Difficult Relationships - Christian Wisdom for Life's Toughest Ties

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Being in a marriage with a narcissist can leave you feeling like you've got only two choices: resign yourself to a life of misery or pack your bags and leave.

Before you make a decision that will change your life forever, I want to talk to you about three categories to consider when contemplating a divorce from a narcissistic spouse.

With a multitude of twisted scriptures, it can be difficult to determine the most biblical action for your situation. So by the end of our time together, my hope is that you will have greater peace in understanding God's will for your situation, and that you will have an answer the question that I get asked more than any other question--will God let me leave my narcissistic spouse?

To do that we need to address three categories: the justified, the baseless, and the plausible.  

The first category is going to be the most important to dive into but be careful not to automatically assume that you fall into this category, as most don't.

Category #1: the Justified  

These are the people who have a justifiable reason to leave the marriage.

The first justification is found in Matthew 19:9 where it states that we shouldn't divorce except in cases of infidelity. So, the first justified reason is when there is betrayal in the marriage.

Infidelity is a justification for divorce.  You’re not in the wrong.  You’re not sinning against God.  You’re free to leave.  You don’t have to, but you’re free to.   

Within the church, that's where you'll find that justification stops—no infidelity, no recourse. But infidelity isn't the only time where God allows for divorce.  

The next is abandonment.1 Corinthians 7:15 states, But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you[b] to peace.

Yet another reason is neglect or abuse. Narcissistic relationships are defined by the selfishness of one partner at the expense of the other. So instead of using scriptures like "God hates divorce" as a weapon, perhaps we should acknowledge how much God hates abuse. In fact, that scripture "God hates divorce" was written because the men were abusing their roles and discarding their wives at will.  

So let's talk about this justification of abuse.  Abuse can be defined as extreme danger or harm; physically, mentally or emotionally.  

To tell a victim of abuse that he/she needs to stay and suffer further abuse is further victimizing the innocent.  

Some may say that "no divorce" is a hard and fast rule in scripture. And I agree that it should not be abused, but we also find in scripture where there are many cases where the 'rules' are broken: 

·      Jesus talking to the woman at the well

·      Healing on the sabbath

·      David eating the showbread

·      Instructing Ezekiel to eat unclean food

We even see Abigail going behind her husband Nebal’s back because of his destructive behavior, all to save life.  

And we have scriptures that appear to contradict themselves like, turn the other che

10 Clear Signs You've Been Abused by a Narcissist

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Are you tired of falling victim to the emotional and psychological manipulation of a narcissist?

 Do you worry that long-term exposure to this devil-sent individual will negatively impact your faith?

 Narcissists are self-centered, egotistical, fragile individuals who only care about meeting their own need—often at your expense. 

 They are excellent at playing mind games to gain the upper hand and get what they want in relationships.

 They don’t see you as an individual with feelings. They see you as a pawn for their purpose and they don’t care how their behavior impacts you. In fact, it doesn’t even occur to them.  

They are demonically inspired and often dangerous.   

 1 Peter 5:8 reminds us that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. I would argue that if we need to be alert to the devil, we also need to be alert to the people he’s using.

 Let’s take a look at the demonic mind games they’ll use to manipulate you. 

 Demonic mind game #1: The blame game

It's easy to forget, but narcissists are very fragile individuals. 

 You may have fallen for their false facade but behind that phony exterior is an empty shallow parasite who needs to feed off of you for validation. When that validation dries up and you try to have a healthy relationship with healthy confrontation, you will see a wounded soul. And this is where it goes from broken to bad.

 Narcissists can skillfully play the victim to garner sympathy and shift blame. They may exaggerate or entirely fabricate situations where they appear to be the innocent party, diverting attention from their own harmful actions.

 Whether referring to past “failures” or current problems, narcissists will rarely accept responsibility for their actions. They’ll blame all the relationship issues on you. They never feel like anything is their fault. They’ll even make things up, so that you’ll be the one to fix their mess, all while they play the victim.

This behavior dates back to the beginning of time when God called out Adam for eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. What did he say? “The woman YOU gave made me do it.”

 Now, I’m not saying that Adam was a narcissist, but you see how cunning the devil was right from the start.

 Demonic mind game #2: The trigger game

Do you ever wonder how the narcissist seems to know ALL of your pain points?  That’s because they studied you like a book.  

 Not with the intent to truly get to know you, but for the sheer purpose of gathering information for the future. That’s why they work so hard with love bombing to win you over, break down your guard, and get you vulnerable.  

 This can really throw you for a loop, especially if you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist who doesn’t seem to care or listen, but suddenly when you’re arguing or they’re trying to get their way, they seem to have amazing recall. Every mistake you’ve made, every little thing you’ve said can and will be used against you.  

 Demonic mind game #3: The coercion game

If narcissists don’t get what they want from you, they will use various forms of manipulation, guilt, shame, and triangulation all to get you to feel bad about yourself, second guess your boundaries, and ultimately give them what they want.

 If you think the narcissist only uses coercion with big ticket items, think again. This tactic is their go-to with EVERYTHING, which is why narcissists can be so exhausting to be in relationship with.

If you struggle with only being OK when others are OK with you, please check out my online course called Conquering Codependency Biblically. https://krisreece.com/conquering-codependency/

 Want to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life?  Be sure to grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
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Have you ever wondered WHY that person isn’t respecting your boundaries?  

 Perhaps you think you need to find a better way to communicate or maybe you believe there are just some people who are boundary-proof. 

 That’s why today, I want to dive into the ONE mistake that will cause your boundaries to fail every time AND what you can do to fix it.

 This particular mistake reminds me of the time my friend Meredith asked me to come with her to the car dealer to negotiate a price on a car.

 You see, this was the car she'd always wanted. She dreamed about it for years and she was finally able to afford it. Sort of.

 It was still a little out of her price range but she was so close that she couldn't take wait any longer. She knew how much I've saved on car purchases over the years, so she asked if I would join her. Happy to help her avoid over-paying, I said yes. Then I told her I have a few questions and there are a few rules. The biggest question was, are you flexible on colors and options? And the rules were this: 

Let me do all the talking.Don't get excited about the car.Follow my lead, even if you disagree.

DEAL!  She was so excited to drive off the lot with her shiny new sports car.

 We headed into the dealer. Gabe greeted us on the lot. And from the moment Meredith sat in that driver’s seat, I knew we were going to have an issue. She was so giddy that the salesperson looked like a kid who just scored the biggest lollipop. He knew he already had her, and I know I had my work cut out for me.

 When we finally sat down at Gabe's desk, the issue went from bad to worse.  

 Gabe laid out the price and I pushed back. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Meredith was getting squirmy. Each time Gabe went to speak to his manager to get approval for what I was asking, Meredith needed to be talked off the ledge.  

 “Let’s not push so hard,” she’d say. “What if he changes his mind?”

 “Changes his mind about what? Selling you a car? I don't think so.” But Meredith was terrified her dream car could slip right through her fingers.

So when Gabe came back with his final offer--which I found to be completely unacceptable, especially given that sales were down and there were four of the exact same model on the lot--I knew it was time to say “Thank you Gabe, but no thank you.” Just as I was about to open my mouth, Meredith jumped out of her seat and said, “I'll take it.”

 I pushed myself away from Gabe's desk and knew my time here was done. There was nothing more I could do to help Meredith get the best price possible on her dream car. 

Truth be told, Gabe could have charged her double and I think she would have found a way to pay.  

 You might be wondering, Kris, what does this have to do with boundaries? Everything. In fact, the one mistake that’s keeping you stuck with people who don't respect your boundaries is the SAME mistake Meredith made—the inability to walk away. 

 Now, I'm not saying that you have to walk away from a relationship to get what you want (that's just manipulative). But I am saying that if you can't go without whatever they're offering you, your boundaries won't stick.

 Before you go thinking that this is just some game of “get m

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Why is it that some Christians are able to move on from toxic relationships while others stay stuck in their hurt feelings?

 Maybe you've suffered so long, you don't even know what happiness feels like anymore.

 Before you go thinking that God's forgotten you (or worse, getting angry at Him), I want to break down for you three very powerful reasons why this hurt may be lingering more than you'd like,

AND the prayer that could change EVERYTHING.

 To do that I need to remind you what happens when you touch a hot iron. You may cringe at the thought because you know how much it hurts. But how do you know it hurts? Well if you're as stubborn and stupid as me, it's likely because you HAVE touched one of these at some point in your life. (Despite how many times your mamma told you not to.) And once you did, the pain was excruciating. Maybe you even needed to go to the hospital. And I'm going to take a wild guess and you never did that again.

 The same is true for toxic relationships. We enter into them, ignoring the red flags, and then we slide right into the sizzle.

 For what godly reason would this happen? There are actually three of them. 

 Reason #1: God wants to make sure you learn 

What do you think would happen if God just took those feelings away, erased them from your memory, wiped them from your emotional hard drive? You'd enter into a toxic relationship again, because you'd have no memory of how painful it was. 

 So yes, God will allow these feelings to linger to teach you. I'm not saying that what that person did to you was OK, or even excusable. But ignoring this valuable insight is like being offered a ride in a luxury SUV but choosing a piggyback ride instead.

 Reason #2: You’re trying to stay in the driver’s seat

Even with these valuable lessons learned, missing what I’m about to share could cause you—as it would most Christians—to backslide during a difficult time. 

 If you're like me, you use your GPS for everything, even when you know exactly where to go and how to get there. 

 And again, if you're anything like me, if your GPS tells you to go a way that differs from where YOU think you should go, you ignore it. (I told you I wasn't smart.)

 And what happens? More often then not you're stopped by a traffic jam or worse. That's because the GPS knows the roadblocks and delays you can run into.

 Your hurt feelings are the roadblocks and God is your GPS.

 God doesn't always remove the roadblocks because they actually serve His purpose. Just like his purpose for the Israelites in the Red Sea and the wilderness wasn't to harm them but rather draw them closer to HIM. 

 Could it be that God wants to be your guiding light on this journey of healing? My friend, don't miss an amazing relationship opportunity because you're upset that he's not teleporting you to your next destination.

 Reason #3: God wants you for His purpose

You may be saying, “Kris, that's great. I've learned my lesson and I've made my way back to God. But what's the point in keeping me in pain for so long?”

 That question can best be answered by Sam’s example. Sam was a trainer I hired when I had my old personal training business. 

 Sam was highly educated. She graduated at the top of her class in biomechanics and she could tell you about anything that had to do with anatomy, from the function of the hip flexors in relation to the knee upon deceleration to the distal insertion point of the femur.

 There was only one problem: Sam had zero life experience. She couldn't relate to our clients who came to us wantin

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What if I told you that everything you thought about forgiveness was wrong? That in seven short minutes I will help you understand why these people still set you off--even years after you've walked away and forgiven them?

 I'm going to answer the question that's been haunting you once and for all—“Have I truly forgiven?”—and overcome the biggest forgiveness myth holding back Christians today. 

 It all comes down to bookmarks. 

 I want you to think of your life as a book, and each significant trauma or experience as a different chapter. When someone hurts you, it's like placing a bookmark in that particular chapter. You can believe that you’ve forgiven and then move on. However, the bookmarks still remain in the book.

 Even as you continue living your life, those bookmarks make it easy to flip back to the painful chapters. This act of inadvertently returning to these chapters can make you feel as though you haven't truly moved on or forgiven, even though you’ve tried to close the chapter.

 There are three reasons why it’s so easy to flip back to those bookmarks. 

Reason #1: Unresolved trauma

Many bookmarks were created by a traumatic experience—one that you've tried to push aside, but it still needs to be dealt with.

You may be thinking, “Yeah but that was 20 years ago. I should be able to let it go by now.”

But letting something go is not the same as resolving it. 

 We often think avoidance is the best option (and don't get me wrong, in some cases it is). 

But if there's stuff going on inside of you—well, everywhere you go, there you are. That’s why an old memory, an unexpected phone call, or a harsh comment can all elicit an outsized reaction.

Resolving that trauma is like removing the bookmark. 

 If you have unresolved trauma, it's important to find a good Christian counselor who can help as it can take a toll on you and your relationships. We've connected with Faithful Counseling to help you find a counselor that's right for you. Simply click this link https://faithfulcounseling.com/krisreece for more information. 

 My hope is that you will get the healing that you need to work through the pain of the past and in doing so, you get to remove the bookmarks.

 But unresolved trauma is only part of the reason that you're getting triggered long after you've forgiven. 

 Reason #2: Unresolved trust

If you're not creating NEW bookmarks, it almost feels like there's nothing worthy in your story.

So when you get triggered, you will automatically default to the old bookmarks. When your anger kicks in, when someone tries to manipulate you, when you hear about how the other person is slandering you, yet again you may not have anything new to refer to. In other words, you have unresolved trust. 

You know you can't trust your trauma any longer, but what can you trust? If you do not cre

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Why is it that some Christians are able to move on from toxic relationships while others stay stuck in their hurt feelings?

 Maybe you've suffered so long, you don't even know what happiness feels like anymore.

 Before you go thinking that God's forgotten you (or worse, getting angry at Him), I want to break down for you three very powerful reasons why this hurt may be lingering more than you'd like,

AND the prayer that could change EVERYTHING.

 To do that I need to remind you what happens when you touch a hot iron. You may cringe at the thought because you know how much it hurts. But how do you know it hurts? Well if you're as stubborn and stupid as me, it's likely because you HAVE touched one of these at some point in your life. (Despite how many times your mamma told you not to.) And once you did, the pain was excruciating. Maybe you even needed to go to the hospital. And I'm going to take a wild guess and you never did that again.

 The same is true for toxic relationships. We enter into them, ignoring the red flags, and then we slide right into the sizzle.

 For what godly reason would this happen? There are actually three of them. 

 Reason #1: God wants to make sure you learn 

What do you think would happen if God just took those feelings away, erased them from your memory, wiped them from your emotional hard drive? You'd enter into a toxic relationship again, because you'd have no memory of how painful it was. 

 So yes, God will allow these feelings to linger to teach you. I'm not saying that what that person did to you was OK, or even excusable. But ignoring this valuable insight is like being offered a ride in a luxury SUV but choosing a piggyback ride instead.

 Reason #2: You’re trying to stay in the driver’s seat

Even with these valuable lessons learned, missing what I’m about to share could cause you—as it would most Christians—to backslide during a difficult time. 

 If you're like me, you use your GPS for everything, even when you know exactly where to go and how to get there. 

And again, if you're anything like me, if your GPS tells you to go a way that differs from where YOU think you should go, you ignore it. (I told you I wasn't smart.)

 And what happens? More often then not you're stopped by a traffic jam or worse. That's because the GPS knows the roadblocks and delays you can run into.

 Your hurt feelings are the roadblocks and God is your GPS.

 God doesn't always remove the roadblocks because they actually serve His purpose. Just like his purpose for the Israelites in the Red Sea and the wilderness wasn't to harm them but rather draw them closer to HIM. 

 Could it be that God wants to be your guiding light on this journey of healing? My friend, don't miss an amazing relationship opportunity because you're upset that he's not teleporting you to your next destination.

 Reason #3: God wants you for His purpose

You may be saying, “Kris, that's great. I've learned my lesson and I've made my way back to God. But what's the point in keeping me in pain for so long?”

 That question can best be answered by Sam’s example. Sam was a trainer I hired when I had my old personal training business. 

 Sam was highly educated. She graduated at the top of her class in biomechanics and she could tell you about anything that had to do with anatomy, from the function of the hip flexors in relation to the knee upon deceleration to the distal insertion point of the femur.

 There was only one problem: Sam had zero life experience. She couldn't relate to our client

 If you’re ready to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life, grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide.
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So you’ve finally put your foot down. Maybe you’ve kicked the narcissist to the curb or cut ties with toxic family members. After much prayer and soul searching, you’re ready to move on.

But before you can cue the confetti, you get the message, “I’ve changed.” 

Could this be the turnaround you’ve been praying for? Or just another tool in their manipulation toolbox?

That confusion is why I want to talk to you today about the three powerful clues that will show you that this person has actually changed, as well as the ONE thing that guarantees they haven’t.

 I think of relationships with toxic people like a garden that was once beautiful and vibrant with so much potential, but that is now completely wilted and shriveled.

 Some people would walk past this garden and think nothing of it. Either they don’t recognize the garden is dying, or worse, they just don’t care. 

 But run-down gardens don’t happen by accident. They’re a result of neglect and maybe even abuse. 

 The hurt you experience in relationships doesn’t happen by accident, either. 

 Clue #1: Recognition

If your relationship is like a garden where all the plants are either dying or dead, both parties need to recognize that (a) there’s a problem, and (b) that each person has contributed to the problem. 

 Typically, people who have sinned against you won’t recognize their role in creating the problem. And if you try to point out the ways they have contributed, you will most likely be accused of nagging and holding on to the past, when all you are seeking is acknowledgment of the actions that brought this beautiful garden to this awful place.

 If you have been in a relationship with a toxic gardener, you need to hear them own their contributions. Don’t settle for mere recognition that the relationship is withering on the vine. 

 When recognition is present, it's like turning on a light in a dark room. It might be a mess but at least you can see where you’re going and what needs to be done.

 Clue #2: Repentance

Clue #2 is what so many of us long for, beg for, and argue over. 

 My client, Crystal made the mistake of demanding it from her mother who would belittle her in front of others but call it ‘mothering.’ Crystal was 56. She didn’t need ‘mothering.’ She needed her mother to say the words she so longed to hear. And they weren’t “I love you.” They were the words “I’m sorry.”

 But Crystal’s mother didn’t even recognize that was she was doing was wrong. Instead, she justified her behavior and even blamed Crystal for ‘making’ her behave this way because she not obeying her mother.

 But clue #2 is more than just hearing those two magic words. It’s about repentance. 

 What's the difference? 

 Do you remember when you were a kid and you’d get into a fight with another student at school and the principal would take you both into the office, make you shake hands, say you’re sorry and make up?

 Yeah, that’s not repentance.

 Words of apology alone hold no more power than someone claiming they believe in God but don’t live a life that follows Him. 

 Repentance is a deep regret over the pain you’ve caused and the extreme effort to turn in the other direction.

 It’s not, “sorry,” “I’m sorry,” “I’m sorry, if only you…,” or “I’m sorry YOU,” or any other deflecting, devaluing statement that's meant to sound like and apology. 

 It begins with I'm sorry “I” and continues to move forward to the next phase. In o

And if you're ready to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life, be sure to grab copy of Toxic People Survival Guide     https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

You've done your research. And you now believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're dealing with a narcissist.

You know it.

 They know it.

 They know you know.

 Now what?  

 Today, I want to dive deep into the pathetically predictable pattern you can expect to see when God exposes a narcissist. This pattern will prove to you once and for all that it's not all in your head AND give you the clarity need to answer the question: do I stay or do I go?

To start, we need to clarify once and for all that it doesn't matter who the potential narcissist may be—parent, pastor, partner, sibling, coworker, or friend—God WILL expose the narcissist. 

No matter who your narcissist is, it's likely you spent years being confused by the mixed messages, the lies, the manipulation, and don't even get me started on the gaslighting! Or perhaps you've had so many twisted bible scriptures thrown at you that you've become a pro at dodging them. But God in his faithfulness has brought you out of confusion and into clarity.

it's like the blinders have been removed.

You're no longer fooled by the craziness and you see with crystal clarity that this person only cares about themself. And then you can expect THIS.

Confusion comes a knockin’ all over again.

Because now they know you know. They'll never verbally admit it, but they know the tide has turned, and the jig is up.Unless they have someone else to fall back on, get ready my friend--it's about to get more toxic. 

Narcissists are very observant people, especially of anything that concerns them.

Once they sense that you’re hip to their tricks, they get flustered, nasty, defensive, or avoidant. It's these initial reactions that you need to focus on, as you're going to need to refer back to this later in the final phase of their reaction. (Which is what we'll get to shortly.) 

After this initial toxic reaction, you can then expect to see a slightly different narcissist.  

Phase 1: They will employ any effort necessary to get things back to ‘normal.’

This phase is a little easier to detect as they will go to whatever behavior has worked in the past. If intimidation had a high success rate, they will come in strong with that. If guilt was the go to, you'll get an extra dose.  

Whatever has worked in the past, expect an amped up version of that.

But hold firm, my friend—the ride has just begun.

Enter Phase 2: Threats, insults, rage—anything to trigger you, so that YOU react.

They do this so they can now look at your toxic reaction and say, “See, you're the problem. If you were more patient, kind, understanding, and weren't so nasty, critical and controlling.”

In their mind, they feel better because you've just proven (to them of course) that your toxic reaction means you're the problem.

But you're not phased. Nonsense like that would have killed you in the past, but not now. 

Get ready for phase 3. 

I have to warn you. THIS is where it gets confusing. THIS is where they get you to let your guard down and bring your hope up.

Stick with me.

When the go-to tactics don't work, when the entrapment fails, THEN comes the apology.

At this point, you're likely wondering, Maybe they've changed? What if they finally get it?

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**
Moms are supposed to be supportive and nurturing, but what happens when the very woman who should be your number-one fan is your greatest adversary?

 If you're like most people, you slip into a confusing, guilt-ridden mess. That's why in today's episode, you’re going to learn 10 signs that your mother is a narcissist. These are the signs that every single one of my students has experienced but just couldn't make sense of.

  Please note that Christianity isn’t about just slapping a love label on someone and ignoring the damage they cause. Nor is our time together meant to be a mom-bashing episode. Rather, you want to allow God to bring to light what the enemy is trying to keep in darkness so that you can have an accurate assessment of your situation AND honor God in your interactions. 

 So let’s dive into 10 signs (and I'm really curious to hear what you think about number 10!).

  Sign #1: She sees you as an extension of her

Imagine how someone would feel if they weren't allowed to have their own identity, and weren't able to make their own choices without upsetting someone. Such treatment leads to a codependent, performance-driven mess.

  Yet narcissistic mothers often live through their children. Maybe mom always wanted to be the popular one, so she pushed you to always look ‘pretty.’ Or, she didn't finish college, so now you had to go to a prestigious school so SHE could have bragging rights.

 Most of us moms like to be proud of our children’s choices, but narcissistic moms take this to a toxic level. If you're a reflection of her, the result is that you must make choices based upon HER preferences. 

 Sign #2: She’s critical  

Not all critical people are narcissists but all narcissists are critical. She likely has something to say about everyone and everything, and in doing so, positions herself as superior.

 This criticism can be overt—outwardly judging someone (or you) for their choices—or it can be passive aggressive—making comments about someone else in an attempt to get the message to you.

  Ironically, if you have a criticism or complaint about your mother, you will likely be met with a toxic overreaction, as you are now creating a crack in her fragile facade.

 Sign #3: She has toxic reactions

Look, we all can over react or react poorly from time to time. But for narcissistic mothers, radioactivity is their MO. You can likely predict that she will have a defensive, stonewalling, victim-like reaction if you attempt to bring anything to her attention.

Narcissistic mothers cannot and will not look at themselves. So if you challenge her delusion, her response will be nuclear.

 NOTHING is ever her fault and if you try to argue otherwise you will get met with a victim and martyr act.  

 Sign

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Tired of feeling like people just take advantage of your good nature?

 Perhaps you loan money that never gets repaid, you get stuck baking for another fundraiser, or you drive out of your way to help a sister who never returns the favor. You basically put your life on hold for others, and it’s getting old.

 That’s why, today I want to warn you about the five signs that scream “Walk all over me.”

 Sign #1: You say yes out of guilt

Do you find yourself saying yes when you’d prefer to say no? Perhaps you even kick it up a notch and disguise your guilt behind acting like a cheerful giver.

 Don’t be fooled my friend. True cheerfulness doesn’t come from an exterior smile, but rather from an interior attitude. 

 If you’re constantly saying yes and later regretting it, then it’s likely you’ve set yourself to be taken advantage of by others.

 Oh, I’m not saying they’re not to blame for overstepping, but if someone is taking advantage of your good nature and you don’t stop it, there likely won’t be an end in sight.

 You might do well to get some help over why you struggle with guilt, why you fall for their outlandish stories of desperation, and why their approval is more important than your peace. 

 If you need help unpacking the pains of your past, we’ve connected with Faithful Counseling. They can help you find a counselor that is right for you. Click above for all the details. 

Sign #2: You avoid confrontation 

Do you consider yourself a peacekeeper? Perhaps your motto is ‘peace at all cost.’ 

What if I told that there’s a difference between being a peacekeeper and a peacemaker?

 The difference is, one is biblical, the other is not.

 Peacemakers have peace ruling within their hearts. 

 Peacekeepers usually have fear, anxiety and resentment ruling within them.

 Peacemakers are active. 

 Peacekeepers, on the other hand, are passive—and sometimes passive aggressive. They often go along to get along. They stay quiet so as not to disturb the peace even when a disturbance may be needed. 

Peacemakers are honest about their feelings and circumstances and will even expose lies so that the wounds can begin to heal. 

 Peacekeepers on the other hand are often in denial about feelings and circumstances. 

 Peacemakers look for harmony through reconciliation.

 Peacekeepers look for harmony through avoidance.

 Sign #3: You apologize—all the time

Is ‘I’m sorry’ your go-to response?

 While we’re called to repent of our wrongdoing, saying ‘I’m sorry’ just to keep others from experiencing bad feelings isn’t repentance, it’s enablement. AND it can make you a target for toxic people.

 Keep your apologies for when you’ve truly done something wrong. Don’t apologize to manage someone’s emotions and make them feel better. 

 If you struggle with feeling resentful after you apologize, it’s likely you’re struggling with codependency. To learn how to stop people-pleasing and start God-pleasing, check out my online course Conquering Codependency Biblically. All the details are here for you. 

 Sign #4: You go with the flow<

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Toxic thinking can be like a game of pinball. It seems manageable—maybe even fun at first—but add a stress here, an old wound there, and before you know it, your mind is completely out of control.

 At any moment of any day, your mind can be triggered by old wounds, Satan’s demons, bad habits, or just something someone said, and the next thing you know, your mind is reeling out of control.

 It can feel like hundreds of pinballs are all dropping into the machine at once and you can’t figure out which one to hit first. 

 THIS is what your thoughts can look like in an unrenewed mind.  

 Whether your toxic thoughts are negative, fearful, anxious, or angry, how you deal with them can be the difference between a quiet game of solitaire or a chaotic game of pinball.

 It’s been said that we get bombarded by more than 50,000 thoughts a day. But there’s a difference between those thoughts that give you life and the thoughts that are sucking the life right out of you.

