Imperfect Mens Club

Mark introduces the topic of manifestation and the power of the subconscious mind.  Then he brings up the wheel and attaches manifestation to health - mental health

Jim had introduced Dr James Doty having heard him on Lewis Howe’s podcast Mark reads from the show notes to give context to what the guys are about to discuss. Mark mentions the work he’s been doing and throws it to Jim

Jim mentions that he’s been reading and studying about manifestation for years. He talks about adversity and how it’s how you react to it that matters

Jim brings up the wheel and self awareness and lays out the 5 areas of life on our wheel

He references our past and then shares Dr Doty’s past traumas and how he overcame them. Doty mentions a billionaire he met who wasn’t happy in spite of his wealth. Your success doesn’t necessarily make you happy

Mark brings up what the podcast is all about. A forum for men to talk about things they don’t normally talk about

Mark says there’s an interesting balance between fortitude and sharing emotions

He discusses his current program and the picture of him as a 5 year old - see that kid. You are still that kid

Mark then goes into the past and Jim runs with it. We need to figure out how to process the trauma from our past in order to move on

Jim brings up our vibrational influence on the world and others

Mark tells his yoga/vibrational bowls - energy reading

Jim gives context to the vibrations we can put out. That can be good or bad

Jim says happiness should not be the goal. It should be fulfillment. The distinction between happiness, pleasure, joy, service, etc…

Mark says we misuse words like happy and crazy - what do they really mean

Jim shares another point Dr Doty spoke of. We can live in the past, present or future

The present is the goal

Jim shares his dyslexia story and how it shaped his aggressive behavior. He became self aware and has worked on it successfully

Mark shares his visualization practice and some successes that have come from it. Jim compliments Mark and gives him credit for his work and consistency

Jim goes deeper into how he uses manifestation as an inventor

He tells his patent story in the context of vibrations

Mark brings back up Jim’s past, present and future comment and gets into detail about how important processing trauma is - his anger at his ex-wife and his parents “scarcity” vibe as Depression kids

Mark mentions our sage and saboteur  The sage would see the great things that came from his divorce. He the talks about worrying about what might happen in the future and how 90% of the things he worried about never happen

Jim brings up his bitter or better concept. He sees a lot of people in pain, projecting that pain in to the world   The victim mentality and the negative vibrations that creates

Jim thinks we can help shift that pain to positivity.  Marl appreciates his ability to shift people in a better direction

Both guys agree that sometimes you hold people accountable to their negativity and sometimes you don’t. You gotta pick your spots

Jim brings up politics and suggests that talking about it without using names. Not personalizing political discussion. Positive progress can be made. Self awareness comes into play again and questions are great tools to keep discussions civil

Questions are disarming and make people think. Add positive energy and it’s magical

Great leaders create hope for the future vibrationally

Jim asks Mark to remember what moments he was able to vibrate out positivity and change the outcome of a situation

Mark brings up some sports memories and Jim jumps in

Mark shares his Sept 11 work story - how he dismissed his staff for the day and shifted the emotion in the room

Jim shares a story about his friends loss and then his rugby national championship story. He played against doctors orders and raised the energy of his whole team leading to a victory

Mark remembers a Larry Bird and Willis Reed story. Coming back into the game injured and how energy shifted for both teams

Momentum shifts in sports and how quickly they occur…and then it’s game over

Mark shares his takeaways - The past vs the present vs the future and how much influence we have at our disposal if we do the work (meditation, visualization, exercise…)

Jim says it’s all a choice. Negative or positive and the energy in the room

Mark begins with self awareness and the flywheel of life - How we respond to things now versus when we were younger

Jim shares his thoughts on the wheel and self awareness. “We grow bitter or we grow better”

He say we work hard not to grow into the bitter old man

Jim shares his “only in San Francisco” story. Parking meters and silly parking laws. “Only in San Francisco”

Mark comments after laughing about how upside down San Francisco is right now

Jim laughs at how he responded to the crazy - over emotional

Mark gets into the laughter and jokes about San Fran being bizarro world

Mark shares his Honda driving story and how competitive he used to be

Both guys agree that conflict is more dangerous now

Mark - “I used to lose m y shit in my car”

Mark shares his car conflict - “Merry Christmas”

Mark talks about pausing and  readdressing how he responds to other drivers now

Jim reflects again on his parking ticket story

They both laugh again at “only in San Francisco”

Mark says “all this shit’s a choice”. You either make your choices or you give your choices away…and that is also a choice

Self awareness makes you happier. You don’t have control over much

Jim says being self aware allows you to calm things down. It’s a sign of good leadership

Both guys think we are moving away from woke and back toward free speech

Mark quotes Scott Galloway’s Ted talk and “Do you love Your Kids”

Jim says our future leaders need to change the narrative - Stop scaring and misleading the kids

M ark says Biden is compromised across the board

Jim says more people are liking Trump because he speaks from his heart - not scripted

Mark says the election is going to be interesting

He says we are getting distracted from root causes and distracted with propaganda

Mark says the Dems are propping up abortion because it works. And there are maybe 10 topics more important than that. Safety, economy, border, etc…

Mark uses “the river to the sea” example. What river?  What sea?

Jim had a young man change his perspective about the protests today. The young people today don’t know what they are protesting and many of the protesters are paid agitators

Our young people have been scared, misled and screwed by Covid. There anger and frustration is almost justified. They got a shit sandwich

Mark says it’s still just “other things” and they’re still just choices

Jim brings up the frat boys who raised the flag and then a go-fund me to the tune of half a mil

Mark brings up pausing in response to negative emotions

Jim shares his dinner story with some Disney related folks and how Disney is aggressively moving away from woke. The biggest box offices are pro America movies

Mark says we will continue to hear things that don’t make sense while Biden is still in office

Mark talks about the value of focus, objectivity and respect in having challenging conversations

You have to hold people accountable to what they say and do

Jim says capitalism fixes things. The market dictates what people will do eventually

Then he brings up Bud Light, Target and Planet Fitness as examples of wokeness backfiring

Mark says life is a meritocracy. Sports is life and it’s great for kids. Work ethic, consistency, respect…These messages work everywhere

Jim mentions the San Francisco government school entity that is going bankrupt. Enrollment dropped

Different testing for different races…it’s a comedy show

Florida and California are different planets. Jim says where he lives might as well be Texas or Florida

Mark says that why many laws belong down at the local level

Mark ends with self awareness, choices, how you respond to thing - you are regaining control over your happiness

Jim says if you ever go to San Fran…remember to turn your wheels

Mark introduces the topic in the context of self awareness, which then leads to self evaluation of, in this case, communication skills

He talks about generational differences, social media and a “laziness” that he sees creeping into our communication

Jim agrees and goes deeper into the generational distinction. He believes that younger people are too sensitive to words. Almost like they set booby traps for us. He feels that we are also confusing people by mixing up words and phrases. It’s ours to help them reframe positions

Jim brings up the Palestinian/Israeli conflict and the UNC “frat boys” who refuse to let the American Flag be lowered

Mark shares his feedback on “the river to the sea” and how misguided some of these young people are

Mark shares how similar he and his girlfriend are simply because they were born during the same year. He goes on to talk about the word “Oriental” and his experience with this “slur” in his yoga class

Words are getting bastardized. Jim calls hem the “thought police”

Mark brings up Jordan Peterson. How well he listens and how effective he is with his pause before responding. He also holds people accountable to his words, not their interpretation of his words

Jim brings up the difference between being nice and being kind

Jim says there are a lot of complainers out there now.  Nobody likes a complainer…they tolerate them. No one will stick around complainers long term. They tolerate and move away. Complainers want to complain without consideration of a resolution

Mark brings up the strategy of using questions to disarm. I don’t know, I’m pretty sure, I feel, I think, I know…these are very different phrases… that mean very different things

Jim likes smart people, regardless of group affiliation.  Mark adds the importance of kindness as well

Mark says try to not focus on winning or being right. Also too many people are too easily offended

Mark talks about the power and danger of groups

Jim shares a couple of stories. One about privilege. What is it and why is it important or not so much?

