ResponseABLE Parenting

In this episode I take the lessons we learned in episode 34 about how to engage our children differently so they are more ready, willing and able to collaborate with us, and I share how we as parents need to have these essential buckets filled as well. 

I dive into the 4 buckets: Power / Control Connection / Attention Regulation Play 

I share how we as parents can shift our mindset even if we cannot shift the structure of our days. I share how we can tune in and really show up for ourselves in a way that leads to more inner safety, less inner chaos and critique, which ultimately expands our tolerance. And when we have this expansion we can ultimately handle a lot more from our children. 

When we attune to these 4 buckets regularly for ourselves we begin to embody this practice of responsive parenting. 

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! 

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Join today and get a 7 day free trial at sign up!

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!  MELTDOWN FREEBIE! https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown

In this episode I share about how this journey in responsive parenting isn’t linear. And what it feels like when we take 2 steps back. I talk about what happens when we parent from fear and how we can compassionately bring ourselves back to the path we have chosen to walk on.  I talk about how to shift your mentality and give yourself grace as you grow into the parent you desire to be. 

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! 

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Join today and get a 7 day free trial at sign up!

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!  

For the show notes:

MELTDOWN FREEBIE! https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown

In this episode I interview a mother and son (almost 15 years old) about creating and growing up in a home that is focused on connection, understanding, curiosity and at the core unconditional love. From 6 months - 7 years old Sasha displayed “problematic behaviors” and was kicked out of almost every class, party and activity. He was labeled “weird” and “bad” by friends and some teachers. Today Sasha is one of the most emotionally intelligent kids I’ve met. He is kind, generous, a critical thinker, self aware and confident in his choices and personhood. Sasha has a beautiful outlook on life and relationships. Many parents future project from a place of fear that the challenging behavior of their small children IS who they are and they will become. Which leads us to reacting from a place of fear and trying to punish or shame away these behaviors so they don’t become our children. 

Sasha is a truly beautiful example of a grounded maturity that comes from being allowed to experience the entire range of human emotions and experiences. Sari (Sasha’s mom) met him with curiosity, compassion, firm boundaries and a lot of empathy. She looked beneath the behavior and found out what was actually happening vs assuming she knew how to fix what was going on.

I am so thrilled for you all to listen to this. I know you will take a deep breath hearing her words. Enjoy :) 

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! 

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Join today and get a 7 day free trial at sign up!

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!

In this episode, I break down a comment from someone on social media who said to me “Oh, you’re raising one of ‘those’” in response to a reel I made on feelings. It made me think of how so many people are being triggered by the word “feelings” and so with all the triggering things, I wanted to dive in more!!

I talk about WHY feeling your feelings is essential to raising resilient adults who are emotionally stable in conflict or high pressure situations. And I go on to share further about two very critical steps that are often overlooked. When these are overlooked the pendulum swings way too far and we end up with permissive parenting and kids running the show. I share a wash, rinse, repeat cycle that you can implement today in order to start raising strong, resilient, emotionally stable children.

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! 

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment-free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Join today and get a 7 day free trial at sign up!

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! 

In this episode, I share how I came to the name ResponseABLE and why it resonated with me so much that I decided to build my whole business around it. When I look at the word “responsible” it’s about being accountable and reliable but also taking ownership and control of our actions. And when I took that a step further, it’s being able to CHOOSE how we show up and participate in these moments. We are ABLE as parents to choose how we show up. We are able to choose our responses. 

We might be actively breaking cycles and healing, but through the practices of being a RESPONSIVE parent, we are honoring where we want to go while taking accountability for our role, our choices and showing up in a way that feels more in line with the values that matter to us. 

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! 

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Join today and get a 7 day free trial at sign up!

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!  

In this episode I talk about the 4 central buckets we need to be filling as a parent to maximize our child’s readiness and abilities to comply with our requests without having to use force or coercive tactics to get them to do it. 

I break down in detail these four buckets and give you examples on how to use them. 

