The Two Smokin' Guns Podcast

It’s AO week in Melbourne, so Scotty & Ruttsy took on the History of Tennis. From Royal tennis, Henry VIII, French Monks, Jeu de Paume, Davis Cup, Cash & Carry Pyle, Tennis Scoring, Howard Head, Bob Slazenger & Great tennis deaths. Then we went through most tournaments, fastest serves & Tallest & Shortest players. We finished with a Roger Federer tribute song.

Fresh from a round of golf, Scotty & Ruttsy took on the History of Golf. Racing tips early & then we moved through; Why 18 holes?, 13th century Dutch ‘Kolf’, Lots of dodgy Dutch pronunciation by Scotty, Golf/Drinking through the ages, the History of Par, Mulligan golf & a Golf joke to finish.

Scotty & Ruttsy are back with the Two Smokin’ Guns podcast in 2024. In this episode we explored great Australian Larrikins including, Shane Warne, Warwick Capper, Mark Jacko Jackson, cartoonist Bill Leak, 1920’s criminal Kate Leigh, Paul Hogan, Alby Mangels, Steve Irwin, Bob Hawke, Dawn Fraser, Noelene Brown, Barry Humphries, Ned Kelly, Chips Rafferty, Errol Flynn & the late great Keith Miller. Finished with a song called Bogans by Old Nick Uni Revue – very amusing tale of Tassie bogans sung to the tune of Royals by Lorde.

headspace centres and services operate across Australia, in metro, regional and rural areas, supporting young Australians and their families to be mentally healthy and engaged in their communities. The Ministry of Art is organising an art charity event on 14th September 2023 in support of headspace.

Scotty & Ruttsy bemoaned the loss of Fantales and discussed their favourite lollies, Submersible implosions & Chappelli versus Beefy. Ruttsy described his Pentridge Prison experience, which lead to some prison songs including Back on the Chain Gang by The Pretenders. We then took on Vlad’s mutiny, his favourite rock band Lyube & the Cost of Dating. We then unpacked the work of Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov, the singing dentist turned dictator of Turkmenistan, and his attempts at banning smoking in the country. Then onto the Chinese bloke and his 27th attempt at a University entrance exam, Chinese big holes, Food that tastes better the day after, and finally a segment called “Eat whatever you like because…”

The SXSW festival debuts in Sydney from 15th to 22nd October 2023. Ruttsy sat down with Andrew Watt to discuss all things SXSW Austin & SXSW Sydney. What is SXSW? When did it start? How did it evolve? If you attend what will you experience? How can you get involved?

Ruttsy left alone in the studio to play his fave Australian Indie bands – Bad Dreems epic song Jack, Beddy Rays great song Sobercoaster, The Pretty Things song Serve Yourself & Bad Dreems song By My Side. I’m acting like Lee Simon at this point! Ruttsy chatted with Kirstan Corben, Executive Director of the Danny Frawley Centre. We covered what the Centre is, what it offers & how it is helping improve physical & mental health outcomes across the community. We discussed the features of the facility, Kirstan’s background & that of her team, the aims & objectives of the Centre & how the DFC engages into the community. Finished off the show with The Smith Street Band playing Young Drunk, Violent Soho with Covered in Chrome & the mighty Hives with the TSG theme song.

Scotty & Ruttsy on The Week That Was discussed Tina Turner, The Big Freeze slide, How to order in Chinese Restaurants & the Caulfield racecourse redevelopment (including knife sharpening techniques!). Then we discussed the most relaxing song in the world, Musk’s brain implant proposal, Strange Leunig poems & the meaning of SOG’s. We introduced a new segment called Dumb Ways to Die with a great intro song. Wine time was about Spanish Rioja & Goon Sacks. Our food segment was all about fun Burger facts.

Ruttsy spoke with Kirstan Corben, Executive Director of the Danny Frawley Centre. We covered what the Centre is, what it offers & how it is helping improve physical & mental health outcomes across the community. We discussed the features of the facility, Kirstan’s background & that of her team, the aims & objectives of the Centre & how the DFC engages into the community.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed a silent Big Ben, Tik Tok in Montana & the new Indiana Jones premiere. We talked about Killer Whales, Aussie Slang, NYC’s heavyweight problem & Kurt Cobain’s guitar. Song of the week was 24 Frames by Jason Isbell. Scotty’s rant was about paranormal activity in country Victoria. Wine of the week was Carmenere. Food was lunchbox sangers, Nigerian soup & mobile Pizza. More random madness from the Two Smokin’ Guns.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Mother’s day flower prices, Queueing, MND & who should go down the slide. What Caught My Eye included the US Writer’s Strike, Odd Spots, Kid’s biting back and some Jokes. Song of the week was My Father’s hands by Broderick Smith (RIP). Scotty’s Rant was about Car Etiquette & he had some bumper stickers to share. Wine segment covered Champagne & some budget drinking options. Food segment covered genetically modified food & some Fun Food Facts. Enjoy…

Scotty & Ruttsy showcased their new stings. The Week That Was featured the Melbourne Chilli-Eating Championship results & Jetstar punch-ups, What Caught My Eye featured Arab’s in Space, Jupiter rockets, Pentridge hotel rooms, Seagull Screeching Championships, Rosco’s nude pledge & a joke. Song of the Week was Angel of 8th Avenue by Gang of Youths. Scotty’s rant was about State Funeral naysayers. Wine of the Week was Nebbiolo. Food stories were about Marmalade & Puffer Fish. Enjoy…

In a remarkable demonstration of structure & organisation, the Two Smokin’ Guns have decided to do “segments”. Most radio shows caught onto this concept 40 years ago, so yes,  we are late to the party! Segment 1 was Magic Moments of the week past which was all about Barry Humphries & Father Bob. Segment 2 was What Caught My Eye in the last week which was New Mafia Bosses, Space X, Ultra-Marathon Super-speeds, Chess gender craziness, Rhino baths & Portable Baths. Segment 3 was Song of the Week which saw us play ‘Sell Out’ by new superstar Somebody’s Child. Segment 4 was Scotty’s Rant & you really had to be there! Segment 5 is Wine of The Week – this week Verdelho. Segment 6 was Food & we covered the Melbourne Chilli Eating Championships & High flying restaurants. An organised TSG’s! WTF?