The second about protesting in the 60’s versus today. That today’s protesters don’t seem to know much about why they’re protesting or what they’re protesting. Jim says young people are mad because they got shit on (Covid, etc…)

Mark says we allow too much complaining.  It’s about how you respond, to what happens to you

Jim brings the flywheel back in

Mark talks about leading conversations with questions and don’t try to change minds or be “right”

Jim’s quotes “To get what you want, give people what they want”

Begin with what success looks like

Fear drives much of our behavior…Try to find out what those fears are

Be respectful

Past present and future are all factors

Be transparent and work hard to create clarity

Mark introduces the idea of moving from where you are to where you want to be. How we are tempted to stay in our comfort zone and how our focus in men. We are attempting to help men get more comfortable with being vulnerable. He goes on to lay out the possible paths of staying “comfortable” versus striving for more

Jim jumps in and brings in our flywheel and the notion that most of this comes down to self awareness.  Jim talks about listening to a recent podcast with Tim Ferris where he discusses his current place in life and how different it is from his younger days

Mark uses Jim as an example of someone who strives for more. You either choose to get better or you stay comfortable

Jim returns the compliment to Mark as being aspirational as well

Mark talks about never getting rid of fear, but continuing to try to overcome it.  Once you move into fear, things start moving forward. He suggest’s that progress I not linear

The guys are using a graphic that shows stage of growth  comfort - fear - learning -growth

They bring Tim Ferris back into the discussion and how he focuses now on quality and not quantity. People and not money

Mark brings up the Harvard Study of men and their happiness

Jim quotes Ferris “think of projects as experiments”. It’ll never be perfect…just put it out there

It’s about content, not polish. Mark shares his editing approach - simple and quick

Jim shares some more about the future of podcasting and Mark shares his point of view

Mark brings up Tim Ferris’ “Tools Of Titans” and Jim talks about how he loves to interview people

The guys disagree on the notion of defining what success looks like and then discover it’s not a disagreement, it’s a misunderstanding. After clarification - good point. Let’s agree on what success means or what words mean before we move forward

The guys go back and dig into the graphic. They are seeing it from two different vantage points and the discussion brings context. After contextualizing things the guys agree and the discussion progresses and gets interesting

Jim brings back up the previous episode and dopamine and adds that as context   Dopamine hits come from fear and excitement among the things

Mark recalls their  just put it outconversation they had about having nothing and having everything   Jim expresses some “envy” about Mark uncertain future and Mark returns the favor. Both guys share their perspectives about having everything and nothing

They move in to a discussion of risk and the notion of moving from comfort to fear and purpose and the reality that life moves back and forth The value of hanging out with interesting people and developing the ability to solve problems.

Jim goes back to the graphic.  Mark brings his faith and what he is supposed to give back. His purpose is being of service

The topic of goals comes up. Mark thinks of metrics and how he doesn’t like specific goals. Now he sets process and consistency goals. Jim likes the word ‘objectives”

Mark says goals are specific numbers and objectives are destinations. Interesting discussion

Mark says he thinks you have to have aspirations

Jim suggests that maybe it’s a mindset. He feels like he’s moved from what “he” wants and what “we” want. The guys talk about how sports and sales drove their goal driven somewhat selfish actions, which drove success, but maybe wasn’t the best way to be

Mark tells the story about his most recent coach/program and his evolution around this concept - we all have a judge of ourselves, others and circumstances. The other side is your sage. Fascinating stuff

Jim brings up a few of his experiences with some other “next level” guys - self awareness

Mark says he feels like he is reacting to both his stage in life and the circumstances around him   He feels an obligation to help.  Jim agrees. “You have an obligation to let that out”. He circles back to the graphic. It won’t be perfect, 

Civil discourse, we need more. Jim says the podcast platform is still new and a big difference in how we communicate

Mark starts off with the topics of personal responsibility, self accountability and pride and how they stem from self awareness

He talks about his older brother’s background and a story he shared with him

Mark wrote an article about the story and then thought it would make a great episode

Jim liked the article and agrees that we all fuck up.  Jim has his own story he’ll share too

Mark reminds the audience that The Imperfect Mens Club has a newsletter on LinkedIn

Mark shares his younger brother’s circumstances as the real root of this topic and explains why

Mark starts to tell the story

It’s about an F-15 pilot that his brother flew with and a situation he got himself into

It involves a mission and what happened when it was coming to an end and it was time to go home

He loses track of his fuel consumption and is faced with a few choices

The guys comment back and forth speculating about what he’s thinking and his options

Mark shares his opinion on the emotion of the moment and how the pilot’s mind was working in the decision making process

Jim offers his opinion on what might have been going on in the pilots head and the reflects on how we all have these moments and how we choose to respond

Jim begins to share his story of being the guy who picked up the phone for his buddy and his divorce

Mark shares his Will Rogers quote and how we should live our lives

Mark’s divorce story comes up and the guys go back and forth with compare and contrast

How we process big problems and the myriad of emotions.  Shame, fear, pride, apology repercussions

Mark’s dad ’s life lesson “What do you do when an engine catches on fire?”

Mark talks about what happens when bad things confront you for the first time

The guys shift to how hard, but good it is to apologize when you really fucked up

Jim brings his friend back up - he had to apologize to his daughter

Mark says it’s hard for him to apologize

Mark relates this concept to projects in business and his experience with people not sharing mistakes until it’s “to late”

They go back to the pilot story and speculate on what happened to him after he landed and what could have been

Jim reminds us from the last episode about the three calls he took from three different guys struggling with the same issue

Jim then recounts a time he was struggling with depression and made a call. He gets a little emotional recalling the story

We all get punched in the nuts - when you take one of these calls you lead with empathy

Mark says we all make these calls and we all take these calls - the power of questions…”What’s going on”

Jim brings back up his call from his friend yesterday who’s in this bad divorce

Jim digs into marriage and how it’s the only license that doesn’t renew or expire - very interesting

Jim essentially helped his friend reframe the situation. Was it a failure or a success that came to an end?

Mark says when you admit to your mistake you gain respect

Apologizing, I fucked up, I don’t know what to do…

Jim says it’s also a cleansing. It flushes out and you become a better person

When you hold on to a fuck up it eats you alive

Jim says that’s what disease is

Mark connects stress to disease

Mark reminds listeners about the IMC newsletter on LinkedIn and encourage listeners to check it out

Jim repeats the connection to LinkedIN and how LinkedIn is melding with personal and professional development

Mark agrees - this melding breeds empathetic leadership among other things - Professional you is personal you

Mark goes back and summarizes the pilot story and asks, “what happens when he goes home?”

Mark introduces mindfulness as the topic and says he believes people who practice mindfulness are by nature self aware. He also suggests that most people are not self aware

Jim agrees and mentions the current mental health crisis

Jim reflects on his current state. He feels like he has a grey cloud over him

Loneliness is real

Mark talks about how divided we are. Mark says there are a lot of factors today, including Covid and the current wars going on

Mark shares how he responds to negative emotion

Jim brings up suicide - 55,000 per year - 80% are men

Mark brings up Jordan Petersons position on it being a mans world

Jim brings in dopamine - external and internal influences that impact our levels of dopamine. He cites a study that says men lose as much as 50% of their dopamine levels as they age

Jim brings up a few things that can help with  dopamine

Mark mentions George Mumford and Andrew Huberman as experts in this stuff

Both guys share some ideas that they know about and or use to stay mindful and raise dopamine. Mark shares his morning routine and expands on his Wim Hof breathing routine and his meditation routine

Jim mentions that he’s reading George Mumford’s latest book about his work with high performance athletes. He uses the term “second wind”

Mark brings up Wim Hof’s position that we are all capable of far more than we think

Jim shares more about Mumford’s book

Mark reminds us of the “you either get bitter or you can get better”. He says he sustains his good habits because he chooses things that he likes, don’t take much time and are simple