 It’s my hope to help you say goodbye to fear and hello to faith. Goodbye to chaos and hello to calm. Goodbye to confusion and hello to clarity… okay, you get the picture.

 So let’s dive into the four steps that will help you get control of those thoughts before they take control of you.

 Step #1: Reveal

In this step, you’re actually not going to focus on the pinball, but rather the trigger. 

 You want to better understand WHY you’re reacting to certain people, thoughts and situations.  

You see, it’s tempting and easy to blame others for triggering us, thereby making it their fault and their responsibility for controlling YOUR thoughts and emotions.

 When the truth is, you can’t trigger something that isn’t there. To stick with the pinball analogy, if there’s no ball, there’s nothing to set into motion. 

 This is where you’ll want to deal with the stuff lying beneath the surface—the past hurts, old wounds, neglected traumas, unfulfilled dreams, and insecurities. These are all things that make it so much easier for you to get triggered.

 Your job is not to control the triggers around you. It’s to deal with what's going on inside of you. So allow God to REVEAL what He needs to reveal.

 Step #2: Refocus

You can throw your hands up in the air and blame everything in your life on the out-of-control balls, or you can apply the principle found in 2 Corinthians 10:5: “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

 My friend, don’t let your thoughts run free like a bully on a playground. It is your mind—it’s your job to direct it. 

 When my mind is going in a wrong direction, I am proactive in giving what God is revealing over to Him. This doesn’t mean that I just ignore something and pretend it’s not there. But it does mean that we are to be intentional about the focus of our own thoughts.  

 Step #3: Rethink it

Once you’ve captured that thought, stop and ask yourself: Is this thought helpful or harmful to my mental and sp

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Tired of feeling like a doormat, like you attract people who just take from you with no regard or concern for your wellbeing?

 Christians are often encouraged to give until it hurts. “Let people take advantage of you,” “Forbear under abuse,” that’s what Jesus would want us to do, right?

 WRONG. 

There’s some serious scripture twisting and misinterpretation going on when we believe that God created us to be a doormat for others.

 Yes, we are to love and forgive and forbear—but it’s time to untwist some misconceived scriptures about what it means to set limits with others. 

 That’s why I want to show you the five signs that God is trying to show you it’s time to stop letting people walk all over you and start setting boundaries. 

 Sign #1: You’re afraid to set limits with others 

It’s not uncommon for people pleasers to see limits as unloving. Add to that the uncomfortable feelings that you’re left with that you’re letting someone down, and it’s enough to make even a border patrol agent step back in fear. 

 The truth is, your inability to set limits with others will not result in the reciprocation you long for. 

 I know you’re waiting for them to return the good deed, but it’s not going to happen.

 Setting limits is less about the “how” and more about the “what”. After all, you already know how to say no. Go ahead, try it. Just say the word “no” for me right now.

 See, it’s not how, it’s what that’s the hard part, but we’ll talk about that in a few. 

 Sign #2: You feel responsible for other people’s thoughts and feelings 

I understand that it feels loving to think and feel for others. But when consideration crosses into codependency, you have an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

 Feeling responsible for others’ feelings takes the responsibility off of them and puts it onto you. And guess what kind of people this trait attracts? Takers!

 There are plenty of irresponsible, lazy, immature people out there who would be more than happy to offload their personal responsibility onto you.

 And if you see it as ‘loving’ to take that responsibility from them, you will be loaded down like a pack mule until you’re swayback. 

 And then wonder why you’re so tired and no one appreciates you. 

 Sign #3: You fail to make clear agreements

It may seem nice on the surface to always defer to another person for their input, but it makes it difficult to actually be in a healthy, interdependent relationship with someone who can’t make their own decisions.

 God gave you unique desires, thoughts, perspectives, and preferences, all of which should contribute to a wonderful relationship dynamic. 

 The problem comes in when the other person doesn’t value what you bring to the table. Instead of letting that knock you back, let it be an indication of the potential problem in the relationship.

 Just remember—having a problem in your relationship doesn’t mean that you ARE the problem. 

 Sign #4: You have no time for God

If I had a nickel for every time a people pleaser has defended why they don’t have time for God by saying they are too busy doing HIS work by serving others, I’d be a very rich woman. 

 Yes, we are called to serve others, but not at the expense of what God has entrusted you to steward. That includes your time, talent, and treasures.

 Blaming others for taking your time doesn’t take you off the hook. It puts you on the hook for setting better boundaries. 

 It’s true that life can get busy and there

 Struggling with people pleasing?  Take your FREE Am I a People Pleaser Quiz to discover your type.  https://krisreece.com/am-i-a-people-pleaser/

While you’re focusing on how to protect yourself from a narcissist’s manipulative schemes, 

the enemy is laser focused on YOU. He’s using backdoor attempts to infiltrate YOUR life.

 And while it’s tempting to blame the narcissist—after all, THEY are the Trojan horse—the truth is that 1 Peter 5:8 reminds us that we are to “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 

 In fact, there are seven different demonic doors that can be opened in your life as a result of a narcissistic. Let’s take a look at each one so you can learn how to slam them shut in the mighty name of Jesus.

 Door #1: Confusion

The most common quality narcissists develop within their victims is confusion. 

 Your desire to resolve conflict and grow in your relationship is met instead with an onslaught of underhanded accusations and backhanded belittlements. It’s enough to leave you bewildered, wondering how they’re just not understanding what you’re saying. 

 Here’s the truth: they don’t understand because they don’t care. You’re confusing their fake, self-serving interactions with a genuine interest in the relationship.

 My friend, God is not the author of confusion. Believe His promises and respond promptly to His commands and confusion will loosen its grip on you.

 Door #2: Suspicion 

When someone you should be able to trust betrays you, it hits to the core. It leads you to think, If I can’t trust my parent or partner, who can I trust? You begin to view others through the lens of suspicion. 

 I get it. You’ve been hurt. But I want to encourage you to not allow the enemy to use a spirit of suspicion to destroy any future relationships.

 That doesn’t mean you override your God-given discernment and trust everyone—that would be foolish. Rather, allow God to show you who you can and can’t trust by leaning on Him and waiting to see what fruit they produce. 

 Door # 3: Identity Crisis

Whether it’s listening to their damaging words or spending all of your focus on meeting their needs, being in a narcissistic relationships is an invitation to live below your potential.

 Over the years I’ve encountered many narcissistic survivors who say, I don’t even know who I am. If you’re not grounded in Christ, being involved with a narcissist can wreak havoc on your self-esteem.

The solution: turn your focus to who God says you are—despite what the narcissist says. Immerse yourself in scriptures like Psalm 139:13-16 and Ephesians 2:10 until God’s word begins to drown out the narcissistic lies.

 Don’t fool yourself though, this will be a battle, as the enemy will want to pull you back into that old toxic thinking. Keep fighting, my friend. 

 Door #3 definitely opens the door to #4.

 Door #4: Codependency

Codependency is an unhealthy attachment to others, and a reliance on others to get your needs met. It’s like you can’t be OK unless they’re OK with you. 

 In codependent relationships, you rely on each other instead of God. As romantic as it sounds in movies, it’s destructive in healthy relationships. 

 Satan is a master at getting you to look to others for your needs and then calling it ‘love.’ Codepdendents are classic mood monitors. They pride themselves on ‘feeling’ others’ feelings.

This is not a super power, this is a demonic distortion of what healthy interdependent relationships should look like.   

 If you are struggling

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 After years of dealing with a toxic person, you’re finally free--free from the mental and emotional bondage of trying to live up to their narcissistic expectations. 

 Yet you may be wondering why you don’t feel as blissful as you thought you would. 

 That’s why today, I want to walk you through the three steps that God will bring you through after a narcissistic relationship. It doesn’t matter if it was a parent, partner, pastor, or friend, these three detox steps will help you recognize when God is at work in your life or when the enemy is still looking to keep you down. 

 Before you consider heading back to Egypt, stick with me, my friend. After our time together you’ll be better equipped to take back your life.

 Here’s what you can expect God to do in the next 12 months and beyond:

 Step #1: He will REVEAL

In the months following the relationship detox, God will begin to pull back the veil and you’ll start to see where you went wrong—things you tolerated, actions you mistook as love, immature or ungodly ways you dealt with matters, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. In other words, God's going to start showing you YOUR part. 

 Luke 12:2 tells us: “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.”

 This doesn’t meant you’re to blame or the other person wasn’t a problem. But IF you will allow him, God will begin to do a transforming work within YOU, breaking you free of old mindsets and habits. 

 That work is going to begin with revealing your weaknesses and blind spots. He may highlight your codependency, your insatiable need for approval, or your fear of confrontation. While the other person doesn’t get a pass, it’s imperative that you recognize your part in this dynamic. 

 You were drawn to this person for a reason. Let God reveal that.

 They were drawn to you for a reason. Let God reveal that.

 You struggled with boundaries for a reason. Let God reveal that. 

 You have hurts you need to address before bringing them into another relationship. Let God reveal that. 

 Here’s the great news. In this phase, He will also begin to show you who He created you to be. 

No longer are you living under the shadow of someone else’s expectations and opinions. Now you can just be yourself. But you may not know who you are. Let God reveal that. 

  (If you need a little jump start, be sure to grab a copy of your FREE What’s my temperament guide. Link)

 But it doesn’t end there. Once these areas of identity and triggers are revealed, God will move you into step 2

 Step #2: He will DEAL

In this next phase, God will help you to deal with your past pains and problems. He is faithful to walk with you through the process of dealing with the collateral damage of whatever He is revealing.

 Maybe your husband left you with fractured identity, or your parent infected you with a disease to please. Whatever it is, this is not the time to shift blame. It is time to allow our Lord to do His transforming work within you.

 Allow Him to teach you the things you need to learn.

 Allow Him to renew your mind to his truth.

 Allow Him to walk with you as you pull up the root of bitterness and break free from the demonic influence designed to keep you in bondage. 

 I love to meditate on Psalm 23:4; Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod a

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Do you ever wonder why your relationships start out great but then turn into a confusing, one-sided mess that leaves you scratching your head and wondering Why do I ALWAYS attract these people? 

 Maybe you even feel torn between the desire to see it through and the urge to run for the hills. 

 Today, I’m going to explain in detail why your greatest life strength is likely your worst relationship weakness AND give you the three steps needed to stop being taken advantage of by these parasitic, freeloaders. 

 Understanding this one problem will help you recognize why your relationships aren’t as mutually beneficial as you’d hoped. 

 So what is it? 

 It’s being solution-oriented, better known as problem-solving.

 You may be thinking, Kris, that’s a great quality to have. How could it possibly cause such a problem? 

 I get it. As a solution-oriented person myself, I don’t like to waste time blaming others or wallowing in self-pity. If you’re anything like me, you don’t crumble under pressure—you get things done!

 And that is an amazing quality that many people will be drawn to. Including toxic, dependent, leeching, narcissists.

 Are you seeing the problem? 

While problem solving is an amazing quality, hen it comes to relationships, your ‘solution’ focus can actually BE the problem.

 You have a God-given gift of knowing what to do in each situation. And you likely derive joy in helping others solve their problems. But that’s where the true problem comes in—when you find yourself solving the same problems for the same people, and that incredible strength that you once felt so good about now has made you feel used.

 Your relationships aren’t mutually beneficial, and it’s draining the life out of you. 

 Your solution-seeking gift is attracting nothing but problem-oriented people like a magnet. 

 Why? Because, the dynamic works perfectly together. Solution-oriented people don’t feel alive unless they are solving problems, so it makes sense that they would be drawn to people who need help.

And of course the problem-oriented person would be attracted to the solution-seeking person because well, they need solutions.

 But the bigger problem is they only want your solutions in theory. They have no interest in using your divine wisdom to pull themselves out of the rut—they expect you to do that. They have no interest in being responsible for their own success—they’ll rely on you for that.

 And because it’s impossible for you to play that role for long, ultimately you are seen as the problem. Yett because solutions are what you do best, you stay in the trenches until 5, 10, or 20 years go by and you’ve wasted your precious gift on someone who squandered it. 

 At this point, you’re probably wondering if you’ve got to squash your solution superpower. The answer is, absolutely not! We need you problem solvers. 

 But if you do want to flourish in mutually beneficial relationships, you are going to want to harness that strength of yours.

 Here’s how: 

Assess the problem: If you’ve determined that the people in your life have a problem for every solution, it may be time to stop casting your pearls before pigs (Matthew 7:6). Assess the person. Your solution super power may be ready to aid every needy victim who manipulates you for help but before you offer your gift, examine the fruit. If it’s someone you’ve had history with and they’ve shown no fruit from previous solutions

 To learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life, be sure to grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide. https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Who grows more in life--the person who never has anything go wrong and has the loveliest of relationships, or the person who had to overcome adversity and challenges?

 If you said the overcomer, you’re right.

 Understanding why God may have you in a narcissistic relationship can be challenging. But does so has the potential to bring more growth and strength than you could imagine. 

 We’ll explore the four reasons why God may have you in a narcissistic relationship. By the end of our time together, you will no longer think God has forgotten you.

 Just as a caveat, remember, every situation is unique. This video aims to provide insight, not to justify unhealthy relationships.

 Reason #1: To grow you

There are a lot of life skills many adults lack through no fault of their own. Many of our parents did the best they could, but too many of us are never taught the critical skills that help us advance in life. I’m not talking about balancing a checkbook. (Does anybody do that anymore?) Or fixing a leaky pipe. I’m talking more soft skills, such as how to deal with rejection, what to say when someone insults you, how to discern good from evil, how to emotionally regulate ourselves, and the list goes on.

Just because you didn’t learn those skills then, doesn’t mean you can't learn them now.

 You likely developed survival skills out of fear-based self-protection. That is NOT how God wants you to live your life. It’s likely that God is saying, “Stop pretending you’re emotionally and spiritually grown up and let me grow you.” 

 More important is learning how to lean on and trust in the Lord with all your heart. 

 I love to hang on to the precious words found in Phil 1:6: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

 He will never stop growing you, and narcissistic relationships can be a fertile ground for growth

 Reason #2: To discipline you

You may be thinking, Wait, I'm the victim here. Why does God need to discipline ME?

 I have spoken to very few people who did not see signs that this person they were entering into a relationship with was troubled. 

 You may not have known exactly what you were dealing with, but you didn’t need a label to know that you shouldn’t have moved forward, whether it was a romantic relationship, a friend, or a pastor. 

 Often times we find ourselves in a toxic relationship because of a dysfunctional need within ourselves that we don’t want to admit—unless of course we’re talking about a parental relationship. While you certainly did not choose your parents, you may still be the type to keep a toxic door open because you want or need something. For example—staying in a toxic relationship with a parent even after you’re an adult for financial support.

 While God's correction is never comfortable, it’s helpful to remember Hebrews 12:7: “It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?”

 Reason #3: To humble you 

The enemy’s plan in narcissistic relationships is to get you focused on the hurts and offenses so much that you unknowingly develop narcissistic traits of your own. God will use them to humble you. 

 Deuteronomy 8:2 reminds us of the Israelites journey when it says: “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to k

As a people pleaser, you’re likely kind, compassionate, and caring.

 You like to put people at ease.

 You often go along to get along

 You likely avoid conflict at all cost.

 You assume the best of others, even when they’ve shown you their worst.

 And you often say yes, even when you should say no.

 People pleasers are just overall ‘nice’ people. And 'nice' certainly sounds like a 'nice' way to be. But ‘nice’ means that you’re pleasant and agreeable, even the expense of your own values and identity.

 Still sound ‘nice?’ 

 If you see yourself as a people pleaser, I want to share with you 9 people-pleasing traits that are not as nice as you think and the 5 steps to stop people-pleasing and start God-pleasing.

 I want you to imagine for a moment that you are a Jenga game. The goal of the Jenga game is to build a tower by removing pieces from the bottom and adding them to the top without the entire tower falling down.

 Every time you put the needs of others above your own, you remove a piece of the tower.

 Every time you:

·      change yourself to keep others happy

·      betray your values to fit in

·      allow someone to trample your boundaries in order to be liked by them

·      agree even when you disagree

·      apologize for something you didn’t do wrong

·      take the blame when it’s not yours

·      or enable bad behavior in order to keep the peace, 

 it’s a bit like removing a small piece of yourself. You compromise the foundation of who you are.

 Each individual compromise feels like no big deal. After all, it’s keeping the peace, right?

 But here’s the problem: little by little you chip away at yourself and give little pieces of yourself away to someone else until there are so many gaps that you don’t even recognize who you are. Or worse, it all comes crumbling down. 

 So when it’s important that you show up in life as you, you don’t know how, because you don't know who you are anymore. You’re not sure who you are outside of the approval and validation of others. You’re not even sure what matters most to you because you’ve spent so much of your life putting others first, seeking their validation and ignoring your own needs.

 That’s why you’re struggling to live a life of purpose—because you’ve put your purpose in other people’s hands. 

 And these people that you’re trying to please so much, don’t even find this quality attractive. All they see is a broken, fragile person they can likely take advantage of.  

 So, my question for you is this: Is this the dependent place you want to live from?

 Before things come tumbling down completely, there is a way forward.

If you are willing to follow the 5 steps I’ve outlined below, God will begin to rebuild these fragmented pieces of your personality, one by one, until you are healed and whole.

 Step 1: Recognize

Recognize people pleasing for what it truly is—a self-serving, idolatrous, even manipulative way of life. I realize this is painful to hear, but pretending that you’re doing this for others simply isn’t being honest. People pleasers strive to please others because they are trying to please themselves. You must acknowledge that underlying ‘give to get’ motive. 

 Step 2: Repent 

It’s hard to imagine having to repent of being 'nice.' But remember that 'niceness' is driven by an internal motivation for approval and validation, OUTSIDE of God. Every time you say yes to others and no to God, you confirm your allegiance to meeting your need, and not leaving it to God.

Step 3: Resolve
Now is the time to decide whom you'll s

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It was 2012. I was growing in my faith like many Christians, slow and steady. But something happened in December of that year that led me to make a decision that caused my faith to skyrocket. It was one of THE most difficult times of my life.

 Today, I’m going to share with you the one simple change I made to strengthen my faith, and then I’m going to tear apart some common misconceptions when it comes to trusting God and what I could have done better. 

 What was going on in my life that made trusting God so challenging?

I’d been an entrepreneur most of my life. For the most part, things went well, until they didn’t. 

 Business wasn’t what it used to be. I was newly married. It was smack in the middle of a recession. My savings were drained. My income was down to 1/3 of what I used to make. My wonderful new husband was severely underemployed, and on top of that, he had an ex-wife who loved going to court for sport. The strain of step parenting, preparing my daughter for college, and having a mid-life shift in a tiny two-bedroom townhome was enough to drive anyone to find solace in a cookie jar.

 Needless to say, life was NOT what I hoped it would be at this stage of my life.

 And suddenly God tells me it’s time to move on. 

 Move on? Gladly. Whacha got for me Lord? A shiny new business opportunity? I’ll take whatever new beginnings you have for me, Lord. Move me along.

 I sensed in my spirit God telling me to move on into ministry.

 If silence had a sound, this would be deafening. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. 

 Lord, didn’t you hear me. I’m struggling here. 

Of course He heard me, but I wasn’t hearing him. I didn’t want to believe that leaving a love of business would turn into a life in ministry.

 How did I respond? 

Truthfully, my heart was all in, but my head was hesitant. I was the breadwinner of the family and business was all I’d ever known. But now, God was not only asking me to close the business but also to go back to school, meaning I would lose income AND add expenses.

 I’m no math wiz but this wasn’t adding up.

 So I vacillated, I negotiated, and I contemplated. The more I did, the worse it got. God wasn’t looking for my understanding. He was looking for my trust.

 So what did I do? 

I panicked. The truth is, I was used to trusting in myself. I’d done it for years. But now, I had no idea what life was going to look like, I had no idea where our next mortgage payment would come from. Nothing made sense and the worst part is, I had no control over anything.

 I had a choice to make. Would I continue to rely on my own resources, or would I trust Him? 

 What I realized at that moment, is that I hadn’t trusted God as much as I thought I did (as evidenced by my panic). 

 So I made ONE change.

 I chose to hang up any preconceived notions about what God should do for me and when. And I decided that I was just going to trust Him. Day by day, moment by moment, I put my trust in Him to work it all out.

 Sounds so simple, but simple and easy aren’t the same. There are some common misconceptions about what true trust in the Lord looks like.

 Misconception #1: Faith is a feeling. 

We can all feel good when we hear an encouraging worship song or when we’re blessed in our circumstances, but if that same faith turns to fear the minute that your circumstances change, your trust wasn’t really where you thought it was.

 If you’re the type that responds by saying, “Oh, it’s only natural to react th

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You want to live a life of purpose. You long to feel fulfilled in what you do. And of course, your ultimate desire is to hear those wonderful words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

 But why is it that some Christians try everything to find their calling and still feel purposeless, while others seem to just fall into it and flourish?

 I’ve noticed patterns that cause Christians to find significance in life without selling their soul. 

And sadly they’re the things that most Christians are doing wrong. 

 So today, I want to share with you the 4 purpose-wreaking mistakes to avoid at all cost, and how to fix them if you are making them so you can stop fretting and start stepping into the calling God has for you. 

 Mistake #1: Holding on 

Did you know that one of the most common ways to trap a monkey is to place a banana in a cage? The monkey grabs hold of that banana and won’t let go, meaning he can’t pull his hand out of the trap. If he would simply let go, he could easily slip his hand out and be free. 

 That’s how Christians behave when they aren’t fully submitted to the Lord. 
 Are you holding onto something that is keeping you from living your God-given purpose? Maybe it’s money, fear, or prestige. Whatever it is, God is asking for it to be completely surrendered, so that He can have His way.

 If you find yourself fretting and frustrated, it’s likely because you’re holding onto something and not trusting His sovereignty. 

 Mistake #2: Trying to be something you’re not

This is one that I believe is a BIG problem in the body of Christ. And sadly I have fallen victim to it as well. In fact, I wasted 11 months of my life purpose in trying to be something that others convinced me was beneficial. 

 My journey to purpose started with a desire to help God’s people grow in faith, but I had no idea how to express it. The problem came when I tried to model myself after others. In other words, I was trying to be someone that I wasn’t. 

 I let others convince me that soft and sweet was the way to be, that taking the safe road was the way to reach more people, that I needed to be liked, and so on. 

 I was all over the place. 

 The truth is, I’m not really sweet, definitely not soft, I hate playing it safe, and it’s way too much work to be anyone other than myself! 

But I thought it was a good idea to take the well meaning but dead wrong advice of others instead of consulting with my manufacturer (as in, God).

 All that time I spent struggling and striving to be something else when all I really needed to do was to operate in my God-given temperament and flow in my God-given gifts. 

 I want to encourage you to stay in your lane. It will be the only way you can finish your race. 

 Mistake #3: Mistaking career for purpose

When I first stepped out as a Christian coach, my heart’s desire was to help others discover their God-given purpose. But in session after session, I would meet with people who were bent on finding the right career choice. And because I wanted to see them happy and successful (and not frustrated with me), I ended up walking that road with them. 

 Many of the clients I worked with did find alternative careers but it didn’t mean that they were living a life of purpose. 

 Since those initial encounters I’ve recognized that there really are two types of Christians: those who long to find purpose, and those who believe career equates to purpose. 

 Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being in a career you love, but it doesn’t mean you’re living your life p

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Most professionals agree that narcissists can’t change. 

 I don’t believe that’s true. I believe narcissists can change.

 Today, I want to share with you why I disagree, the three caveats of narcissism, and the guidelines that will help you determine if your narcissist is redeemable. 

 This isn’t based upon statistical information or popular psychology, but rather my own opinion and experience. 

 I’ve seen a lot of narcissists in my day. 

 I’ve experienced first-hand personally and professionally the damage that a narcissist can do to your physical, emotional, mental, and even your spiritual health. In many cases, there can be lifelong side effects. 

 For me to make such a bold contradictory statement, let me break down, informal levels of narcissists, and help you determine if your narcissist is redeemable, or beyond hope.

3 (Informal) Types of Narcissists: Ignorant, Arrogant, and Malignant

The ignorant narcissist is typically unaware of their destructive behaviors. They are likely emotionally immature and have not been taught properly. 

This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but there’s some hope here, with a big ‘if’ attached (and we’ll get to the if in a moment.) Think of these ignorant narcissists as children. 

The arrogant is another level up. This narcissist recognizes their wrongdoing, yet continues to make decisions that only work in their favor. 

Arrogant isn’t limited to the overt narcissist. Arrogant simply describes the lack of care that a person has regarding their actions. 

This narcissist likely knows exactly what they’re doing and doesn’t care unless it impacts them.  More on that in a moment.

The malignant narcissist is the most troublesome of all. This narcissist is solidified in their beliefs that life is all about them and they will trample anyone in their way and they don’t care who it impacts. These people are highly abusive and derive pleasure from hurting others. 

They will stop at nothing to lie and manipulate to get what they want. 

While many people in narcissistic relationships jump to the assumption that their narcissist is malignant, please understand that this is a very, very small percentage of the narcissists out there.

Now that we’ve broken the levels of narcissism down, let’s look at how likely your narcissist is to change.

There’s hope IF…

·      Their life is impacted in a negative way. 

·      There’s a risk that they’ll lose something that’s important to them. For example, your love, time, affection, money, companionship, etc. 

·      They are an ignorant or arrogant narcissist. 

Remember, narcisissts are very self-centered individuals. They only care what’s in it for them. 

This is where your boundaries can prove helpful.

They will often fall in line, albeit reluctantly, if there is a great risk of loss for them. 

Want to learn how to identify and deal with all types of difficult people?  Grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide here. https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Have you ever been told that “Love conquers all,” or “All you need is love”?

While these make for great song lyrics, they also make for great gaslighting weapons designed to make you believe that it’s your responsibility transform a narcissist. 

These ideas may make you think if you can just love like Jesus, everything will be great. The gaslighting will stop, they’ll value you as a person, and they’ll finally realize all the wrong they’ve done to you. 

 This, my friend, is wishful thinking. 

 That’s why I want to talk to you about why your love can’t change a narcissist, and share something that can. 

 I was prompted to think about loving the narcissist after a message came through on one of my videos on YouTube. This viewer wrote (I shortened it for the sake of time): 

 “Have you ever wondered if your videos may cause people to divide, rather than seek to love others? We serve a loving God that desires us to love Him most and love others as ourself (Mark 12:30-31).