Scotty almost died from asphyxiation during the show but we still managed to discuss Ruttsy’s Hot Cross Bun tasting competition, Bears killing joggers (BTW Ruttsy has been scared of Bears since the movie Grizzly), Sex Dolls being used as passengers, Ruttsy’s chat with Jordan Belfort & Paolo Nutini’s brilliant concert (played the song Shine A Light). Oh, plus deep sea fish, AC/DC & Highway to Hell.

Ruttsy sat down with Harry Hill, Senior Captain of Old Brighton, to discuss last season’s successes, the pre-season under new coach Dan Donati, his leadership group, the strong connection between the school, U19’s & the Senior team, the importance of the women’s football program to the Club’s culture & some exciting new faces to look out for in 2023. Go Tonners!

Ahead of the 2023 VAFA Football season, Ruttsy spoke with the President of Old Brighton Grammarians Football Club, Tom Clarke, about the changes since last season, the ambitions for 2023, the new coaching groups at the Club & the great spirit of the OBGFC community. Go Tonners!

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Footy, Transistors, Coronation dinner menus from bygone eras, the new Australian province of Jimland, old mate Donald Trump, Camel beauty contests & cloning, Gwyneth’s day in court, AC/DC’s comeback, Mick Gatto’s charity lunch & Fish in deep water. We outro’d with Highway to Hell by AccaDacca.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed the world of Electric Bikes, What’s on in Melbourne, Lewd names on Boats, Funny boat names, the many flavours of Hot Cross Buns, Dougie Hawkins lightning strike, more Harry/Sparkle gifts, the new Elvis chapel of love in Abbotsford & a confusing tale of ChatGPT, Bots, Online praying & Saints (we are still confused). We played the new single See You Tomorrow by Adelaide band Bad//Dreems.

On this weeks episode, Ruttsy spoke with Dave Wassell to understand all about the phenomenon that is Pickleball, and also spoke with Sally Hillman to learn more about the wonderful world of Champagne. Cheers.

Scotty & Ruttsy unpacked Spag Bol, Dinners in Flats, Powdered Beer, Karens 2.0, Aussie Cardboard Drones in Ukraine, Overdue library books, Elle McFeast’s Chopper Read interview, Orca’s killing sharks, Narco-tourism, Garages for sale, Magician’s abused on ships & Poor Harry who now wants an apology.

Scotty & Ruttsy chatted cricket, Titus O’Reilly tipping guidelines, the Chappelli versus Beefy feud, Harry & Megan on South Park, the banning of Delilah at Welsh rugby games, Wedding facts & Drug sniffing Squirrels. We also interviewed local identity, David Wassell, on the Pickleball phenomenon.

Scotty interviewed Ruttsy about his big road trip which took in Canberra, Bateman’s Bay, Sydney, Walcha, Mudgee, Bowral, Mollymook & Lakes Entrance. Ruttsy walked through Walcha Cup race weekend and all fun, frivolity & colourful characters involved. We also covered country Greyhound tracks, famous greyhounds and the most Apt/Appropriate names in sport. We finished with the song Barely Losing by Richmond Fontaine.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Melbourne summers,  Vegemite Pizza’s, Low alcohol beer, the phenomena of Chat GPT and the Two Smokin’ Guns song that it produced, Some of Ruttsy’s favourite Oxymorons, plus Scotty read out his Letter to the Editor rant about Pup’s public spat. We played Helplessly Hoping to honour the passing of David Crosby.

Scotty & Ruttsy reviewed the National Jigsaw Puzzle Championships, Belarus's Macca's exit, Pickleball investors, the Potato Chip shortage, Prince Harry's book Spare, the 65 year-old wig shop, the Nepo babies of Louis Vuitton, some good and bad shopping experiences over the summer break & some of the dumbest and best business ideas of all time.

2022 Best Songs by Ruttsy My 2022 best songs in no particular order: Shedding My Velvet - Jack White God's Gift - Johnny Marr Beautiful James - Placebo I Don't Live Here Anymore - The War On Drugs Castles - Freya Ridings Empty Nest - Silversun Pickups There's A Moon On - Pixies Pictures of You - Drugdealer Jackie Down The Line - Fontaines DC Malk Mirri Wayin - King Stingray Watching Strangers Smile - Parquet Courts Warning Signs - Band of Horses Every Single Storied Flameout - Drive-By Truckers Hope you enjoy & tell me what others I might have missed. Cheers Ruttsy

Scotty & Ruttsy unpacked the 2026 Commonwealth Games venues, a Robot called Sparrow, 30 Jobs that no longer exist, Giant Snails, A slight at the Opera, Dead politician’s re-elected, Royal’s Egging, Compostable food packaging, Lucky bets, How music influences wine tasting & the dish of the day – pork belly. We also played Snail Shell by They Might be Giants.

Ruttsy chatted about his recent Whitsundays boating holiday & shared some fun facts about the region. The Guns then ran through a menagerie of content, from Maggots in medicine to the US Mullet Championships (google mulletchamp.com), Paris hearses on wheels, Selfie deaths, Seagull sickies, Giant goldfish, the Eye-popping Guinness World Record, the ‘barely there’ dress code at Flemington & some odd spots and gags. Ruttsy played a song called Empty Nest of the new Silversun Pickups album, Physical Thrills, which has just ‘dropped’ to use the vernacular.

In a show that was totally random with little in the way of segues, Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Chess Cheats, Where have all the Bogongs gone, Fart Cows, Banned Books Week, Xmas without glitter, the Chocolate Bunny War, Who & what are “Eshays”, the Brickman’s Shed, Fizzy versus non-fizzy Champagne, the Flinders Street Station potential demolition, the latest doco’s on the streaming services & which Aussies should be on the $5 note. Scotty played a song by his new man-crush, Drake Milligan, called ‘Sounds Like Something I’d Do’.

