The Overwhelmed Brain

Do you do and say what you want to do and say without fear? Or is fear in the driver's seat? If that's the case, you may never be as happy or fulfilled as you want to be. It's important to figure out just who is the primary decision-maker in your life: You or fear.

How can you show someone you care about that they are worthy? You could probably think of many things. But are you doing anything that might make someone you care about feel unworthy? You may not even realize you're doing it. 

Our past lessons and learnings can sometimes sneak up on us as a challenge to pass to prepare us for what may come. "Passing" usually means facing a fear of some sort. "Failing" usually means repeating the same old thing over and over again until we get it. Or not.   

Have you ever been told to reconnect with who you were, but really have no clue who that is? Some people started their life in a toxic or dysfunctional environment and have no healthy self to reconnect with. What do you do then?  There are steps to defining or redefining yourself. I talk about them in this episode. 

As an adult, you've learned to take care of yourself. You believe you are making the right decisions and following the best steps you can to find happiness. But then there's family. Some family can believe you're doing the wrong thing and want you to follow their way and their path. If you don't want what they want, it can cause a big issue. 

Experiences of loss, such as a breakup and losing your job can have a profound emotional impact on you. In fact, it can feel devastating. Afterward, a childlike confusion can follow. Will the pain, sadness, or confusion ever end? Is there a path forward? If you can get out of the rut, yes there is. But it takes a perceptual shift you may not have while you're down and out.

Going for goals can be, well, disappointing. Trying to get something done might give you feelings of failure when you don't get it done. Are you a goal setter or do you wing it? I hate goal-setting myself. I'll share some of my thoughts on this to help you avoid disappointment after disappointment. 

What drives the important decisions in your life, fear or desire? In this episode I talk about a person's fear of visiting his father because of family that doesn't want him there. I also talk about how to start trusting again after someone betrays you... is there a path to wholeness after such an event? 

There's a fine line between real suffering versus just getting stuck in a cycle of feeling sorry for yourself. The chronic complainer's suffering is real, but is it self-inflicted? Do they really want to change? And do some people benefit from expressing their pain and suffering?  There's no victim-blaming here. I'm just exploring a subject many of us might run into.         

Trying to encourage a friend in a relationship to see the truth about their toxic partner can come with its own set of challenges, especially when the friend doesn't want to hear it and the toxic person wants to shut you down. 

What happens when you fall for someone who might still have feelings for the person they were with? Is it a relationship that can survive? Or will the fear of them returning to the person they cared about before you be too much for you to keep it going? 

When someone constantly puts you down, it’s not just hurtful; it’s destructive. I’ll share some personal strategies that could help you navigate these rough waters, aiming to keep your self-esteem intact.

A "germaphobe" shares their challenge at a work function with food being the catalyst for an embarrassing moment that ended up in tears. When you have behaviors and nuances that others might judge you for, do you hide them from the world? Should you? That's a great topic to talk about.

Why is it so hard to strike a balance between our own happiness and the happiness of those we care about? In today’s episode, I tackle the challenges of relational conflict and the importance of acknowledging when we’re not okay. We face tough moments in life. And it takes courage to assert our dignity. Sometimes, standing up for yourself is the most respectful thing you can do—for you and your loved ones. Let's explore the fine line between pleasing others and recognizing that you might be inadvertently contributing to your own unhappiness. Sometimes that means facing what you fear head on. 

Is there light at the end of the tunnel of a troubled relationship? Past difficult relationships can certainly leave you with sensitivities to current and future ones, so it's important to make sure you align with what's most important to you and follow that path. If you don't, you could end up sticking around for something that may never, ever change - and you'll wonder if you will regret your decision when all is said and done.   In this episode, I address one woman's question about how her partner put his hands on her in anger and she's not sure if she is wasting her time sticking around or if she should hold on to hope even though she can no longer trust the person she's with.

Why is it so hard to strike a balance between supporting someone's goals and managing our own reactions? Sometimes, we have to traverse a tightrope walk of love and support without the comfort of a safety net. When you want to love someone but they make it hard because of a habit or behavior they're doing, you might have no choice but to make a hard choice for yourself. 