Power/Control

Connection/Attention

Regulation  

Play 

This is truly a game changing episode and I can’t wait to hear how you utilize the lessons!

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! 

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Join today and get a 7 day free trial at sign up!

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! 

I am BEYOND excited for this conversation! I had the pleasure of speaking with Tanicia Baynes. She is a nervous system regulation expert, mom to identical twin 8-year olds and the woman behind the curtain of The Rooted Experience. In this episode we talk about what the nervous system is, how it informs our parenting reactions and responses and practical strategies you can start using today to help you through moments of dysregulation. 

This is one you do NOT want to miss!  

AND A BONUS!!!! Wednesday 3/20 within The ResponseABLE Parenting community group, Tanicia is going even further and breaking down common triggering parenting moments and giving us actionable regulation practices to use IN the moment and AFTER to replenish your nervous system. 

Tanicia has created a pdf for you with 10 nervous system practices to utalize in parenting. You can grab that here! 

Access my community here! 

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! Get your free guide here! 

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Join Today!

 BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!

We’re talking about respect again! In this episode I give you a totally new way to look at the word. I believe that the demand for respect is just demanding our children limit the range of emotions and expressions in certain situations and around certain people. We are not teaching them a future beneficial skill when we simply demand “respect.” We are simply teaching them that when a person is older, in a position of authority or power, you need to present yourself smaller, less than, etc in order to keep the balance of power in check. But if we flip this whole thing on its head, we can start to actually teach skills from our values and we serve our relationship in a much more efficient and connected way. 

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today! 

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!  https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe0vzGusmyvlTJA3hO5qqZqBifUen2GEtIym6cZTgMZeURzSA/viewform?usp=sf_link

There is something about the word “no” that lights up our nervous system and sets us off!  And when we are set off and operating from our reactive center, our emotional center, the part of ourselves that relies on learned coping behaviors, we are entering into a power struggle and we’ve lost the chance to teach a skill. I’m always looking for moments to be more efficient in my parenting. Places where I can heal a bit of myself and impart a skill. In this episode I break down ways to look at the word “no” differently. I offer you mindset shifts and ways to teach this very essential communication skill to your children. 

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today! 

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!  https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe0vzGusmyvlTJA3hO5qqZqBifUen2GEtIym6cZTgMZeURzSA/viewform?usp=sf_link

One of the most amazing ways to teach our children respect is to own our part of the conflict. Owning it and leaving it. Without expectation of a specific response in return or our children coming around and owning their part as well. In this episode I talk about how frustrating moments with our children can make us want to prove our side, justify our reaction, etc. And how easy it is to blame our children for our reaction. “If you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t do that…” 

But at the heart of this, we need to model healthy conflict AND healthy conflict resolution. Owning our part is such a critical step in the repair process and will do so much to teach respect and healthy boundaries.

FREE GUIDE! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown

COMMUNITY! And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today! 

BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!  https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe0vzGusmyvlTJA3hO5qqZqBifUen2GEtIym6cZTgMZeURzSA/viewform?usp=sf_link

I am SO excited about this episode. Today we are diving into the topic of RESPECT! I get told a lot on social media that I’m not teaching my children respect. But when I dig further with these comments, they always boil down to compliance, obedience, and blind respect to authority. 

This episode flips respect on its head. What is respect? How do we teach it? And do we actually deserve it from our kids?

FREE GUIDE!Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns. 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping! https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown

COMMUNITY!And if you’re ready for a little bit more than this podcast but not totally sure where to start, check out the ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group. You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month I will host LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today! 

BE A GUEST!If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you!  https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe0vzGusmyvlTJA3hO5qqZqBifUen2GEtIym6cZTgMZeURzSA/viewform?usp=sf_link

Empathy is SO hard and it’s definitely not our go to parenting tool. But it is a critical step! When we lead with empathy our children begin to trust their sensations, the begin to understand their feelings and they begin to develop a secure sense of Self. Empathy is the pathway to self esteem. When we show our child that they are worthy enough to be listened to, seen, and that we want to understand them, there is no greater gift. We don’t have to fix every problem. What will stick with them more, is that we were THERE for them in every problem. Leading with empathy is so uncomfortable and can seem exhausting sometimes. But it’s deeply nourishing, soothing and creates a very connected sense of safety between the two of you. 