Scotty asked Ruttsy a load of questions about his Italian Trip – Trip planning, Travel diaries, Barolo the epicentre, the food experiences, the different wine varieties, the prices, language barriers, the people, the culture, the traffic, accommodation. Then we examined what cuisines Melbourne are eating by suburb & a bit about the Queens life, including what she would eat in a typical day. Some streaming services & film banter and the drunk Turkish man who joined his own search party.

We discussed the drastic reduction in the wine grape crush for 2022 and its impacts, Four’n Twenty pies in Japan, Weird flavoured ice-cream in England, Petrol stations going electric, some Odd Spots and the sale of Coopers Creek township in Gippsland, which inspired a chat about our very own sustainable township called Ruttsville or Scottytown. We played a snippet of Grown Ass Woman by Chapel Hart who are changing the dynamic of Country & Western music according to Scotty. We had a couple of rants – Scotty inspired by Grace Tame and her work with domestic abuse, and Ruttsy on why there should be no kid’s menus in restaurants. We said farewell to Archie Roach, Judith Durham & Olivia Newton John.

Scotty & Ruttsy unpacked the Parma versus Parmi debate, Sicilian bacon & eggs, Drones & Submarines, a Leunig poem, the fake IPL game, teenage chewing gum heists, the new world record for pushing a peanut up a mountain with your nose & the mystery UFO light in Mildura that turned out to be a cannabis crop. For no reason whatsoever we played No Cars Go by Arcade Fire.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed the cold comfort of a Melbourne winter, the ‘Eat the Rich’ popsicles, There’s a Bear in There – a reversal of the Goldilocks fable, “La Grande Penurie de Moutarde” aka The Great Mustard Shortage in France, The Clash of the 98 year old Tennis players, the new song written by the band Double Happiness called Smoking Gun (we’ll claim it!), plus a great yarn about the nuisance footy player who set Lindsay Fox’s trackie-daks on fire (guess who?). Catch us on all the streaming service. Just google Two Smokin’ Guns.

Scotty & Ruttsy said farewell to Larry Storch (Corporal Randolph Agarn from F-Troop) and James Cann (Sonny Corleone in The Godfather), unpacked the Pig Imitation Festival in France, Bison risky selfies, Chinese Spies & the origin of Hell’s Angels. Scotty took us through his educational session on Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islanders, we discussed some Bad Soup that kills you & the newest kitchen gadgets. Today’s song as Rock’n’Roll Outlaw by Rose Tattoo.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed ‘Always Live’, the new Victorian major events initiative, Martin Cooper who invented the mobile phone in 1973 and is bemused by how much time we now spend on them, Radio hosting as craft, the longevity of Roy & HG, the wine gang selling dodgy Bordeaux wines, the guy who bought a Napoleon Bonaparte marble bust in a craft market & just sold it for $220,000, Eco plastic wine bottle packaging, Wee trips in restaurants, the 78% of parents who let their children decide what to eat, Space, the spinal frontier: a story about bone density, plus Star Wars and the legal and ethical aspects of space warfare. Wine songs this episode: Cheap Wine (Cold Chisel), Wine Time (Beccy Cole), Red Red Wine (UB40), Spill the Wine (Eric Burdon & War), Black Fingernails, Red Wine (Eskimo Joe), Elderberry Wine (Elton John) & Summer Wine (Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood). By the way…have a listen to Wine Time by Beccy Cole – very funny song.

Scotty & Ruttsy celebrated the 100th episode of Two Smokin’ Guns. How on Earth have we flown under the radar this long? We began the show with lots of sound effects and 15 minutes talking about wine…go figure!! Because Ruttsy did a wine course and learnt something about appellations & Chateau’s (Castles),  we played our favourite Castle songs: so you get Castles in the Air (Don McLean), Castles (Freya Ridings) & Castles in the Air (Hoodoo Gurus). Then we bashed through our normal all-sorts of Vegan lunch canoes, Pollies outliving average citizens, Monkeypox & Music festivals, our favourite quotes over the years (including John Wayne’s “Life is hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid”), the new Yeah, Yeah ambassador, the Code Red Jack Nicholson scene and La Nina stuff. By the way, listen to Castles by Freya Ridings….thank us later! Happy 100th episode from the Guns…

Scotty & Ruttsy back together again after Jubilees, Swimming controversies, The Logies, Stockmarket wobbles, the Energy price crisis, LIV golf power battles, Saints wobbles & AFL players mucking up in Bali. We covered the World Fireworks Championships, the World Mermaid Championships, the House you can eat, Human skin robots, Soldier bones as fertiliser, Hugh Jackman’s Huge House, Last straw plastic & England’s Heatwave. Plus, in a right of reply to my Dog songs medley several episodes ago, it was time to play Cat songs. So, you get Black Cat (Janet Jackson), Stray Cat Strut (Stray Cats), Pity Miss Kitty (Babby Darin), I Taut I Saw a Puddy Tat (Mel Blanc), The Love Cats (The Cure), Cat’s in the Cradle (Harry Chapin), Honky Cat (Elton John), Year of the Cat (Al Stewart), Cool For Cats (UK Squeeze), What’s New Pussycat (Tom Jones), and a little of the Top Cat theme song from the cartoon show!

Ruttsy was flying solo on this episode of the Two Smokin’ Guns, so he built an eclectic music soundtrack based around Bands that have the word “Band” in their name. So, you get KC & the Sunshine Band (That’s the Way), Average White Band (Pick up the Pieces), Band of Skulls (We’re Alive), Band of Horses (Warning Signs), Steve Miller Band (Take the Money and Run), Tedeschi Trucks Band (Midnight in Harlem), Manfred Mann’s Earth Band (Blinded by the Light), Band of Gold (I Wanna Dance with You Again) & Tom Robinson Band (2-4-6-8 Motorway). Hope you enjoy these bands!!!