 God knows the full story. He tells us to talk to the other person. He tells us to love, forgive, seek peace, do not lean on YOUR own understanding. How much better place this world would be if we could seek to stop labeling others and looking for fault, and figuring out ways to be on guard against people all the time. How much happier we would be if we did things God's way!”

I was going to respond to the message but realized that there’s so much to unpack here and it’s likely something that you’re struggling with too. You’re either asking similar questions or you’re struggling with people like who twist God’s scripture to bring shame to an already painful situation. 

There’s much that I disagree with in this message, but for the sake of time, I want to focus on this idea of ‘love’. 

Many people, especially Christians, are under the misconception that it’s our job to love unconditionally. 

But there’s even much debate among scholars as to whether God’s love is truly unconditional.

Some will say that God’s love IS unconditional, as displayed in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

While His love is unconditional, His acceptance and rewards are not. 

Others say God’s love is conditional because His love cannot contradict his goodness and holiness. But in his love, he provided a solution--the finished work of the cross--and all we need to do is repent to be in right relationship with Him. (Maybe with a few consequences to pay, but in with God nonetheless.) 

Regardless of which side of the fence you fall on, what many are interpreting as ‘love’ is actually tolerance and enablement of sin, no repentance required. 

So, if your love communicates tolerance to a narcissist, why would they change? 

The truth is, the narcissist interprets your love as foolishness. They’re not thankful for it. They expect it. 

Much like a sinner who hears the “God loves you so much” message and thinks, “OK, cool, I’m good then,” so does the narcissist feel in the face of your love. 

Perhaps it’s time to reject the notion that you’re somehow a bad Christian if you don’t endure narcissistic abuse, and embrace the wise words of Proverbs 22:3: “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”

After all,

 Want to learn how to identify and deal with all types of difficult people?  Grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide here. https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide
As Christians, we hear so many messages about loving others and forgiving and forbearing. While these are wonderful, Christlike commands that we should obey, do they apply to all people, all the time?

I’m not advocating for malicious, cruel treatment of anyone, but you can run into a problem when you forbear under people who God specifically instructs us to avoid.

 In fact, there are several types of people that scripture tell us to avoid at all cost. 

Not transform.

 Not reform.

 Not conform to.

 But stay away from. 

Let’s break down the five types of people God wants you to avoid at all costs.

 Type #1: Bad influences

 Do not be deceived. “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

 God doesn’t say you can’t spend time with non-believers. Otherwise, how could you witness to the lost? 

 But you must be extra careful to ensure that you are the influencer, not the influence.

 That guardrail you think you have in place to protect against your friend’s bigotry or your coworker’s criticism can easily fall to the point that you can’t tell the difference between what they think and what you think.  

 Remember the famous quote from Dan Pena: “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” 

Type #2: False teachers

 1 John 4:1 reminds us, “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

And 2 John 1:10 follows up with, “If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take them into your house or welcome them.”

 In today’s world of tolerance, we often write off demonically inspired behavior as just “different.”

 But scripture is clear when it says that not everyone in this world has good intentions.

Your job is not to reform a wolf into a sheep—it’s to simply avoid them. 

Type #3: Divisive people 

One of the most damaging sins to the body of Christ are gossipers. Since most people love a piece of juicy gossip, you can become party to this destructive sin with just a little curiosity.

 Be careful of people who want the 411 so they can better pray. They are really gossipers in disguise.

 Also beware of: 

·      people who pretend to be happy for you but are secretly envious

·      people who ‘just tell it like it is’ but are really looking for a good argument

·      people who come across wounded but are so easily offended

 These people and many more only have one goal in mind, even if they don’t realize it—to sow division. 

 Titus 3:9-11 is crystal clear when it commands: 

 "But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. 10As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, 11knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”

Type #4: Christians who profess but don’t confess

This is a pervasive problem in the church today. Christians who attend church but live a worldly life. These people profess to follow God, but don’t confess their sins before God.

 With the Holy Spirit in you, you may sin but you won’t be happy doing it. It will be a battle.

 If a Christian is continually living a life of unrepentant sin, I question if they are a true Christian at all

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Every relationship will have its ups and downs—not just romantic relationships, but any person you’re trying to have a healthy, godly connection with. How can you tell when your relationship is dysfunctional or downright destructive?

 Hopefully you know that issues such as abuse, infidelity, substance abuse, and being secretive are examples of toxic behavior.  

 But what about the less obvious examples—the ones you just can’t put your finger on?

  Today I want to talk to you about 8 relationship red flags that no Christian should ignore in ANY relationship.

 Before we dive in, I just want to say that there is a difference between troubled and toxic. 

Troubles can play out in a difference of opinions, personalities, and even a difference in values. Troubled people can have difficulty regulating their emotions and are likely to struggle with past and current triggers and suffer from emotional immaturity.  

 While toxic people can have many of these same struggles, it doesn’t end there. 

 While we do want to extend the same grace to troubled people that God extends to us, we also want to discern if we’re trying to treat a wolf as a sheep.

 Red Flag #1: Manipulation

-       If you’ve forgive me, you’d back off

-       If you leave, I’ll hurt myself

-       I don’t know why you don’t just trust me

 When a person is manipulative, they only have one thing on their mind--how can I get my needs met? It’s self-serving but sly. 

 Manipulation can take the form of guilt, anger, passive aggression and scripture twisting.   

 If someone responds with rage when you question them, they are trying to manipulate you into backing down.  

 The same is true for passive aggression. Behind the mask, passive aggressive people are extremely manipulative. They pretend to be one thing while scheming to change your behavior to suit their agenda.

 Their intent is to deceive you. And if you catch them in their lie, they will often deflect from their true motive by saying things like, I was only joking.

 Red Flag #2: Walking on Eggshells

-       It’s not just what you said, it’s how you said it. Now I’m upset. Thanks a lot.

-       Why do you have to breathe so loudly? You know it bothers me.

 In healthy relationships behaviors and communication are easy to navigate (for the most part). 

In eggshell relationships you take considerable care to avoid upsetting the other person. This often creates a dynamic of codependency as you’re constantly watching for how this person feels so you can navigate without upsetting them. It’s tense. 

 People that make you walk on eggshells are controlling. They target your mental and emotional well-being in an effort to subdue you.

 If you’re constantly scared to bring something up, or if you’re always trying to formulate what you want to say and how to say it, and are constantly met with gaslighting, blaming, or utter disregard, my friend, you have crossed a serious red flag. 

 If you find yourself a tiptoer, be sure to check out my online course Conquering Codependency biblically. https://krisreece.com/conquering-codependency/

 Red Flag #3: Control 

-       I do it because I love you

-       After all I’ve done for you, this is the least you could do for me

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Quitting is a natural part of life that gets a bad rap. 

 For example, what would it be like if you stayed at your first job? Or if you married the first person you had a crush on?

 There are many instances when quitting is the right thing to do. 

 So, how do you know when to stay and when to walk away?

 Sometimes it’s obvious, like when you’re being pressured to do ungodly things and it’s clear you shouldn't be in relationship with people like that. But what do you do in those less obvious situations? How do you know when God is giving you the grace to endure under a trial, and when He’s telling you to give up on someone?

 Sign #1: They treat you poorly

Being treated poorly doesn’t mean that others are not giving you what you want or even disagreeing with you, but rather that they are disregarding you as a person. This can be done through ridicule, gaslighting, manipulation, taking advantage, contempt, disregard, indifference and stonewalling, just to name a few. 

 The end result is an utter lack of respect for you regardless of what their words say.

 Their words may say “I’m sorry,” but their actions prove that there’s been no true repentance. 

 When the relationship brings more pain than joy, it’s time to reevaluate it. Staying in a disrespectful and abusive situation can lead to further abuse and codependency and even trauma bonding, as your happiness remains wrapped up in their emotions and behaviors.

 It may help to remember the wise words of Proverbs 19:19: “A man of great wrath will pay the penalty, for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again.”

 So ask yourself. Am I being a burden bearer, or a sin enabler?

 Sign #2: They bring out the worst in you

Are you constantly triggered by their guilt-inducing comments? Do you find yourself always arguing?

 While we are all responsible for our own behavior and I would encourage you to get help for the areas that may be triggering for you, there are just some people whom you don’t do well with.

  Maybe you find yourself catering to their dysfunctions or kowtowing to their every emotion. This is not how God calls us to be in relationship and it’s certainly not one that will likely glorify Him.

Remember 1 Corinthians 15:33: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

 If you find yourself unable to maintain healthy boundaries with this person, I suggest that you treat this relationship like any other temptation that God would want you to flee from.

 Do they cause you to slip into slander? Fall into falsehood? Stumble into sin? God calls us to be sober-minded and self-controlled. If both of these areas are in jeopardy, consider taking a break in the relationship and getting help with a good Christian counselor.  

 In Eph 6, God tells us to put on the whole armor of God so that we can withstand evil. But does this mean that we should intentionally walk into evil? Of course not.

 Just as we are called to strengthen our immune system to withstand the germs and viruses that look to attack us, it doesn’t mean you need to lick a petri dish. You shouldn’t invite yourself into evil, tempting relationships. Stay away when needed.  

 Sign #3: You’re codependent

In a nutshell, codependency says, “If you’re OK, I’m OK. If you’re not OK, I’m not OK. So I need you to be OK so I can be OK.” In some cases, it needs the other person to change so you can feel OK. 

 My friend, this is not OK. That anxiety within you needs to be addressed.

 While on the outside, the relationship may seem loving and each perfect for

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There was no way anyone could convince me that crystals are for Christians. NO WAY!

I was the type who would walk into a business and see crystals and automatically think, This is ridiculous—you criticize me for following Jesus, but you’re rubbing rocks. Who’s the fool here?

 Crystals are said to healing powers and if you’re anything like me, you think, Hogwash. Jesus is the only healer. And then avoid crystals at all cost.

 And then one day, someone sent me an amethyst crystal. It was part of a marketing plan to draw attention to their shop, but what drew my attention as I was placing it in the garbage was the beauty of this piece—the detail, the color, the uniqueness. It was stunning!

 But there’s no way on God’s green earth that I’m going to have a crystal in my home. Who knows what kind of demons this brings with it.

 But I’ll be honest, I couldn’t bring myself to throw this beautiful stone away. 

 Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that some silly stone, no matter how pretty was going to trump God’s truth. But, it did get me thinking. I’ve certainly been wrong in the past (don’t tell my husband), so it is possible that I’m wrong about crystals.

 So I dove deep into God’s word to see what He had to say about crystals, and my thoughts were transformed.

 I read scripture after scripture that talked about crystals and gemstones in the bible and their significance. Rubies appear in Proverbs 8:11, sapphires in Lamentations 4:7, and topaz in Job 28:19. 

 Even the breastplate worn by the Levitical high priest contained twelve stones, each engraved with the name of a tribe of Israel: 

 “The first row was carnelian, chrysolite and beryl; the second row was turquoise, lapis lazuli and emerald; the third row was jacinth, agate and amethyst; the fourth row was topaz, onyx and jasper. They were mounted in gold filigree settings.”-- Exodus 39:10-13 

 The river flowing from the heavenly throne is described in Revelation 22:1 “as clear as crystal.”

 The area before the throne is described in Revelation 4:6 as something like “a sea of glass, clear as crystal” and in Ezekiel 1:22 it says “Over the heads of the living creatures there waskthe likeness of an expanse, shining like awe-inspiringlcrystal, spread out above their heads.”

 Awe-inspiring!

 And that’s when I made the connection. I wasn’t drawn to this tiny crystal because I was struggling with believing New Age nonsense. I was truly awe-inspired by it’s beauty.

 But here’s what I didn’t find. Nowhere in scripture did the Bible mention any mystical properties to crystals. So all of that pseudoscience that claims crystals have healing properties or can align or stimulate your body’s chakras are rubbish. 

 Crystals also don’t hold any power to ward off bad energy or bring good energy. They don’t emanate good vibrations and they certainly don’t attract wealth or kindle romance. They are simply beautiful pieces of God’s creation. Just like my diamond ring, my crystal vase, or my marble tabletop. 

 They can bring beauty to my home and outfit but they hold no powers. For a Christian to think otherwise will bring rebuke. 

 You see, the Bible warns strongly against engaging in anything related to superstition or the occult and declares the practice detestable. It’s witchcraft and idolatry, plain and&

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Don’t know what to say when that toxic person gaslights you yet again?

Do you stress that all that hard work and rehearsing will only leave you feeling speechless when the time comes? Or worse—reacting in a way that’s nearly as toxic? 

That’s why I want to give you the steps to knowing exactly what to say when someone blatantly lies to your face. They can help you keep your peace and walk away from that interaction feeling rather pleased with yourself.

 One caveat: This is not a one-size-fits-all script. However, the steps you’re about to learn can be applied to whatever the gaslighter throws at you. Also, this isn’t just a ‘say this, not that’ type of article. We’re going to dive deep. Because I’m concerned more about your mental, emotional, and spiritual health, than I am about just giving you a predetermined script. 

 Gaslighting is a common form of manipulation that occurs when one person tries to control and deceive another. This form of ‘witchcraft’ can take place in any relationship—parent, partner, pastor, coworker, or friend. It can even be your hairstylist who tells you you’re seeing things, or your doctor who dismisses your symptoms. 

 Whoever is doing it, gaslighting can be incredibly distressing as its intent is to cause you to question your own reality.

 Many people who realize they are being gaslit often jump to unsustainable solutions like crumbling under victimhood or calling the other person out. And that’s not always wrong. (Well, the victimhood is.) But calling someone out is maybe not the best strategy. And the reason why is simple.

 Knowing what to say to each and every scenario a gaslighter throws at you can be daunting.

It can feel almost impossible to know how to respond in those moments and not spend the next three days beating yourself up over what you shoulda, coulda, and woulda said. 

 Knowing what to say and how to say is like expecting to start climbing a ladder on the fourth step, without taking steps 1, 2 and 3. Unless you’re a cat or a ninja, you’re likely to struggle to jump all the way up there. And that could be a big reason why you get flustered when the narcissist hurls another invalidating insult your way. It’s difficult to ask yourself to do something you aren’t fully prepared and trained to do.

 The steps that we’re about to take are going to build a confidence ladder that will help you make your way to the top without tripping over your own two feet.

 Step 1: Determine whether it’s truly gaslighting.

The term gaslighting has become so over used and abused.  The truth is, not every denial and difference of opinion is gaslighting. Not everyone that calls you out is gaslighting you.

 But if you’re on high alert for being gaslit, you can see flames where there are none. Sometimes you’re simply dealing with an emotionally immature person who needs to learn how to better finesse their words.

 Granted neither one is easy to deal with, however, it does determine how you respond. 

 Step #2: Identify your triggers

Yes, we’re starting with you, not them. Why? Identifying YOUR triggers helps you get to the core of the issue. I know I know…the gaslighter is the problem, but in case you haven’t noticed, they’re not changing. 

 What can change is YOU! And the truth is, there’s truth behind their lies and that’s why it’s hitting you so hard. 

 If Timmy the bag boy at the grocery

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It’s a terrible frustration of mine—true God fearing people who are like sheep led to the slaughter simply because they’re believing false teachings. 

 I recently did a video about the four false teachings I used to believe until I came to my senses. Just a few days after the video launched, I saw this book by Allen Parr, called Misled: 7 Lies That Distort the Gospel.I had to get my hands on it. 

I wanted to see for myself if Allen was grounded in scripture or just another false teacher with false teachings. And what I found surprised me.

 For starters, Allen is a bible teacher with a massive following on YouTube who is controversial. In fact, several people boldly call him a heretic. So, I had to see for myself. 

Before I dive into what I liked and what I didn’t like, I want to say that I wanted to go into this book with eyes wide open. I don’t expect to agree with every teacher on everything. As long as we stand together on the essentials, I can call you brother.

 You may be saying, what do you mean by ‘essentials’?

 The death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ is an essential. If we don’t agree on this, well…

 But there are non-essentials, such as speaking in tongues, Christians having demons, modern music or traditional, being slain in the spirit—things like that. These non-essentials are not supposed to cause division in the body of Christ, yet they still do. For proof, jump into the comments section of any one of my YouTube videos and inevitably there will be some negative comment coming from someone who claims to be a Christ follower. 

 I’ve had enough exposure to Allen to confidently say that I can call him brother—but can I recommend his book?

 In the name of full transparency, I’ve had conversations with Allen and he’s even been a guest on my YouTube channel. And while we don’t align perfectly on every issue, we do on most, and certainly on the essentials. 

 So, I got myself the audio and kindle version of Misled and I dove right in. And what I found surprised me. I had a feeling it was going to be good. What I didn’t expect was how much I actually enjoyed it.

 Allen went straight to the point, right out of the gate—I love that. I personally have a hard time reading fluffy stories loaded down with adjectives and superlatives and descriptions that take two pages to get the point across. I’m a direct kind of gal and this book grabbed me from the start.

 Now, I’m not saying that it was at all didactic or statistical—not at all. The first story Allen opened with actually shocked me and I was almost in tears. As I continued to listen, he broke down each false teaching one by one with a depth that I didn’t expect.

 So, I want to take a moment to talk about what I liked and what I didn’t like and if I would recommend that you read this book. 

 What I liked:

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Here’s a question I get asked often: “Am I the toxic one?”        

And while in some cases that question is prompted from years of gaslighting, other times, it’s because you’re sensing that you may not be as innocent as you think. 

 One of my favorite scriptures reminds us, “For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.” (Galatians 6:3-5)

 The truth is, many toxic relationships have more than one person contributing. There’s a tango taking place and it’s making for one very ugly dance.

 There’s a difference between struggling with things in relationship and being a bad person. 

Look, we all have things to work on. But there’s also a fine line between broken and bad. 

So how do you know how big of a part you’re playing in the toxic tango?

 Here are 16 questions you can ask to see if you are contributing to the problem more than you think.

 Question #1

Do I recognize the areas I need to work on and seek help? Or do I quickly defend myself and maybe even blame others?

 It can be tempting to defend and deflect but that will only serve to deteriorate the relationship. 

Question #2

Do I take action to correct my problem areas? Or do I justify my behavior, especially if it’s triggered by the other person?

Question #3

Do I go to the Lord for godly counsel when my emotions are a mess? Or do I rely upon others to make me feel better (validated, confident, happy, understood, etc.).

If your hope is more in people than God, you will put more pressure on a relationship than it can handle. 

Question #4

Do I assume responsibility for my actions and reactions? Or do I think, If they would just change?

Relying upon the actions of others for your wellbeing is treading on very thin codependent ice. 

 Question #6

Do I speak the truth in love and allow room for any outcome? Or do I get upset when people don’t take my advice or suggestions?

 If you’re unable to communicate with love and truth, it’s likely that you’re expressing yourself in a passive aggressive manner. 

 Question #7

Do I communicate with directness and clarity? Or do I expect others to read my mind?

 God expects us to say what we mean and mean what we say, but indirect behavior can be another form of passive aggression. The result sometimes can be outbursts, withdrawing, stonewalling, or avoiding, all of which are manipulation.

 Question #8

Do I handle anger in a healthy and godly way? Or do I have regular angry outbursts that I blame others for?

 Your response is your responsibility. And while anger is a God-given emotion, it’s not appropriate to express it in a destructive manner. Yes, someone’s actions can trigger anger within you, but it’s up to you how that anger will be handled. Remember, you can’t pull out you what’s not already in you. 

 Question #9

Do I handle rejection, disagreements and disappointment with grace, or do I fall apart?

 Automatic reactions, like crying, angry outbursts, and passive aggressive comments, are typically a sign of someone who has not mastered their emotions. So when disappointment and disagreements take place, whatever is repressed often bubbles to the surface. 

 Question #10

Do I accept constructive criticism and complaints well? Or do I need others to tell me what I want to hear?

 Truth tellers are often a threat to a toxic person’s self-delusion. I

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Do you ever feel like you’ve got a bullseye on your back? Like the kingdom of darkness got together for a meeting and decided to focus all of their attention on YOU?

 There are times when it seems like the enemy’s attacks are relentless, but did you know that there are times when he finds it most advantageous to strike against you? 

 In fact, there are 4 occasions that he will strike nearly EVERY TIME!

 Occasion #1: Sin

Sin is an open door for Satan and his demons to have full access to your life. While that may not be your desire or intention, Isaiah 59:2 reminds us that our sin separates us from God.

When it comes to the enemy’s attacks, there are legal and illegal entries. Illegal entries are where Satan overstepped his bounds and you can go to God and ask for deliverance and restitution.

 Legal entry, on the other hand, happens when you gave permission—whether you wanted to or not. And sin is a legal entry point. 

 Sin however, isn’t limited to big ticket items like adultery and murder. According to scripture, ALL sin is an open door for Satan. That’s why, the longer you sin, the harder it is to get him to back off. 

 So how do you slam the door?

 The good news is that God gave us an easy way to kick Satan to the curb. This doesn’t mean that he won’t stop trying to influence you (more on this later), but it does mean that you can close the door to his infiltration. 

 You can slam the door to Satan through repentance. 1 John 1:9 says if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

 When you confess you sins and turn from them, you give Satan his eviction notice

 Occasion #2: Breakthrough is Coming

Right at the beginning of Jesus’ public ministry, Satan attacked Jesus in the wilderness.

 And when Jesus had been baptized, just as He came up from the water, suddenly the heavens were opened to Him and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on Him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is My Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased." Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the Devil. (Matthew 3:16,17;4:1)

 Jesus took every one of Satan’s temptations and knocked them out of the park. Not just because he was Jesus, but because of his desire to please the Father and fulfill his purpose.

 If we keep our eyes fixed on pleasing Him and fulfilling our purpose, we too can resist whatever Satan throws at us.

 How you respond to demonic attacks during these critical times can be the difference between breakthrough and another trip around the mountain. 

 Occasion #3: Temptation

Satan will never stop trying to attack you. It’s what he does. So praying that he stops is not a prayer that will get answered. And playing the victim because he’s tempting you doesn’t take you off the hook.

 Instead, you can pray that you don’t fall into that temptation. Your job is to RESIST the devil’s temptations.

 Remember 1 Corinthians 10:13—no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, so that you may be able to endure it.

 Temptation comes in many forms, from desires to difficult people. Your job is to RESIST. Not rationalize. Not justify. RESIST.

&n

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You’re too sensitive.

I never said that!

YOU’RE the one with the problem.

Why do you make everything such a big deal?

If you’ve ever had these words spoken to you, you, my friend, may have been gaslit. 

 Gaslighting is the withholding of information or pretending that you don’t understand what someone else is talking about in an attempt to get that person to question their reality and good judgment. It the evil attempt to distort another person’s reality through lies and manipulation, and a desperate attempt for self-preservation.

Gaslighters project their issues onto you to divert attention away from their dysfunction or wrongdoing, and they don’t care who they harm along the way.

 They will even go so far as to deny something has taken place even in the face of concrete evidence. 

 But gaslighting doesn’t typically end there. In fact, I have never seen gaslighting as a stand-alone behavior. It’s commonly accompanied by things like infidelity, narcissism, stealing, gossiping, and smear campaigns, just to name a few.

 While the term gaslighting does not appear in the bible, a word that mirrors it certainly does:  manipulation.

That’s because gaslighting IS manipulation. And the bible certainly has a lot to say about manipulation. From watching out for false teachers, to avoiding evil doers, God does NOT tolerate a lying tongue.

 At its core, manipulation is a form of lying. When someone speaks falsely with the purpose of deception, they are being manipulative. Satan himself is the master manipulator.

 There are several examples of emotional abuse in scripture, including Abigail at the hand of her fool of a husband in 1 Samuel 25 and Samson at the hand of the alluring Delilah, just to name a few.

 So, let’s look to scripture to shine light on what a healthy relationship should look like in comparison and in doing so provide Biblical proof that gaslighting is emotional abuse. 

 The famous love passage in 1 Corinthians 13 makes it clear that emotional abuse is wrong. The apostle Paul describes the actions of real love. 

 First, he says love is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4), but gaslighting is neither patient nor kind. Rather, it’s quick to flare up and deflect. 

 Love “keeps no record of wrongs” (verse 5), but gaslighting is all about pointing out how another person is wrong and has wronged you.

Love is not rude or selfish or prideful or irritable or resentful, but as with all emotional abuse, gaslighting is self-preservation. 

Love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (verse 7). Emotional abusers only look to protect themselves.

As you can see, if you are not aware of the tactics used by these wolves in sheep’s clothing, you can easily become a target for their emotional abuse. 

 So, does “love” require you to bear with these emotional abusers? I don’t believe so. 

 To continue to endure under such toxic behavior gives permission and acceptance to the abuser that their behavior is tolerated. God finds that behavior despicable, and so should we.

 You may be thinking: "But they could change because of my love."

 To that I say, yes, they can change, but enabling the current circumstances all in the name of love will not bring about change—it will only keep the door open for further abuse.

 In addition, there may be degrees of codependency within you that needs to be addressed. 

If you feel it’s your responsibility to b

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Some of the teachings that are coming out of some churches today are just off. And some are down right ridiculous—mixing worldviews and new age teachings to make some convoluted mix of what we call progressive Christianity. And I’m embarrassed to say I not only believed some of this stuff, I TAUGHT IT. God forgive me. 

Since scripture instructs us to not neglect gathering together, how do you find a church that is faithful to the text and doesn’t just tickle your ears? 

May I suggest that you apply the Berean principle. Acts 17:11 lays that out for us. 

The Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. 

So let’s be like the Bereans and examine some of these false (but common) teachings floating around a church near you. 

False teaching #1: Manifesting 

There is a new age teaching out there that basically says what you speak, envision, and think will come to pass, also known as the law of attraction. 

The idea that Christians can name it and claim it or ‘speak’ something into existence is not only nonsense, it’s witchcraft. 

From vision boards to decreeing and declaring, many Christians have tried to take the sovereign will of God into their own hands.  

Those who follow the “decree and declare” formula make such statements as “I decree and declare that I am healed,” or “I decree and declare my family will be wealthy.”  

Humbly asking God for things in prayer is replaced by decreeing those things to happen, and then calling it faith. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for watching the words of my mouth and boldly declaring God’s truth, but the power to speak things into existence is referred to Romans 4:17.

As it is written: “I have made you a father of many nations.”[a] He is our father in the sight of God, in whom He believed—the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not. 

Did you catch that? It says GOD calls things that were not—NOT us.  

Instead, look for teachers who encourage you to keep your life surrendered to the sovereign will of God. And stick to making your decrees according to biblical truth and not personal preference. 