And a big announcement! The ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group is now available! You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month you’ll have direct access to me in our LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. And if you aren’t by your computer, don't worry! You can download my app and have all of my parenting advice on the go.  Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today.

In this episode I share my feelings around a quote that truly struck me. I cannot for the life of me remember which podcast I was listening to that shared it but I do remember stopping in my tracks, rewinding and typing it down! 

Here is the quote: Everything we want in our homes and lives is on the other side of the feelings we think we can’t feel. The actual line between where we are and where we want to go is entirely dependent on the feelings we are willing to feel or not in our nervous system. 

This resonates with me so much and is truly one of the hardest and greatest gifts we can give ourselves. And when we do this for ourselves our children benefit from that growth. 

And a big announcement! The ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group is now available! You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month you’ll have direct access to me in our LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. And if you aren’t by your computer, don't worry! You can download my app and have all of my parenting advice on the go.  Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today.

When you are in the thick of a tantrum it can feel excruciating. And it can feel like it’s never going to end. In this episode I share a story of losing my cool with my 3 year old. And how my response totally shifted his body - and not in a good way. I share openly and vulnerability about this moment in time and all of my takeaways from it. Tantrums and meltdowns are one of the hardest parts of parenting. My hope is that this episode and my community group will help support you and fill the reserves that are so depleted. 

And a big announcement! The ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group is now available! You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month you’ll have direct access to me in our LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. 

And if you aren’t by your computer, don't worry! You can download my app and have all of my parenting advice on the go.  Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today 

In this episode I share a story of trying to teach my son a lesson and how poorly it went! And the reason it went so poorly was because my timing was completely off. I was trying to teach the lesson while he was still dysregulated and so he truly wasn’t grasping or hearing a word I was saying. He was internalizing it as shame, being bad and that he wasn’t a good kid. I also talk about generational cycles of punishment and how this challenges the narrative to teach the lesson outside of the moment. It's a deeply ingrained parenting pattern that sometimes sends us down a very frustrating path. I also share an amazing technique to solidify these lessons in a connected way.

And a big announcement! The ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group is now available! You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month you’ll have direct access to me in our LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. 

And if you aren’t by your computer, don't worry! You can download my app and have all of my parenting advice on the go.  Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today 

In this episode I share one of “ah-ha” moments with my son. Once I had this mental reframe I was able to look at him with so much more curiosity and wonder vs. frustration and confusion. It was truly a freeing moment and since then we’ve been able to enjoy these types of projects so much more together. There is less tension, he has so much more freedom to explore and it really has opened up a whole new way that we interact. I’m excited for you to listen and spend some time this week thinking about how you can look at the child in front of you a bit differently!

And a big announcement! The ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group is now available! You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month you’ll have direct access to me in our LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. 

And if you aren’t by your computer, don't worry! You can download my app and have all of my parenting advice on the go.  Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today 

This one is kind of fun! If you follow me on Instagram you know I did a “live” while recording this podcast as well! So the flow is a bit different and a bit longer because I kept talking as people joined. I discuss what happened at our first parent teacher conference when my older son was only 3 and how that shaped our parenting practices. You’ll also hear the stark contrast in teacher feedback from those authoritarian days to now when I am consciously parenting and choosing my responses to him. What a difference! I’m excited for you to have a listen!

And a big announcement! The ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group is now available! You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month you’ll have direct access to me in our LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you.

And if you aren’t by your computer, don't worry! You can download my app and have all of my parenting advice on the go.  Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today.