Scotty & Ruttsy chatted about Top Gun, Weather, Vegemite, The new Karen, Courses for change, Goldy’s dancing academy & New Wine varietals. Our theme today was “Dogs”, so we discussed the best Dog movies and played our favourite songs about Dogs, including songs from; Procol Harum, Neil Young, John Hiatt, Lobo, The Monkees, Patti Page, Luke Bryan, Led Zeppelin, Dr. John, Iggy Pop, Rolling Stones, Cat Stevens, B52’s, Baha Men & Elvis Presley.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed kaleidoscopes, sea monkeys & boomerangs, Bingeing of shows, the Election results for the Red, Blue, Teal & Yellow corners, the “Super Cold”, the Monkeypox, Crypto & Sexpo. We took a journey through some of the most memorable movie theme songs (Chariots of Fire, Rocky, Pink Panther, James Bond, Superman, Star Wars, Godfather, Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Good, the Bad & the Ugly & Top Gun). Then Cameron Smith’s errant golf shot, The new Top Gun movie, the Wagatha Christie affair between Coleen Rooney & Rebekah Vardy in the UK, Holograms at the football & Dan Andrews unauthorised biography.

A special edition of the show focussed on supporting headspace & youth mental health. The Ministry of Art gallery is sponsoring a Charity Art show on Thursday 21st July 2022. Artists are invited to enter. Entry is free. First prize for the best artwork is $2,000 and prizes will be awarded to the top 5 artworks. All artworks will be auctioned on the night with all proceeds going to headspace. The last two years of COVID restrictions have hampered art galleries from opening and therefore artists from being able to promote and sell their artworks. This has obviously caused financial and mental health consequences. This Charity show is about supporting an organisation that does great work in this space. We spoke to youth volunteers Brad, Ally & Larissa about who headspace are and what they do, their services including early psychosis, their roles, why they volunteer and what they personally gain from their volunteering efforts. If you would like to learn more about headspace, go to headspace.org.au If you would like to learn more about the Ministry of Art Charity show go to artministry.com.au

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Full Moons, Ange Postecoglou’s Celtic triumph, the Eurovision Song Contest results, Drunk Deers, Bald sexual discrimination, Rick Astley for PM, Tinnies at the footy, Cash & Covid and Champagne consumption in Australia. Due to popular demand we played more of the best Bass riffs of all time (including Queen, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, The Stranglers, Jaco Pastorius, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Muse, Sly & the Family Stone, Stanley Clarke, Thin Lizzy, The Cure, Graham Central Station, Rage Against the Machine, Pixies & Hunters & Collectors). Enjoy the bass....

Scotty gave Ruttsy a history lesson about the musical Hamilton, then we discussed “air-yachts” & Queen Barbie, before Ruttsy rolled out a selection of the best bass guitar riffs of all time – from Lou Reed, Queen, The Who, Motorhead, The Clash, Stevie Wonder, Weather Report, The Police, The Jam & Bill Withers. We also chatted about the worst songs of all time & famous artists who never won a Grammy Award.

Happy Easter from the Two Smokin’ Guns, Scotty & Ruttsy. We covered some fun facts about Easter, a new sausage/beer combination for your BBQ, strange things that people try to smuggle past customs & border control (a segment we called “what’s that thing down your pants?”). We discussed Illiteracy pens, a fantastic new invention for the reading impaired, the happiest places on Earth and a Lions versus Hunters karma story. We then covered the Metaverse, the Twitterverse & the Universe before our heads exploded and we had to have a lie down.

Teachers & Strip Clubs, Parma battles, Bay City Rollers, European Super League, Cameron Smith’s mullet, 25 words that didn’t exist until the 1970’s & more were all covered by Scotty & Ruttsy. Throw in a poem about Melbourne by Barry Humphries called The Suburbs in Between & the song Under the Clocks by Weddings, Parties, Anything and you have a jam-packed show of mayhem & merriment.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed the release of Ruttsy’s new book, “My Future’s So Bright…I Gotta Wear Shades”, a book about finding reason & meaning in Retirement – available via Amazon, Booktopia, Barnes & Noble and Apple Books. We did our footy tips for Round 1 of the AFL then discussed the amazing feats of the French free diver who swam 105m under ice with one breath in 0.7c water, plus Melbourne woman, Mina Guli, who has vowed to run 100 marathons in 100 days. We played Lost & Running by Powderfinger in her honour. We then unpacked Belgian pigeons on the pill, Funny workplace names (eg: Noodles – thinks all jobs take 2 minutes), 2021 Best Bogan kids names, Joke of the Day & a poignant Leunig poem. Follow us on Spotify…Two Smokin’ Guns.

Scotty & Ruttsy bid farewell to SK Warne and played a song about him written by Paul Kelly. We were amazed by the latest efforts of Chloe McCardel, Australia’s greatest open-water swimmer, we discussed the most likeable and the most divisive sports stars, Friday night Swordcraft in the suburbs, Giant puppets, the Everest climb attempt by an amputee, Smiles that move you & EV’s. Follow our podcast on Spotify…

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Golf weekends, Golden tickets, Great lines from the movie Kenny, Bacon flavoured Bugs, Flip-flops & pollution, Upper Middle Bogan, Eurovision’s Russian band, Putin jokes, 14 menu items you should never order, HOGO, Power saw legs, Humpback Whales & BYO is back baby. Plus, we revealed our AFL ladder predictions for 2022.

Scotty & Ruttsy did Footy Fan Feedback, Eating in the 1950’s, Grossi at the MCG, more expensive than heroin, Brangelina, Headlines, The Wolf of Spring Street and the world’s longest song outro’s. Plus we played REM’s It’s the End of the World as We Know It…

Scotty & Ruttsy and Two Smokin’ Guns are back for 2022. We reflected on our summer break – cricket, tennis, trips, movies, TV series and songs etc. Scotty outlined his Feb-Fast challenge, we discussed Galentines day, expensive potato cakes and the Winter Olympics. Ruttsy explained the basic figure skating jumps for our edification and also some Half-Pipe terminology (moves such as the Canadian Bacon, Cannonball, Chicken Salad, Drunk Diver, Melon, Rusty Trombone and the Slob). We played Kingdom Leader by Boo Seeka, a tune perfect for a chilled summer evening.