False teaching #2: Emotionalism

Emotionalism isn’t so much taught as it is assumed. Stirring the emotions of the crowd is often mistaken for a ‘powerful’ move of God. 

Emotionalism in the church is a reaction based upon feeling. It’s often very expressive, but devoid of true worship. 

I’m not saying that everyone who has expressive moments are simply responding emotionally, but many are. 

True worship is not just a surface reaction to a strong drumbeat or lyrics to a cool new song.

True worship is a reverence for a holy God and it is a direct response to our awe and wonder of His majesty. 

There’s nothing wrong with great music and a beautiful atmosphere. But God doesn’t need us to conjure up a false move of the holy spirit. He’s plenty powerful to reach every hurting heart and sorry sinner. 

False teaching #3: Me-ology 

Are you a part of a church that makes the Bible all about you? 

Yes, there should be proper application of biblical truth to your life, but that’s only a small portion. 

In many ‘Me-ology’ churches, it’s all about ME. My decision, my battles, my experience, my truth—it’s all about me. 

In an effort to be seeker friendly, the gospel message has been watered

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If you’re like many well-meaning Christians who choose to stay with a narcissist, you can’t quiet that nagging question—how do I love this person without letting their toxic behavior get to me?

Another common thought is, I’m barely done forgiving them for their last offense and here come three more.

The underlying question is, How do I love them without losing myself?!

To love a toxic person without losing yourself, there are three traps that you’ll need to avoid.

Trap #1: Empathy. In general, empathy is a wonderful, Christ-like quality. But when you have empathy for a narcissist, the receiver only hears another opportunity to take advantage of you. (Even if they don’t say that out loud.)

The real trap of having empathy for a narcissist is the false belief that you can heal them.

Trap #2: Codependency. Codependency is an unhealthy--almost addictive--attachment to another person. It is the devil’s counterfeit for interdependency. When codependency is thriving, you can’t be ok unless the other person is OK with you.

The underlying trap of codependency is a quiet belief that you can change them.

Trap #3: Hope. All things are possible with God. But the problem doesn’t lie with God, it lies with the narcissist’s choices. And until they stop choosing demonic behavior and repent, there isn’t much hope.

Proverbs 13:12 reminds us, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”

So, if you’re hoping that today will be a good day but then getting rocked when it’s not, it’s likely that your hope doesn’t have substance.

The trap of hope is the belief that it will be worth the wait.

Now that you know where the landmines are and how to avoid them, let’s apply the three key principles to loving a narcissist without losing yourself:

1. Accept who they are, and how they are.

I can almost here you now, “Kris, how can you tell me to accept such terrible behavior? That’s like saying, ‘That’s ok, just walk all over me!’”

That’s not what I’m saying. Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. It doesn’t even mean tolerance. It simply means that you recognize who they are and how they are and give up the responsibility, or the hope, of trying to change them.

Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” It’s time to hang up the hope that today will be a ‘good day” and then getting bent out of shape when their lies, manipulation, self pity, anger, condescension, and blaming behavior ruins the day.

In other words, stop being shocked when their behavior is narcissistic.

Simply determine what your boundaries will be and stand firm to protect yourself. For example, if you usually drive to parties together but you’re constantly getting into arguments over his road rage, drive yourself, grab an Uber, or don’t go at all.

If you want to learn how to set healthy boundaries you can be proud of….check out this episode here (link)

2. Practice emotional guarding.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else guard your heart for out of it flows the wellsprings of life.”

Unless you enjoy intense emotional rollercoasters that leave you exhilarated one minute and vomiting the next, you will have to emotionally—and maybe physically—detach from this person.

This means that you no longer own their behaviors and emotions.

I realize that this may feel cold but that’s where avoiding the trap of codependency comes in.

You’ve likely been trained to take on more than you should in a relationship, all in the name of love.

This isn’t biblical. Jesus didn’t do it, and neither should we. In fact, if you want to see a comical parody on what it would look like IF Jesus were codependent, check out this episode here

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I didn’t even realize he was a narcissist until after we were divorced.

I felt like a fool for not seeing it, embarrassed because it took me that long to put a label on it.

But the truth is, it didn’t need a label. I knew something was wrong six days after we returned from our honeymoon.

I stood at the kitchen counter opening the mail. As I scanned the unusually high cable bill, I saw one pornographic movie after another. It felt like someone just sucked all of the air out of the room. He was sitting right there and saw my face. I was never one to cower in fear, so I pounced like a puma.

I challenged him, and his response was the beginning of what I could see was a dream turned nightmare.

He said, “Well, since you didn’t put out, what did you expect me to do?””

Amazing how it was MY FAULT. Don’t think for a second that I assumed that responsibility.

Still, I didn’t know what to do. It was early enough to bail, but I stayed. I decided to be a loving, understanding wife who wins her husband to Christ.

But two months in, he came to me and said, “You know that whole church thing we’ve been doing? You can go, but I just don’t think it’s for me anymore.”

Again, I felt bamboozled. He fooled me into thinking he had come to Christ and wanted a Christian marriage.

Needless to say, the marriage was strained at that point. I realized that his man wanted to be married in title only.

It started to dawn on me that he was proud to brag to his colleagues about his young wife, but he lived his life like he was a bachelor.

At the beginning of our marriage, he said he would like to wait three years before we had kids.

Three years came and he said, “I never said that. I said, after three years we could talk about it and see if that’s what we want. And I’ve thought about it and I just don’t think that’s something ‘we’ want.”

I may not have known then that he was a narcissist, but after this, there was no doubt that he was a lying, self centered control freak that was using me for everything.

That’s when I entered phase two of the marriage, which was, “God get me out of here.”

Love was not driving this ship anymore. I confess—I hated him. I hated who he was and what he had done to my dreams. And worst of all, I hated that the beautiful Christian marriage I had longed for turned out to be a scam.

Once he knew that I was on to him, it went from bad to worse.

There was no way I was staying in that toxic house with that lying manipulator. I prayed, “God I love you, but I’m not staying here another minute. Do what you have to do to me, but I’m out.”

Then a counselor I was working with calmed me down and said, “Are you willing to trust God to either change him or deliver you?”

I was definitely praying that God would change him, but the thought of deliverance had never occurred to me. A sudden peace came over me, knowing that it wasn’t my responsibility to change him and I wasn’t trapped. I could trust God to be God.

Then I entered phase three: “God I’ll trust you.”

I’ve made more impulsive decisions to try to take the bull by the horns than I care to admit. Although now there was a little voice in me that kept saying “trust me,” my flesh had it’s running shoes on.

I knew my decision would be a pivotal moment in my walk with God. “Am I going to keep doing things my way? Or will I follow Him, even though I have NO idea what this will look like?”

I won’t lie, my prayers were more for my deliverance than it was for God to change my husband. But the more I trusted God with whatever the outcome would be, the more I grew in maturity.

I spent SOO much time with God. It was glorious. I even reached a point where I prayed, “God, if delivering me from this means

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I recently had to cut someone out of my life and just before I hit that send button, I realized,

THIS IS SO CONFUSING!

I vacillated between thinking, Maybe it’s me and No, I’m positive I’ve done all I could.

And between, Maybe I didn’t give them enough chances and I can’t keep doing this.

Days turned into weeks until five months later, I was no closer to setting boundaries and more confused than ever.

The stress of keeping this person in my life was hitting me big time but the thought of setting boundaries made me feel like a terrible person. It was driving me mad.

And then it hit me—I wasn’t taking my own advice.

I confess, I thought maybe my situation was different. I battled with feeling like I had to live up to a higher ‘grace’ standard.

I kept trying to find alternate solutions that always ended in disaster because I was ignoring the 3 signs that God wants this person OUT of my life.

It reminded me of April 1988. I had worked so hard to grow my hair long and it was finally grazing my mid back. I was so happy. But there was a problem—my hair was fried. It was so dry and brittle from all of the perms and bleaching (don’t judge me) that even though it was long, it didn’t look good.

But my thought was, “It’s better than nothing, right?” Wrong!

Maybe you didn’t rock the ridiculous hair styles of the 80s, but I know you’re battling with the same confusion regarding the toxic person in your life, so I’m going to show you those three signs, as well as the one thing that will get in your way if you don’t address it.

So let’s dive into the three signs that God is trying to remove someone from your life. But before we do, I want you to understand that in order to gain the clarity and confidence to walk away from a toxic relationship and stay away from dangerous pitfalls, you’re going to need wisdom and trust.

Yes, trust that the healthy shorter hair will look much better than long stringy hair, but also trust that God is with you and wants to guide you.

There is one thing that can hold you back from hearing the voice of God. And that is clutter.

Not the kind of clutter that falls on you when you open your closet. I’m talking about the clutter in your mind.

All those shoulds and shouldn’ts will keep you trapped.

Saying things like, “Oh, I really shouldn’t be feeling this way,” or, “She’s my mother, she should be treating me with respect,” or, “He’s my friend, he shouldn’t be talking behind my back.”

Getting caught in the toxic thought pattern of what someone else should or shouldn’t be doing puts you on an emotional rollercoaster with the other person at the controls.

So let’s dive into the three signs that God is trying to remove someone from your life.

Sign #1: They’re poisoning your garden.

I’m not much of a gardener. In fact, I have two black thumbs.

The other day I pointed out to my husband that we have this plant growing out of nowhere in our backyard. After all, it was green, it had leaves. It looked like a plant to me. But when I touched it, it didn’t feel like any plant I’d want to be around.

In fact, it wasn’t a plant, it was a weed. A giant, prickly weed. The problem with leaving this plant to proliferate is that they will eventually choke out everything good in my garden. And you’ll be tempted to blame the weeds, but it’s your job to pull them up.

The same is true with toxic people in your life. When someone in your life looks and acts healthy and normal one minute but you’re constantly getting pricked by them, it’s likely a sign that God is trying to show you that this person isn’t who you want them to be.

Letting them grow in your garden, isn’t going to make them into a beautiful plant, it will just infect the good.&

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Have you ever tried to speak to someone who spoke a different language than you?

Maybe you’re really patient at first but the more you realize that it’s not helping, the more frustrated you get.

 You likely start talking s-l-o-w-e-r. Maybe you even start yelling, as if a higher decibel is going to change the fact that they can’t understand you.

 The same is true for a narcissist who doesn’t interpret things the same way you do. Yes, they may speak the language. But what you say and what they hear are two completely different things.

 The truth is, no amount of repeating, yelling, or rehashing that is going to change what they hear. I know you want to treat others with love, patience, and kindness. But something just feels off—like they’re not getting it.

 That’s because they don’t. They have a language all their own and if what you say doesn’t match what they want to hear, you’re going to get frustrated and confused because they don’t really say what they mean or mean what they. That means what you say is up for interpretation too.

 So join me as we dive into 14 things you’ll say versus what the narcissist will hear. 

 You: You really hurt me when you said we would save money but then you took it out
of our account without talking to me. Why did you do that?

 Narcissist: You’re trying to control me. Why are you doing this to me?                    

 This is their way of playing the victim

 You: But you said that you wouldn’t touch the money without talking to me first. 

 Narcissist: Are you calling me a liar? Are you calling me a liar? Great, you’re calling me a liar.

 This is their way of deflecting the issue at hand, and playing the victim.

 You: I don’t want to argue with you.

 Narcissist: Of course you don’t. That’s because you know you’ll lose.

 Narcissists love to intimidate you.

 You: Are you going to put the money back so we can stay on track to get out of debt?

 Narcissist:After all the times you spent money and I didn’t say anything, I can’t believe you’re giving me a hard time about this. Maybe I shouldn’t forgive you. 

 The narcissist is always looking to take the focus off of their wrongdoing and turn it back on you.

 You: But I only spent money on necessary things for the house and kids. You took $10,000.

 Narcissist: If you weren’t so tight with the purse strings, I wouldn’t have had to go behind your back to take the money. It’s your fault.

 Blame is the narcissist’s favorite game. Nothing is ever their fault. 

You: I would like to try and resolve this. It’s not just about the money. I’m having trouble trusting you. 

 Narcissist:No you’re not. You’re just complicating things. Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?

 Narcissists will always deny your reality. This is called gaslighting.

You: Let’s try to move past this. I forgive you.

 Narcissist:It’s about time. Enough of this nonsense. Now we can get back to the way things were.

 They love to exploit your good nature

You: I’m still upset about this and would like to talk about it.

 Narcissist:Since you’re upset with me, I’m going to give you the silent treatment to make you feel so uncomfortable that you come graveling back to me.

 This is their way of manipulating people

You: I’ll love you no matter what but I re

 Are you ready to set boundaries like a boss? Check out my online course….Boundaries with Toxic family. https://krisreece.com/biblical-boundaries-with-toxic-family/

 Maybe you’ve just discovered that your manipulative friend isn’t as sweet as she pretends to be. Or the guilt your mother has been laying on you isn’t your biblical burden to bear.  

 You’re probably here because you realize that ‘no’ needs to become a more regular part of your vocabulary.  

After all, every relationship—whether with a parent, pastor, partner, coworker, or friend—needs boundaries. They are what makes relationships healthy.

 Boundaries are limits we set with others to protect our relationships and ourselves. They’re guidelines that we communicate to others regarding how we want to be treated.  

  Maybe you’ve just realized that you need to say no to certain people, or perhaps you’ve been avoiding setting limits for a while and it’s finally catching up with you.

  What do you say we make today the day you learn to speak your NO in love?

 In today’s episode we’re going to talk about 3 key principles and the 2 boundary barriers you’ll need to avoid if you want to set guiltless boundaries.

 Let’s dive in.

 Principle #1: Know thyself

Have you ever been given the advice to just be yourself?

 Great advice, but what do you do if you don’t know who you are?

 If you don’t know who you are and what you want, someone else will gladly define that for you.  

 To set rock-solid boundaries, you need a rock-solid identity. This may be the hardest step of all because many of us have formed our identities based upon the needs and expectations of others. 

But you, my friend are a unique creation. You were fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the Universe (Psalm 139:14).

 So how do you get to know you? There are 3 key areas I want you to identify.

What’s your temperament? Your temperament is your God given nature. We all have one, and we either operate in its strengths or weaknesses. My hope is that you will freely flow in all that God created you to be when you understand how God wired you. If you need help, grab my FREE What’s My Temperament Guide to get you started. (link)What are your preferences? This includes your likes, dislikes, passions, annoyances, dreams and values. These are what make you different. (Yes, it’s OK to differ from others.) What are your needs? You can’t expect others to meet your needs until you know your needs, as mind reading is not a spiritual gift.

Establishing boundaries and getting to know yourself can feel selfish first. But you won’t be able to set healthy boundaries until you discover where the other person ends and you begin. 

 Principle #2: Own your stuff

Most rookies to boundaries usually arrive at the desire to declare their ‘no’ after a long time of abuse. While I have no doubt that people have taken advantage of you, putting yourself in the role of victim can feel like it absolves you of responsibility when the truth is, you had a part to play.

 Now would be the time to examine what part you played in the toxic tango.  

 Ask yourself, ‘Was there something I was getting from the relationship that I was unwilling to give up if needed? Did I believe that my behavior could change theirs? Why did I surrender my values for their approval?’

 Next you’ll want to own your feelings. Examining what’s in your heart is going to be crucial if you truly want to speak the truth in love.

 Luke 6:43-44 reminds us that out of the mouth the heart speaks. If you’re harboring resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness, victim mentality, or anything of the kind,&

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There is a type of narcissist that is the worst of them all—the type of person Jesus warned of when he said beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing (Matthew 7:15).

 This narcissist sneaks in undetected and infects your life in ways you couldn’t even imagine.

 When we think of the grandaddy of all narcissists, we usually think of the highly abusive, malignant narcissist. But it doesn’t take a discerning eye to spot this narcissist from a mile away.

 The narcissist I’m talking about today, flies under the radar and even comes across to many as sweet, caring, easy going, and nice. But beneath that erroneous exterior, you're dealing with a self-centered, egotistical, self-righteous, entitled brat.

 You may be saying, Kris that sounds a lot like the covert narcissist. Andd you’d be right, but there’s a tiny element that you’re missing.

 This isn’t just the convert naricsisst, this is the ‘Christian’ covert narcissist.

 This is the narcissist that knows all the right words to say. They’ve learned the lingo—maybe they even learned it from you—but they are anything but true followers of Jesus. In fact, many of them are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

 So in today’s video I want to give you insight into their behavior and help you to follow the biblical mandate found in Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.”

 So let’s talk about 8 contradicting characteristics of the Christian covert narcissist.

 Contradiction #1: Sweet on the outside, shallow on this inside

Two opposing flavors may work well for candy bars, but not for healthy relationships. 

The Christian covert comes across like she/he cares, but it’s a facade, and an overly exaggerated one at that. They have to ‘sell’ you because they know that if you lift up the hood, you’ll see there’s no depth. A few minutes of genuine conversation and you’ll see you can’t swim in those shallow waters. But if you are the type to hang out on the shoreline, you may not spot this person easily.

 Contradiction #2: Uses vulnerability to manipulate

Have you ever had compassion for someone, only to later to feel bamboozled? You can’t quite put your finger on it, but something about your care for them made you feel uneasy. Maybe they cried the financial blues when it came time to pay the bill, but you found out later that they really didn’t need you to take them out to dinner.

  Or maybe they convince you do something for them that you later learn they could have and should have done for themselves. Covert Christian narcissists love to play the victim in need.   

 Contradiction #3: Nice, but not kind

‘Nice’ by definition means pleasant and agreeable—two characteristics that can easily be faked. Nice is shallow, while kind is self sacrificing.

 The Christian covert narcissist is not genuine. That’s why they erect a ‘nice’ image. Because they care more about how they appear than how they really are.

 Contradiction #4: Quotes scripture, but is biblically illiterate

Christian covert narcissists know enough scripture to be dangerous. If they lie and twist their words and yours, why wouldn’t they do it to God’s Word?

 Be sure to know God’s truth for yourself, as one of the enemy’s favorite tactics is to confuse you with lies that are founded and grounded in SOME truth. That’s what makes this narcissist so dangerous, they know enough of God’s truth to twist it.

 Contradiction #5: Says one thing, but does another

The Christian covert narcissist takes hypocrisy to new heights. I hate to imagine how many people they’ve turned off to Christ with their two-

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 When you think of love and care, the first person that will likely come to mind is Jesus. After all, he gave his life so that you and I could be reconciled with God and spend eternity in His presence. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

And if you’re like most Christians, your desire is to BE more like Jesus. And yet, when you look at Jesus’ life and how he interacted with others, there are times that might make you scratch your head and think, “Jesus, that wasn’t very loving.”

 But that’s because what we think is love often isn’t love at all—it’s codependency.

 Codependency is the need to be needed. Someone who is codependent is driven by the need to please others—often at the expense of one’s own values.

 This is not to be mistaken for the bible concept of Interdependency, which is a mutual responsibility to others with whom you share a common set of principles.

 Even though codependency displays itself as caring, giving, and self-sacrificing, at the core, it’s very self-centered, destructive, and dishonest. That’s because codependency’s focus is to serve others in order to get your needs met.

 So today, I wanted to break down a few interactions that Jesus had with some key people in scripture and show how much different that interaction would have looked IF Jesus had struggled with the dysfunction of codependency.

 (Please note, it’s not my intention to be irreverent. Rather, it’s to bring awareness to our lack of insight into true biblical love.  

 Interaction #1: Judas  

We all know about Judas’ notorious betrayal of Jesus. Judas stole money from the ministry treasury and he told the chief priests and elders where Jesus was for a meager 30 pieces of silver.

I think we could say that the life of Judas was marked by selfish, manipulative, deceitful ambition.

 Codependent Jesus would have begged Judas to change by trying to make him feel guilty. He would have told Judas just how much he was hurting him. And in his pleadings, he would have been enabling Judas’ behavior for fear of losing a disciple. 

 But our Jesus knew exactly what Judas was doing, and he allowed him enough rope to hang himself (literally). We may view that as uncaring and unloving—after all, Jesus could have prevented it. But at what point does prevention cross into control?

 Jesus will let us walk down whatever road we choose. May that be a lesson for us when we think it’s our job to change someone’s behavior and choices, all in the name of ‘love.’ Jesus never tried to manage others’ behavior, and neither should we.

 Interaction #2: Mary, Mother of Jesus

Many of us are thankful for all that our mothers have done in our lives. And while there is a natural bond that can occur within families, many people take this connection a bit too far. With the pervasiveness of mottos like ‘blood is thicker than water,’ and ‘family trumps all,’ it’s no wonder many people feel disloyal if they are not at their family’s beck and call.

 In Matthew 12:46-50 Jesus was speaking to the crowd in typical Jesus fashion. “While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

 Our Jesus knew what his purpose on this earth was.

 Codependent Jesus would have dropped everything because his family needed him. He would have pushed his purpose aside, believing that he owed it

The Demonic Spirits Driving Narcissists

Why do narcissists mess with your mind so much?

It’s because YOUR mind is Satan’s number one target. If he can get in your head, he can infect every other area of your life. And he starts by using the people closest to you.

A narcissist is someone who has demonic spirits driving their destructive behavior. These spirits tempt the narcissist with a false sense of hope, strength, and control.

Because the narcissist has a deep sense of shame that they desperately try to avoid and cover up, they become easy targets for wicked spirits to have their way.

The demonic goal is not only to destroy the life of those they infect, but also the lives of those connected to the narcissist. People they couldn’t otherwise get to are now easy prey for demons as the narcissist becomes their Trojan horse.

Their goal? To make you feel like you’re going crazy and get so consumed in the narcissistic behavior, that you have no time or energy to focus on God and His purpose for your life.

Demons will use narcissists to:

1. Jam up your receiving signal from God.

2. Keep you on an exhausting emotional rollercoaster.

3. Trap you in a toxic mental spiral.

4. Deceive you into believe that as a Christian, you’re responsible for improving this relationship.

So, to better arm you, let’s talk about eight of the common demonic spirits that operate behind narcissists, and how to overcome them.

1. Spirit of witchcraft

If you think witchcraft is limited to voodoo and black magic, think again. Behind witchcraft is rebellion and manipulation. Narcissists are master manipulators. And remember the words of 1 Samuel 15:23: “For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.” Many will even refer to this as a Jezebel spirit.

2. Spirit of envy

Envy is a resentful dissatisfaction over what another person has. Its quiet cousin is covetousness. And scripture is clear—thou shall not covet. But narcissists always feel entitled to what they don’t have. Satan is the prince of envy.

envy may be the head demon, but there are many demons operate under the spirit of envy, like murder, revenge, spite, anger, strife, hatred, cruelty, divisions, envy and competition, just to name a few

3. Spirit of confusion

There’s just something sinister about confusion. It’s a weapon that the enemy uses to unleash his attack through mental and emotional distraction and disorientation. Confusion is designed to paralyze you with overwhelm and cause you to question the Word of God and your own sanity. This is a realm that narcissists love to play in, as it takes the focus off of their diabolical behavior.

4. Spirit of condemnation

Since deflection is the name of the game with a narcissist, it’s no wonder that the spirit of condemnation is right there to encourage hateful accusations designed to find fault in their victims. Their aim is to create a sense of hopelessness within you through constant criticism and blame shifting.

5. Spirit of control

Controlling people don’t have anyone’s best interest in mind except their own. They will seek to control the narrative, their image, and YOU, and will use mental and emotional tricks to get you to do their bidding.

Angry, bitter, traumatized people are targets for narcissists since their emotions can be so easily manipulated.

This spirit of control is also often referred to as a Jezebel spirit.

6. Spirit of deception

Narcissists are addicted to lying. With their word shifting, truth avoiding, hollow flattery, a narcissist’s only ambition is to exaggerate themselves and diminish you.

These spirits of deception open the door to other evil spirits, such as religious bondages, superstitions, false prophecy, accusations, gossip, slander and false teachings and of course, confusion.

The narcissist is the bullhorn for S

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Behind the Mask: What 24 Narcissists Had to Say About You

Narcissists have a superficial and alluring charm that draws you in to their web. They say everything you want to hear, but over time the cracks in their mask start to show.

Maybe after years of inconsistent behavior that didn’t match their words, you’re left wondering if it’s ALL been a facade.

Well, you don’t have to wonder any longer. I set out to get to the bottom of what they really think, and what I found surprised me. They all said the same thing. I mean they all used the same exact words. That’s right. All 24 narcissists that I spoke to said the same exact thing about their victims. And today I want to share that with you in hopes of bringing you a little clarity to your confusion.

(I spoke to both male and female narcissists, so I am going to use he/she interchangeably. The statements are reflective of both genders.)

So buckle up. Here’s what the narcissist had to say about you.

· What the F--- is wrong with her? Forgive my use of foul language here, but I wanted to bring you the exact picture of what they say. They don’t mince words, nor do they see their part in the problem. Even the ones that did still honestly believe that their bad behavior is justified, but yours is inexcusable.

· He/she doesn't get me This is usually after you’ve discovered their bologna and don’t worship them anymore.

· He/she wasn't supportive. Again, when you're not supporting them in whatever cockamamie endeavor they dream up, you're the bad guy. They truly believe that you should support (aka agree with) them in every way.

· She’s just a b——. He’s just a jerk/a—. Again, my apologies for the language but narcissists are children that resort to name-calling when things don’t go their way.

· He/she clearly doesn't care to understand what I'm dealing with. Narcissists always have excuses for why they aren’t succeeding, why they didn’t get something finished, or why they didn’t keep their word. And if they actually have a legitimate issue--like a health issue--that issue will be used every single time you try to challenge their lies and behavior.

· Whatever! he/she isn’t/wasn’t worth my time. Since the narcissist has no desire to work on a relationship, they will write you off faster than you can swat a mosquito in the summer. They love to talk trash about people who don’t play along with their inflated ego and will often use put-downs to garnish pity from others. They like to position themselves as the saint who put up with your abusive behavior. They can’t just walk away—they have to go down with a blaze of glorious victimhood.

· What can I do to get him/her back? After all of the name-slinging and trash-talking, every single narcissist asked how they

could get their partner back, especially if they were rejected and discarded. They often pretend that they don’t care, but the rejection is killing them and their one purpose is to get you back to regain control in the relationship—that’s it. They don’t care to change. They don’t feel bad about how they behaved. They only care that it had a negative outcome on them. That’s why they want you back—to regain control of the narrative. YOU don’t get the final say. Not in their world.

· Why do I always pick the crazy ones? This statement is meant to position themselves as the one who is always wronged.