I live in a house with all dudes. And it can be very frustrating when my boys don't understand what's going on for me every month. Our moods, capacity, ability, energy, etc are very much dedicated by our hormones. As a result, sometimes I’m a LOT more fun and have a huge burst of energy to do all the creative projects. And others, I have zero battery, I’m easily triggered and have a much shorter fuse. I wanted my kids to understand at a young age what happens for mommy each month, why, and how to be more supportive around it so there is zero stigma, shame or embarrassment later in life. We are very open about what body parts are, what they do, etc. so teaching my boys about periods will be no different in this house!

And a big announcement! The ResponseABLE Parenting Community Group is now available! You will have daily access to even more parenting strategies. 

Every month you’ll have direct access to me in our LIVE Q&A sessions, exclusive monthly workshops, weekly skill building exercises and more! This is truly a space designed to meet you where you are at on your parenting journey. It's a judgment free zone with parents and caregivers who are learning and growing right alongside you. 

And if you aren’t by your computer, don't worry! You can download my app and have all of my parenting advice on the go.  Head to www.responseableparenting.com to join today 

This is such a tricky topic. Most of us were raised in a time without phones in our pockets let alone social media. A lot can come up for us around this topic. We want to make sure we are protecting our children from unwanted bullying, pressures and images. We want to keep their innocence as long as possible. AND we don’t want them to be left out, embarrassed, or made fun of for not having access to the same things their friends do. In this episode, I share a few ideas on how to have this discussion with your children. I explore questions to ask so that we have a more neutral approach and come to the table with fewer judgements and more openness so our children feel heard and understood in the process of this decision. Ultimately I cannot answer whether or not your children should or should not be on social. My hope and goal would be for you both to have a more empowered conversation and feel solid in your path forward together.

In this episode, we dive into a listener’s questions about how to get their son to practice. I talk about how we as parents can “future project” when our kids won’t complete the simplest task we are asking them to do and how that projection can distort the way we respond to and treat our children. I share some skills to help gain a better understanding around what is going on for us (childhood beliefs and default patterns) as well as for our children and how to be more compassionate and both feel like our needs are getting met.

I too struggle with chaos. I am an extremely reactive person and hold onto anger and frustration for a long time. It's something I’ve always done and one of the big reasons I started parent coaching. Without tools, I’m a reactive mess! In this episode, I talk about a recent morning where so many things seemed to go wrong that I was completely drained before the day even began. My morning got messier and messier the more I tried to stay in logic mode. I was stuck in problem-solving mode and in reality, if I had stayed in empathy, the problems of the morning would have likely resolved themselves. In this episode, I share some steps that I took (not executed nearly as well as I wanted) to keep us in connection in spite of the domino effect that was my messy morning.

In this episode, I get the pleasure of interviewing Feng Shui expert Patricia Lohan. Patricia shares incredible stories of how small shifts in the home transformed her clients’ jobs, relationships, and spilled over into their children’s lives. Trouble with homework? There’s a feng shui answer for that. Siblings fighting, there’s a feng shui answer for that too! Patricia shares so many doable ways to start improving the energy of your home and therefore your family!

I’m a little fired up about this topic! Because it’s true! Default parents are NOT allowed to be inconvenient.  We are in constant service. We are the ones making sure all wants, needs, ambitions, feelings, etc are being tended to, nurtured and cared for and serviced. And when we are off, the whole family is off. Being all things, for all people, at all times is not sustainable. It’s exhausting and not right. In this episode, I talk about ways to shake it up a bit and become a little less convenient as the default parent! 

Today we dive deeper into childhood beliefs around being “good” and your “goodness” as a person. I share more stories from my Telluride adventure with my parents and what I’ve been able to uncover since. From this trip, I’ve been able to connect the dots between my performative goodness and my real goodness. I have since realized that as a pastor’s daughter, it was vital to my dad’s appearance and success for his family to be a reflection of his goodness. Growing up in this space, there was a deep understanding or expectation of showing “good” behavior at all times. When we did this, and did it well, we had more validation, and more connection, and it felt like we had more value. So in my brain, the neurons that fired together were “goodness / worthiness,” and they became deeply wired. 