Scotty & Ruttsy covered Rage Rooms, Chess grandmaster-suers, Submarines & the grumpy French, Who owns how many Submarines? (including Romania), 4-day weeks, James Packers boat, Favourite French dishes and the alternative to 18 holes of Golf. We discussed submarine songs and played Submission by the Sex Pistols. Another fun packed show. Enjoy…

The Two Smokin’ Guns - Scotty & Ruttsy - discussed Ash Barty and national pride, Jamie Kah the superstar jockey, Kids named Avant-garde winning Spelling Bees, more PC nonsense with Shark Attacks now called “Negative Encounters”, Flaky Fish Allergy Cures (bit of a shark segue there!), Treadmills in Lockdown, Franco Cozzo’s new film, the Virgin Galactic space race queue, How we ate in the 50’s compared to the present day & a few “She fell in love with a golfer but she realised he was subpar” gags. Plus, in a nod to Richard Branson we played Starman by David Bowie.

Scotty & Ruttsy covered Teachers & Strip Clubs, Parma battles, Bay City Rollers, European Super League, Cameron Smith’s mullet, 25 words that didn’t exist until the 1970’s & more. Throw in a poem about Melbourne by Barry Humphries called The Suburbs in Between & the song Under the Clocks by Weddings, Parties, Anything and you have a jam packed hour of mayhem & merriment.

The Two Smokin’ Guns - Scotty & Ruttsy – talked Meat, Sport & Phones as we journeyed through the Sri Lankan Mrs World pageant controversy, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sports stars in movies, Best Sport Movies of all time, New PC Government speak, Golf, Female Jockey’s & a nostalgic chat about phone usage from yesteryear. Song of the week was Nature Boy by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, because there is not enough Nick Cave on the airwaves. Catch us on Spotify.

From earlier in the year, an episode where Scotty & Ruttsy unpacked Trump’s wedding speech interruption & parlayed into Rowan Atkinson’s Father of the Bride speech. We discussed Spiderman, the Pharaohs procession, Anthony Hopkins, Australian women’s cricket team, a Night with the Crocs & the world’s best Oxymorons. Song of the week is back which was Scare Easy by Mudcrutch (Tom Petty’s first band).

From earlier in the year, an episode in which Scotty & Ruttsy unpacked Lapland’s funny (& very clever) bid for the 2032 Summer Olympics, Scotland’s gritter trucks, the Oldest brewery in the world, the love message from the South African golfer that went viral (my bok-bok, my special person), Cyber scammer busted, how to make the best salad sandwich, some fun facts & loads of Dad jokes.

Scotty & Ruttsy covered the Wiggles and Matilda’s, a Shout Out to D.K. Lillee & Thorpy, Santa shortages, Korean Dog Meat, Kindergarten robots, Fifi’s trip to Fiji, Ethical hackers, the Draw-dropping art find and Penfolds Crypto. Given it’s the start of summer, Ruttsy took Scotty through a music quiz of summer songs. Check out all our episodes on Podbean or Spotify.

Scotty and Ruttsy revisited SAS Australia, Kim’s sister, the CIA and Julian Assange, Nude Wine Pickers, Ron Iddles, Plane armrests, Supermarket resignations, Mate v Mate, Ryan Gosling, Italian food, Bonza airlines and Ecuadorian prisons. Plus, we played some music by The War on Drugs.

Ruttsy & Scotty gave a “shout out” to the Australian T20 World Cup winning team, V8 drivers Will Brown & Anton de Pasquale, Tahli Gill & Dean Hewitt who are seeking to become Australia’s first qualifiers in Curling at the next Winter Olympics, as well as the sports Fierljeppen and Farnarkeling. We discussed the Yarra Zipline, Dry Zones in Melbourne suburbs, EV’s, More weapons than Rambo, Are video games sport?, Screen time for kids & Cat Poo-Pong. Sadly, Australian singer-songwriter Mark Gillespie passed away in the past week so Ruttsy paid tribute by playing Nothing Special off his 1981 Sweet Nothing album. RIP Mark.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed the Spring Racing carnival, V8’s & the new generation of cricketers. We unpacked unlucky anglers, revolting Maltese policemen, the French submarine farce & Laurie Nash. We celebrated the 50th birthday of Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven & played two Aussie cover versions – a spoken piece by iconic actor Leonard Teale and an absolute butchering performed by John Paul Young.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed freedom week activities, said farewell to some famous Australians, went through our favourite funny Aussie nicknames, Scary Halloween drivers, the couple spelling their kids names with the same letters (A,X,E,L), Musk’s satellite internet service, Booking Kids cricket registrations, Wine snobbery, Penfolds G5 release and how to stay connected. We played Tom Jones singing Green Green Grass of Home – one of Scotty’s fave songs.

Scotty & Ruttsy tackled the week of sport, the Two Smokin’ Guns Chinese restaurant freedom lunch, Robot artists, New venues opening, Funny car names, Jets operating on air, Filipino politics, Lucy the rocket ship and in honour of the new Elvis exhibition hitting Bendigo next year we counted down our fave Elvis songs. You’ll have to listen in to see which track was our #1…

Scotty & Ruttsy welcomed freedom, said Vale to the Happiest Man on Earth, discussed BBQ prices, Sterilising Mosquito’s, Wizards, Drug mule cats, Drug Lord Hippo’s, the Mickleham “centre for national resilience’ and the McPlant burger. We reflected on re-inventing ourselves and played It’s About Time by The Lemonheads.