· After all I did for him/her, this is how he/she treats me? Narcissists truly believe that you owe them. In their mind, they are self-sacrificing and you’re the beneficiary who owes them.

· He/she has trust issues. They’re just too sensitive. Narcissists can’t validate your feelings because it would force them to face their contribution to the problem. Instead it’s all directed on

The Dark Side of Therapy: Avoid These 6 Counselor Types

Finding the right person to help you in your struggle is crucial. That’s why I’ve teamed up with Faithful Counseling—to help
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Counselors have become like hairstylists—everyone's got one.

Just a few years ago, it was more taboo to need a counselor, whereas today, it’s often the topic of many dinner conversations. And that’s good. Mental and emotional health are crucial for emotional intelligence. But many well meaning people have landed themselves with counselors that could be doing more harm than good. 

Of course there are the obvious unethical, illegal, or immoral behaviors of therapists that need to be avoided, but there are other more subtle signs that you’ve got yourself a bad counselor.

#1: The Boundary Stomper

An intimate relationship can be formed between counselor and counselee, especially when the counselee is vulnerable. This can put an unhealthy counselor in a position to cross boundaries that shouldn't ethically be crossed. But they also cross much more subtle ones by getting just a little too involved with your life or taking advantage of the relationship.

I knew of a counselor one time who reached out to her clients soon-to-be-ex-husband to guilt him into giving her more alimony.

Other examples of poor boundaries are:

· cutting sessions short or running them longer than expected

· charging you more or even less than agreed

· canceling appointments regularly on short notice

· trying to have a relationship with you outside of counseling—for example, starting a business, hiring you to perform a service, or even a friendship.

#2: The Rent-A-Friend

Listening is an important part of the therapeutic process--a certain amount of advice and guidance (especially in the way of directive questioning ) is needed to help you come to new levels of understanding, revelation, and behavioral/belief change.

But the rent a friend is all about ‘talk therapy.’ In other words, you do all the talking--and that’s it.

Yes, sometimes we need a listening ear, but simply rehashing poor thought patterns and frustrations aren’t going to bring lasting change.

#3: The Authoritarian

While professional input is vital to help you shift your perspective and reframe things that you’ve been viewing the wrong way, the authoritarian takes it to a whole other level.

These are the counselors who don’t let you get a word in edgewise. They also have a quiet undercurrent of criticism and judgment that is designed to intimidate you.

This therapist will often make the sessions all about themselves.

#4: The Sweetheart

Compassion is a vital part of the healing process. It may be the only empathy and validation someone receives in their life.

But the sweetheart takes this to a destructive level by not holding you accountable for your part and challenging you in self-improvement.

No one is perfect and we all have a part to play in our relationships and healing. And even if you were victimized, it’s imperative that your counselor not coddle you, but rather challenge you to grow through your circumstances.

#5: The ‘Non-Christian’ Christian Counselor

Christian counseling is in high demand and good ones are hard to find.

True Bible-believing counselors that seek to live according to the word of God are a scarcity. And that’s what you’re looking for in a ‘Christian’ counselor.

Many have weaseled their way into the Christian

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Can a Narcissist Be a Christian? 

You’ve heard of an oxymoron, right? An oxymoron is a self-contradicting word or group of words, like ‘jumbo shrimp,’ ‘awfully good,’ and ‘only choice.’ 

If you were just learning the language, some of these figures of speech would confuse you, and rightfully so. 

 The same is true for an interaction with a person who calls themselves a Christian but displays polar opposite qualities. It’s like an oxymoron--it just doesn’t make sense. 

But who are we to judge whether someone is a Christian or not? After all, we don’t truly know their heart.

 It can make you wonder, who are they really and how am I supposed to treat them?

 That’s why in today’s episode, we will unpack the question--can narcissists be Christians?

My hope is that after today, you will never be fooled again.

 So let’s dive in and first examine, what is a narcissist?

 A narcissist is someone who has an overinflated sense of themselves and is extremely self-involved to the degree that it makes them ignore the needs of those around them—even those they claim to love. 

 Here are some of their defining traits:

A Christian is someone who has received Jesus as their Lord and Savior. They are as the name implies--“a follower of Christ.” You can recognize them by their:

So it makes sense that when you put these two words together—narcissist and Christian—they seem to form an oxymoron.

And this is where you may feel like you’re losing your mind. Maybe you’re confused by the fact that they call themselves Christians. Or maybe you’ve seen them answer an altar call or go to church more than you. Perhaps they even know scripture—when it suits their agenda.

 The problem is, narcissists usually know enough to be dangerous. But their desire to give up what pleases them is non-existent.

 You see narcissists treat a relationship with God like any other relationship—it’s transactional. And worse, it’s a one-sided transaction.

 Many narcissists WILL accept Jesus as the Savior, but will not live a life for him. And that’s why so much effort goes into maintaining their Christian façade—because it’s all about image for them. 

 One of the narcissist’s qualities is a lack of empathy, but just because narcissists lack empathy, it doesn’t mean they lack ALL emotions. In fact, many will come to Christ through an emotional altar call—perhaps the fear of losing someone, or the desire to obtain someone. In some cases, because they believe it puts them in a favorable light. I’ve known several narcissists who became ‘Christians’ simply for the business connections.

 One of the things they love the most about a relationship with God is they think that a quick ‘I’m sorry’ wipes away all their sins with God, and so it should with you too. So yeah, that part of repentance works well for them. 

 They want all the benefits. But they don’t want to pay the price.

 Just like a relationship with you. They want what they want from you but they’re not willing to invest. They will paint the picture and create the image of a good husband or a sweet w

5 Toxic Movies God Wants You to Stop Romanticizing

 Who formed your idea of love? If you’re like many, it wasn’t God, it wasn’t your parents, it wasn’t even the person you fell in love with. No, it was something much more distorted and toxic.

 It was the movies.

 For as long as films have been in existence, they have continued to pervert and disfigure the truth meaning of loving relationships.

 That’s why in today’s episode, I want to talk to you about the 5 toxic movies that God wants you to stop romanticizing, NOW.

 Pop culture affects our views of love and relationships more than we’d like to admit. Even ones that we know are ungodly can even shape our desires and expectations in destructive ways… if we’re not careful.

 Entertainment is not as passive as we’d like to believe. Think of the word….ENTERtainment. When we sit down to a movie, TV show, video game or any other piece of content, we are allowing those images, stories, and ideas to ENTER into our soul.

 Think of how much easier you laugh at jokes at a comedy club….that’s because the environment has been set.

 So when you sit down to a romantic movie, you’re likely doing so with an open mind to receive all the thoughts and feelings associated with this movie.

 And based upon those feelings, you build your belief system. How many times have you heard someone describe a man or woman of their dreams and this person only exists inside of a movie?

 That’s because our view of reality is skewed. 

 They say that more men struggle with pornography than women, but I don’t believe that. Even if women aren’t dealing with the same type of porn as men, their version can be found in the form of romantic movies and fantasy novels--films that give you the warm and fuzzies (romantic feelings) but are riddled with codependency and toxicity.

That’s why in today’s episode, I want to talk to you about 5 toxic movies that God wants you to stop romanticizing.

But before we do, let’s lay the groundwork by talking about the myths that these ‘romantic’ movies portray.

 These myths include:

Let’s dive into the 5 toxic movies God wants you to stop romanticizing:

A Star Is Born

Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper took the world by storm in the latest retelling of A Star is Born, but we can’t ignore the dangerous message it sends: that women should stay in abusive relationships. Ally continues to make excuses and sacrifices for Jackson because she feels like she owes him for her success. No matter how lightly she treads on those eggshells, or how much she loves him, she can't save him from his demons. Instead of celebrating Ally's achievements, Jackson spirals further into addiction and depression. There isn't a happy ending to this tale, yet filmgoers were captivated by this “love story.” 

This movie is riddled with breathtaking levels of codependency.

It’s a story about doing what feels right and not overthinking. The truth is, Ally would have done well to N

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Have you been saved by grace but still feel like you’re living in a chokehold? 

In Galatians 5:1–15, the apostle Paul discusses the nature of freedom in Christ, beginning with an admonition to “stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.”

 Paul contends that Jesus Christ came to set believers free. But did you know that it’s your job to stay free? 

I’m not talking about your salvation, I’m talking about your freedom.

In John 11, we see the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. He had been dead and buried for four days when Jesus came and called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” And Lazarus came up from the dead.

 What a miracle! Lazarus was dead and now he was alive.

 But there was still a small matter to tend to--the grave clothes.

 So Jesus said, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

 So even though Lazarus was alive, he was still bound up in grave clothes. The miracle of raising him from the dead would have been enough to knock anyone’s socks off, BUT what kind of life would it have been still bound up in his burial garments?

 So, when Jesus comes to set us free, I’ve heard it referred to as happening in three stages: dead, delivered, and dangerous.

 Lazarus was dead. Many people who come to Christ are content to be saved from their old dead life. 

 But few go to the next phase—deliverance, or breaking free from the old clothes that bound you up. Could you imagine if Lazarus said, “Thanks for raising me from the dead Jesus, but that’s good. I’ll take it from here. Don’t touch my grave clothes, don’t try and change my old mindset. Let me hold on to this sin (it’s just tiny vice)….I mean, after all, I’ve been through, I deserve to be happy.” If he had, He’d be considered saved and set free but not delivered. In other words he'd still be in bondage.

 But because he allowed Jesus to strip him of his grave clothes, he was now free to become dangerous. His personal testimony was so powerful that it transformed countless lives for Christ. It was so dangerous, they set out to kill him….

 Dangerous are those Christians who can’t keep their testimony to themselves. They run free to save others. They don’t follow trends. And they certainly aren’t swayed by the toxic opinions of others.

 These dangerous Christians are more concerned with their character than their comfort. They’re more concerned with being biblically correct, then culturally correct. In other words, they’re dangerous.

 So how do you live free? How do you take your salvation and become dangerous? 

You first have to begin to recognize why you’re still in bondage. 

 Number 1: Sin 

Sin is a power that enslaves. From Adam and Eve’s first sin, we have since been born into it. But just because we don’t have a choice about living in a sin-filled world, it doesn’t mean we don’t have a choice as to what we do with it. We are called to no longer be slaves to sin but slaves to righteousness. 

 More cycles could be broken if we just dealt with the main issue at hand: sin. 

 Don’t freak out when sin comes knocking on your door. As a Christian, you will always be under attack. But 1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds us that the temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.

 And here’s the even better news. Jesus br

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God’s Calling on Your Life Will Be Revealed in These 3 Ways

 Have you ever wondered what you were created to do? 

Ephesians 2:10 reminds us, “For we are all God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

 But you can miss your calling if you’re hung up on the ‘how-tos’ and the opinions of others. God will rarely use a megaphone to declare your purpose to the world, nor will we be likely to have a burning bush moment like Moses. 

 But, we can glean direction from the life of many of God’s people, and just like these mighty men, your calling could be revealed in one of these 3 ways. 

 Number 1: Joshua

Joshua was POSITIONED.

 Moses was the chosen leader of the people of Israel and for years Joshua was his faithful servant. After the death of Moses, Joshua was called to continue in Moses’ mission. Despite his fear, Joshua was not commanded to ‘be’ Moses, but rather to follow in his footsteps. The Lord spoke to Joshua clearly, appointing him to be the one who would lead the Israelites into the promised land. He was commanded “To be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9). 

Under Moses’ leadership, Joshua was positioned perfectly to fulfill his purpose. 

If you are wondering when your time will come, perhaps it would help to remember that the leader you’re serving may be who God uses to position you to step into your calling. 

Purpose is never revealed in isolation. God is not interested in rogue agents. He expects you to grow and develop AND be accountable.

 So if you are resistant to leadership over you, if you struggle with a spirit of rebellion, it’s time to submit--first to God, then to the people He places in your life. They could be God’s Moses for you.

Number 2: Moses

Moses was PRODDED.

I think we can all agree that Moses had an incredible calling from God. The purpose of delivering God’s people from slavery and take them into the promised land is an awe-inspiring goal. Yet, it’s not one Moses ever prayed for.

Nor did he feel equipped to fulfill the call. And HE had the burning bush moment that we all long for.

What’s up with that Moses? Was there something wrong with him? 

No, the truth is, there’s something wrong with US. Our thinking, anyway.

 Fulfilling God’s purpose is not about US. It’s not about your desires, your platform, or YOUR image. It’s about God.

 And when you step back and put yourself in Moses’ shoes, you strip away the ego, the grandiosity, the victim mentality, the entitlement, and you start to see God for who He truly is--NOT your genie in a bottle, but the all-powerful, all-knowing, sovereign God of the Universe.

 The God who created us for HIS purpose, not ours. 

Moses resisted God’s call with retorts like, “I’m not an eloquent speaker” (Exodus 4:10) and, “There has to be someone else you could send” (Exodus 4:13).Yet even though Moses felt ill equipped—and in many ways, he was—with God at the helm, all things are possible. After some prodding, Moses conceded to his call. 

 Is God trying to convince you of your call? You would do well to have a few people in your life who can encourage you to step out in what you believe God is calling you to do. After all, iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). 

 Number 3: Paul

Paul was PULLED.

 Paul was pulled away from his life of arrogance and ignorance and placed into God’s perfect will.

 Few people have a stronger personality than the Apostle Paul. Prior to his conversion, Paul (then Saul) wa

There’s just something refreshing about a new year. It's a brand new opportunity to wipe the slate clean and get a reset. A chance to stop feeling like a loser from missing the mark last year and opportunity and a do-over for this year. Well, hey, my friend. My name is Kris Reece. I want to welcome you back to another edition of the Building Faith Podcast. Where it is my hope to bring you Biblical solutions to life's tough challenges. So, if you are being blessed by our time together, would you do me a favor and go ahead and hit that like and subscribe button so you don't miss a thing. 

So, each January 1  we hit the reset button, and we try again. Now, I love resets, I love new opportunities, I love new seasons, but I hate repeats. I don't like repeating myself, and I hate going around the same mountain. And after a while the views can get a little boring and monotonous, and you don't feel very accomplished. So today, I want to help you to make 2023 the year that you change your view. The year that you actually achieve your goals, so you can aspire to new ones. From losing weight to getting out of debt to spending more time with your family and with God, we all love to take the new year as a new season to set out to, maybe be a better person. But a dream without a plan is just to wish. So, today I want to take you through, four surefire steps to help you nail your goals every single time. 

And, these are the same four steps that I apply to everything that I wish to accomplish. 

Number one, clarify.Look, this seems to be an obvious one, but many miss this. If you can't properly clarify your goals, how are you going to know when you hit them? So, get clear on the goals and the dreams that you have and start by writing them down. There is something powerful that happens when you take it from your head to your hand. Vividly describing your goals is strongly associated with goal success. It actually increases memory retention. 

Now, you may be saying to me, “Kris, believe me. I'm not going to forget that I need to lose 20 pounds.” But, writing those goals down doesn't just help you remember. It makes your mind more efficient in finding the solution to that goal. And, this is not to be confused with the bogus Law-of-Attraction teaching. Proverbs 21:5 reminds us that the plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty. 

When you write down your goals, your wishlist becomes your to-do list. So, start writing and don't worry about the details just yet. Don't dismiss your goals as unachievable just yet. Just get them down on paper and then take the next step. 

Are you struggling with the pain of your past? Maybe someone betrayed you and you just can’t make sense of it. Or perhaps you’re still in the midst of a toxic situation and losing hope for a way out. Or maybe you’re wondering why God isn’t using you. You love Him and long to do His will, only to find yourself always sitting on the sidelines

Over the years in my counseling and ministry there has been one thing that has held people back more than anything.

More than a lack of resources. More than even dysfunctional family dynamics.

That one thing is BITTERNESS.

Before you go clicking away and saying, Pss, I know that and that’s not what I struggle with, allow me the grace to challenge you a moment.

You didn’t click this by mistakeBitterness is extremely difficult to see to the naked eye (especially your own eye) as it hides behind layers of pain, pretending and justification, 

In other words bitterness is deceptive. And the worst part about deception is that you don’t know you’re being deceived. 

So I want to challenge your heart today. If you want to be used by God, if you want God’s love to flow through you, then stay with me….

If you’re wondering why some promises haven’t come to pass in your life, it could be that you’re hanging on a wish, not a promise.

Maybe some well-meaning Christians wanted to encourage you and told you that God would grant your every desire….but they are misrepresenting God and leading you astray.

So to keep you from experiencing unnecessary disappointment and frustration, let’s talk about five things that God NEVER promised.

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A few months ago, I launched a series on biblical boundaries, and these videos were met with welcome arms and the thank yous were flooding in, but it wasn't too long until I was inundated with one disheartened message after another. their boundaries weren't working. What went wrong? Was my advice off or are there just certain people that are immune to boundaries? Let's find out. Because in this video, I'm going to be addressing the panic and the frustration by talking about five reasons that your boundaries aren't working and what you can do about it. 

Welcome back, my friend, to another edition of the Building Faith podcast. I’m your host, Kris Reece and it is my mission as always to provide you with Biblical solutions to Life's tough challenges. You don't understand, boundaries don't work with my mother! You just don't get it! My husband…. I will not tolerate boundaries. My friend, I hear this remark all the time. Maybe it's a manipulative mother, an obnoxious boss, or whoever it is that you've likely reached your breaking point and you realized that you need boundaries. You finally realize, “I need boundaries with this person.” So, you set out with apprehension in one hand and some disgust in the other and you declare your NO, only to get met with a variety of reactions ranging from rage to the silent treatment. What went wrong? Maybe you're thinking that boundaries are hopeless. Boundaries are necessary for every relationship. Yes, even healthy ones! Even Jesus had boundaries. So before you give in and give up, let's talk about five reasons that your boundaries aren't working and what we can do to fix them. 

 if you need help setting boundaries with a toxic family, I want you to check out my new course called Biblical Boundaries with Toxic Family. Go ahead and click the link in the description section below.

Are you struggling with toxic people? Maybe it’s a stonewalling husband, a narcissistic mother, or an overbearing boss. Well, I want to invite you to grab a copy of ourfree Toxic People Survival Guide. 

In our Christian culture, where boundaries are shamed as hate, codependency is glorified as love, and entitlement is disguised as faith. It's no wonder that so many Christians, find themselves in toxic unGodly relationships for fear of disappointing God simply for setting boundaries. But do we have it all wrong? 

Our boundaries actually, something that God not only supports, but encourages his people to have or did God create you to be a doormat? 

In today's video, I'm going to share with you 10 scriptures  that clearly show that God wants you to have boundaries and you will never again have an issue saying, no, after you see this and why you should pay particular attention to number 10, because it might surprise you. 

I have been teaching on biblical boundaries for a very long time. And I am encouraged by the countless messages from people that it is been helping. But I frequently get blasted by email or on social media, for a teaching, such an unbelievable concept, and people say, how dare you encourage people to hate others, they'll say that you're turning children away from their mothers. I still say that doesn't Jesus tell us to turn the other cheek and a whole host of other culturally acceptable but completely on Biblical teaching about how we are to love others.

Check out my new online course calledBiblical Boundaries with Toxic Family. 

One Church to the next, I would search for the most charismatic environment I could find because I longed for the spirit of God, I would wait online for hours, just for Word to be spoken over me. I would pray endlessly for a powerful move of God to overtake every fiber of my being, I was a woman on fire for God or so I thought. 

I went to a conference many years ago and the purpose of this conference for me. Anyway was to experience a powerful move of God. And at the time, I needed guidance and direction and I was hoping for a miracle I went with expectation because that's what faith does, right? But what I realized was that I was making this relationship with God all about me. Yes, I would worship God through song but the truth was, I was more about what I could get than what I could give. And I looked around at hundreds of people who were truly looking like, they were trying to conjure up the presence of God. It was almost like some Voodoo experience and emotions were high as the music pounded through our soul. And it was at that moment that I realized, This is exhausting. And I didn't mean it in a way where I'm not willing to spend my energy for God's glory. I mean, it in a way where it was emotionally draining in such a way that it made me wonder. Is this what God even really wants? 

If you are struggling in your faith or you want to grow in your faith, I want to invite you to join us for a Free Five-day Mountain Moving Faith devotional, it is my gift to you because I believe that you to my friend have Mountain Moving faith.

Imagine living your life in constant fear, never knowing how, or when you're going to be blamed, for just being you. Stomach, is always in knots, you'll watch your every word you'd give anything to be able to just relax. All you want to do is live in peace but you can't seem to escape this toxic person. No, no, not because your barricaded or in bondage, but simply because you were born. 

Now, imagine that toxic person is your own mother. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that you just couldn't share vulnerable information or connect on a genuine level and maybe you weren't able to put your finger on it, but you felt like something was just off. I just can't seem to trust this person and see if people aren't able to join you in the joys of life and or the struggles. 

Unsafe people have a way of making you feel fearful and foolish for having confided in them and it's hard enough, dealing with unsafe people in friendships and romantic partners. But what do you do when it's your own mother? If interactions with your own mother leave you scratching your head or pull your hair out, it might be, that mom is more toxic than your thought. 

So today, let's talk about five signs that God is showing you that your mother isn't safe.

I have included a link toFaithful Counseling to help you find a counselor that works best for you. Faithful Counseling is a network of counselors all across the United States and when you call you going to be paired with the best one for you. And if you use the link above, you will actually receive a 10% discount off of your first month’s counseling. And if you would like help on healing from a toxic mother, I want to invite you to check out my Heal from a Toxic Mother course it is designed to help you restore your life through faith or if you’re saying, I need better boundaries to be able to handle myself around my mother. We have a new course that is launching it is a Toxic Mother Survival Course it is the Christian’s guide to dealing with your toxic mother Biblically. 

The mother daughter relationship should be one marked by nurture, love, support and proper correction. Sadly for many women, their relationship with mom is marked by dysfunction, blame, self-centeredness, and manipulation.

It’s difficult to hug a porcupine, even when she’s your mother.

And if you’re being honest, there’s no other relationship where you would tolerate such behavior.

Over the years, I’ve seen more women negatively affected by toxic mothers more than any other life issue. And nearly every time, I witness these loving women hoping their manipulative mothers will miraculously change IF they could just do enough, be enough, and explain enough.

This never works. 

Instead of focusing on trying to love your mother enough that she magically transforms in to a marvelous mom, or continuing your relentless attempts at pleasing her, it may be time to learn how to set boundaries with her. 

Let’s talk today about four crucial keys to setting biblical boundaries with a manipulative mother. 

FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
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In this episode we talk about when to stay and when to walk away from a toxic mother and how to do it biblically.

Leaving a relationship is never easy and the decision should not be taken lightly, but we have necessary relationship endings all the time, friends, coworkers, even churches. But what do you do when you have to consider walking away from your own mother? Some people have a great relationship with their mother, a wonderful adult relationship that is built upon, mutual love and respect. But some others didn't get the memo that you're not a child anymore who needs to obey her every command, therefore creating a terrible strain on the relationship, only to have it turned back on the adult child, as the source of the problem. 

All relationships take work. There's a difference between personality differences, growth trap challenges and your toxicity. Toxic relationships are defined by one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked or even avoided. It's one that leaves you feeling worse rather than better over time, and it's not marked by a few difficult interactions, but rather a blatant ignorance of the dynamics of a healthy relationship. In other words, toxic people are not safe and there may be physical abuse taking place, but if there are such things as manipulation, guilt, selfishness, gaslighting and disregard, my friend, you are likely dealing with levels of toxicity.

FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

The enemy loves to attack you with lies that are grounded in some truth and let's face it full of lies are easy to spot, but the lies that come wrapped and reasoning with those leave plenty of room for entertainment. What makes a person go from a tiny thought to a full-on torment? 

In 1st Samuel 19:9 it reads. “then a harmful Spirit from the Lord came upon Saul as he sat in his house with his spear in his hand and David was playing the lyre.” 

Upon first glance you might think, awe poor Saul, he had no choice. God sent a harmful Spirit upon him, so it really wasn't his fault. And this is where you'd be right, but wrong, mostly wrong and here's what I mean. The Lord does not just send tormenting spirits to someone. He allows them when they've been given access and this spirit that the Lord sent was not passive, you see Saul was entertaining thoughts of hatred and murder. He was jealous of David and he wanted him dead and if you read the book of 1st Samuel, I can't imagine what kind of thoughts, that Saul gave life to as he sat there and stood over his feelings regarding David and these thoughts and feelings were cultivated and ruminated so much that they grew into a full-blown murder attempt. 

And you see, it wasn't that Saul had all of these thoughts because of the tormenting Spirit. Saul’s mind was filled with anger, bitter, jealousy, rage towards David and God gave him over to those tormenting thoughts and a similar example can be found in Romans 1:28 where we're reminded “and since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what they ought not be done.”

God didn't give them a debased mind. He gave them over to the mind that they had given in to my friend, everything begins in the mind, and you may not be looking to murder someone or throw a spear at your younger competition. But if you are entertaining, angry, hateful, thoughts in your head, Jesus says it’s the same thing. If you're entertaining, lustful thoughts, envious thoughts are any kind of thought that is not pleasing to the Lord you are opening your mind to Satan and inviting him in for complete access. 

You are opening your mind, now once in Satan can have full rein, he can have a field day and he's not stupid. He will seek to slip in covertly little by little as much as he wants to destroy your life and your testimony in a split-second, even Satan has more sense and self-control than to bombard you, he knows that there's a strong possibility that if he pushes too hard, you'll fall to your knees. Instead, he keeps a gentle and steady flow of negative, fearful destructive, bitter, envious thoughts, dripping through to you like a lifeline and all he needs you to do is mildly entertaining them. You don't even have to have a full acceptance of them. So long as you're not completely rejecting them, he still now has access so long as you justify your feelings and saying things like how you would feel the same way if, or you would have, you have no idea what she's done to me. So long as you're justifying, your thoughts saying things like, if I don't do this then he'll get over on me or saying things like what if God doesn't come in and take care of this situation. 

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In today's episode we talk about the 7 1/2 signs that show you are a lazy Christian.

Christianity is not a spectator sport. There are no rewards or passes for spiritual laziness. It requires diligence perseverance and growth, but sometimes, it can feel like an uphill battle. Yes, God will supply all of your needs. Yes, you are saved by grace through faith, but a believer can become idle. If he or she believes that God doesn't expect him to produce fruit. 

In fact, the Bible has a lot to say about laziness and its ramifications pay.

Proverbs 13:4 reminds us that “the soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.”

And I know your desire is to love the Lord with your whole heart that you may be spiritually, comatose. So, let's talk today about the seven and a half, unsuspecting signs that you are lazy Christian.