Jim tells his story about his latest patent approval process that made him feel better for a few days

Mark shares some dopamine “hacks” from and article Jim found - good versus bad dopamine

Mark shares his yoga experience - why he started and how it helps him

Mark goes back to the topic of loneliness. You can be lonely in the company of other people. He was very lonely during the last few years of his marriage

Jim brings up how boredom can do the same thing

Mark shares how a major reason people leave jobs is no longer learning new things

Mark feels like boredom makes him think lazy - If you’re bored just do something positive - move, walk, get some sun…

It’s helpful to consistently celebrate small wins

Developing a growth mindset - turn your failures into learning opportunities

Mark shares how helpful his current morning routine has beed to his happiness

He shares how important exercise has been for him

Mark ends with some encouragement about how many simple, free, quick tools are available if you just look

Jim ends with the importance of hydration and breathing

Mark shares his hydration protocol and ends by saying that all of this stuff is free, simple and easy to do

Mark introduces the topic of confidence and mentions Jim’s pre-show comment about getting older and feeling less able to impact his future or the overall future of “things”

Mark mentions how anxious he felt at his 60th birthday party and how he feels like his cause of that same feeling is age but also because the world is crazier now too

Jim starts by sharing his thoughts about his struggles with confidence and his ability to make an impact

He cites AI, division and media as sources of his “dark cloud”

Mark brings up leadership and that we don’t have many leaders.  Jim agrees and both guys express their disappointment in our current President.

Jim brings up the LSU/Iowa national anthem issue as an example of us not going in the right direction

Jim compares leadership to parenting…it’s modeling

Mark says good leaders are selfless and their words and actions are the same.  He says our current leaders are saying and doing different things

Then they bring back up the LSU/Iowa issue. Jim mentions the LSU head coach and asks Mark for more details. Mark say the media is stoking the racism component

Mark suggests that our kids are not confident about our future and the anxiety it creates

Mark talks about his childhood and how he doesn’t remember being anxious as a kid

Jim cites the hypocrisy of one side being criticized and the other not

Mark brings up history and how this generation doesn’t know history

Jim says we’re rewriting history

Mark brings up the Francis Scott Key bridge collapse

The obsession with dividing us - affects our confidence in our future

Mark asks why this is happening - control. Covid was control. The election fraud was control

What about confidence in the US dollar

Mark shifts to “what do we do about this?”  He goes inside and brings up his faith.  A higher power

Jim brings up the Easter holiday and what it means. He asks Mark’s opinion  from his Catholic background Mark talks about his faith

Mark feels compelled to help the people around him with their confidence

Mark talks about wisdom versus knowledge and the constitution

Jim tells two stories about calls he had last week with two younger people struggling with confidence and certainty. Completely unrelated with almost the exact same questions. “There’s something going on in the air right now”. What’s next?

A lack of confidence in our leaders and future

The guys bring up how they coach people up with their confidence with answers and advice

Success breeds confidence

Mark talks about how he regains his own confidence

Jim says we seek out “trusted” leaders. He bring the Wheel up on his screen and we talk about the 5 parts of life. Todays discussion falls into the Worldview category

Jim tells his story about his coaching call from last week and how he leveraged our wheel in his coaching

Mark says the wheel helps with any kind of coaching

We’re all in this together - everyone has issues. It’s about smoothing the ups and downs. Hopefully going up overall

Jim mentions “alignment” and talks about how isolated we’ve become.  The world needs everybody

Mark mentions the Harvard study of men and what makes men happy.  The number and depth of their friendships

The division today isolates and that makes us unhappy. The unknown is the worst. Uncertainty takes our confidence away

Jim thinks the devices (phones) have contributed to our isolation

Mark speak to how deep the division is based on your political choices

Mark shares his confidence ups and downs and how he gets it back

Jim brings up the word indifference and Mark’s word is apathy. The opposite of love is not hate,  It’s apathy

Jim think young people are becoming indifferent and it’s concerning

Mark mentions having a loved one who is hopeless and he’s trying to help

Jim struggles to remember a quote about hope:)

Gift somebody hope for the future

Mark says find somebody you can help with their confidence today. You can change a life

Mark makes the introduction and connects today’s topic, immigration to the IMC flywheel from the self out to Worldview

He says it’s a polarizing topic and he also cite the importance of what words mean.  Specifically “illegal immigration”

Jim says immigration pushes a lot of buttons. Jim agrees it’s connected to Worldview on our flywheel

Jim ha the perspective of having played rugby with guys from all over the world

When Jim meets first generation immigrants, he thanks them

Then Jim self reflects on his grandmother’s family who were Swiss Italian and talks about the connection that took place who he recently went back ti visit

Mark says most of us are only a generation or two away from immigrants.  Then he talks habit about his Irish background and how the Irish and Italians were treated very poorly back in the 20’s and 30’s in Boston where his dad are up. The Irish and Italians bonded in defense and over common traits like Catholicism and story telling

Mark brings up his neighbors house building project. There were 2 white guys and 15 hispanics. He didn’t know who was illegal or legal. They all were polite, happy and working their asses off

Jim reflects on his dinner the night before, which prompted this discussion.  A Bosnian couple who came here after flying the war, went to Spain and then came here.  Very successful and patriotic. The wife is a teacher in So Cal and she has a very interesting take on the “immigrants of today” and how different they are

Jim asked her opinion - She said 30 kids recently showed up without English skills or any education at all. They are unable to handle the influx. She also said the whole issue has become political

Jim says this has clearly gotten worse under the Biden administration

Mark reflects on his experience working with immigration employment lawyers. The process and cost are absurd

The Mark gives the discussion the context of how w are making decisions as a country now without any concern for mid and long term impact.  We do it with immigration, green energy, climate change…everything

Mark says how unfair these policies are to our education, healthcare, law enforcement. It’s going to break our systems

Mark brings up the hispanic young man who is on Tiki’s Tok recruiting, by telling immigrants, “come on over, you’ll get free shit standing in front of his new house and new car with his new phone…recruiting!

Jim brings back up his Bosnian couple.  How grateful they are versus how entitled this new generation of immigrants

The guys agree that entitlement is a huge problem for everyone. “What happened to fortitude”

Mark says you can’t force behaviors. You can have laws and rules, but you have to enforce them

Jim speaks as a Californian - “these kids are revenue devices”

Jim talks about the school system - you can’t discipline these kids anymore so the behavior gets out of hand but the government wants the revenue so they can’t kick em out

The teachers are quitting. Everything’s OK and no-one gets punished

Jim brings up the Teacher union and how feckless they are

Both guys want the old way back - let the kids fight it out

The guys bring up the crime issue.

They both agree that a simple process should in place to screen and track. How is this going to impact the election?

Mark says the politicians are doing what they always do - obfuscation and bullshit

Mark addresses the executive order that Trump signed and Biden overwrote it day one.  Then he talks about how bills work   Stuffing other things in a bill and calling it an immigration bill

The guys have a good laugh about Don Lemon and the media - disingenuous

The media is a huge part of the problem and our “leaders” are doing nothing

The guys share positive immigrant stories

Mark shares his brothers Iranian friend who are in love with America and are both successful doctors and very grateful. They didn’t understand how we don’t understand the problems we are encouraging

Jim shares a couple of stories. One about a Scottish rugby teammate who is now the number 2 executive at the largest grocer in the country now - great story - “I’m the American dream”

He also shares the story of how he met the lady who cleans his house 20 years ago - another great story!