Should you concede to another person's flaws to maintain peace?  We all seek approval at times, but in some relationships, this quest can take on a different hue, especially when one’s own insecurities are creating difficult and sometimes toxic conversations.   Getting through some conversations without one or both people getting upset might take some clever communicating. That's what I'm talking about today. 

What is the consequence of withholding a big secret from the person you are supposed to have an honest, transparent relationship with? Secrets can lead to lies that lead to people feeling betrayed, causing pain when all of it could have probably been avoided in the first place. 

Enforcing boundaries with family is hard enough, but what if they want to enforce them with you? What if they want to close the door to your relationship, even though you didn't do anything wrong?  In this episode, I read a message from a woman whose father decided his new wife and family were more important than his existing one. Very, very tough subject. 

Why do we sometimes struggle to make ourselves understood? You know that moment when you’re explaining something you’re sure you know inside and out, but the person you’re talking to just isn’t getting it? It’s not about the complexity of the topic, it's about understanding the unique ways we all process information. Our brains are all wired in their own way, which means what’s clear to you might be a jigsaw puzzle to someone else. Learning to communicate without sparking a battle shouldn't be a battle in itself. 

Have you ever had a tiny squeak in a door in your home that irritated you every time you used it? What happens after you oil the hinge and the squeak goes away? To some, it can feel like a life-changing moment! That and other quality-of-life improvements can actually create happiness and make the day to day that much better. 

Romantic relationships bring their share of challenges. In this episode, I Why is it that even with the best intentions, relationships can feel like navigating a minefield? You might have experienced the tension that comes with tough partners, the kind that test your patience and resilience. Today I'll be tackling four messages from four different people about their relationship challenges. Packed episode!

Your friends and family really want the best for you. But what are they going to say when they see you make a decision they believe is just crazy? I explore that very topic in this episode. A woman writes to me and tells me she's taking a break from her husband after telling her friends and family how awful he was. She has no idea to face them and tell them the news. 

Do you feel bad for what you did? Do you feel guilty? How long ago was it? Is feeling guilt a necessary component of healing? In this episode, someone feels guilty for moving on without their friends from the past and wants to know how to stop. Their life has improved and they've never felt better. But that guilt...

The past shapes who we are today. Sometimes, that past is also what haunts us today. And sometimes, it even torments others even when we don't mean to. Digging into ourselves can be the hardest step toward mental and emotional strength, but it is almost always makes us stronger - and maybe even happier. 

Unfortunately, there are people in the world who will never see your worth. They may, in fact, be incapable of seeing anything past their own judgments. That can be tough to deal with sometimes, especially if these people are supposed to be close. 

This is a sleep episode. Listen when you're ready to go to sleep. Make sure your podcast app doesn't automatically play another episode as it might wake you up. This episode has a long silence at the end. Enjoy your slumber.  There are no sponsors or ads in this episode - No interruptions. 

You may encounter situations where a friend or family member is closely involved with someone whose behavior is toxic or dysfunctional. While they may be unaware of the adverse impact of their partner or friend, it becomes a different story when this person enters your life. How do you handle when someone you care about brings a person you strongly dislike into your personal space? What if you believe they might even be dangerous to you and those you love? 

How deep do you have to dig in order to figure out who you are? What do you need in yourself and for yourself so that when you connect with others, you are connecting from that deeper, authentic place inside you? It can be a spiritual journey for some, but there are practical methods to understand yourself at the deepest level. 

Some people have an existential dread surrounding death and dying. For some, death remains a profound mystery, while others hold steadfast beliefs about what lies beyond. Regardless of where you stand, if the fear of death consumes your thoughts, we need to talk about it. My hope is that this episode will offer you a fresh perspective on this inevitable aspect of life. Stick around until the end, where I'll pose some thought-provoking questions designed to help you navigate your anxieties about mortality.