Now, please note that the signs that I'm referring to are representative of a long-term pattern, not a short-term problem. Each one of us even the most devout Christian will endure these signs at some point during their walk, but the problem comes when the solutions for our short-term problems now, become long-term patterns. 

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In this episode, we talk about the 3 imperative steps that you need to take to answer the call of God on your life.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “Why am I here?”  No, I don't mean while you're in a certain geographical area or even a certain point in your life. I mean, why are you here on this Earth? What is God's purpose for you? 

My hope today is to talk to you about how to answer the call of God on your life. And we hear a lot about living the abundant life and loving others, but as Christians, our aim should be more than just happiness, it should be to live a life of purpose for our King. And when your life has purpose, it drives your every decision, it guides your every step. When your life has purpose it’s no longer about superficial satisfactions and more about the goal of hearing those wonderful words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”  

I spent a good part of my life wasting. I wasted my time, my talents, my money, my resources, you name it. If I had it, I squandered it and it wasn't until I came to a place where I truly understood that I was a Christian and life, wasn't my own. And while I don't have to earn my salvation, there was too high of a price that was paid for me to not spend my life living for his glory. And my friend, I hope you feel the same way. 

FREE Uncover Your God-Given Purpose Guide
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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

Toxic relationships are infectious disease, people poison you from the inside out with their gaslighting, manipulation,  and constant drama. And many years ago, I ran into an old boyfriend at the mall and I stopped to do the niceties, “Good to see you. I hope you're doing well.” 

You know, the drill and I was very careful to not say, or do anything with that would engage him any longer than need to be. And just, as I was walking away, he looked me straight in the eyes with the same piercing look that he would give me when he was trying to manipulate me, and he said this, “Do you ever wonder?” And I knew what he was asking. If you wanted to find out if I missed him, and in the past, I would get sucked back into that relationship with him with his romantic questions and his dramatic dreams. 

But I was a long past that, at this point, so I played his game and I repeated his question, back to him, “Do I ever wonder?” I answered,  Yes,  Yes. I do. I wondered what on Earth was going on inside of me to put up with such a lying, manipulative person. I wondered how pathetic that I have to be to take the scraps that you offered me and call that a relationship. I wondered how sad I was to settle for someone who only cared about himself. So, yeah, I've wondered. 

FREE Uncover Your God-Given Purpose Guide
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In this episode, we talk about the 5 signs that God is preparing you for ministry.

Have you ever pondered what God wants you to do with your life? Perhaps you've even considered getting into ministry full time, but you just not sure if that's God's plan for your life. Well if you long to be used in a mighty way for his kingdom, one of the most satisfying yet demanding profession is in Christian Ministry. 

So today, I want to talk to you about the five signs that God is preparing you for ministry. 

First, let me say that, if you are a Christian, you are already in ministry. Every believer has the Biblical mandate to go and make disciples and proclaim the gospel to others. You can find that in Matthew 28:19 and whether you're on the mission field, in the ministry or in the marketplace, we are all in full-time ministry.

FREE Uncover Your God-Given Purpose Guide
http://krisreece.com/purpose

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In today's episode, we talk about the 6 steps to building biblical confidence that can conquer anything.

Just believe in yourself. You can do anything, you set your mind to. Everything you need is already in you. Or maybe you've been hit with the famous Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”  

There's no shortage of pithy statements designed to encourage you to let your inner confidence roar. There's only one problem they don't work. Not because they're not true. Well some of them aren't but it's mostly because they don't address the core of the issue. If confidence were simply a matter of changing the words that you speak, we wouldn't have a worldwide epidemic of insecurity and low self-esteem. Without the right confidence, your purpose can go unfilled and you can live way below potential.

Today, I want to talk to you about the six steps to building a Biblical confidence that can conquer anything. 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we talk about the 4 steps to handling adult toxic children biblically. 

We're living in a time where toxic parenting is not tolerated so much anymore. The “I'm your mother” line that once worked on kids is no longer enough to bully adult children into submission. And if you've been raised by a toxic parent, I truly empathize with you, but we're also suffering relationships of some epidemic proportion and they're coming from adult toxic children. And there are serious consequences for adult children, who disrespect and dishonor, parents, a growing number of adults or children are disrespectful. Critical manipulative, self-serving, they are magnifying, the parents flaws and minimizing the parental sacrifices and God never excuses, disrespect towards parents and even if your parents made colossal mistakes you can return good for evil.

Ephesians 6:1-3 says, “children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your Father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to be enough to motivate some children today. So parents, what are you to do?  Some will go so far as to return toxic for toxic and throw scripture in their face, in an effort to do their own manipulating, but I want to encourage you to take a step back for a moment. I know the relationship is important to you and I know that you believe you are owed something more than you've been given.

So, I want to help you to understand the best way to biblically handle toxic adult children.

FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we talk about the 4 Biblical steps to quiet the chaos in your mind.

You’ve got the attention span of a goldfish. Okay, my friend before you go and get mad at me, those aren't my words. But the average attention span for a goldfish is 9 seconds. Yep, that's it. But here's the kicker according to a new study from Microsoft Corporation, human beings lose concentration after 8 seconds. That's it. Like, I've seen the difference, just watch a sitcom today compared to 20 years ago and you'll see a vast difference in the pacing and the changing of the scenes. 

In fact, just a few months ago while I was on YouTube and old favorite, sitcom popped up into my feed. It was a short episode of The Golden Girls and I was feeling a little nostalgic. So I watch the four-minute clip and I was shocked at the thought that I had one minute into the show and I, here's what I thought. Wow, this is really moving slow and I would never have considered myself a person with a short attention span. But I think that there's no doubt that I to fall into the goldfish bowl and whether our attention, spans are shorter because of the media or the media adjusted to account for our attention span. I don't know, but what I do know is that there is no debating, the fact that our lives are over loaded and it's not just TV and social media. It's our thoughts. 

 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we'll talk about how to respond and not react when toxic people push your buttons.

 Toxic people can really push your buttons whether they're twisting scripture for their benefit, playing the victim to make you look bad, or gaslighting every negative emotion that you experience.  Trying to be in relationship with the seemingly double sent individuals requires an extra dose of grace, but what do you do when that doesn't even seem to be enough? 

So what are you do when your pressure cooker blows and you explode in anger and frustration? Rightfully so, but it leaves you looking like the bad guy. Look, I get it, I wish I could say that I have never been triggered by self-centered entitled egotistical people, but that would be a lie. The truth is they have gotten the better of me on more occasions than I care. 

Count the one day during my devotional time. I came across Proverbs 14:29 and it changed my life. Here's what it reads. “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”

In other words, those who react are fools. What a blow here, I am looking at these arrogant, self-righteous, manipulative people that they are what I was just as bad as I was responding as a fool, not as a child of God. My friend, it snapped me right into place faster than a toddler with a Lego set. And from that day forward, I was determined to learn how to respond in a healthy and Godly manner that exposed their foolishness, but kept my integrity. And that's what I'd like to share with you today. 

How Toxic are My Thoughts? FREE Quiz
 https://krisreece.com/toxic-thoughts-assessment-2/

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode we talk about how to decipher and deal with guilt, shame, conviction and condemnation.

We've all experienced the guilt at some point in our lives, some more than others. But in the Christian Community there seems to be two extreme schools of thought. One camp is going to say, there's so much wrong with me and they feel more holy and humble for beating themselves up all the time. Now, the other camp says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus therefore they vehemently reject any negative feelings. 

Many of the feelings associated with guilt and shame, conviction, and condemnation, come as a result of something you did or what someone has done to you. But you'll want to be very careful because these terms shouldn't be used interchangeably. So let's go ahead and break down what each of these terms mean and how to deal with him in a God-honoring. 

For starters: guilt.  Guilt is the result of having violated a specific rule or a law. Guilt is a state or a condition. 2 Corinthians 7:10 reminds us that“Godly sorrow brings repentance, that leads to salvation and leaves, no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death, guilt is a state of unhappiness marked by regret.”

Not a feeling, is it? You could feel guilty and not be and you could not feel guilty and be very guilty. And that is why this whole you have your truth I have mine mentality is so dangerous because it is based upon a dead-end conscience. For example, according to the Bible, we are all guilty before God. Romans 3:10 has an awareness of a wrongdoing. It doesn't usually reflect on the person, there's usually ownership and accountability. 

Hopefully, I could feel guilty for example, for missing an appointment and that guilt should lead me to apologize to the person and take measures to ensure that doesn't happen again. There actually can be positive change as a result of guilt. 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we talk about what it really means to make Jesus your King.

Scripture refers to Jesus as king. Revelation 17:14 refers to him as king of kings. And this means that Jesus has rule over all every ruler and every authority in the end. All other rulers will be conquered or abolished and Jesus alone will reign supreme. There is no one more powerful than King Jesus, but what does it mean to make Jesus your King? 

if you live in the United States like I do you have an idea of what a king does but you don't have kind of direct experience of what it's like to live under the rulership of a king and truth be told even if you did, it's likely pretty pathetic in comparison to what the kingship of Jesus is like since his kingdom is not of this world. So it's kind of hard to grasp the concept of what it means to make someone your king and if you have made Jesus, your personal savior, it's likely that you spend time in prayer and reading the Bible, maybe with some degree of struggle. But if we're truly being honest, we spend most of our time crying out to God. 

God, help us with our personal life and our situations. God, please pay my rent. God, please get me out of this job. But God, please give me this job. God, please get this person out of my life. God, please bring this person into my life. Oh, God. Please, God! Please, God please, and our prayers become a series of supplications rather than adoration to our King. 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

Will God Let  Me Separate from a Toxic Spouse?

What do you do when you have no biblical grounds for divorce but you can't take another minute living in your toxic marriage? Perhaps you've considered separation, but are there biblical grounds for separation from a toxic spouse? 

The answer is simple, and it's, yes. But there are many nuances that you need to be aware of before taking this drastic step. For starters, if you are struggling because you are not getting along, not equally yoked, have differences of opinion, or having arguments that you think are unnecessary my friend these are not biblical reasons for separation. And God often uses people to change people and just because there may be grounds for separation also doesn't mean that God is pleased with it. 

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 says “a wife must not leave her husband, but if she does leave him, let her remain single or else go back to him and the husband must not leave his wife.” Separation, my friend is never an ideal situation, but because of sin, it is sometimes necessary. If your spouse is addicted, adulteress, or abusive these would be biblical grounds for separation. 

Abuse.  

Abuse is a word that unfortunately is thrown around far too easily these days. He got snippy with me can be packaged as abuse. If all you're looking for, is an excuse to, get away from this man. But on the other side, physical, emotional, and mental abuse are very real and they should be taken seriously. And for those going through this abuse, it is no picnic. But the problem with abuse outside of physical that is, it's subjective. It's difficult to prove. One could have an intense way of communicating that works well for them. While someone else would say no, he's abusive to me. On the other hand, the term abusive can be used by abusive people to create hurt and harm to another. 

I knew this woman that would keep a book of abuse from her ex-husband and she would share this book with her children and had, you not known this person yourself you would have actually believed that she had been through a tremendous amount of abuse. But here's what's interesting is, it took quite some time, even for her children to recognize it. And she was actually the abusive one, but she would take all of these little interactions that she could blow out of proportion and call abuse. This woman was in no way abused. In fact, she was the abuser. 

This does a great disservice to those who are truly being abused in relationships and the separation should be a step towards restoration. It should not be an excuse to get away with and get on with your life and that's how the world does it. The world does separation as one step further to divorce as Christian separation should be used towards reconciliation and restoration. So if you're not sure, I want you to please, keep in mind that the Lord often uses relationships to refine us, not divide us. So I want to encourage you to start with a healthy self-examination and ask God to show you how you need to grow and perhaps grow in your ability to set boundaries or your ability to deal with the anxieties that come from the awkwardness of the relationship or work through the differences of opinion or let go of a controlling nature. Learn how to have grace in another's weaknesses, that could be one of the things that God could be dealing with you on. Again, this is not permission to allow abusive behavior. 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

Does being with a narcissist feel like you lose parts of yourself?
In today's episode, we talk about the 8 Biblical Tips to Get Along with a Narcissist Without Selling Your Soul

FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we talk about 4 easy Biblical tips to not be so easily offended

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

Are you the type to get easily offended? Do you frequently find yourself taken aback by the things that people say and do?  

I remember going out to eat with friends one time after we finished a long event we were enjoying our food in the conversation and then I looked over at my friend’s plate. And I saw that she was nearly finished in record time and I remember thinking to myself, wow, she must have been hungry. 

So I said,” wow, you must have been hungry,”  and she stuttered a little bit and said, “yeah”, and we went back to our dinner conversation and it wasn’t until we were ready to get the check that I see that she had not finished what little food was left and she packed it up and she took it home. 

I sensed something was up. So later that evening one of my other friends said to me how hurt was by my comments, I knew what, she was referring to because it was obvious how hr behavior changed after it. But I couldn’t understand why and worse, why didn’t you say something to me? 

Whether you’re the type that gets offended and says something to the person vents it to another person or tries to keep it to herself, being easily offended can actually affect or even, infect our relationships.

And maybe that’s why Solomon in Ecclesiastes 7:21 says this, “Do not take to heart all the things that people say lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that the many times you yourself have cursed others.” 

Are you easily offended? Do people have to walk on eggshells when they’re around you? 

Yes, there are people who are rude and cruel and I’m not talking about those people who make their snide, passive-aggressive comments, repeatedly, and then say, oh, I was just kidding or you misunderstood me. I’m talking about the situation where you leave it up to the other person to figure it out and fix it, but you never take the time to figure out if it was truly their issue or yours. 

Being offended is subjective. That’s why there’s no recourse for being offended. What offends me may not offend you and vice versa. If someone said to me, wow, it looks like you were hungry as I quickly polished off my dinner. That wouldn’t offend me, but it did my friend. So, what’s actually going on behind the scenes? 

Well, the truth is, people who easily get offended are often self-righteous. And I know this hurts to hear and it certainly hurt me to hear this years ago, when I thought that it was everyone else’s job to cater to my feelings and beliefs, otherwise they didn’t love me. You have free will to believe and prefer whatever you’d like, but so does someone else. So we have to stop making people wrong in order for you to be right.

Then we go and we kick it up a notch and we presume to know that we know what they were thinking, we know what they were feeling when they said what offended us, the truth is, you don’t know what someone else is thinking or feeling. You don’t know what their true motive is and when you have a self-righteous attitude, you automatically make someone else wrong. So you can stand in your self-righteousness. 

Doing this empowers you to point the blame outward and say, “you bad, me good”. And there are times that people can say something that was hurtful and they truly didn’t mean to. But there are other times where there are questions that are comments are truly innocent but you’re hit h

In this episode, we talk about how to speak the truth in love and the 4 ways you'll get tripped up trying to do it.

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In today’s blog, we will be discussing ways that you may get tripped up while speaking the truth. 

There are typically two types of truth-tellers, the avoided, and the blurter. If you are the avoider, you typically do everything you can to avoid the topic at all costs. That is, however, until your internal pressure cooker blows and you spew out everything that you’ve pushed down. If you are the blurter, you have no problem telling it like it is, but, you usually leave people feeling 2 inches tall and you wonder why they want to avoid you as Christians.

As Christians, you will likely want to be like Jesus, bold in your expression of Truth, yet gentle in your delivery, all in the name of love. Ephesians 4:15 instructs us, but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head. That is Christ. Speaking the truth in love is not just a matter of having a gentle and meek demeanor or a sweet-sounding voice.

So, let’s talk today about how to speak the truth in love and the four ways that you’re going to get tripped up trying to do it that way.

Number #1 –  Check your heart.

Luke 6:45 tells us the good person out of the good treasure of his heart, produces good and the evil person out of the evil treasure produces evil. For out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks. What comes out of your mouth comes from within you, no amount of sugar coating is going to change what’s in your heart.

In Ephesians 4:1, Paul tells us“Therefore, I, a prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling which you have been called; with all humility and gentleness, with patience bearing with one another, in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.”

We see that speaking the truth in love is not a matter of having just the right words with the right tone of voice so that you come across as gentle, humble, and patient. Rather, it’s about having the right heart where you are patient, humble, and gentle. If you are the type who can only be these things for only so long, I submit to you that you are merely trying to make behavioral changes and not true heart changes because whatever is in you, eventually will come out of you. If your heart isn’t in the right place, you will likely have a self-centered motive when you’re communicating. The best way to avoid this is to ask God to examine your heart before you communicate the truth.

Number #2  – Put honesty in the front seat!

You’ve heard it said, “honesty is the best policy” and it is true my friend. 1st Corinthians 13:6 reminds us that love rejoices with the truth. So be honest, not only in what you say but also in what’s going on inside of you. If you don’t recognize and acknowledge the fears; the apprehensions that are all going on inside of you, they will quietly continue to drive you and your moods. Despite how hard you try to speak the truth in love, we often think that honesty is rude and cruel, especially when delivering something difficult or something that others don’t want to hear.  The truth is the only ones who don’t want to hear the truth are those who are living a lie. Sometimes, your desire to do the right thing to help someone can cause you to stay in an abusive situation.

Matthew 7:6 tells us this, “do not give to dogs what is Holy and do not throw your pearls before pigs lest they trample them underfoot and turn and attack you.”

In this podcast, we talk about the 6 undeniable signs that you are codependent. 


Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

Do you really feel good when others need you? Do you enable someone’s bad behavior in hopes that they’ll repent and change their ways? If you are struggling to have healthy, balanced relationships, where the needs of both people are recognized, you could be struggling with codependency. A codependent relationship will leave you frustrated and unfulfilled and it often reinforces the belief that you’re broken and unworthy. Codependency, in a nutshell, is the need to be needed. Codependency can occur in virtually any relationship dynamic; parents, children spouse, friends, pastor, and even co-workers.


Let’s talk a moment about what codependency is as well as how the traits are displayed. We will also have some solutions for how you can move forward.

You are overly concerned about what the other person is doing, thinking, and feeling. Often displayed as caring, this codependent trade leads you to believe that if you don’t take care of this person, something bad is going to happen to either you or them as a result of their behavior. Scripture tells us that each should carry his own load. You can find that in Galatians 6:5. So, it is biblical to allow others to make choices and mistakes. God certainly does it for us.Your need to fix or rescue now becomes controlling. You attempt to control the other person’s behavior through criticism, ultimatums, nagging or giving unsolicited advice.  This typically is a result of having no self-control, which is your attempt to control them in an effort to feel control of yourself. We are not responsible to change or control others. We’re only responsible for ourselves. Proverbs 25:28 tells us that a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.You walk on eggshells around the other person. You’re likely afraid of doing or saying something that will displease or anger them or set them off. As a result, you may not express your opinion, share your feelings, or ask for what you want. You may say “yes” to things that you didn’t want to, or they don’t align with your values or goals. Matthew 5:9 reminds us that peacemakers are blessed. There is a big difference between being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper.You act like a martyr taking care of everyone and everything but resentful that no one wants to help or take care of you. Matthew 5:37 reminds us to let what you say simply be “yes or no”. Anything more than this comes from evil. Saying “yes” when you would prefer to say no doesn’t make you a better Christian.You continue the relationship, even after the other person has repeatedly hurt you physically, emotionally, or financially. Co-dependence frequently makes you believe that they are being loving. 1st Corinthians, 13:7 tells us that love never gives up, never loses faith, and is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. My friend, God didn’t intend for you to endure abuse and tolerate evil behavior.You are afraid of being rejected, criticized, or seen as a bad person. We all want to be loved and accepted tendency crosses the line into needing it to the point of accepting or tolerating toxic behavior as a people pleaser. It’s important to always ask the question in Galatians 1:10, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or God? Or am I trying to please people?” If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. 

Codependency plays out in relationships, but it is also rooted in how you feel about yourself. The focus is often to get the other person to change, but the truth is, you can only change yourself and we can’t even do that. without the help of the Holy Spirit. So, if you want to se

Is prayer simply a matter of endurance?  The question we answer in this episode is If I Ask God Enough, Will He Give Me What I'm Praying For?

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TRANSCRIPTION:

It is said that there is power in prayer and if that’s true, which it is, there must be real power in persistent prayer. Persistent prayer is Biblical. Matthew 7:7 reminds us to “ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and it will be open to you.” So, is prayer, simply a matter of endurance? Meaning, that if I keep on persisting, eventually I’ll get what I’m praying for. There’s a dangerous line that we cross when we take persistent prayer too far.

In fact, there are three destructive patterns that we can fall into if we rely solely on the persistence of prayer.

Number one is thinking that prayer is persuasion. We can’t change God, it’s arrogance if we actually think we can. Prayer is not persuasion. God is not going to conform His will to our whim. Once we cross into thinking that prayer is persuasion, that leap isn’t that long into manipulation. Proverbs 19:21 tells us that many are the plans in the mind of a man but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Yes, there are times in the Bible where God does change his mind, but those times were conditional. It certainly happened every time a sinner repents as well. God then changes his mind. We now go from being an enemy of God to being his beloved child. 

Number two is thinking that prayer is a form ofmysticism. Much of the new age, occult practices have seeped into the church’s beliefs. For example, the Law of Attraction, which is basically “what I put out, I’ll get back” mantras and many other mystical teachings has become a regular part of a Christian belief. Many of these mystical practices can translate to prayer when one believes that simply praying prayers of repetition will bring back good things to you, thinking that your persistence somehow has power, put you into a more magical state of mind, rather than a surrendered one. We reduce God to a formula and dare, I say some magic formula. God is not a formula to be figured out. He is our Father and He is to be trusted. No one understands why He blesses some and not others. God does not enable us to always understand everything perfectly or completely right now. When I am tempted to throw in the prayer towel, I am reminded of the story of the persistent widow in Luke 18. 

Starting at verse 1, Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said in a certain town, there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought and there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with a plea,“Grant me justice against my adversary”. Verse 4; For some time, he refused, but he finally said to himself, “even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this Widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice so that she won’t eventually come and attack me”. And the Lord said,“Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones who cry out to Him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice and quickly. However, when the Son of man comes, will He find faith on the Earth?”

Does this mean that if I keep asking that I can eventually wear God down and He’ll give me what I’m asking for? Well, we have to be careful, not to reduce God’s sovereignty to a magic formula.

Number three is thinkin

Are you struggling to hear from God?  In this episode, we talk about 4 ways that God is speaking to you and how to attune your ear to hear from God.


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TRANSCRIPTION
Are you struggling to hear what God is saying to you? Maybe you’re battling with your identity or you have a decision that you need to make and you think to yourself, if God would just speak to me, send me a sign, something so that I know it’s him, then I would know what to do. One of the perks of having a personal relationship with someone is that you get to communicate with him directly. I mean, there’s a mutual give-and-take of ideas and honest expression, but what happens when you feel like the relationship is a little more one-sided when you’re doing all the talking and you feel like you’re getting nothing in return. Well, unfortunately, that’s how many people have described their relationship with God. They feel as though their prayers are just bouncing off the sky and they can’t hear his voice.

Today, I want to talk to you about the ways that God is speaking to you and how you can attune your ear to hear his wonderful voice. But before we dive in, I want to get the obvious out of the way. If you were trying to pray to God without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as your personal savior, you will not hear from God, repentance of sin and acceptance of his son opens the line of communication with God.

Jesus said, in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

So if you’re not my friend, may I encourage you to make Jesus, your Lord, and Savior and let that amazing relationship begin. But for the sake of this video, and this podcast today, I’ll assume that you are a follower of Christ and as a Christ-follower, I have amazing news for you. He is speaking to you.

John 10:27 reminds us of Jesus’s words when he said“my sheep, hear my voice and I know them and they follow me.” Now, you may be saying to be great Kris but I don’t hear him and I don’t know what to do.

So the question that we are going to answer in three parts is this, “Is God speaking to me?”


#1 – He is. He’s just not saying what you want to hear.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a beloved passage of scripture and it reads “for, I know the plans that I have for you, they are plans for good and not a disaster to give you a future and a hope.” And we love reading encouraging scriptures that make us feel good. But what do we do when the word we’re getting from God is not what we want to hear?

If we back up in Jeremiah 29 and read the passage, just before the promise, we find something quite different. And here’s what it says in verses 4 through 8, “the Lord God Almighty, the God of Israel, sends this message to all the captives he has exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem, Build homes and plan to stay. Plant gardens and eat the food you produce. Marry and have children then find spouses for them and have many grandchildren. Multiply, do not dwindle away, and work for peace and prosperity of Babylon. Pray to the Lord for that city where you are held captive for if Babylon has peace so will you.”

In verse 10 he tells them, “the truth is that you will be in Babylon for 70 years.” Huh?  There was a plan all right, a plan before the promise, but not the plan that they would have hoped for your city, which has been invaded by the enemy. You’ve been violently ripped from your home and carried off to a distant land. You’ve been made to live in captivity, the security that you’ve known for your entire life is now, instantly vanished. And

In this episode, we talk 12 colors in dreams and their biblical meaning

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TRANSCRIPT

God often speaks through dreams. Job 33:14 says, "for God, does speak now one way, now another though no one perceives it in a dream and a vision of the night when deep sleep falls upon people as they slumber in their beds, so he may speak in their ears and terrify them with warnings to turn them from wrongdoing and keep them from pride, to preserve them, from the pit, their lives from perishing by the sword."

 Dreams are an active part of everyone's life. It's not just limited to believers. However, the difference for the believer is that they can have greater access to the interpretation, through number one, the Holy Spirit. Joseph said to the baker and the cupbearer in Genesis 40:8,  "Do not interpretations belong to God?" We could have every dream book in the world, but without the help of the Holy Spirit, we will fail in our interpretation. 

And number two, we havethe word. The Bible is our handbook for life. It is God's love letter to us. It is also rich with symbolism and metaphors that God uses to communicate with his people, and the colors are no different. Throughout scripture, color has been used to symbolize many things from rainbows to silver bowls, and now there are many colors in our world and I believe that we're going to see even more in heaven. And just like all other, symbols, all the meanings of color can have a positive, negative, or personal meaning, depending on the context of the dream.

So let's talk today about some common dream colors, and their possible meaning, remember colors, like other symbols can have a positive or a negative meaning it all connects to the context of the dream.

Red. - Red is a capturing color. It is often used to warn us of danger, and in the Bible, it represents the blood of Jesus, in the positive red can represent wisdom, anointing power, and new birth in the negative, it can represent anger and war. 

Blue. - Blue is often a common color. Just look up at the sky and you'll see. In the positive blue can represent revelation and communion. But in the negative, it can represent depression and anxiety.