Scotty & Ruttsy dissected the Hey Hey It’s Saturday 50th anniversary special, Plucka Duck & Raymond J Bartholomew, Tyson Fury’s size, Olive Oil, Ecuadorian Prison Riots, Bonza the new airline, Happy Wife, Happy Life & some Guinness Book of Records and the top Italian dishes. We played Near Wild Heaven by REM.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed great home-cooked meals, Russian weddings, Floating bars, Golf’s toilet ban, Real estate shenanigans, More on Kim Yo-jong, the World’s greatest gatecrashers plus in honour of the new Bond movie being launched in Australia, we counted down the best Bond movies from 24 to 1. Plus, we played Live & Let Die by Wings.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed SAS Australia breakfast and dinner options, Naked grape harvesting, Supermarket resignation rants, Who owns the middle armrest on a plane, Kim Jong-Un’s sister Kim Yo-Jong, Using hypnosis to solve murders, Julian Assange murder conspiracies, the World’s slowest build & Mate I don’t trust you. We played the new single “I Don’t Live Here Anymore” by The War on Drugs.

Scotty & Ruttsy covered Rage Rooms, Chess grandmaster-suers, Submarines & the grumpy French, Who owns how many Submarines? (including Romania), 4-day weeks, James Packers boat, Favourite French dishes and the alternative to 18 holes of Golf. We discussed submarine songs and played Submission by the Sex Pistols. Another fun packed show. Enjoy…

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Daniel, Dylan & the Djoker, the Man who sued his Wife for being ugly, Robots solving jigsaws, Houses with Ghosts, Peanut butter & Jelly, Where food is from, Mars Rocks, Foreign Bacon, Winged Lizards & Banksy. We played Life on Mars by David Bowie.

Since Covid arrived in March 2020, Fiji has been hit bad in many different ways. With no tourists & borders closed, people have been out of work for 18 months. With the last outbreak of the Delta Variant in April 2021, families have been in lockdown for 6 months & our Fijian Families need our help. FijiOz HAVE 2 * 40ft CONTAINERS READY TO GO OVER AND WE ARE NOW RAISING MONEY TO GET THE BOXES OVER ASAP.   We interviewed Karen Abbott from the Fiji Oz Foundation about this important work.

Scotty & Ruttsy interviewed Karen Abbott about her Fiji Oz Foundation assisting Fijians in need with medical equipment, clothing, maternity needs and sports equipment. We played Covid-lotto, discussed the German Tourette’s Youtube star, Russians not taking a pee, Golf champs hitting fans, Air Taxi’s, the Rubber Chicken Relay, Police VR training & QR code tattoo’s amongst other things. We are missing playing golf so we played two golf songs – That Golf Song by Duff Daddy & Hit It Hard by John Daly.

Scotty & Ruttsy, inspired by the Para-Olympics, discussed Jetpack Man, Drunk Earmuffs, Travel experiences in your own home, Hair to mop up oil spills, Netflix & Gaming, Panda’s, Hot Dogs, silly Author names & dumb duels with Mr. Snodgrass. We played Loredo by Band of Horses for no real reason other than Ruttsy’s amusement.

Welcome to Two Smokin’ Guns. On this podcast episode Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Cat Curfews, the Melbourne engagement party fiasco, Pets in Peace, Pi to the 68.2 trillionth  decimal point, triskaidekaphobia & the fear of 13, lucky numbers, the Lobster fisherman eaten by a whale, Body shapes and the the St.Kilda Bagpiper. We went through Melbourne’s most Desirable (at Least Desirable) Street Names, KP’s commentary on Dan & a mix-up by the funeral director represented by lawyer Alex Coffin! Plus we played a great bagpipe song, It’s a Long Way to the Top by AC/DC.

The Two Smokin’ Guns - Scotty & Ruttsy - discussed Ash Barty and national pride, Jamie Kah the superstar jockey, Kids named Avant-garde winning Spelling Bees, more PC nonsense with Shark Attacks now called “Negative Encounters”, Flaky Fish Allergy Cures (bit of a shark segue there!), Treadmills in Lockdown, Franco Cozzo’s new film, the Virgin Galactic space race queue, How we ate in the 50’s compared to the present day & a few “She fell in love with a golfer but she realised he was subpar” gags. Plus, in a nod to Richard Branson we played Starman by David Bowie.

Scotty & Ruttsy explored the weird and wonderful world of footy results and COVID state lockdowns, Club 27 music legends, a new band called The Royals, a bit of Living next Door to Alice, the China Australia wine spat, the new wine trend Piquette, Melbourne’s most expensive steak sandwich, what’s on this week plus we played Valerie by Amy Winehouse.

After a small break, Scotty & Ruttsy are back and we tackled Radioactive Rhino’s, Northern Territory holidays, Colourful characters & crocodiles, China’s new fertility policy, non-alcoholic beer trials, Cods eating Mice and we undertook an embarrassing mid-year review of our AFL ladder predictions. We farewelled Captain Merrill Stubing from the Love Boat, discussed some fun Cruise ship facts, the Rex advert slamming Qantas & segued into Learn to Fly by the Foo Fighters. Enjoy…

Scotty & Ruttsy unleashed some “Horse walks into a bar” jokes, discussed the horse named ISIS, the man called Vaccini, the French knickers revolution, Clive Palmers battle with Twisted Sister, Bamboo cricket bats, restaurants riddled with rats, secret bars in Werribee, some inspirational life quotes and a few Who am I? quiz questions. We reached back in time to 1972 to play Gudbuy T’ Jane by Slade.

Scotty & Ruttsy covered Teachers & Strip Clubs, Parma battles, Bay City Rollers, European Super League, Cameron Smith’s mullet, 25 words that didn’t exist until the 1970’s & more. Throw in a poem about Melbourne by Barry Humphries called The Suburbs in Between & the song Under the Clocks by Weddings, Parties, Anything and you have a jam packed hour of mayhem & merriment.

Scotty & Ruttsy tackled Crypto Art & Fungibles, Roman coffins, Nude Politicians, Driverless Cars, Helicopters on Mars, Vehicles & Emissions, Skin Cancer & Footy. Hungry Jacks 50th anniversary as a business prompted a calculation of how many burgers CEO Jack Cowin has eaten, an AC/DC song called Big Jack & a chat about other great Jack songs.