When people you care about put their attention on other things, like games or their phone, you may feel like they are ignoring and even neglecting you. If they are, that doesn't feel very good. What should you do? Tell them get off their phone or else? Or is there a better way to get their attention?

What happens when there is a huge challenge in a relationship, perhaps where one person wrongs the other in some way, and the relationship changes for the worst... forever? Can it be salvaged? Is it over? Can there be a different "new normal" after a long resentment? All questions I try to answer in this episode. 

Is the landscape of your mind your private sanctuary filled with thoughts and imaginings that may not always be suitable for others to hear about? What do you do when someone urges you to reveal your innermost thoughts—especially those that could potentially offend them? Is full disclosure always the best policy, or do you have the right to keep some of what happens in your mind sacred? 

As adults, we have the right to make decisions that others may disagree with. While they may point out the risks, the decision eventually falls on our shoulders. And making certain decisions in the face of trusted friends' and family's opposition can be quite challenging. 

The up and down, or high and low, of any relationship or circumstance can wear you down until you are worn out completely. But can we get addicted to the ups and downs? Can our desire for the next high point keep us in a situation that makes us unhappy? That's the subject I explore today. 

Changing how you respond to and cope with challenges can improve your relationships and life overall. When you're getting the same, bad results over and over again, it might be time for a new perspective to help you create better outcomes. 

Asserting yourself is an act of self-love, not aggression. It's about recognizing your worth and preventing future conflicts. Don't let guilt from past experiences hold you back from showing that you are worthy of standing up for. 

What happens when you can't get along with someone because no matter how much patching up you think you've done, it's still not enough? Is there an end to this process? Will they ever want to forgive and forget? 

When you get a therapist, coach, or healer, you can run into what might be called a "human" experience - the kind of experience where the people-helpers in our life might have some of their own stuff to deal with, and they intentionally or unintentionally bring that stuff into the professional environment. When that happens, can their help still be effective? Should you continue working with them? Is there a point where you need to move on? It's a great question and is definitely worth exploring. 

Life brings us huge lessons. We can learn and grow from them, or we can allow them to hold us back. Some lessons, however, were definitely worth the hardship - especially ones that change life for the better. 

I once called judgment "the ultimate relationship destroyer." Judgmental and critical behavior toward those you love will make them love you less. It's a fact. It's undeniable. And if you want to keep people in your life, it's important to understand what breaks down what could be a great connection to someone you love. 

Dwelling on an event in the past can keep you there. It can occupy your brain every day until you can think of nothing else, causing you to miss what's right in front of you. This kind of obsessive thinking can make life pass by, and you may not even realize it. 

A friend or family member does behavior that you find immoral or maybe even illegal. Do you keep the connection because they are a great person otherwise, or do you move on staying in alignment with yourself? It can be a tricky thing to navigate such a challenge. 

What is your responsibility when it comes to your emotional state? Can others control how you feel? Do they have that power? We're told that we can choose our emotional state, but I just don't think it's that easy when we're dealing with people that know exactly how we operate. 

Just how can we navigate through life's challenges and overcome overwhelm? The path to overcoming overwhelm can sometimes look a lot different than you think. Addressing the weight of negative emotions can begin the process and perhaps even resolve the conflict you're holding on to. 

When you compromise your wants and needs, especially because you believe it will benefit others, you erode your deeper sense of self and happiness. Do that for years, and you can dig yourself a hole so deep, it may feel impossible to crawl out and find happiness again. 

What do you do when someone you care about withdraws and simply can't cope with [you, work, life, etc,]? Do you let them be? Do you try to talk them through it, acting like their therapist or coach? Sometimes it's difficult to communicate with someone who didn't learn how to express themselves or deal with stress. Sometimes you just have to take a different path to connect. 

Direct communication can save you a lot of time. But most people don't use it. Instead, they focus on what they can say to keep things "safe" and non-confrontational. But that tactic can sometimes lead to an unforeseen, unwanted outcome.  Can honesty and transparency lead to stronger bonds even at the risk of the relationship? 