 Yellow. - Yellow can be seen as a form of gold, which is representative of the purification process.  In the positive yellow represents hope. But in the negative, it can represent fear and intellectual pride. 

Green. - Green is a mixture of both blue and yellow.  And is often a symbol of growth and life in the positive. It does represent growth prosperity and unconscious. In the negative, it can represent envy, jealousy, and pride. 

Purple. -  Purple is often associated with the color of royalty, especially in biblical times when very expensive to make purple garments. In the positive, it represents royalty, authority, and wealth, but in the negative, it can represent false authority or corruption of wealth. 

Orange. - Orange can be associated with the fire of God.In the positive, orange can represent perseverance and change, but in the negative, it is often a sign of stubbornness. 

White. - White is often associated with purity as in the bride of Christ. In the positive, white, represent righteousness and holiness, but in the negative, it can represent a religious spirit or disease.

 Gold.  - Gold often represents the glory of God. And in the positive, it represents purity, glory, and holiness, but in the negative, it can represent idolatry and defilemen

In this episode, we're talking about 10 common symbols that show up in your dreams.


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TRANSCRIPT

Did you know that God can speak to you in dreams? He did it on numerous occasions in both the Old and the New Testament. While some dreams are direct and clear in their meaning, most leave us scratching our heads wondering, “what was that?”. Today, we are talking about 10 common dream symbols and their possible meanings. God often uses symbols and metaphors to communicate with us. Some symbols in the bible include a lamb, a dove, and rainbow rocks. Before we get into these symbols and what their meaning is, I want to remind you that leaning on the meaning of symbols too much can lead you astray instead of towards God. The most important thing to keep in mind is the context. Symbols can have a positive or negative meaning and can come from God, Satan or your soul, so focus on the context when looking at the symbols. 

Let’s dive into the 10 symbols and meanings. 

Bathroom Dreams

This often indicates a cleansing and this could be a cleansing of sin or simply from the filth that comes on us. Be sure to recall the condition of the bathroom. Was it dirty? Or was it refreshingly clean? Dirty bathrooms can indicate sickness or disease. And also, pay attention to where the bathroom was. What building was it in?

Being Naked

Being partially naked or fully naked represents a level of vulnerability. So, think of the context. Were you comfortable being exposed or were you embarrassed? Were you on stage in front of thousands of people or just one? Asking these questions will really help you decipher what is going on. This could be a warning from God to clean up an area of your life before He exposes it. 

People

This is one element that we most often misinterpret. We often assume that this person is real and can’t even believe that the dream is about this person. Most often, dreams are about you. These people can be literal or a representation. They could represent a position, the meaning of their name, or even how you feel about them in real life. The same can be true about dreaming about people that you don’t know. Faceless people often hold a spiritual meaning. Sometimes, they can be Angelic, Demonic, or even the Holy Spirit. 

Weapons

A weapon represents an attack or even spiritual warfare. Look for the size and power of the weapon, and also, if it was being used against you.

Vehicles

Vehicles can represent work or ministry. These vehicles can vary from bicycles, spaceships, or anything else. The bigger the vehicle, the bigger the impact. Also, recall who was driving the vehicle. 

Water

Water can frequently represent a move of the Holy Spirit. Again, it depends on the context of the dream. Rain can be a spiritual blessing. 

Hallways

Hallways frequently represent times of transition. So, when you're in the hallway, look for things like light, darkness, turns, and doorways.

Doors

Doors in a dream can represent opportunity, new beginnings or secrecy. So ask yourself, “is  the door wide open, is the door closed, is it locked”? Was it big or small? Are you unfamiliar with where it leads? It could be a door to your past. 

Money

Money can represent a gain or loss of favor.

Ex Partner or Person From Your Past

This can indicate that you are slipping back into old patterns. Don't worry. It's not likely God telling you that you're going to be back with this person.

 *Bonus*

In today's episode, we're talking about the signs that you're emotionally dependent on people and not God.

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TRANSCRIPT: 

Is your need for love and affection insatiable? Do you suffer distress when someone physically or emotionally withdraws from you?  You could be struggling with emotional dependency. Today’s blog will be talking about the signs that you are emotionally dependent on people.  

Emotional dependency is when the ongoing presence or nurturing of another is believed necessary for your personal security. It's when your happiness is based upon someone else or the relationship's success. We can even mistake the feelings of emotional dependency for love. When there is a secure attachment developed in childhood, we are better equipped to have healthy relationships with others and with God, but in the cases of insecure attachments, the struggle is often exhibited through performance. When your worth hinges on others, you can easily slip into emotional dependency. Emotional dependency can be on just about anybody; anyone that you put in the place of God. This dependency can become an emotional crutch for you, but God calls us to be in a relationship and calls us to have healthy interdependence on others. 

Let’s go over the 18 signs that you are emotionally dependent on people. 

Security. Do you struggle with your worth and identity?Attention-Seeking. Do you get jealous? If you are not the focus of their attention?Unsure of Yourself.  Do you frequently? Doubt yourself, your desires, your goals, your decisions?Unable to Be Alone. Do you struggle to enjoy frequent quality alone time without this person?Need For Approval.Tolerating Toxic Behavior.Indecisiveness. Do you have trouble making even the smallest decisions, usually out of a fear of displeasing the other person?Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth. Do you question your identity in Christ?Critical of Self and Others.Frequently Anxious. Do you often feel physical or emotional? Anguish? Are you unable to relax?Jealousy and Trust Issues.Fearful.  Are your actions driven by fear, fear of rejection, confrontation, or loss?Self Punishing. Do you beat yourself up when your needs aren't met?Plays the Victim.Poor Communication.Constant Need for Reassurance. Are you frequently checking in with the other person to be sure that they're okay so that you can feel okay?Manipulative. Do you often feel the need to control others? This is more often in a passive manner, through guilt.Overthinking.

Anyone can struggle with these traits from time to time, but an emotionally dependent or needy person will display these traits with much more frequency than on occasion. It's not hard to fall into the emotional dependency trap. There is no one my friend that could possibly meet your needs for love and approval. God wants to be your all in all. Will you let him? 

There are some serious dangers remaining in an emotionally dependent state. It makes you prone to manipulation, blocks your ability to hear from God, and you may not reach your full potential in life. God is our source, and people are a resource. 

Remember, all things are possible with God. 

Thank you for reading and until next time friends.

Having trouble getting out of your own head?  In today's episode, we talk about how to believe God's Word over your thoughts

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TRANSCRIPT 

If you’re anything like me, you get hit with a half-dozen destructive thoughts, all before getting out of bed. Every day we have a battle going on in our minds. We are bombarded with thoughts that either give us life, suck the life right out of us, and thoughts that contradict God’s truth. Not only can they wear us down, but they also cause us to make choices based on our feelings and it now becomes a mindset. These thoughts can actually keep you from living an Abundant Life. The Bible often speaks of putting off wrong thoughts and actions and then putting on Godly actions and thoughts.


Let’s talk about the steps that you can take to believe God’s Word over yours.


Step One | Receive God’s Word

Jesus in the wilderness in Matthew 4, responded to each of Satan’s temptations with the word of God. He responded with the scripture that applied to the direction that he knew his mind should be taking.  You need to be in God’s Word! You can’t pull out of you, what isn’t deposited in you. 

Step Two | Replace the Lie

Some thoughts are easier to detect than others. The thoughts that simmer beneath the surface can be just as destructive as the temptations that seek to destroy you. One of the main reasons that Christians have difficulty renewing their mind is because they don’t recognize the lies in their minds. They don’t recognize them as lies and these lies and half-truths have been present for so long that they actually feel like truth. Corinthians 10:5 reminds us to “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.” If you’re not sure, seek the scriptures and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the lies in your life. According to Psalm 139: 23, “Search me God and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

Step Three | Repent

Proverbs 28:19 tells us that“whoever conceals their sin does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Thinking thoughts that are contrary to the truth are sinful. The Bible considers sins of the mind the same as any other sin. It doesn’t matter what the cause of your thought was. Your response is your responsibility. 

Step Four | Resist

God has made it simple when he tells us in James 4:7, “Submit yourself to God, resist the devil and he will flee.” You can repeat steps one, two, and three and live in victory. I hope that you will join me in the words of the Apostle Paul, when he says, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me and the life, which I now live in the flesh. I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me, receive God’s word, replace the lies, and resist the enemy.” That’s how you begin to believe God’s Word, over your thoughts, and live in mental victory.

If you are struggling with a victim mentality, I want to encourage you to jump on over to our previous blog post on How to Overcome a Victim Mentality in Christ. Look out for our next blog post.  Remember all things are possible with God.

If you've been harmed at the hand of others but no longer want to live the victorious  christian life, join me in today's episode as we talk about how to overcome a victim mentality - Biblically!

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TRANSCRIPTS

Everyone gets attacked, injured, cheated, or harmed in some form during their lifetime. If not physically, then emotionally. We’re all victims in moments of life’s challenges and difficulties. John 16:33  said that “in this life, you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.” So, what do you do when you feel like a victim? We should affirm the reality of the innocent victim’s suffering as we have the opportunity to address it, but we do them a grave disservice if we allow ourselves to fall into a victim mentality.


How do you overcome a victim mindset and walk in God’s victory? We will talk about the six steps to getting there.

Step 1 – Stop making excuses.

You are requiring that someone else come in and override your fault for you, which they can’t do. The truth is, someone will always have it worse than you, and better than you and it doesn’t matter. You can continue to blame others for the defeats in the challenges and settle for less than God’s best for your life, or you can choose to embrace the truth. 

Step 2 – Take ownership of your needs.

In most cases of victimhood, the battle is more in the mind and it stems from the inability, or the unwillingness to take ownership of one’s wants and needs. If you feel powerless my friend, I want to encourage you to get help in dealing with that.  If someone is violating your needs, learn to set boundaries. You are not a victim of this other person’s bad behavior. 

Step 3 – See yourself and God correctly.

When we slip into a victim mentality, our vision is a little distorted. We aren’t viewing through the lens of scripture. Instead, we are viewing through the lens of experience.  Instead of seeing God, as our provider, our justice, our avenger, our guide, we see him as just someone else who was abandoned and forgotten. What does God say about you? You are a victorious Creation in Christ. So what do you say about God? Do you say that God has forgotten you rather than believing His word that he will never leave you or forsake you? 

Step 4 – Find the root before you construct.

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you where this began, ask him to reveal the root. Jesus can heal all wounds. But sometimes it’s helpful to get additional help to work through those residual emotions that have seeped into other areas of your life.

Step 5 – Repent.

You may be thinking, why do I need to repent? There’s nothing you need to repent of except allowing yourself to stay stuck in a victim mentality and not believing God’s Sovereign justice will prevail in your life. Still, for many with a victim mentality, it shows up in everyday life. A victim mentality magnifies the harm that is done to us and it blinds us to our own sin. It tells us a false narrative explaining our situation, so that blame lies exclusively with other people or circumstances. God never calls us victims of our circumstances. We are called to take responsibility for our actions. Your mental actions need to be repented of. 

Step 6 – Forgive.

Jesus said,<

Do you find yourself running thoughts over and over again in your mind?  In today's episode, we're talking about how to stop ruminating over a toxic relationship.

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Do you find yourself unable to stop thinking about the toxic person in your life? Maybe it’s your self-centered, husband your narcissistic mother or your obnoxious boss. You find yourself thinking repeatedly about the offenses maybe run the scenarios over and over again of what you should have, could have, and would have said. Maybe you repeat the offenses over and over again. And you struggle with forgiveness or perhaps you are the type who blames yourself and then wonders, what you could have done differently.

Whoever it is and whatever the thoughts, it is likely that this person is taking up way too much, mental real estate. And if you’re like many, your joy is gone, and you have trouble attending to the needs of life simply because you can’t stop thinking about this person and what they’ve done or are doing. Most people, I encounter will provide a blanket solution for this problem. They’ll say, I know, I know I just have to stop thinking so much about them, and to that, I challenged and say the problem is not that you’re thinking, the problem is what you’re thinking about.

If you’ve ever struggled to lose weight and just told yourself, I need to stop eating so much you’ve likely, found that suggestion not very helpful. So let’s dive deeper into understanding what you’re thinking about and bring some biblical resolve to that mental battle. Rumination is running thoughts over and over again in your mind, but wait, that sounds a lot like meditation and you’d be correct, but there is a distinct difference, in meditation in the Godly sense not the new age is the focus on God’s word.

Psalm 119:15 says, “I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways.” Psalm 19:14 should be the cry of our hearts, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh, Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

Rumination on the other hand is the fixation of your heart and mind on the negative aspects of the people, the situation, and maybe even God. It can take on an obsessive nature where you can’t seem to stop. It is the devil’s counterfeit to meditation. And for many, they believe that, if they can just think on it enough, they will find peace. And this is a trick from the enemy to pull you further into his mental pit.

And I’m guessing a big part of you doesn’t want to ruminate on this person. You want to get back to the plans and the purpose that God has for your life, but there’s a problem and our minds, don’t like unsolved problems.

So let’s talk today about what’s happening in your mind and how you can overcome this mental battle biblically.

Four primary problems we’re going to talk about that are taking place right now.

Problem #1 – Confusion. Toxic relationships always create confusion. One minute the relationship is good and the next minute, it’s not. And as a person with a desire to be in a healthy relationship you are likely willing to deal with the ups and downs and go through the tough times with people. But this toxic person always seems to change the rules and it causes confusion. There’s never peace and you’re always waiting for the o

In today's episode we answer the question, Are empaths Biblical?

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

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Are you the type who feels deeply? Perhaps you’re highly sensitive to the feelings and moods of others. You may even get over-stimulated often and need a lot of alone time to regenerate. You could be considered what many would call an empath. And for all intents and purposes, one would likely call me an empath. 

So what is an empath? Well, in the dictionary an empath is defined as a person with the paranormal ability, to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual chiefly in science fiction and paranormal activity is encompassing term that includes not only ghosts, hauntings, and demonic activity, but also other unexplainable phenomena such as unidentified flying objects, and extrasensory perception ESP, just to name a few. Much of the paranormal activity we see today is actually a total hoax.

But if there is paranormal activity, it’s coming from demons and as Christians, we should not be intrigued with or drawn to this type of activity, but rather turn from it as it is part of a spiritual battle that is taking place in the Heavenly Realms. Ephesians. 4:27 says, “Give no place to the devil.”

So, let’s take some of the qualities that cause you to believe that you’re an empath and examine them biblically.

Trait #1 – Highly intuitive. Those who believe they are empaths would describe themselves as having high intuition. Well, the truth is that the Bible never mentions intuition. In fact, it tells us not to trust ourselves. Jeremiah 17:9 says “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick, who can understand it.”

One site describes empaths as clairsentient. They went on to define it as this clairsentient is the most common of the four clairs of intuition with messages coming through as feelings. In the case of empaths, they are naturally strong in the clairsentient or feeling psychic pathway. Does this sound biblical to you?

Trait #2 – Highly in tune with others. Those who consider themselves empaths pride themselves on being able to feel others emotions, and they often described themselves as having the ability to know what someone is feeling. They’ll often use words like we’re so connected. And the claim that empaths can perceive the physical sensitivities of others is a characteristic shared by many in the occult. No one except God has the ability to perceive the motivations and intentions of someone else. You can find this in Psalm 139, John 2:25,  1st Corinthians 2:10-11.  1 Corinthians  2:11 says this,” who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them.”

We are not given that insight. Sometimes these perceived abilities are a manifestation of learned codependent behaviors. So every person I have ever met, who calls themselves an empath actually displays codependent traits.  Now, on the other side, it is possible that God has given you a gift of discernment, but the enemy is looking to distort it.

Trait #3 – Often feeling over-stimulated. Those who identify as an empath will often struggle with feeling over-stimulated. They may claim that others negative energy and emotions, could send them into a total tailspin. And while I can agree that there are people out there that are more sensitive than others. I’m being one of them. Low tolerance for external stimuli doesn’t make me a new age empath.  It makes me less tolerant to external stimuli and as a unique creation of God, we would do well to honor those limitations, but not put in a cultic name or label on it. And

In this episode we explore the key reasons God is keeping you in a toxic relationship.

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Should I stay or should I go? That’s the question we often asked God when we find ourselves in less than healthy relationships, everything in us could be screaming get me out of here, but for some reason, God seems to be keeping you there with no way of escape. And perhaps you’re stuck, taking care of a toxic mother, who belittled you her whole life, or perhaps you are tied by covenant, with a narcissistic husband, or maybe you’ve got no other job options right now, besides that obnoxious boss, that takes advantage of you.

Being in a toxic relationship with no visibility of relief can make you feel trapped and hopeless. I know I’ve been there, years ago I found myself in a relationship with a man that I thought was a Christian, but it turns out he was a total narcissist. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Now, how do I follow Biblical advice? I would have held off on marrying this man and perhaps seen the issues ahead of time, but instead, in my ignorance and arrogance, which by the way, is a really dangerous combination, I bound myself to this man in marriage and it didn’t take long before I realize that it was the biggest mistake of my life.

It was horrible, everything from the gaslighting to the constant blame-shifting. This man was married in title only. He never cared about me or my daughter and everything was all about him. I held no value other than to serve his twisted purpose. I cried out to God in utter desperation. I wanted out, but I did not want to step outside of God’s will and timing. So I stayed 9 long years. I stayed in that loveless marriage. Then one day God revealed to me what this man was really doing with his time and money and it was released. What a sad but glorious day that was. We often look forward to the glorious release, but today I want to talk to you about the gap.

The time between when you realize what you’re dealing with and the time that God actually delivers you. It is often a torturous and depressing time, but I want to bring hope to you right now and let you know that God sees you. He has not forgotten you and he will not leave you without support but much. Like the Israelites’ Journey, there is often a reason that God will leave it in a less than desirable situate situation longer than we’d like to.


Today. I want to talk to you about four reasons why God may be keeping you in that toxic relationship.

Number one is to grow and strengthen you. If I’m truly being honest, I’ve grown more in my challenges than in my blessings. I’m guessing you can say the same and it’s not that God is sadistic in growing us, but he will often use difficult situations and people to mold and shape us into the people. He created us to be Romans 5:3-5 says,“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings knowing that suffering, produces endurance and endurance, produces character and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

When I was stuck in that toxic marriage, I made a commitment to God, that I would allow him to change, whatever he needed to change in me to make me the woman that he purposed me to be. Look. It’s very tempting to go, “God punish this person. God, get me away from this person. God change this person.” 

But at the end of the day, sometimes it’s more about us. It’s not an easy journey, but it is well worth the pain and effort to hope that you find that encouraging.

Number tw

In today's episode we answer the question, Does God expect Christians to stay with narcissists?

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TRANSCRIPT

Are you struggling with toxic people? Maybe it’s a stonewalling husband, a narcissistic mother, or an overbearing boss. Well, I want to invite you to grab a copy of ourFree Toxic People Survival Guide.

Narcissists are marked by an inflated sense of their own importance, whether it’s overtly or covertly, they struggle in genuine relationships because they lack of authenticity. Authenticity is when what’s on the inside matches, what’s on the outside and they are anything, but authentic. Narcissists are like aliens that come to this planet and have to copy the behaviors of others that will get them what they want. Now, if you are struggling in a narcissistic relationship and you want the specific signs of a Christian narcissist, I want to encourage you to jump on up to thisvideo here.

One of the most difficult relationships that you will ever have to endure is with a narcissist. On their best day, they are manipulative and controlling on their worst day they are emotionally abusive and destructive. And the term narcissist may be thrown around loosely to describe every ex-spouse and person that you don’t like, but make no mistake narcissism is a real problem that can wreak havoc in your life. But what are you do? When as a Christian, you’re told to love one another turn the other cheek forgive bear one another’s burdens. Well, that’s why I want to talk to you today about the common narcissistic behaviors and what the Bible says we should do about them.


Common Narcissistic Behaviors and What the Bible Says to Do About Them

One common trait of narcissists is their grandest sense of themselves. It is all about them, whether they are overly demanding or covertly manipulating narcissists think they are better than you. And if they’re not better than you then they’ve been somehow jilted in life and it’s probably your fault. They are your classic entitled brats.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 says, but understand that, “In the last days, there will come times of difficulty for people will be lovers of self, lovers of money proud, arrogant, abusive disobedient to their parents ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure, rather than lovers of God having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.” 

Avoid such people. Do you have it? My friend? That’s what the Bible says, avoid such people. Let’s go on.

Another common trait of narcissists is they are manipulative. Look let’s call this for what it is. Manipulation is a form of lying and I realize that every sweet-sounding woman with a high-pitched voice, may seem so innocent, but behind the manipulation is a series of lies meant to get you to think that she has your best interest at heart. But the truth is, it’s only meant to serve her purpose. And I see this, a lot in Christian circles, especially with covert narcissism. They come across as very timid, and very innocent, but deep inside they are manipulative control freaks.

Who else do we know is a liar? Satan.

John 8:44 tells us that “He is the father of Lies.” He is the master manipulator and these manipulators even exist in the church. Here’s what. 2 Peter 2 says, it gives a graphic description of what to do about false teachers and in 2 Timothy 3:6 we are warned about manipulators who worm their way into

In this episode we talk about how to find your identity in Christ

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

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Do you struggle to embrace your identity in Christ? And maybe you’re like many Christians, who know in their heads what Scripture says about them, but their heart didn’t get the memo. Meaning, they’re not walking in that identity or maybe you keep hearing people tell you to find your identity in Christ and you have no idea what that means, or in some cases, you may have built a false identity that’s based upon your values and how you want to be seen. But whatever it is if it’s not defined by anything but the Lord it’s on sinking sand. I know for years my identity was built on shallow,  superficial things like my appearance, my accomplishments, if I had a good hair day, or if I closed another deal, I felt good about myself.

But as you can imagine, when external things have the power to build you up, they also hold that same power to tear you down. I was not solid in my identity, even early in my walk with Christ. I love Jesus, but I still defaulted to the old standard measurements for success.


And if you’re struggling to identify who you are in Christ, I want to talk to you today about three steps that you can take to find your identity with confidence.

Are You Ready?

Step #1 – Learn what God says about you. For many who struggle to embrace their God-given identity they have believed lies that they didn’t even know were lies. So the best way to overcome a lie is with truth. So what does God say about you?

#1 – You’re Made In His Image. Genesis 1:27 says, “so God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God He created them, male and female.” 

#2 – You are a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17 reminds us, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away behold the new has come.” 

#3 – You are an extension of Christ. Galatians. 2:20 says, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me and the life, I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” 

#4 – You are special. Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you because I amfearfullyandwonderfullymade; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

#5 –  You are an ambassador. 2 Corinthians 5:20, says, “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.”

What else does God say about you? He says you’re forgiven. 1 John 1:9 reminds us that “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just will forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 

My friends I could keep going on and on, but I want to challenge you to dive into God’s word for yourself to see for yourself what God says about you.  

Step #2 –  Determine what you say about you. We all have an external voice and that voice is often a parrot and it just repeats. What is heard the most often and the most loud, and this internal voice can be from God, demons,  parents, or partners.

If it’s been ingrained long enough it is likely a voice that sounds a lot like your own, my friend because you’ve rehearsed the lie so long you actually believe it. So what do you say about you? Do you think that you’re too far gone to be loved by God? Do you think that your looks are your most valuable asset?

In this episode we talk about what to do when you're bored in your relationship with God.


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Have you ever been in a relationship that just got boring? So maybe the things you once did together are no longer thrilling.  The love doesn’t feel is electric. And what was once exciting is now, just Monday, maybe in the beginning, meeting for a cup of coffee was the highlight of your day and now it’s a major inconvenience. But what do you do when it happens with your relationship with God? What do you do when you’re bored with God? 

If you are in a place where you don’t sense God’s presence, your faith doesn’t have the same fire and you feel like you’re just going through the motions, maybe you read your Bible, you say your prayers, but it just all feels flat. There are some checkpoints that can help you to rekindle your relationship and these checkpoints are similar to the ones that we experienced. 

Like with your car, we have check lights for a lot of different issues. We have a check engine light, low gas light, open door lights, and the purpose of these check lights is to alert you to a problem and you could ignore these check lights but to your own peril. And the same applies to our spiritual check lights.


So, today I want to talk to you about four areas that you need to check if you find yourself bored with God.

Check #1 – Check your expectations. If you’re the type to say,“God, when are you going to and fill in the blank.” Why aren’t you and fill in the blank then? It’s possible that your expectations are off and you lost the point of your relationship. Look, it’s dangerous, it’s a dangerous place when a Christian reaches, a state of entitlement. Unfortunately, we often make our relationship with God all about us and what we get from it. Well, this doesn’t bode well in any relationship, especially with our Heavenly Father who has blessed us so abundantly, so if you find yourself constantly looking for experiences, encounters, miracles, blessings, or otherwise needing to be wowed by God, you’ve likely slipped into a state of expectation an unhealthy state of expectation in your relationship with him. If God is only exciting when he’s showing up and showing out in your life. There’s a problem.

Now, imagine that I came home every day from work and I expected my husband to just wow me. I expected him to provide me with an intense emotional connection. Wow me with even bigger surprises than yesterday and otherwise bend over backward to prove that he loves me. Wouldn’t that get old and exhausting? It would get incredibly exhausting for him and I would now become entitled because it’s now all about me. How much more are you going to be able to do? The truth is, we should be there for God, our prayer should not be that God what are you doing for me? But rather God, what do you want from me? Colossians 1:16, says it best, “for by him all things were created in heaven and on Earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities, all things were created through him and for him.” Check number one, check your expectations.

Check #2 – Check your deposits. What are you putting into the relationship, look you would never think that you could go to the bank and withdraw money from an account that you, never deposited into would you? While our relationship with God is not quite the same. We could never outgive God. And we certainly don’t have to earn our Salvation. What we get out of a relationship, however, is often linked to whatever we put into it. And there was a time in my Christian wal

In today's episode we talk about why demons won't leave.

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Struggling under demonic influence, but perhaps you’ve prayed and maybe you’ve even gone for deliverance. But still, those demons won’t leave. Why will this question causes many to become insecure and begin to doubt the power of God in their lives? On one hand. You can feel totally defeated, but on the other hand, I know your desire is to live free. Well, my friend. Is possible. Christ’s finished work on the cross wasn’t for half healing or partial Deliverance. He came to set the captives free. And if you were still feeling captive to demonic forces, there are a few possibilities for this demonic intrusion.