We don’t hear these stories anymore in the mainstream…interesting

Jim finishes with a third story about a family from the Vietnam war era - another great tale

Mark finishes with the point that this topic needs civil discourse. We need plans and accountability

These are not compassionate ways, they are dangerous

Mark brings up the topic - stoicism as a leadership guide . He reads the definition

Virtue - wisdom, courage, moderation and justice

Mark references the article and video series he’s created around stoicism and leadership

Jim shares his thoughts - He brings up his father’s death…and life. Notes to himself that were stoic

He shares how he reflects on some of his dad’s notes and shares some

Life is how you react to things. We have very little control over much

Mark identifies stoicism versus victimhood

Jim feels true stoics don’t talk about being stoic. He begins to address the similarity of religion

Mark mentions Seneca and Marcus Aurelius

Self reflection and leadership

Mark starts to deliver his 10 stoic leadership traits

Jim mentions Ryan Holiday and Mark mentions Tim Ferris

1.  Focus on what you can control…almost nothing. How I react - How I listen - What I do

How you respond to things - this also decreases worry and stress that comes from worry

2.  Learning as a lifelong journey.  This makes you interesting, creates authority and credibility

Mark brings up Bill Clinton and Jim shares his Clinton story.

Jim brings up unlearning and how important it is to drop certain beliefs

3. Self accountability - How it fits in so closely with the foundation of the club.  It’s not sustainable to be around victims. Mark shares his recruiter perspective about people’s stories - are they blaming or taking responsibility

4.  How important failure is. Mark mentions the fear, risk, failure, experience, wisdom cycle.  Jim mentions his Silicon Valley environment and failure and then talks about his fear during his rugby days. Both guys get deeper into risk and appreciate the difference between knowledge and wisdom

5. Integrity appears in your actions when no one is looking. Actions versus words

Jim cites the difference between integrity and morality Integrity os doing what you say you’re going to do…even if it’s bad

6.  Mindfulness is paying attention with intention. Jim asks Mark for a definition of mindfulness. Being present and respectful.  Mark reflects on their partnership with respect to respect and mindfulness. Both guys reflect on their individual mindfulness. Mark shares his Henry Ford dinner story. Both guys smile about making people smile

7. Forgiveness for others and yourself. Jim brings it back to the wheel.   Mark shares his daily spiritual practice and how he beats himself up. Jim shares his self doubt story

8.  Discipline comes incrementally with consistency. Mark talks about his inner conflict with self doubt around discipline. Show up every day. Jim mentions how close addiction is to self discipline - he shares his social media “addiction”. Like sugar to the brain. Moderation is a form of discipline. Media also can make you stupid - propaganda

9.  Courage is not the absence of fear.  It’s moving forward in spite of the fear. Most people are fearful. Some do things anyway. Motivation comes from doing the right thing and can be acting in service of others. Mark mentions the video he saw about an alligator attack

10. Empathy is treating people how THEY want to be treated. Empathy versus sympathy. How do you want to be led?  Treated?  Jim says you need to work on being empathetic. Hardship creates empathy

Mark brings up his dad’s Catholic belief and how he is also a stoic. Religion and stoicism are not mutually exclusive. They exist well together and apart

Jim’s shares his recent interaction with a recent football graduate. The last bell - The last whistle. “You’re not referable”. I need to get to know you. The kid didn’t follow-up. Didn’t show up

Mark reflects on Jim’s story and compliments him on his wisdom. 3 strikes and you’re out

Jim’s quote. “When you want to help people, you tell them the truth, When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear”. - Thomas Sowell

We’re not being truthful enough

Mark wraps up encouraging listeners to investigate stoicism

Mark introduces the concept of unconscious bias and frames it in the context of the IMC flywheel of life and the 5 areas of life

The topic came up as a result of conversations Jim had recently with a couple of friends over dinner and drinks, both attorneys

Jim suggests we all have a “team” whose membership creates some our unconscious biases

Mark immediately thought about what his unconscious biases are and proposes that our language is being bastardized. How important it is to define words before talking about them. Words mean different things to different people

Jim and his friends spoke of the need for 3 things

Free education

Free healthcare

Changes to corporate greed

Jim cites the CEO of PG&E getting a 40 million dollar bonus while utility rates in CA skyrocket.  The politicians are in the pocket of the large  institutions - collusion

Mark agrees theoretically but disagrees about how to get there.  Jim presses Mark and challenges his logic

Mark reframes his position and moves into education…a space he knows well

Mark agrees that education is fucked up. Way to expensive and bad curriculum. He speaks about how big college endowments are. 

Why is this happening and how did it happen

Mark suggests the problem is with the family and a move away from faith. Academia is a mess

Jim talks about the government’s responsibility to make America safe and they’re dropping the ball

Mark brings up the minimum wage movement

Jim talks about the lack of corporate support with regard to benefits and taxes

Mark talks about this concept with his companies

Jim brings up monopolies

Mark shares George Carlin’s routines and corporate greed.  Mark asks “how did this happen and why did this happen?

Mark brings up Big Pharma and the hoax that is drugs for symptoms

Mark brings up victimhood

Jim brings up DEI and meritocracy

Mark jumps on DEI and then reads the definition of meritocracy

Mark references his daily prayer and the notion of holding people accountable with compassion

Ability and talent are the path to performance and achievement. But without performance, rewards can’t exist

Mark talks about group think and division

Jim asks if the division is what sells. Politicians looking for votes and advertisers for money

Mark says human beings like watching tragedy

Mark quotes Denzel Washington - they don’t throw 7 year olds in jail - if it gets to “the system” it’s too late”. It’s the family, the father

Mark asks if he has an unconscious bias against black people.  Suggest no and why

He describes what a racists is to him

Mark talks about his two experiences where the police drew their guns on him

Jim laughs about his three times in handcuffs. “They had the right guy all three times”

Jim says unconscious bias is a necessary survival tool

He goes on about crime in CA and it’s because of zero accountability

Mark talks about the far left and right fringes

Jim says common courtesy cuts across all groups

Both guys suggest the cities with problems have brought the problems on themselves by who they keep voting for

Mark brings up the girl recently killed in GA by an illegal immigrant

Then he talks about Riley Gaines story

Jim says this behavior is hurting women…setting them back

Mark talks about the waste in the healthcare space and the administrative burden

Jim laughs about how healthcare and utility companies can afford to put their names on stadiums

Mark ends with a suggestion - We all should ask ourselves what our unconscious biases might be before we speak, write or present to the world

Mark starts out with the wheel and announces we will have a guest on today - Jeff Otis

He addresses the flywheel and suggests today’s “self-“ focus will be on self awareness and self confidence as it pertains to leadership

Mark tosses it to Jim and Jim talks about how we all met

Jim welcomes Jeff and Jeff says hello

Jim takes Jeff around the wheel and starts with worldview

Jeff tells us where he’s from - Beaverton OR…it’s also where he still lives

His community was tight and there were great communities and leaders

Jeff played baseball all the way thru college

As far as politics, Jeff is an independent and looks for what is practical and makes sense

Jeff started looking into what makes up a great leaders.  He shares some insight about Oregon

He talks about the men in his life and sports and then he tells us about moving into work in staffing which was dominated by women. He has three daughters

Jeff talks about how important it is to pause and reflect on who you’re speaking to before speaking

Jim asks Jeff about his male role models and starts with his dad…and little league

Then Jeff names off the coaches who helped shape him. He was on 21 different championship teams!

His high school had 13 guys who went D1 or pro!

Jim shares his high school football success and speaks of the “winning culture”

Jeff reflects on being a pitcher and Jim folks about how pitchers are a bit off:)

Jim m loves on to health - Jeff shares how important mental toughness and resilient are so important

Jeff shares agin how important pausing and reflecting are

Next is money - Jeff reflects on money. “Monet kind of finds you when you need it”

Jim quotes “When I stopped chasing money and women, they started chasing me”

Jim brings Mark back into the discussion. Mark talks a bit about the work we are now doing together

Mark asks Jeff to speak further about his program that is now “our” program

Jeff discusses how we met and started to collaborate

Jim jumps in and asks Jeff about his professional journey. Jeff went in to staffing (just like Mark!)