Fast forward to a trip with my parents and my kids. My kids weren’t performing to the same level of goodness that was expected of me as a child and so my wiring was going crazy. My value, my worth, my goodness felt in question because my children were not acting in accordance with my childhood expectations. I reacted from that place and did more to preserve the connection to my father, than I did to stay in connection with my son. This is a heartfelt discussion on external validation and I hope it brings light and clarity into areas within you that feel tricky and sticky when you are with your parents and your kids at the same time.

I get a lot of feedback on my Instagram reels about how I am NOT teaching my children to be respectful. While I could debate that, I don’t need to waste my energy because I know that's not true AND I know that I’m teaching my kids “respect” but in a different way. I am teaching my kids kindness, empathy, compassion, how to work in a group setting, generosity, and how to make a kind request vs. a demand. I believe respect can only be learned once it is modeled. And the only way it's truly integrated and not a forced behavior is when it’s modeled TO your children. So I model respect by simply asking “Is that a request or a demand” when they ask me for something. Instead of shaming them into respect by saying “You’re not allowed to talk to me like that!” I calmly say “Hey buddy, was that a request or a demand?” They instantly understand that they’ve barked an order, and they adjust by adding please, they adopt a different tone, and they ask a complete sentence soaking in “respect.” I haven’t had to beat the idea of “say your please and thank yous!” into them. They understand it because we practice dozens of times a day on how to make your words land with kindness and generosity vs. demands and orders. 

In this episode, I dive into cycle breaking around our families. I share why we are triggered the way that we are and what we can do to maintain our clarity and focus on our goals. I share a story about my very real triggering moment when on vacation with my family and how I was able to get sucked down my subconscious rabbit hole of what “should be.” I share a story about how everyday triggers can pop up and how to use those triggers to gift your children a toolbox of skills they will use throughout their lives. Cycle breaking is incredibly difficult. Add on the extra layer of your caregivers weighing in on your actions and it can be overwhelmingly triggering. Here is some context as to why and ways you can dig yourself out. 

This is a fun episode! I share my response to the reels going around Instagram and TikTok that have a video of wild children doing crazy things and the voice says “I’m sorry but gentle parenting is for gentle kids…I’ve got gangsters.”  For the record, in most if not all of these videos, the children are doing totally developmentally normal exploration. Anyway! The truth is, that gentle parenting isn’t really for the kids at all! It’s a comprehensive set of tools to support PARENTS so we are better equipped at handling our adult temper tantrums before putting more of our stuff on our children. And when we can do that we are giving our children an enormous life long gift! We are allowing our children to grow up and develop into adults who are fully seen, heard, understood, validated, valued, and respected. But doing this we are healing wounds of our own as we give our children the gift of self realization and total love and acceptance. This type of parenting isn’t just for challenging kids. It's for all kids, and quite frankly all parents.

In this episode, I discuss our stigma of anger and aggression and how to accept, instead of reject, this totally normal human emotion. It is so easy for us to try to avoid anger, try to correct aggression, and try to move away from this “bad” emotion because it makes us uncomfortable and brings up a good deal of fear and uncertainty. But the irony is that we model anger and aggression and more often than not match our child’s aggression with our own. Our intention is to stop the behavior but instead, we are just reinforcing the pattern. In this episode, I share how to match their energy, not their aggression. I share a step-by-step process which will arm you with the script for the next time you experience aggression with your children.

This is one of my favorite episodes! In this episode I talk about how our deeply rooted, traditional belief systems about children's behavior affects our ability to repair when we blow up at them. When we lose our cool on our children, these belief systems allow us to justify our reactions. I share how we can start to dismantle these beliefs and I offer a step by step formula to follow when we rupture the relationship. I believe that our kids are worthy of repair. And the more we model how to apologize and correct our misbehavior the more they will model and learn from that. If we want our children to be the kind of people who apologize and do what's right, then we need to be the leaders and the examples of how to do that at home and with them.