Trying to accept people as they are can be challenging. The old adage about good people can do bad things certainly applies to many of us. But what about bad people who do bad things? Sometimes people are bad and won't change. It's up to us to be very aware of who those people are so we don't get stuck waiting for someone to change that never will.

When you feel judgmental and critical toward someone you love, it might be time to reflect and figure out if you've lost the emotional connection with yourself. Emotions can help us to nurture relationships or erode them. The path you choose can often depend on just how deep you let yourself go.

Feeling stuck, like really stuck, sucks. And when you feel like you have no other options but to accept your circumstances, it can feel sad. And sometimes, you can even become depressed, making you wish you could at least feel sad again!

Where is confidence when you need it? Today I share five unorthodox strategies for increasing confidence in life that you may not have ever heard of. 

Sometimes we fall in love before listening to our instincts and then get into a relationship that is definitely not healthy for us. There is a deeper part of us that we're supposed to listen to, but sometimes we don't. Things don't always work as planned when your heart leads the way. 

Just how far are you willing to go to feel comfortable or even be HAPPY in your life? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? What if whatever it takes means facing fears or even losing those you want to keep in your life? Happiness is only a few leaps of faith away.  

You can talk to certain people all day long, and they won't take things the wrong way. Then there are those that can't seem to get past a certain perception of you and take almost everything the wrong way. This episode is about how sometimes misinterpretations can lead to disconnect. 

If you find yourself witnessing someone approaching a perilous situation in everyday life, can you trust that they'll make the right decision to avert the danger? This isn't about catastrophic events like car crashes but rather common situations where you believe someone could potentially make a poor choice that might even affect you.   It can be incredibly challenging to resist intervening and trust that they'll ultimately make the right decision.

Some people say, "You shouldn't feel that way," or even worse, "You don't feel that way!" In either case, you can be tricked into believing your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions are invalid. If that happens, you can also be tricked into staying in a situation that is very harmful to you. 

Some relationships are easier than others. The person you care about in your life may be sweet and kind 50% of the time, but what about the rest of the time? Will that be enough for you to stay and endure the bad to get the good? Just how much is too much?

Why does getting to a more comfortable place in life seem to be so difficult sometimes? Some choices seem impossible to make. When that happens, what is the best strategy to make such impossible choices? Great topic to talk about today. 

What happens when those you care about become jaded by your dependency on them for your happiness? Are you inadvertently wearing them down and dissolving what could be a great relationship? Sometimes we drain others and we don't even realize it.

Where do you turn when everyone and everything is against you? Just how bad can your luck run? Do you feel like a constant victim to the world and believe there's nothing more you can do?  Sometimes life throws us curve ball after curve ball. When it does, you might need a completely different way of looking at things. 

Do you spend a lot of time looking at other people and what they've accomplished and start regretting some of the decisions you made throughout the years? How about just feeling like other people are luckier than you?  There is more going on that you may realize and it's important you consider all the facts before you give in to defeat. 

You give and give and maybe you get back, maybe you don't, but you feel fulfilled by giving so much that you keep on doing it until, perhaps, there's nothing left of you to give. Sometimes we can get so caught up in who we think we're supposed to be that we forget who we really are.

How you cope with challenging situations determines how you feel in your day, your week, and maybe even for the rest of your life if you don't improve or even change your coping mechanisms. Coping is a skill, but it can be a detriment if you are relying on old ones that don't work anymore. 

Some people refuse to change. Something gets in the way. Maybe it's their pride. Maybe it's fear. Or maybe they really don't care how you feel and if you have a problem with them, it's your problem, not theirs. I talk about that and other challenges today. 

What does it take to feel love and connection? What does it take to show love and connection? Is vulnerability the path? What exactly does it mean? Can you have a strong, loving relationship without the need to be so exposed emotionally? I do my best to answer these questions in this episode. 

How do you feel about aging? Are you trying to avoid it at all costs? Are you doing everything you can to prevent it from happening? You may not be able to prevent it, but it's important you understand your emotions regarding what getting older really means to you. 