He gets into detail about his 15 year career in staffing and his subsequent growth into the leadership space.  He found that people went down 2 available forks   Victim or transformation

He noticed that people needed help when they hit the wall. He went into digital marketing, his kids started to reach young adulthood, the internet became mainstream and smartphones came out

He felt compelled to help people craft their successful future selves

Jeff shares how the Project OTY evolved from this discovery and how he began to have success with young people

Jim asks Mark’s opinion - Marks talks about his kids and helping them find work and how he evolved into coaching. No one gave themselves permission to dream. Many had no purpose. Enter Jeff

What’s your unique strength, what’s your vision and how do you define success - most people seemed to struggle with all three

Jeff begins talking about how we all fit together.  He describes his Project OTY “Build Your Roadmap” Program

He calls it developing that “North Star”

Jim offers up another quote - Momentum. “If you’re on a bike and you freeze, you fall down”. He shares a quick story about his daughter’s flight to Japan and how it will “off course” 99% of the time. Jeff - it’s like a guided missile

Jeff says most people want to help but many don’t know how - That’s what Jeff’s program helps with

His program takes the what and why and adds the how through his critical thinking journey

You can’t take anybody where they want to go until you help them define where they want to go, building structure and confidence

Mark pipes in with more insight about what the audience might get from the partnership and then moves into their current working plan. The program establishes a foundation, a working document for life.

Jeff - we live in a world of distractions and everyone needs a plan to get them back on track

Jim bring in the 5 W’s - Who, what, when, where and why. He quotes Thomas Sowell “When you want to help people, you tell them the truth, when you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear”

Jim cites the value of a coach…an objective third party

Jeff talks about accountability and how important it is

Mark end with how optimistic he is about the future

Mark starts with the IMC flywheel of life

Todays topic is self respect or self dignity and how it impacts relationships

Mark says it was at the core of his divorce

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything

He shares his thoughts about the mask mandates

Jim asks Mark to read the definitions of self-respect and self-dignity

Jim brings the wheel back in, shares the 5 categories and he lands on Relationships

Mark reflects back on his upbringing and his family’s evolution

He cites his sister’s disrespectful posture and then he shares his disagreement with his daughter about BLM

Jim applauds Mark’s ability to maintain his self-respect

Jim talks a bit about his dad’s ability to demand/maintain his self respect

Both guys suggested men are being challenged in this area all the time

Jim says when a leader caves, he can’t get that back

The guys bring childhood fighting and sports into the discussion

Then mark shares his experience with employees who give up their dignity at work

Mark tells his self respect story from 25 years ago

Jim reflects on Marks story with praise and cites his self-control too

Jim thinks the self respect issue is very different between men and woman

He shares his views on his dealings with women

Mark talks about relationships and how different they can be

Jim says “manage the crazy” and the guys have fun with it.  He says we’re all “crazy”

Both guys think masculinity and femininity are being challenged and the roles are blurred

Man needs woman and woman needs man

Mark talks about his current relationship and how the roles have developed. He attributes their success to the level of dignity they both encourage each other to maintain

Jim brings crazy back up and how triggering it is - they get a few laughs

Jim talks about his wife’s reaction to “crazy”

Mark says people give up their dignity too easily.  How you say things is important

Jim brings up cancel culture and how bad that is

Mark thinks the current people in power are asking us to give up our self respect

Jim brings up the shift in schools around bullying and how teachers can’t discipline anymore

Mark shares a junior high school fight story…Jim has one of his own too

Mark thinks young men are being weakened

Jim tells his story about misbehaving in class when he was young - one of the best lessons he ever received

Mark says even if you don’t feel it right away, giving up your self respect eats away at your soul

He also says that anyone who would intentionally try to take another’s self respect away is evil

Jim shares his experience with a manipulative leader who cut down students in a group he was in

Jim brings up the military and their psychological training

Mark brings up the difference - sacrificing their lives - requires a different set of rules

Mark begins with the wheel and the concept of authenticity. You begin in the center with self and it’s fascinating how you can then connect it to all 5 areas of life

Mark tells how the topic came up in a LinkedIn connection earlier in the day

Both guys agree that bragging online about material possessions doesn’t work anymore…maybe it never did

Mark talks about how authenticity is dominating his life lately

Jim shares his viewpoint and brings AI into the conversation and how AI could potentially bring a lot of inauthentic information into the world. He expands on how we don’t really trust institutions anymore.  Advertisers, brands, etc

He says you can’t fake authenticity…you’ll eventually be found out

Mark reflects on his evolution from how he communicated as a young man and how he has discovered his authenticity and feels much braver in his content creation.  Authenticity has become his goal

Jim is reminded of why we named our podcast the Imperfect Mens Club

Jim suggests that authenticity is more challenging when you are younger

He talks about shedding the people who don’t serve you

Mark suggests that being authentic is risky, but it’s OK to lose people who don’t serve you

The guys bring up worldview and Mark say our “leaders” are in authentic and it has invaded most institutions

Jim bring up his mom and how she feels that it’s noisier now then ever.  People in positions of power and influence can no longer be trusted

Jim calls them paid actors

Mark talks about the left going back into people’s personal accounts to find dirt

He also acknowledges that people evolve and change

They bring up Joe Rogan and Bill Maher and Jim mentions Jon Stewart

Mark says he does not demonize people, but the left does

Jim brings up Biden and how sad he is.  Also all the people that defend his sanity - inauthentic

Both guys suggest that the far left develops narratives based on rumors and lies

They have fun with how inauthentic Kamal Harris is

Gavin Newsome rounds out politics and inauthenticity

Mark shifts the conversation to the topic of health, both physically and mentally

Jim reenforces the notion of “your best self” and the importance of having an authentic story - your origin story. He’s more comfortable now sharing his flaws and challenges

Mark gives Jim credit for his evolution of authenticity

Mark talks about some of his challenges

Jim brings up his revelation about Mark’s divorce story

You can get bitter or you can get better

The guys discuss transparency and the idea of doing what you say you are going to do

Mark gives his example of looking for people who do and say the same things

Jim ends with the importance of surrounding yourself with authentic people

Mark cites his more recent success on LinkedIn and how more people following him who are also trying to be authentic.

Mark starts with a summary of the clubs philosophy and the flywheel and the 5 areas of life

He mentions his own recent battle with self doubt and can relate to middle aged men who get much of their self worth from their careers, and what happens when they are faced with a career change

Jim reiterates what we use as our foundational structure and goes into the topic of today - self doubt

Jim talks about the connection between self doubt and self worth

Mark reads a definition of self doubt from a Google search

Mark shares his most recent challenge with self doubt.  He first mentions how he leaned on colleagues and friends for support

Mark shares the detail of his “big deal” and how self doubt crept in

He shares how grateful he was to have tools and resources to lean of to overcome his fears

Jim, as usual, wants to break it down

He proposes that Mark might have been in a protective mode and Mark agrees

He goes on to suggest that he probably had some subconscious drivers that he couldn’t even understand. He also shares how much of how we react is based on being in survival mode

Mark mentions his divorce and Jim says even though that was “a long time ago” it is likely still lingering and impacting his confidence

Jim share a quote - “A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul”

Mark agrees and suggests that his self worth was at stake

Mark’s deal went through and he shares how cathartic the win was

He also shares his gratitude and Jim appreciates it and Mark says we don’t do anything good by ourselves

Jim observes how much work Mark did and how he took some chances. Mark relates his recruiting work to this deal and how little context he had with this project. While doing his work he got no feedback until it was go time

Jim brings up Mark’s other situation that he shut down, which opened this “other door”

Mark shares his experience with how difficult it was for him to get out of an emotionally draining situation and how it may have opened this new door because it freed up space, time and energy

You have to shed that which does not serve you

Jim shares the analogy of running with ankle weights and how it felt when you took the weights off

Mark appreciates Jim’s help and how valuable it is to have a coach and how men feel they should go it alone and how people actually are flattered when you ask for help

Self doubt leads to lower self worth and that can lead to depression and even suicide

The guys share some suicide stats

Mark says he feels like we are living in the most confusing uncertain times in his whole life

Jim brings up the notion of having a “second act” in life when your primary career comes to an end

Mark brings in the context of worldview and how much noise there is in the world. He shares his gratitude for having tools available to him to overcome self doubt and fear

Jim explains the reason for starting the club - a place to go for men to share and support each other

Mark explains the difference between safe spaces and this safe space

Jim talks about how we speak with ourselves so critically and how the media makes all this worse

Mark agrees about how much media and politicians mislead and scare to divide

Jim brings up the discovery around electric cars and the guys add in the solar, wind and climate change hoaxes

Mark talks about how he moves from “I don’t know” to either knowing or dismissing an issue

They wrap up with how important contribution is and Mark ends with how self awareness was triggered and then how he reacted to get better and not bitter

Mark starts reflecting on how we both had recent communications with 30 year olds and how different they operate and communicate than we do.  Generational differences

Jim laughs about his encounter…”return your fucking phone calls…I don’t understand it Mark”

Mark frames the technology aspect of communication.  We had none of the technology…no cell phones, social media, etc..