The Two Smokin’ Guns - Scotty & Ruttsy – talked Meat, Sport & Phones as we journeyed through the Sri Lankan Mrs World pageant controversy, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sports stars in movies, Best Sport Movies of all time, New PC Government speak, Golf, Female Jockey’s & a nostalgic chat about phone usage from yesteryear. Song of the week was Nature Boy by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, because there is not enough Nick Cave on the airwaves. Catch us on Spotify.

Scotty & Ruttsy unpacked Trump’s wedding speech interruption & parlayed into Rowan Atkinson’s Father of the Bride speech. We discussed Spiderman, the Pharaohs procession, Anthony Hopkins, Australian women’s cricket team, a Night with the Crocs & the world’s best Oxymorons. Song of the week is back which was Scare Easy by Mudcrutch (Tom Petty’s first band).

Scotty & Ruttsy tackled the Suez blockage, Celebrities over 90, Queens & Diversity Czars & the worldometers.info website. Ruttsy went all out on Hi-Tech including prison scanners, NASA traffic, Electric planes & 3D printers building homes. All in an hour of power from the Two Smokin’ Guns…

Scotty & Ruttsy tackles Political Correctness gone mad, James Reyne’s top 10 hits, Murray Walker, famous commentators & the sports they were synonymous with, AFL Ladder predictions & other whimsical nonsense…

Scotty & Ruttsy tackled Japanese COVID probes, AFL players immortalised by statues, 5 year-olds driving cars, more Guinness world records, Jesus who can’t get a kick, some cracking gags , weird death circumstances & Ruttsy took us on a fact find about honey & bees.

Scotty & Ruttsy rambled through golf gags & anecdotes, Diet myths, Beer diets, Lonely restaurants, Cricket brawls, Bathurst, some unusual Guinness world records, plus we bid farewell to Michael Gudinski, the Godfather of Australian Music.

Scotty & Ruttsy unpacked Pinot Pilates, the shortage of Vanilla, Mars probes, clumsy Barber’s, Chinese wine rip-offs, robots cleaning hotel rooms & rubbish baby names (Darth, Lucifer, Cyanide, Awesome, Nutella & Window to name a few…)

Scotty & Ruttsy unpacked Lapland’s funny (& very clever) bid for the 2032 Summer Olympics, Scotland’s gritter trucks, the Oldest brewery in the world, the love message from the South African golfer that went viral (my bok-bok, my special person), Cyber scammer busted, how to make the best salad sandwich, some fun facts & loads of Dad jokes.

Scotty & Ruttsy welcomed in 2021 with a show discussing stolen sex dolls, famous moustaches, bank robbers, Arnie on the beers, kids catching big fish, restaurant service rants, cricketers on stamps, tennis & surfing.

In sport, Scotty & Ruttsy unpacked Frawley at the Saints, farewelled Maradona, discussed Mike Tyson’s upcoming fight, celebrated Aussie backstroke world records, unpacked dodgy suburban cricket accommodation & AFL rule changes. Scotty took us through unfortunate names of towns here and abroad, we told Ghost stories, discussed the Godfather, EV renewal of classic cars, Dinner party text etiquette & Cash v Card. We also did a whirlwind around the grounds on global issues such as Chinese wine tariffs, Kylie Moore-Gilbert's release, Russia’s $150bn Arctic oil exploration & Trump executions. Ripper 1976 was the vinyl of choice today and we took in Boys are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy, Love is the Drug by Roxy Music, Million Dollar Riff by Skyhooks, Love Really Hurts Without You by Billy Ocean & Hollywood Seven by Jon English.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed the SA pizza lockdown fiasco, which was a super-supreme, cheese filled, party-size extravaganza cooked up by a selfish idiot and eaten by a gullible Premier. We farewelled the smorgasbord, once made famous by Sizzler, The Keg, The Swagman & Smorgy’s and discussed the finger lickin’ feud between the Colonel and Grill’d. We told some Dad jokes, talked about Cars as payment mechanisms, Fat Italian kids, Bert’s tune-up, Xmas Gadgets for the home, the proposed Airport link, AC/DC’s 6 #1’s over 5 decades, Australia’s Garlic King, the US Father/son golf tournament, Melbourne’s proposed Grid “festival of business” to rival Austin’s SXSW, Tidal satellites, the Mariana trench & Robots assisting humans, Ripper 1975 was the album of focus. Ruttsy took us through the political, film, television, sports and cultural issues that shaped the year 1975 and took us through the following songs from the album: Side A Track 1 Horror Movie by Skyhooks, Track 3 If You Love Me by Olivia Newton John, & Track 8 You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet by Bachman Turner Overdrive. Side B Track 4 Girls on the Avenue by Richard Clapton & Track 8 Down Down by Status Quo. Next week…Ripper 1976…

Ruttsy & Scotty unpacked Crazy Cricket bowling feats, the AFL draft, the percentage of Trump’s presidency spent on the golf course (cheating of course), the Yorkshire ripper, Ripper 75, 76 & 77, What has happened to House Wine?, Ghana’s towering bear of a President, Ballot rigging in Australia, Racetracks as Ice-rinks, Santa’s delivery delays, SAS soldiers, Custom number plates, the Queen & Talking Dog jokes. For no particular reason Hollywood was the song theme so we had Hollywood Nights by Bob Seger, Hollywood Seven by Jon English, Hollywood by Kasey Chambers & Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings by Father John Misty.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed the Trumpster in the Dumpster, the TAB systems crash, Putin’s immunity for life, China eating our lobsters, John Silvester’s 7 deadly sins, Unusual Pub Names, Dane’s & Minks, Lost life savings, the Greek upgrade, Flying Fox to the Rescue, Monkeys as Revheads, Retro Motels, Brit teens growing slowly, Gelati & changing what we eat. With 9 consecutive days of COVID 0-0, the song theme was based on “nine”. So we got 99 Luftballoons by Nena, 1999 by Prince, Love Potion #9 by The Searchers, 9-5 by Dolly Parton & 19th Nervous Breakdown by The Rolling Stones. A tenuous theme I agree…