Don't let toxic people take your energy away from you. Often, those who deserve the most attentive and vibrant version of you won't see that until you've let go of the one person who keeps you feeling bad and drained.    Sometimes you have to let someone go so that you can save the best of yourself for those who matter most.

When the relationship isn't moving and is no longer enjoyable, what's the next step? Is it possible you're incompatible, even though you've been together for years? I talk about a couple of relationship issues in this episode, along with answering a question about if there are appropriate episodes for children and young adults. 

Some relationships are one-sided. Friends, family, and lovers can fall into the listing "relation-ship," where half the relationship is sinking while the other half is oblivious of the side that's slowly disappearing into the depths. A one-sided relation-ship is a sinking one. And it cannot sustain itself. 

A boring conversation can make you fall asleep. Some people seem not to be concerned if you care about what they're saying. They'll just talk and tell stories while you sit there, hoping that the fire alarm goes off to save you. Or, is it you I'm talking about?  

One path to happiness may involve being someone you may sometimes feel uncomfortable being: Yourself. Walking your talk, putting yourself into the world and speaking your mind has its consequences... and its massive rewards. 

If you can go through life without getting weighed down by negative memories, you're already ten steps ahead of many people. Some people still have repressed emotions that sneak up on them, keeping them from gaining any momentum. When that happens, every step forward can seem like two steps back. Uncovering old, buried emotions can liberate you so that you can emotionally evolve into a more peaceful, and maybe even happier, place. 

The path to vulnerability doesn't make sense if you believe being vulnerable means you're weak or you'll feel exposed to a cruel world. Yes, there are people you can't be vulnerable around. But there are also those you can and maybe should be if you want to develop closer bonds.   Vulnerability can be the scariest but most freeing thing to do. Don't waste your time trying to be someone you're not because you end up with a lingering drain that never goes away. 

Do you get upset if someone doesn't thank you for something nice you did? Common courtesy may not be as common as we think, so if we take apparent ungratefulness personally, we could set ourselves up for disappointment time and time again. Also in this episode, I read a message from someone who can't let go of trauma and abuse from their past. 

That one last fight you had with them changed the relationship forever. Some family does not forgive and move on. Some hold on to grudges and expect you to come groveling back. But if it's not your fault, should you? Do you want to reconnect but are waiting for them to apologize? If you have estranged friends or family, this episode may help you reconnect or accept that perhaps you may never be able to reconcile. 

We've all experienced the blahs. Maybe you've even been depressed (or are now). Sometimes it's difficult to get out of a space like that. When you've tried everything, what's left? There's more to healing than books, podcasts, therapy, and even friends or family. There's a deeper part of you that you may not have even met yet. Maybe it's time you do. 

The argument goes on and on... then you're arguing again about the same thing later. Why does it seem that some arguments never end? I explore the reasons why and other issues when it comes to relating to other people in this extended episode. 

Some of life's challenges seem impossible and we feel stuck. We can believe we have no choice when we probably do, but just don't like the one we have to make. There's a lot to be said about which choices we don't make that hold us back and which ones we do make that move us forward. And our method of making a hard choice can often be dependent on how much we let fear guide the way. 

What happens when you walk around in fear of being your true self? What kind of foundation of confidence do you have that can help you to show up as authentic? I take you through the risk of authenticity and how you can change your life if you're willing to accept those risks. 

Sometimes there is so much to do and so many people to please that we lose ourselves doing everything for everyone but ourselves. It's time to reconnect and get back to who we are. That can seem like an impossible task sometimes but if we ignore it, we may become our own demise.

Our perception of the outside world is limited by the inner world we create. We only see what's inside our own box, sometimes not realizing there is so much more out there. I travel from perceptions to depression and even into addiction in this episode.

What do you do when you feel less about yourself than others feel about you? Somebody might think you're brilliant and clever but you might have the opposite feeling. You might even feel like a fraud.  The impostor syndrome is when you believe something different about yourself than what others know to be true about you. And when you can't see in yourself what they see in you, you could emotionally harm your self-worth and self-esteem.  #theimpostorsyndrome #selfworth

Some people are just so difficult or toxic that no matter what you say, you can't get through to them. It's not just a matter of getting through to them all the time. Sometimes it's just about responding in a way that throws them off their game. 