Jim shares his opinion about how younger people feel we speak too much and they prefer to text

He also believes everyone is trying to avoid conversation and we miss so much when we don’t talk

He predicts that intimate conversation. Will be in much higher demand as technology discourages it (AI)

Mark shares the importance of context and immediate feedback (physical, energy, body language)

He connects the increase in anxiety and depression in younger people to this disconnection

Mark believes he’ll be more self aware of these generational differences

Jim brings his mind map into the discussion and breakdown generational differences

Mark has a current client that consists of people in their late 20’s and 30’s

Jim gets specific about Generation Y characteristics and seminal events (housing crash and Sept 11th). Student debt for 43% of this age group

Mark suggests that every generation has had it’s challenges and that victimhood has become a norm

Jim goes into detail about Generational details

The guys talk about the stark differences between being kid in Florida versus California

They go into detail about the impact of COVID on young people

Wars, open borders and other conflicts

Mark asks Jim if he felt anxious as a kid - not really - we were outdoors

They joke about “playdates” and walking/not walking to school

Mark talks about speaking differently to different generations

Jim says he was more mad at himself for tolerating the behavior of the younger person than the bad behavior

How do you speak accurately without being a dick

Jim cites the difference between “nice” and “kind” - the value of candor

Mark cites evil people who are fake nice and fake compassionate

Can you be too candid?

It’s better to be feared than liked - Mark uses the word respected

They dig into the fear concept

Mark talks about guilt as an accountability tool

Jim talks about football coaches

Mark says he feared his dad - letting him down and/or being held accountable

The guys refer back to their previous guest who claimed to no longer seek his fathers approval

Jim talks about his dad passing

Mark talks about his dad’s generation - 95 years old - His daughter videoed him for 12 hours over 3 years

Jim reminds us how we are the product of our 4 grandparents

They talk about becoming different people over time

Jim talks about his Rugby days and how he struggled to not bring that intense personality home as a dad and husband

They both talked about being intimidating

Jim shares feedback from the high school football coaches he talks to that most young men don’t seem to want to lead

Mark talks about leadership and responsibility…and being the jury foreman

Mark’s take on being responsible for other people’s lives

Both guys talk about not needing to be the leader anymore and Mark says there are 3 types of people

Jim ends with what he likes about the younger generations

Mark shares his concern about the younger generations - anxiety and confusion

For the first time the guys have a guest !

Carl Lane is a childhood friend of Jim’s. They co-captained their high school football team, met at 14 years old and remain great friends today.  Carl went on to play college football at Oregon State and has had great success as an entrepreneur and logistics expert

It’s a great interview and we all had fun

Mark begins with the flywheel foundation

Jim introduces Carl, who also is a listener and fan of the podcast

Carl talks about what he’s doing professionally

Carl trained top performing athletes for 6 years

Jim asks Carl about his views on health and Carl talks about his struggle with depression after retiring from sports.  He shares his desire to lead a healthy life forever - hot yoga and running

Jim asks Carl to talk about his health scare - testicular issues and how he overcame it

Jim opens up a discussion about relationships.  Carl shares his views on relationships and begins with his daughter.  The he cites how important his mom and grandma were in his upbringing

He says he no longer seeks approval from his dad

Jim asks Mark about his daughters and being mom and dad and how important our daughters are

Next up is money - abundant or scarce and how money drives behavior

Carl talks about how we change as we grow - he’s no longer a slave to money

He talks a bit about having no excuses

Jim moves into worldview and the impact of childhood - who raised us and how they raised us

Carl shares stories about his grandparents and parents and brings in his professional athletic connections - uncle, cousin and son

Jim and Carl share how and when they met and how their friendship grew. How important football was in both their lives.  Both guys cite how different coaches influenced their success

Jim and Carl continue to develop the story of their friendship and family growing

Mark cites how we all have the same challenges as middle aged men

Carl wants to be a cheerleader for the IMC

Jim - “what the world needs now more than anything is wisdom”

Jim tells his story about hitting Carl in practice and how the coach lost his shit - Jim had to run laps

Carl shares his story about the first time he went to Jim’s house and the other perspective having been friends with Huey Newton’s son

He states how focusing on what we have in common we can accomplish great things

Carl shares his experience first meeting Jim’s mom and dad

Jim brings the group into CEI and it gets interesting

Each of the guys have different opinions because they have different childhoods and upbringings

Carl talks a bit more about his football experience and how important performance and merit are

Jim brings up spirituality and Carl shares his journey and how different it is today from how he was raised

He felt nobody could answer him when he didn’t see any black people in the Last Supper—“I couldn’t ask about that”

Jim switches to politics and Carl shares how he was thinking in preparation for this interview.  His sides are right and wrong. He doesn’t pick a side.  He waits and listens.  He’s interested in the community and shares some of his service to his various communities

Carl and Jim are in agreement that K-12 is socialism and then they get released into capitalism

Carl reflects on watching Jim develop his craft and his dyslexia and then Carl brings up his stuttering problem. Are these disadvantages or simple last whistle”ly obstacles to over come. It’s a choice

Jim brings up “The last bell and the last whistle”

Carl brings up his recent work with one of the largest high schools in Charlotte

Carl ends with how he really wants to be a part of this club

Mark shares about how important it is to disagree, get along and continue to explore

Mark frames the episode about DEI

Self - Worldview - Politics - Conservative - DEI

Mark reads the definition of DEI

Jim gives his take on Worldview and shares his addiction to YouTube videos

Mark reads the definition of equity and says that life is not fair

Jim says “who gets to decide what is fair…thought police

Jim says we’ve been compromised and it’s a plan to divide us into groups

The only way to ruin a country is from the inside

Jim talks about the 2020 election in the context of George Floyd and BLM and the propaganda around it

Jim shares thoughts from some cop friends about standing down from crimes

Mark talks about propaganda and how it works

Mark says sports and companies don’t function equitability

He shares some of his upbringing

Jim cites his referent to George Floyd and groupthink

Jim talks about how he grew up in a very diverse neighborhood and never saw color as an issue

Mark’s town was all white and his perspective is quite different

He talks about human nature and root cause - the home and the schools

Jim shares some frustration with DEI

Mark goes back to sports and how the liberal manipulates the numbers/ratio

Mark asks what he thinks the end game

The guys tease each other a bit about groupthink

Jim tells a story about his big sisters article about MLK and how disappointed he would be today

Mark states when you divide you can control

Mark reflects on diversity of thought

Jim tells a story about a sportscaster friend and how sports brings people together

Mark tells a Chicago basketball story

Then he tells his aviation story about DEI and how the damage DEI causes is incremental

How DEI will eventually collapse because it doesn’t work

Jim asks Mark if there is any benefit to DEI?