In this episode, I share a softer way to explore and explain the similarities and differences our children will notice and experience in the world. I also talk about ways to view our children’s behaviors, not as triggering actions that need to be fixed, but rather helpful insights into the areas that still need healing and work within us. When we get too wrapped up in the narrative of “others” we lose the ability to explore and grow and see the human in front of us. I offer insight and advice on how to take those triggers and turn them into meaningful growth for not only you but your connection and relationship with your children.

In this episode, we explore a listener's question about how to manage their 7-year-old son’s disrespectful behavior. We explore themes of defiance and control and I offer suggested scripts and techniques to meet their child’s developmental needs. When we as parents are experiencing a lot of defiance and push back from our children this is a clear sign we are running low on connection. I give several examples of how to get your children in the driver’s seat of choices to give them some control to flex their growing sense of self and also ways you can build connections so collaboration becomes more frequent. 

If you relate to this listener and would like to share your stories, please send me a message on social or send me an email. And if you’d like a pressing question answered, don’t hesitate to reach out! 

In this episode I interview Reece Anderson, founder of We Overcome Anything out of Australia. His 8-week program helps parents get out of their own way in order to support their teens, create more positive connections, lessen conflict, and find more ease in the relationship. Through his own battles of mental health and working in the sector, he realized a large disconnect with teens and parents. The number one thing he’s heard from teenagers throughout his work over the past 5 years is that they are not heard by their parents. Reece works with both parents and teenagers to help build connection, curiosity & respect for themselves and each other. In this episode we talk about ways to reconnect with your teenager, how to get curious and engage with them in a way that draws them out vs. sends them away, and some first steps to starting a new relationship with your teen. 

Here are the ways to connect with Reece:

Instagram: @overcomeanything_aus

Email: reece@reeceanderson.com.au

Sometimes this nervous system regulation “stuff” can feel super unattainable and challenging. In this episode, I share with you a silly acronym I created in my house for my family that helps bring some humor into the equation. P.O.O.P. is the funny way to get back into emotional regulation and back into the driver’s seat of parenting. 

P: Pause

O: Observe

O: Orient

P: Play

This is just one more tool in our ever-growing toolbox as parents to model regulation and help our children understand themselves and the world around them.

Challenges around food can be incredibly stressful for parents. Not only do our children NEED food for body and brain development but meals and snacks happen many times a day EVERY SINGLE DAY. Today I am doing a deep dive on picky eating and how we as parents can pivot and adjust our methods to shift the negative narrative about food. I hope this serves all of the parents out there struggling with food. If you relate to this listener and would like to share your stories, please send me a message on social or send me an email. And if you’d like a pressing question answered, don’t hesitate to reach out!

In this episode, I look at how our unmet needs and nervous system dysregulation contributes to how we react to our children. I break down ways to uncover default patterns in your life, how to identify your most important need(s), and how to create a grounding practice to regulate your nervous system. This will help you build your patience reserves in order to have more capacity for your children. You’ll hear me discuss the Green, Red, and Blue “Pathways.” Here I am referencing the book Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke, PhD.

Every day we drop our children off at school can be a very triggering experience in today’s United States. When I recorded this, the latest school shooting had occurred in Nashville, TN leaving 3 children and 3 adults dead. 

As parents, it can feel as though our hands are tied and we have no choice but to roll the dice every day. In this episode, I talk about ways we can shift the dynamics, and model ways AT HOME to safely discharge anger, frustration, and pent up emotion. I talk about making a radical shift as parents and showing up for our children in such a way that they don’t feel so alone. It is our JOB to do the work on ourselves to be better and show up better…if not for ourselves, then for our children

We all have so much triggering our nervous system daily. It builds and builds until we snap and react. And often that’s at our children who were just making a bid for connection. Today I start the conversation about how we can adjust our dysregulation dumping ground away from our children and find a safer more connective way to release this tension.

I dive into why we act the way we act. Our past experiences define how we show up as parents and its up to us to uncover the roots and do the healing work in order to show up for our children the way they deserve. I share real examples of how to break down your nervous system cues in order to show up with with more emotional intelligence and self awareness, which leads to greater connection.