but I am not God. 

    You would do well to forgo your stupid ideals and, instead, study Arabic alongside biblical Hebrew. Then you will see with your eyes and hear with your ears what the Scriptural God said in his original Semitic syntax, sparing both you and the poor the tyranny of your self-serving flotillas.

    Allahu Akbar. 

    (Episode 316)

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    Tue, 05 Mar 2024
  • 1225 - Facts Not Narratives

    This week, a few listeners reached out to wish me well on my sabbatical or to ask what I plan to do with my free time. 

    First, please be assured that I will not be eating ice cream. Second, as my oldest Palestinian cousin Tina said while doing manual labor at St. Elizabeth, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” 

    In her honor, let’s make good use of the time because the days are definitely evil. 

    Teaching is about conveying facts from the text, not your ideas about the text, let alone your institutional narratives. 

    On a personal level, you want to talk about “narrative” or “narrative context” because you want to give yourself importance. On an institutional level, if you take just five minutes to stop gossiping about or psychoanalyzing each other, you’ll discover that your obsession with “narrative” is all about the Benjamins.  

    You fund the Tower of Babel; thus, it is utterly disgusting. “And that,” Fr. Paul explains this week, “is the price we are paying in so-called Judeo-Christianism.”

    Just watch Tik-Tok, Habibi. 

    Thankfully, the God of Scripture is not mocked in his syntax. 

    What is written cannot be undone—for those who have ears. The canonical syntax of the original, consonantal Hebrew text is a fact unless you want to go back and dream about your facts while sleeping with the New York Times. 

    Sleep well. Make-believe stories—even the scary ones—are for children. 

    Lexicography, on the other hand, is the transmission of facts. Facts are common and accessible to all—they stare back at you from the page—just like canonical syntax. 

    As Fr. Paul has said for decades, Biblical-Semitic consonants are situated on the scroll, like the organs of your body. No NATO narratives are required. 

    So before launching into the exciting developments I mentioned last week, Fr. Paul will spend some time explaining, once and for all, why the syntax of the Hebrew canon—and not the Septuagint—is our canonical reference for word study in the Biblical text. 

    (Episode 315)

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    Tue, 27 Feb 2024
  • 1224 - In Time and Out of Time

    This week, Fr. Paul refers to the Apostle Paul’s letter to Timothy, noting a disciple’s duty to take every single opportunity at every moment to channel the content of Scripture at every turn, in time and out of time, using every chance afforded to share what you received, not from the teacher, but directly from the text. In this vein, Fr. Paul reiterates a point from his most recent presentation in Lebanon, noting the lexicographical significance of the word Qur’an for Christians, which is functional with the Hebrew triliteral *qof-resh-alef.* (Episode 314)

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    Tue, 20 Feb 2024
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