Everyone has been discriminated against and that the market will fix any imbalance

The guys ask if any progress has been made since civil rights

Jim tells his tory about presidential museums - LBJ’s in particular - LBJ’s discussions with MLK recordings and the Malcom X recording - “Don’t trust the foxy white liberals” - 1965

Mark ends with Frederick Douglas - “Leave us alone”

Mark starts with some info about the structure of the IMC “Club”

He transitions to speaking of “Self” and how it all starts there

Mark lists the 5 areas and talks about subtopics radiating out from the center, the self

He asks Jim about what happens when he brings up our flywheel

Im tells our origin story.  “Don’t be frustrated, be fascinated”

Then he opens up about a trip to England to watch a rugby match - the club

Men only clubs allow very different private conversations

Different dynamic for men-only clubs

He talks about being dyslexic and how his way of viewing the world is so different from mine

People like to talk about themselves

Mark tells his story about the Orlando Country Club and the mens locker room

Getting a bunch of guys with similar outlooks together to talk about life - very cool

Jim mentions the importance of being with like-minded people

Jim uses his hand and fingers for the flywheel framework - it all starts with :self:

Mark starts with the self-hyphen phrases beginning with self awareness

Jim reads the definition

Mark talks about self awareness and how victimhood is the opposite

Next is self-evaluation the self accountability - executionMark talks about incremental change and how most people drop New Years resolutions because of impatience waiting for incremental progress

The guys are planning to have an assessment to qualify members

Jim respects self accountable guys

Mark talks about having drinks with Miles - one of his best friends

When you are your best self, you lift up everyone around you

Jim takes on self-identity

Both guys tout the value of authenticity and talk about how scary it can be

It’s reinforcement and reps

Jim brings up self control and talks about having to stop watching YouTube videos and Mark gave up bread and cheese

Mark talks about the value of an agent, a coach, a group in expediting performance improvement with objectivity and candor

The guys discuss control and discipline

Then they discuss self-talk and how important it is to be kind to ourselves and how bad we talk to ourselves

Self worth and self respect

Self gratification gets a few laughs

Mark cites the difference between pleasure and joy and then comments on guilt

Mark talks about his Catholic faith

Mark talks about cutting out the redundancies and creating the assessment for the “Club”

Mark talks about the formation of the resources and process of building the club

Mark starts with his definition of “Agency” and how he has worked as an agent as a recruiter

How personal things got when finding work for someone

Jim brings up real estate agents

Mark share his relationship approach

Jim talks about his agency in the cabinet  business

Jim tells the story of his friend who managed the Seattle Mariners.  How the young pitcher didn’t negotiate his 35 million dollar deal…his agent did

Mark goes back to positioning the framework flywheel and the 5 key areas of life and the self

Mark reads the definition of agency from the dictionary

Mark talks more about how he acted as an agent as a recruiter

Jim talks about artists and athletes who’ve been abused by agents

He shares some stories about his real estate buddies and how valuable they are

Mark explains where that value lies

Jim expresses his perceived value of agents

The guys talk about attorney agency

Mark lays out agency in the 5 key areas of life

Jim disagrees and talks about how coaches shouldn’t get personal

Mark speaks to the difference between Jim and Mark’s positions

Jim speaks to the difference between agency and mentorship

Mark speaks about the difference life experiences between Mark and Jim

Mark brings up how important qualifying clients is and Jim concurs

…there has to b e alignment between agent and client

Mark tells how Jim has acted as his agent and vice versa

Jim thinks friends and family are often too close to be objective

Jim reminds us how important objectivity is

Mark appreciates being helped with his tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt

Jim brings up business agents and how you don’t even need to like him, just respect and trust him

Jim brings up his Patent attorney story

Mark wants strong expertise and integrity

Jim brings the difference between integrity and morality…murderers murder….integrity, not morality

Mark talks about what separates the guys from the competition

Jim brings up self awareness again and how you have to do the work

Mark relates his leadership work with another client and the assessment piece of that process

Progress is made incrementally.  Practice over time.  Accountability

Jim speaks to the value of having someone else to hold you accountable

Mark says the best coaches have coaches

We can’t make people ready but we can help people who are ready

Jim brings up depression.  With our help, optimism, a plan and advice we might help people avoid that darkness

To be your best self while the world changes

Mark relates his career coaching call from earlier and how much of his teaching comes from his failures

Jim engages with the time of year and reassessing life.  He speaks to the importance of a system, a framework

Jim likes his quotes “The only thing worse than no hope is false hope”

The only thing worse than no advice is bad advice”

Mark says it’s what makes the guys unique - wisdom

The guys end in agreement on who to get advice from

They end with imperfect and club (authentic and community)

Mark begins with revisiting the framework of our program. The center of the flywheel and the radiant thinking that moves out from center to the 5 areas of life and todays podcast is about the 5th and final area…Others.  People and relationships

Mark transitions to how events like Covid have made human contact and relationships even more important than ever

Jim tells a story about Christmas dinner with 10 family memebers at which they practice 2 traditions. First they go around the table and everyone makes his “Declaration” for the year 2024 and second “what are you hopeful for”. Jim committed himself to “putting it out there” even though not everyone is going to like it

He hopes we become America first again. Lead with being an American and not a group

He spoke of his Latino family never identifying as Latino first.  They were Americans who were also Latino

Mark agrees and says it’s a joke that we even have to talk about this

Then Mark brings up the Harvard Study Of Men and Happiness Article Here

Relationships was the number one contribution to happiness. Purpose was number 2

Mark shares some context about the study and how rich and accurate the data is after 85 years!

Jim brings our flywheel of life into the discussion.  He explains out “others” category

Mark talks ab out his dad’s family of eleven children and some of the conflict that existed there

Jim relates the Others category to the other 4 and shows again that each area affects the other 4…and it’s all about self awareness

Mark brings up his eldest brother being a pilot, in part, because his father was a pilot

Jim says we’re all the products of 4 people…both sets of grandparents…whether you know them of not

Mark talks about interested his eldest daughter is in learning about her ancestry

Jim claims he’s gotten more interested in his ancestry as he’s gotten older.  Then he talks about his grandparents from Switzerland

Jim then talks about getting to know his father really well after his passing during the settlement of his estate (very interesting). He finishes with the importance of figuring out your own self through your understanding of your ancestry

Mark shares his opinion on self awareness and how it benefits relationship

Jim begins to talk about men and women and shares that everyone is not the same.  Men and women are different

Mark asks Jim how many women friends he has that aren’t the wives of his or his wife’s friends:)

Jim admits that he has no female friends but that his kids do have friends of the opposite sex that they’ve not had sex with…and he feels this is progress. Mark agrees that his kids are the same and that this is mostly good.  Progress. But things like polygamy are not sustainable

Jim revisits his female influencers…his mom was great

Mark shares the same about his mom

Jim shares his discovery at about 10 that he was dyslexic. He talks about being publicly humiliated and his mean ugly older female teacher. He became anti authority and distrusts older ugly women:)

Mark acknowledges that that kind of treatment will leave a scar and likely create an anger over time. Jim agrees and then brings up his young hot teacher who had the opposite effect

The guys laugh at movies from the 80’s and how thy could never be made today. Mark brings up Mel Brooks

Jim shifts the discussion to men and then speaks about the value of good friends…they anchor you and call you on your shit

Mark shares that because he moved when he was 26 that most of his friendships are from 26 on, but they are solid 20 plus year relationships nonetheless.