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Johnny Get Angry’s win in the Derby, Melbourne Cup tips, Flying Cars, Largest crowds at sporting events, the new Sheffield Shield record partnership, Trump cheating at Golf, Sean Connery’s movies, Vatican money laundering & Hoverboards. Kiss was the music theme so amongst some fun facts about kissing we had the following songs; Kiss the Dirt by INXS, Let’s Kiss by Models, Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer & It’s in his Kiss (the Shoop Shoop song) by the Bootleg Family Band.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Oscar the F3 driver “What the Cox Plate Jockeys said about their Rides”, Croc attacks, Fun facts about Tigers, Cats & Saints, Eric Bana’s new movie, Veggie burgers, Top 4 Australian cities to visit when borders re-open, Odd spots and fun facts, Weird boy names, The Romans & other assorted snippets of stupidity. Song theme was Melbourne places so we had Under the Clocks by Weddings Parties Anything, Never Turn Right at Burke Rd Malvern by Greg Champion, Westgate by Mark Seymour, Balwyn Calling by Skyhooks & From St.Kilda to Kings Cross by Paul Kelly.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed the A-Z of Quarantine, the Playboy with a Patch, Con-air, Wine misconceptions, the Brownlow, Grand Final entertainment, the US turning off the Trump show, Bathurst, the Grand Final menu & some odd-spots and fun facts.  was the song theme so we had Holy Grail by Hunters & Collectors, Leaps & Bounds by Paul Kelly, Red Hot Go by The Coodabeen Champions, plus snippets from One Tony Lockett by James Freud, One Day in September & Up There Cazaly by Mike Brady, That’s the Thing about Football by Greg Champion, More than a Game by Chris Doheny, Footyana by Austen Tayshus & Shut Up – the Footy’s on the Radio by TISM.

Scotty & Ruttsy dissected the AFL finals, the Saints exit, Australia’s greatest TV moments, Masterchef Kids & Kids who invent things, Red-leg the cat, Bill the bastard horse & Pen pals. We farewelled Eddy Van Halen, celebrated Rafa’s 100th win at Roland Garros, Dan’s 100th presser, records that won’t ever be broken, looked for the missing 6 minutes from the Quarantine enquiry & George Pell’s mafia links. To celebrate the Saints remarkable turnaround in season 2020 the theme song was “Resurrection”. So we had Resurrection Shuffle by Ashton, Gardner & Dyke, Love Resurrection by Alison Moyet & I Am the Resurrection by Stone Roses. We also remembered some classic John Clark Farnarkeling & his work on The Games…genius.

Scotty & Ruttsy did “How Clever is Your Car”, Fun facts About Beer, Borat’s new movie, Arctic melt, a Fruit & Veg quiz, Busted dams, Aussie car slang, Food pairing, Titus O’Reilly gambling tips (very funny by the way), the Night-Mayor & the great antics of the Geelong FC Mascot – Very nice – I am very excite - Jagshemash!!! We were going to do hangover songs but given the SAINTS had a big win we changed the song theme to WINNERS. So we got Always a Winner by Pete Murray, Everyone’s a Winner by Hot Chocolate, Winning Streak by Glen Hansard & Winner Takes It All by ABBA. We are celebrating our 1st birthday anniversary of being on air. Thanks to all of our regular listeners & our close friends & family who have tolerated Two Smokin’ Idiots….

Scotty & Ruttsy farewelled Dean Jones & Max Merritt, celebrated the Archibald winner, two champion Aussie middle distance runners, talked local footy, AFL & Dermie’s broken body. Ruttsy talked through Australia’s BIG things – Pineapple, Mango Banana, Olive, Koala, Galah, Peanut, Pie, Wheelbarrow & the Big Bogan – whilst Scotty talked us through his Antipasti platter, famous quotes & Falafels.   In honour of Max Merritt “Slipping” was the song theme and we had Slipping Away by Max Merritt, Slippin’ & Slidin’ by John Lennon, Slip Sliding Away by Paul Simon & Slipstream by Sherbet.

Scotty & Ruttsy tackled Alaskan dentists on hoverboards, Australia’s favourite biscuits, The Saints, the Fight for Planet A, Cliffy Young, Racing form guide lingo, Hurricane names, Toilet roll cakes, Bionic eyes, Melania Trump, 1960’s abbreviations & naughty dog breeds amongst other nonsense. Rockabilly was the song genre so we dished up our favourite Rockabilly songs including Runaway Boy by The Stray Cats, Blue Suede Shoes by Carl Perkins, That’s All Right Mama by Elvis Presley, Rock Around the Clock by Bill Haley & Rockabilly Boogie by Johnny Burnette.

Scotty & Ruttsy discussed Japanese chainsaw-wielding zombies in coffins, Tom Hanks, Amazon men, Facebook data, dancing robots, Dyslexia, Trump quotes, burning hair, 80 year-old dreadlocks, getting Sparkle Markle to speak at your event, catching 2,645 fish, plus we introduced a new Travel segment focussed this week on Italy. Travel was the loose song theme song we had Roam by The B52’s, Fly Away by Lenny Kravitz, Big Jet Plan by Angus & Julia Stone & Ships of Fools by World Party.

Scotty & Ruttsy tackled the Saints, WAG’s versus Significant Others, Tim Tams, the Proboscis, Neuralink, Russian hackers, Public transport, Tastes of the State, Polar Bears, Pies, Sunshine, the loss of Subzero & Ruttsy shared his favourite weird & wonderful Associations. Dan has no plan but we have a plan. Our plan was a song theme about plans, so we had Plans by Birds of Tokyo, Making Plans for Nigel by XTC, Plan A by The Dandy Warhols, I’ve Got a Plan by My Friend the Chocolate Cake & Life Plan by Jackie Got Lemons. Enjoy…