Let’s talk today about five possible reasons why those demons won’t leave. 

#1 – Your Unbelief.  If your lack of faith can hinder a miracle, so it can also delay your demonic deliverance and Matthew 17:14-17, a man came to Jesus to heal his boy and Complain to Jesus that his disciples couldn’t do it. And here’s what Jesus said. He said, “Oh, faithless and twisted generation. How long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you bring him here to me.” Afterwards, the disciples asked Jesus, why they couldn’t cast this demon out. And here’s what Jesus said in return, “because of your little faith. For truly I tell you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain move from here to there and it will move and nothing will be impossible for you.”

It was because of their lack of faith and most people don’t associate this scripture with demonic influence, faith is needed to cast out demons faith by the one doing the deliverance and the one receiving it. If either is lacking in faith, just call it off because it’s not going to work, and oftentimes during deliverance demons will whisper, in the ears of either both the deliverance minister and the one suffering in the demonic oppression. They’ll whisper in their ears something that is going to discourage you.  Oh, you can’t do this. This isn’t real. The demon is too strong for you. And if you believe that what they are saying is true, you lack faith, your lack of faith will hinder your deliverance. Your ability to be delivered is directly connected to your faith. 

You see if you go into deliverance with this, alright, let me see if this works attitude. It’s not going to work. You’ve got to have faith, not in yourself, but in the mighty name of Jesus to set you free.

#2 – Your lack of prayer and fasting. In the same conversation as your unbelief, we see in the Mark 9 account, that when the disciples asked why they couldn’t cast this demon out. Jesus said this, “this kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.” Petitioning God and denying the flesh doesn’t cast out demons. It brings greater breakthroughs and greater levels of belief. So this not only refers to praying and fasting. When you know, that, you’re going to be casting out demons, but I believe it’s referring more to having a lifestyle of prayer and fasting.

Demons haven’t if the demons haven’t left my friend at war with courage, you go back, pray and fast. Because in the mighty name of Jesus, they got a flee.  

#3 – The door is still open. The Apostle Paul warned the believers in Ephesus that they must not give place to the devil. You can’t rebuke a demon tha

In today's episode we talk about how to cleanse your home of demonic influence

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

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TRANSCRIPT

We protect our home from physical intruders, but how much more should we protect it against spiritual intruders?  Today, we are talking about how to cleanse your house from demonic forces. We guard our homes against physical thieves, but are you taking measures to guard your home from demonic? These demons are spiritual burglars and there is a danger that the enemy is going to bring through your home. And if you are not guarding it, your front door is wide open for demonic forces to enter, and demons may not be able to possess you if you are a born-again believer, but they can enter in through objects, which then could influence, and infect your life and the life of your family.

Ephesians 4:27 says, “give no place for the devil.” This means that we don’t let him in our front door, back door, side window or even a crack in the foundation, and the enemy is always plotting and strategizing to get into you. And he would love nothing more than to infect the very place where you should feel safe secure and sane.

Like Adam, we are called you guard, and protect our environment but unfortunately, Adam didn’t take dominion over that snake and the rest is history and demons can attach themselves two objects. Did you know that?  Their first preference is human bodies, then they’re going to settle for animals, but if neither are available, they can attach themselves to objects, and once attached to an object, these demons eagerly await an open door to attach themselves to a person. Yes, someone living in your house, even if they don’t realize it and God never gives us a pass for ignorance. There are rules in the spirit realm and God is clear on how we can remain holy and keep demonic forces from infiltrating our lives. So I want you to join with me in Deuteronomy 7, starting in verse 25 and it says this, “you shall burn the carved images of their gods with fire. You shall not covet the silver or gold, that is on them, nor take it for yourselves. Lest you be snared by it? For, it is an abomination to the Lord, your God, nor shall you bring an abomination into your house. Lest? You be doomed to destruction? Like it. You shall utterly? Detest it an utterly abhorrent for it is an accursed thing.”

Many Christians have brought idols and other works of evil into their homes without even realizing the harm and the curse that can potentially come with it.


So let’s talk today about some things that you’re going to need to remove from your house immediately if you want to cleanse it from demonic influence.

#1 – Entertainment.  Think about the first part of that word entertainment. It’s enter. That means we are opening ourselves up for things to enter into us. Think about this for a second. When you sit down to a movie, you are open to receiving what that movie produces, whether it’s fear or romance, belief, horror, entertainment.  Entertainment encompasses, everything from music to movies from books to video games. Nothing is off-limits for demons. And you’ll want to be careful not to have that entertainment that represents or glorify Satan in your house: horror, violence, perversion, lusts, and pornography. And yes, my friends that include romance novels, witchcraft, and magic, but you also want to be careful not to allow entertainment into your home. Even just from known artists that hav

In today's episode we talk about the 6 signs of a good christian counselor

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

TRANSCRIPT

So you are going through a rough patch and you think you might need some help?  Perhaps you’re struggling in a toxic relationship or you just suffered a bad breakup or maybe your negative thinking is finally catching up with you or perhaps, you just need a little direction for your next steps in life.

You want help but you also want someone who aligns with your faith. That’s where a Christian counselor can help. But like, in every profession, there are good ones, not-so-good ones. So, how do you know?

Well, today I want to talk to you about how you can find yourself a solid Christian, counselor to help you in your time of trouble.


But first, I want to share with you the six signs to indicate a good Christian counselor.

Now, I’m not just talking about the basics that all counselors need like the ability to listen and empathize or even professionalism like punctuality and boundaries. I am talking about the signs that are necessary to help you experience growth and breakthrough. Now, I want you to keep in mind that these are indications of a good counselor. These are not a guarantee, but these signs will certainly give you the confidence to move forward in the right direction.

#1 – They always come back to the original problem. Once someone begins counseling, it’s not uncommon for other issues to kind of present themselves and it’s okay for it to lead to a tangent, down a little bit of a rabbit trail, or even seem like it’s going down an unrelated road, but a good counselor will always circle back. 

#2 – They’re realistic. A good Christian counselor knows that we have both positive and negative emotions and they are realistic about what’s going on inside of you. They don’t have this Pollyanna everything is okay, here, take this scripture and call me in the morning, attitude. They understand the realities and the troubles of this life and how sin, and these troubles can bring. And they are able to walk with you through that journey.

#3 – They know when to talk, and when to listen. Counseling is a balance and there is no exact formula. There will be times when listening is necessary and they’re going to be other times when the professional input is called for. Some not-so-good counselors will talk at you the entire session. While other not-so-good counselors will just listen to listen so much that they aren’t considered much more than a rented friend. A good Christian counselor knows when to listen with understanding and when to interject.

#4 – They promote Independence and dependence, as well as interdependence. A good Christian counselor’s goal is not long-term therapy. Now, while this is needed in some cases. It should not, it shouldn’t be the norm. It’s usually the exception because what happens in long-term counseling is it creates a dependency on the counselor.

You see, a good counselor will teach a client to be independent for himself or herself, but also interdependent in the relationships that they’re in. But at the same time, also dependency on God, not on the counselor. 

#5 – The Bible is their benchmark. Whether your counselor is an LPC, a licensed, professional counselor, or an LCPC, a licensed clinical pastoral counselor, if they’re claiming to be a Christian counselor, the Bible should be their standard of measurement over any other secular tool.

Now, it’s not to say that these tools can’t help but you want this counselor to speak biblical truth into your life. And there’s a difference between a Christian counselor and a counselo

In today's episode we talk about the 3 signs that God is calling you to a higher level.

Ready to grow in your faith? Grab your FREE Mountain Moving Faith 5 Day Devotional   https://krisreece.com/5-day-faith-devotional-series/

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you sense God calling you to a higher level, but everything in your life says otherwise? Whether you’ve had a word spoken over you or you just sense the Holy Spirit moving through you, there’s likely a few shifts that are taking place to prepare you for breakthrough. 

So, today, I want to talk to you about three signs that God is calling you to a higher level.  When God moves you to the next level it frequently comes with the positions of Greater influence and blessings. And before you go getting excited you’re going to want to be careful that you are prepared for all those blessings. You see God is more concerned with your character than your comfort.


So if you sense that God desires to take you to a higher level, it’s likely that these three signs are taking place in your life.

#1 – He’s removing people. I hear this one from friends and clients alike. “I just keep losing friends.”  And it is almost like this desperate loneliness in their voice. And when pressed, they admit that these people actually weren’t all that great for them and in some cases, they didn’t even like them. But it was a warm body nonetheless and it stings when these people leave.

So here’s the thing, 1 Corinthians 15:33 reminds us that “bad company corrupts good morals.” God knows the people that are good for you and he knows the ones that are going to be a hindrance to your purpose. You cannot climb to higher levels with God while holding on to a reliance on wrong people. He may remove toxic relationships that you didn’t have the courage to remove. He may even remove relationships that seemed healthy, but God knows what’s best. The question is, “Will you trust him?”

If however, you are the type who is overly reliant on people toxic or not, God may begin to remove these people from your life since He wants to be your source and this can even refer to things being removed from your life. Oftentimes, we have an unhealthy attachment to things and people, look, God gave us things to have, not things to have us. People will often ask this question in a panic, “How much is going to be removed?” And the answer is, “I don’t know how much breakthrough do you want?”

#2 – You’re being disciplined.  Feel like others are getting away with things that are far worse than what you are doing? Feel like God has you on a short leash?  It’s certainly possible my friend and I would encourage you to not focus on what God is doing in others lives, but what he is doing in your life, Hebrews 12:5-6 says “my son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline and do not lose heart when he rebukes you because the Lord disciplines the one he loves and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” 

And Proverbs 3:12 says, “for the Lord’s disciplines, the one he loves just as a father disciplines the son in whom he delights.” Look, as hard as it is to believe God’s discipline is because he loves us and he wants what’s best for us. He actually wants to take you to a higher level, but can’t do so with sin, coping mechanisms, and bad behavior otherwise holding you back.

When my daughter was younger I would have to discipline her for not taking care of her chores in the agreed-upon time frame and she would give me attitude and sometimes you just wouldn’t do the chore at all. And some may consider this typical teenage behavior and perhaps they would say, Awe

In today's episode we talk about how to change unwanted thoughts God's way.

Ready to grow in your faith? Grab your FREE Mountain Moving Faith 5 Day Devotional   https://krisreece.com/5-day-faith-devotional-series/

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.


TRANSCRIPTS

We are talking about how to change unwanted thoughts. Everyone has intrusive thoughts from time to time. But what do you do when those thoughts can be the difference between life and death? Intrusive thoughts can range from the sudden discontentment in your marriage to vile images that are popping into your head. You don’t want them, but they seem to be taking over and God never intended for you to live your life in a mental state of slavery to your thoughts, to change your unwanted thoughts.

God’s way can set you free from the mental and emotional torment and set you on a path to true transformation.


So, how do you change unwanted thoughts? God’s way.

Step #1 – Recognize. Mark 7:20 says, “what comes out of a person is what defiles him” and our minds have a clever and persistent way of convincing us that something is true when it isn’t or vice versa.

And in this step, there are two things that I want you to recognize:

#1 – Where is this coming from? Is it coming from God, Satan, or yourself? It’s doubtful that it’s coming from God. If it’s bringing destruction into your life unless you’re misinterpreting convicting, thoughts for destructive thoughts, convicting, thoughts are meant to lead you to repentance. And if that’s not it, then it’s coming from Satan or yourself.  And if it’s a thought that you’ve never had before or a reaction that you’ve never experienced. It’s possible that it is coming from Satan and you need to just rebuke and resist it. But if you have been fighting this a long time, then my friend. It’s likely you, meaning that the voice of a parent, an old partner, or your own habitual thoughts are playing into this dynamic. Believe me, my friend, this is actually good news because it puts you into a better position than you think.

#2 – The second thing that is important to recognize is what’s going on inside of you. No one can make you feel think or react any way that you don’t want to. So in order to overcome inappropriate reactions, you must recognize what is being triggered in you. I know it’s tempting to blame your friends who are always using you and that’s why you get so upset with him or her, but that’s not going to help with your healing. Instead, it will be helpful to consider the co-dependency, people-pleasing traits that are driving you to meet the needs of self-centered friends. Make sense? The first step in improving your reaction is to recognize the lies that are invading your mind.

Step #2 – Repent. Me?  Repent? You say what do I need to repent of, they are the ones who make me feel insecure and they are the ones who are driving me crazy. But the truth is, we are all responsible for our reactions. Better said your response is your responsibility and I used to do a lot of marriage counseling in the past and the most toxic spiral that I would see couples go down is the, you made me tunnel. If you didn’t do this, I wouldn’t have done this to you justifying. You made me feel so angry, which is why I punched the wall,  blame-shifting.

Romans 14:12 is so clear when it says,“so then each of us will give an account of himself to God.”

In other words, own your reaction. If it was inappropriate own it, repent of it. If your thoughts are not Life-Giving repent of it. If your reactions contribute to the toxic tango, repent of your parts. Don’t worry about what the other person does. Their bad behavior doesn’t excuse

Have you ever wondered, is this the devil tempting me, God testing me or is it just me?
That's the question we answer in today's episode.

Ready to grow in your faith? Grab your FREE Mountain Moving Faith 5 Day Devotional  https://krisreece.com/5-day-faith-devotional-series/

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

TRANSCRIPT

Have you ever asked yourself the question? “Is this the devil tempting me, God testing me, or is it just me?”

Well, that’s the question that we’re going to answer 1 Peter, 5:8 reminds us to “be vigilant because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking, whom he can devour.”

And there is no doubt that the enemy’s purpose has always and always will be the same to kill, steal, and destroy. So it is wise for us as believers to always be armed to resist and fight against his schemes. But the trials and the troubles that we go through in this life can be many. And many times they can be intense. So how do we know if it’s the devil attacking, God refining, or a result of the consequence of our sin?

And if we don’t carefully discern the difference, the plan that we put in place could be completely fruitless at best and at worst, get us actually into deeper trouble.


So let’s talk today about how to discern whether your troubles are from God, the devil, or just you.

So let’s start with God. There are two extreme schools of thought when it comes to the troubles of God. Some will say that the bad things that happen to people in life are a direct result of sin and usually their sin. You have trouble you must have done something wrong somewhere along the line to deserve it. And to think to this extreme actually removes God’s grace and mercy. The other group will say that because God is love that he doesn’t want to see us in pain or discomfort.

So, therefore, there is no way that this could be coming from God. To think to this extreme actually removes God’s justice and righteousness. You see Jesus was clear in John 16:33 when he said, “I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.”

It is, however, difficult to see that some of our let’s call them issues, could be from God, meaning that he is actually orchestrating this on purpose. But if we believe that God is good and He wants nothing but good for our lives, then it is reasonable to assume that He would sometimes bring us through challenges that can lead us to greater victory.

How is their victory without a challenge? How is there a mountaintop without a valley? How is their faith with no trial?

God can and will use testing in trials for a number of reasons.

The least of which is to grow you in godly character and grow your faith in Him. Not too long ago, asked me how to rebuke the devil for bringing all these toxic people into her life. And what she failed to recognize is that it was God actually putting her in those situations to strengthen and grow her. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us to“be thankful in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

So what’s the solution? If you want to be in the perfect will of God don’t rebuke God’s correction, discipline, and direction instead submit yourself to it. He is Sovereign, He can be trusted and be thankful. No, you don’t have to pretend to be happy about the circumstances. But you can rejoice in knowing that He will use whatever you’re going through for your good and for His glory.

The next isthe flesh. Did you know that it’s the flesh that causes people to backslide?

Matthew 26:41 reminds us that “the spirit is willing, but the fles

Do you ever wish God would just shut off your brain?  In this episode we are talking about how to stop overthinking.
Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you ever wish God would just shut off your brain? We are talking about how to stop overthinking. Romans 12:2 reminds us “to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.”

And here’s what I realized. We all want the transformation. We attend transformational workshops and seminars in books and such, but the truth is that God brings the transformation, but we also tend to leave the mind renewal part up to God as well. But the truth is this is how our mind and just like God won’t move your hand for you we’ve been given the ability to discipline our mind and therefore participate with God in his plan of renewal. The part of renewing, our minds includes dealing with overthinking, otherwise known as ruminating.  Regardless of what you call it, it’s a Time Bandit and you know what it feels like, your mind runs wild, it’s spinning out of control with the constant what-ifs and should have, could have, would his, and then next thing, you know days and even years have slipped by and you’ve made no profit of progress.

This can’t be Godly and you would be right. It’s not. And many will look to overthinking and say, I know, I know I just have to stop thinking so much and to that  I would say, that’s not the answer. You see, God has given you an active mind, and shutting it down, shouldn’t be the option. You see, the problem is not that you’re thinking, the problem is what you’re thinking about.

So, unfortunately, God is not going to shut off our brains, but He has given us all the tools that we need to help in the renewal process. So how do we stop the dreaded overthinking?


Let’s look at 4 Biblical steps to take to stop that mental spiral in your head.

Step # 1 – To reveal. Before you can deal with spiraling thoughts, you have got to be aware of them. And I love the way the Psalmist David asked the Lord in Psalm 139:23.He said, “search me O God and know my heart,  test me and know my anxious thoughts.” 

God is faithful to reveal anything ungodly in your life. And we must look at toxic unproductive spiraling thoughts as ungodly. So pray and ask God to reveal you’re overthinking anxious thoughts and I assure you, my friend, He will. But be prepared though. He may reveal them in ways that you didn’t expect like your reactions. Yes, our reactions reveal a lot about what’s going on inside of us.

Step #2 Refocus. 2 Corinthians 10:5 reminds us that we are “to demolish arguments and every pretense that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

So the question is, What are you doing with the thoughts that are coming into your head? If you’re allowing them to run wild with no accountability, you my friend are susceptible to demonic deception, and the clarity that you so long for is going to elude you.

Instead, ask yourself is this in line with Biblical truth?

Step #3 – Rethink.  2 Timothy 3:16 reminds us that “all scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof for correction, and for training in righteousness.” So, when ruminating thoughts, invade your mind, you’ll want to search the Scriptures for what the Bible says about. Your particular situation or what you’re thinking about because you want to know the truth. Now, when I say your situation, I don’t so much mean what you were thinking about. Scripture isn’t always going to tell you exactly what to do, about your specific situation.

But much of our overthinking has a very strong emotion attached to it. For example, fear th

Do you wonder what God wants you to do with your life?  In this episode I ask 4 questions that will reveal your God given purpose.

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

TRANSCRIPT

If you’ve jumped from job to job and new idea to new idea, you may not be as flaky as you think. If you are finding yourself constantly discontent, you may not be as ungrateful as you think. You could simply be looking for purpose. Purpose and career are not the same. Purpose is a greater calling in life.

And in today’s video, we’re talking about four questions that could reveal your God-given purpose.

Have you ever wondered what God wants you to do with your life? I know what it’s like to want to find your calling but not know where to start in our fast-paced world where daily demands dictate more of our destiny than God does. It’s no wonder. We feel cut off from God’s roadmap for our lives and that’s why I am hosting a live online workshop on Saturday, January 29th, from 12 to 2, Eastern onHow to Find your God-given Purpose.

My friend, if you are ready to answer the cry for purpose, with the determination to discover that, I hope you will join me. 

There are four categories that comprise your purpose:

Passion includes that which you love and that at which you are good.

Mission includes that which you love and that which the world needs. 

Profession includes that at which you are good and that for which you can be paid.

Vocation includes that for which you can be paid and what the world needs.

When you are able to combine all of these areas, you my friend have struck purpose. Although I do want you to keep in mind that the financial aspect isn’t always an indicator of purpose. So if you’ve been feeling discontent and unsettled, it could be that God is looking to move you into a greater calling in life, but finding your calling, in life is more than just a simple search on local job boards. It takes a journey of discovery.

So are you ready to journey with me?

Here are four questions that I want you to ask yourself. If you want to reveal your God-given purpose in life.

#1 – What are my desires? Otherwise, known as passions the desires on your heart are no accident. It is God who gave you those desires? And it is God who longs to fulfill them through you, in 1 Corinthians 9:16. Paul said, “Woe to me if I don’t preach the gospel.”

That was Paul’s passion shining through and passions and desires can encompass everything from what you love to, what you hate to, what you would like to see changed in this world. And in our society, we are taught to squash our passions all in the name of responsibility. And while I agree that a passion to play video games all day long, may not provide for your family, your passion actually can begin to point to a greater purpose. At the very least it could be an indication of an expression of that purpose.

So, if you find yourself saying it, “If I only had the time or if I only had the money, I would pursue blank.” What would it be feeling that way? You may have several blanks, but I want you to remember some of God’s children are specialists and some are multi passionate. Go ahead fill in the blank.

#2 – What are my gifts? Otherwise, known as talents and we all have different gifts according to the grace that God has given to each of us, Romans, 12:6a God was intentional and how we created you, and that includes the gifts that he has bestowed upon you. And your gifts were meant to bring glory to God and benefit to the body of Christ and gifts ca

If you are struggling with insecurity and want to walk in a confidence that is back by heaven, join me in this episode as we talk about building confidence powered by God.

TRANSCRIPT

Have you ever wondered what God wants you to do with your life? I know what it’s like to want to find your calling but not know where to start and our fast-paced world where daily demands, dictate more of our destiny than God does. It’s no wonder. We feel cut off from God’s roadmap for our lives.

And that’s why I am hosting a live online workshop on Saturday, January 29th from 12 to 2 Eastern on How to Find your God-given Purpose.

If you are ready to answer the cry for purpose, with the determination to discover that, I hope you will join me. What do you define as confident? Is it a strong assertive personality? Is it someone who knows what they want and then goes after it?  You may see only confident people fulfilling their God-given purpose.

What if I told you that your concept of confidence may be a little skewed. Romans, 12:2 reminds us to “not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds” and we know what the world says about confidence. It says people who push ahead or confident people who demand their way are confident people who constantly say they are confident must be confident, but I submit to you that much of what we’ve been taught about confidence isn’t confidence at all. It’s actually pride and insecurity. Yes. That’s right. Many of the people that you think are confident are simply overcompensating to disguise their insecurities.

Think about it. Far fewer people would be caught in toxic narcissistic relationships if they were better able to discern Godly confidence from pride and insecurity.  Since we don’t want to follow the pattern of this world. We asked the question. What is the Bible say about confidence? Well, Philippians 4:13 says that“I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” So you wouldn’t feel confident with the ability to do anything. So why don’t we? Why do you struggle with your confidence in your appearance, in your abilities, in your direction, in your purpose, in your mannerisms?

Why do you struggle to feel confident? Well, I believe it’s because you’re focusing on the wrong thing. You.  All of the Scriptures in the Bible that refer to confidence, bring hope because they are grounded in him. That’s right in God, not you. I can do all things through him, who gives me strength, be strong and courageous, God is with you to find that, and Joshua 1:9, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.” Psalm 138:8.

The biblical references are extensive and they have one thing in common. It’s all about being able to be and do what we’re called to do with God. So, it’s no wonder that we feel insecure. When we try to build confidence in our own strengths. We were never meant to, and maybe you’re stuck in insecurities, call dependency, or just unable to find and fulfill your god-given purpose. And I would venture to guess that much of what you’re struggling with. Comes back to a confidence issue.

So,  let’s talk today about the steps to building confidence that is powered by God, so you can move forward in all that God’s calling you to do.

#1 – Be Yourself. Psalm 139:14 says,“I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works. My soul knows it full well.” That’s great advice. When someone says to just be yourself, but the question is, do you know who you are?

God has created you very unique, you were created on purpose for a purpose. But before you can discover what God has called you to do, you have to discover who God has created you to be. You are so much more than the sum of your experiences or the tox

Are you ready to answer the call of God on your life?  In this episode I talk about the 3 steps that I took to quit my job and follow God's purpose.


Grab your FREE 'Uncover Your God-Given Purpose' Guide
http://krisreece.com/purpose

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

TRANSCRIPT

If you are ready to answer the cry for purpose, with the determination to discover that, I hope you will join me. There is not a week that goes by that I don’t get an email or message from someone asking, “How do I find my purpose?”, and while I wish I could give private personalized advice. Each email with that question has far too many facets to touch on in just a few words. And more importantly. It’s very personal.

You see God has made you unique. Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made your works are wonderful. I know that full well.”  my friend that’s you you’re the work. God is not going to be that intentional about creating you and not be intentional about what he’s gifted you to do. And that’s what I discovered as I was neck-deep in a business that was choking the life out of me.

I had been in the fitness industry, my entire life from the age of seven, where I lined up the neighborhood kids to give them nutritional advice to owning fitness studios later on in life. Fitness was all I’d ever known. I knew God was calling me for more. Now, don’t hear what I’m not saying, not that there’s anything wrong with fitness. It’s just that my time with fitness was finished and at that time I battled with feeling discontent and ungrateful. I mean, on one hand, I was so thankful for the blessing of my business. I had a wonderful business partner in a super team, but on the other hand, something inside me was dying. I knew God wanted more from me and more for me.

So I began to take the steps needed to discover what God wanted me to do with my life. Can you relate? Do you find yourself, stuck and unfulfilled?  Whether you’ve gotten off the path because of poor choices, or you’ve been tossed about by the ways of life for filling your God-given, purpose is possible.

So I want to invite you to take the same steps that I did to answer the call of God on your life. Are You Ready?

Step #1 –  Discover. To fulfill your God-given purpose you must first discover your God-given purpose but hang with me, but to discover what God is calling you to do. You must first discover who he’s created you to be and in this step, you’re going to want to take the time to uncover your God-given temperament. Now, to learn more about temperament. I want to invite you to go over to this teaching series here,an extensive playlist on your God-given temperament.

The next thing that I want you to discover is your spiritual gifts, be honest about your passions and your pain points, take a few hours, or better yet take as much time as you need to discover yourself. My friend this is going to be the best investment you can make. A lot of times we travel through life and we’re fulfilling the needs and expectations of others. We’re going down this path that we think we’re supposed to go down and the next thing you know, we really don’t know who we are or what we like to do.

So, maybe you’re wondering exactly what you’re seeking to discover. Here’s what I want you to do, seek your strengths and your weaknesses, seek your likes, and your dislikes, your regrets in life, and what you would have done differently, better yet. Discover why you did what you did and above all else, discover your God-given temperament. My friend this is going to change your life. If you’re not sure what your God-given temperament is

Thank you to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this video. Special offer for KRM, use https://faithfulcounseling.com/krisreece to get 10% off of your first month of Christian counseling.

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode we talk about the 4 signs that some of mom's toxic traits have rubbed off on you. 

Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.