Are you inadvertently allowing negativity into my mind and body? When someone puts you down or mistreats you, is it possible you are unintentionally enabling this behavior? You shouldn't be blamed for other people's bad behaviors, but you should also not be too tolerant of it either. 

We can walk around with beliefs that lead us down the same road every time. When you know for sure what's true, yet you still get terrible results, maybe it's time to question what's true and look for what might be a possible new understanding that changes everything.

It's bad enough to get punished by someone else when you make a mistake, but to compound the suffering by punishing yourself can make things so much worse. Sure, we can beat ourselves up for our own actions, but when we make a habit of it, our quality of life decreases and it's hard to enjoy the present moment. 

How many times do you hear I'm sorry and I promise I'll never do it again" before you realize nothing is going to change?  What if they do change? Can you reunite and start fresh and be good again? Today I talk about apologies, promises, relationships, and so much more. 

You've called them out. You've had your arguments. You've tried everything to get someone to take responsibility for their words or actions. But you still can't get through to them.  Some people are impossible and there's no hope.  Is that true with certain people? Let's explore that. 

Sometimes no matter what you do for someone, they just don't have the capability to reciprocate. Love and connection can be welcome, but what if it isn't returned? The first segment addresses this challenge between a daughter and a mom.   The second segment takes a little turn to share a story of a man dealing with a divorce he didn't expect.

It was the perfect marriage. She came home to her warm, comfortable home to be with her best friend - her husband - and everything was great... Until his kids moved in full time. Now she no longer has a quiet, peaceful home and she doesn't know what to do.

If you've tried everything with someone and they are still awful to you, perhaps you're trying too hard. Or maybe they don't care enough to change for you or anyone else. What happens when one or both parents are unloving and unsupportive, and also mean... and a bully... and more. There's a lot to unpack in this episode. 

Going about your life shouldn't be a constant stress on your system. Sometimes we let our fears override our values. When that happens, we end up with results we don't want more often than not. I talk about that in today's episode and I also answer a question about how to respond to the emotionally abusive person who may not realize they are being emotionally abusive. 

Is there a part of you that you can't necessarily feel fully? Do you think you could be happier than you are? Sometimes we stuff emotions down so far that we forget they're there. When that happens, a part of us can actually shut down or become numb. It's important to restart that part to give ourselves the opportunity to experience the full spectrum of who we are at the deepest level. 

What can you do if someone is holding something over your head and you feel stuck unless you kiss their butt? Is there a solution to this kind of abusive situation? It's a "do what I say or you'll never get what you want" scenario that can crush your soul if you're not careful.    

Hundreds of emails, so little time. I tackle three messages. One from a woman stuck in a codependent relationship wanting to know how to find peace. Another from someone trying to connect with people at a new job. Then I talk about steps to take to get a raise. Then finally, the third email from someone getting ambiguous signals while dating. This episode is packed!

It should be celebrated when you start honoring yourself and standing up for yourself. It should be seen as a gift you give yourself that leads to happiness. But some people see your empowerment as a threat and aren't ready for you to change. When that happens, you might have to start changing the rules to show others just how worthy of healthy behavior you are. 

Sometimes the friendship is so great, you wish you could feel this way all the time. So perhaps the thought of taking the friendship further comes to mind. But are they interested in you? And if they aren't, will the friendship be awkward moving forward? Also, is there a way to tell that perhaps it's a good or bad idea to move forward with a relationship? Whether you're in a relationship or not, this episode has something for everyone. 

A toxic relationship is one where at least one person is hurtful to another when there is supposed to be love, kindness, respect, and support. A woman wrote to me and said she was in a toxic relationship for far too long and is now trying to figure out how to forgive herself and move on. That's a great idea. I do my best to help her do that in this episode. We talk about that and more so I hope you get a chance to listen to the whole thing.