Jim asks Mark about his grandfathers and Mark shares his recollections, then Jim asks Mark about whether he has different relationships with his daughters and his son. Mark shares that his relationships are quite different

Both guys share insights about their daughters and how we go from teaching them to getting taught by them

Jim shares a story about losing his dad and talking to his friend about losing his. How losing your dad can be empowering as an adult…you get permission to no longer have to impress him

Jim reflects on a discussion with his daughter about how he has evolved as a man, a dad and that he was different when she was a child

Jim concludes with a story about his involvement in a high level 3 day coaching program “Landmark Forum?” Some cool exercises about communicating with your father or mother and discovering hidden agendas and misunderstandings

Episode 30 Money

Mark again leads with the foundational structure of our approach and the 5 key areas of life

Today we talk about money

Jim revisits his exercise of creating “self” phrases and talking with his good friend about self awareness

Then he starts talking about money and how it breaks up relationships

He says there are two types of people - they don’t have money, but act like they do…and those that have money and pretend they don’t

Mark talks about having money and then losing it all.  Happiness was never connected to having or not having money

Why do we get so emotional about money if it doesn’t matter?  Self awareness is the key

Jim revisits how our childhood shapes us and he talks about his upbringing and his parents attitude about money. Good stories about vacations

Jim talks about his neighborhood and how diverse it was.  Poor and rich people

Mark talks about his hometown and the two different sides of the tracks and his parents attitude about money.  Good people are good and bad people are bad…money isn’t a factor

Jim talks about how money is necessary and can bring you pleasure

Mark distinguishes between pleasure and joy. Joy comes from within

The guys talk about earned versus inherited money and the conflicts inherited money creates between siblings and family

Jim tells his story about looking for cheaper gas when he doesn’t need the money.  Childhood habits that he’s stuck with

Mark shares his gas prices story and how our minds can fuck with us regarding money

Jim starts talking about money and relationships

Mark talks about his ex and money and how she clung to money

Mark talks about his hometown and his experience at Notre Dame

Again…inherited versus earned.  Generational wealth

Mark distinguishes between employees with big budgets and entrepreneurs

Both guys talk about their parents views about money

Jim shares his dads various investment accounts left behind upon his passing 

Mark talks about his childhood experiences with money and his attitude about eating out with friends

Jim says “I’m a cheap bastard”

Jim tells his “Jew” story

Mark talks about the difference between men and women and waiting on them as a waiter

Jim shares his opinions on money being used to manipulate and Mark brings up his ex again in the context of manipulation and the kids

Jim starts to connect the impact money has on the other 4 key area of life

Mark shares his story of recovering from losing everything…monetarily

Mark talks about Charles Barkley and Shaq.  Less is more

Jim jumps in with - how much is too much

Mark talks about his kids success and how money complicates things

Jim shares his story of buying his first house and how it had a shed in the back where Jim could make cabinets too.  How we both eat what we kill

How self aware are we about how we let money drive us

Mark opens with a summary of our framework from introduction, to the 5 areas to agency in the final episode of the 7 episode series within season 2

Jim brings up the concept of radiant thinking and the concept of self

Jim says men often find their identity in their careers

The world doesn’t need more knowledge…it needs wisdom and that’s we strive to provide

Mark comes from an angle of enhanced performance.  He shares how his professional advisory work always goes deep personally

How much we make, our title and such can become too much of our identity

Jim suggests that we no longer separate our work from our personal and political lives

And now days you need to be careful about what you say and to whom

Mark appreciates being an entrepreneur because he can dod and say what he wants

He goes on about picking clients based on how reasonable they are - no assholes

Mark asks Jim about the day he decided to become his own boss.  Jim tells a great story about being denied time off…”everything I do I have to run by someone else”

Jim references our flywheel and the 5 spokes of the wheel…our relationship with money

“Everyone is in sales”. Some people recognize that and some don’t

Jim talks about his dad being a government employee and how different that is from corporate

Mark thinks all men contemplate going on their own, but many can’t overcome the fear and how he coaches such men.  He talks about men converting from permanent to consulting

Mark talks about working for stupid people

Jim pokes around with Mark’s career and how he operated as an agent for his candidates

Mark shares how he combines words - consultant, entrepreneur, freelancer…they are all eating what they kill

Jim talks about how our opportunities also depend on what our money situation looks like

Mark talks about deciding to go independent and what that discussion looks like.  How agents act as facilitators of risk assessment

Jim brings up the importance of self awareness and that when things change, you need to recalibrate

Everything is connected and we seek alignment through self awareness

Mark shares his experience with people rolling from contract to perm.  Job security is a myth

Jim brings up self identity regarding one’s career.  How some men identify by what they do

How do you answer the question…”What do you do”. He asks Mark what he says in response

Jim distinguishes between “How do you make money” and “what do you do?”

Both guys share stories about their dads and not talking about their careers or how much they make

Jim asks first…”where are you from”. Isn’t that a better way to start a conversation

Mark shares his reflection about talking about money as a recruiter

Jim shares this in the context of “what are you worth?”

Jim tells a story about attending functions and how helpful it is to NOT lead with what you do

It’s a better conversation when you don’t lead with what you do

Jim asks Mark how he answers the “what do you do” question

Jim talks about introducing people and how he could introduce me to others better than I could

Jim shares how he answers the question “what do you do”. I’m an inventor and what the fuck does that mean?

Mark wraps it up with agency.  Jim says it’s also about improved performance

Mark starts by summarizing the 7 episode series describing what the Imperfect Mens Club is all about.  The inner circle of self and the surrounding 5 key areas of life

Today the guys discuss the topic of worldview

Worldview comes from childhood experience and your adult experiences

Mark identifies as conservative but more so a pragmatist

Jim agrees generally and adds that our focus is mainly men

Jim brings a real life example with physical and mental health

He also brings up culture, religion and other factors that form one’s worldview

Then he brings up politics and the anxiety and uncertainty it brings up

Politics and being either self accountable or not

Mark says we are not holding people accountable which affects our division

Mark shares how he processes information, particularly  information about bad things

He pauses, observes and makes assessments before he concludes

Mark brings up January 6th and wars, crimes, riots and accidents

Jim brings up radiant thinking and the flywheel

Jim reflects on mar’s comment “Jim, it’s always about politics”

Let’s be respectful and try to not to divide even when we disagree

Mark says when he’s talking to someone he disagrees with, he does try and change minds

Discussions of politics need data and objectivity

Now the guys switch to childhood

Jim relates a story about a party he went to and how his first question for a new person is “where did you grow up” to find common ground

Mark tells how his girlfriend and he came from very different environments but the same year and how generational sameness breeds great common ground…movies, sports, songs, phrases and traditions

Jim brings up heritage and nationality as drivers of worldview

Mark brings up subconscious childhood experiences and trauma as drivers of worldview

Mark and Jim both speak about working on mindfulness and inner work

Mark talks about dad and how he practiced his Catholic faith

Mark talks about the bad side of Catholicism and both guys talk about how all large institutions have a small percentage of evil

Mark states the importance of context

Stay rooted in objectivity and facts and be mindful of your subconscious drivers

Jim brings up a conversation with his adult daughter and Mark his

Jim talks about his upbringing as violent and aggressive and how he’s mellowed

Mark gives Jim credit for changing

Mark tells the story of hitting his aunt with an overhead smash when he was 18

Mark brings up his kids and competition

What happens when we disagree - can we remain civil?

Jim says we learn from everyone, which makes us our best selves

Mark goes back at the different stages of life and raising his kids

If you’re paying attention and listening, that’s how you get better

They wrap up with authenticity and being able to be disliked

Without this we lose our dignity

Mark…”I never wanted anyone to kiss my ass”

Our “leaders” are not authentic

Jim talks about intentions and Mark agrees, but adds how important actions are as well

It all comes back to self awareness

Humility encourages self awareness

Mark sets future expectations

The Imperfection is the perfection

Today the guys continue the series on how their fly wheel framework works.  The first spoke on the wheel connected to the SELF is the topic of health, both physical and mental

Mark asks wether people are interested in self care?

Mark brings up holistic health and his daughter the health coach

Jim suggests that if you’re going to help people with health you need to appear credible

Mark talks about the guys being athletes and how that affected their health conscious nature and the importance of mental health

Mark and Jim have friends who don’t seem to be interested in self care

Jim is currently into the carnivore diet and whole foods and values the benefit of good protein

He also says you have to listen to your body and managing injury as we get older

Being physically fit makes you more productive in all other areas of your life.  “I don’t have time” is bullshit

Jim connects all five areas with health

Mark talks about his upbringing and the transition from traditional medicine the current holistic landscape

Neither of the guys are fans of traditional medicine and believe that you can heal yourself with food

Jim says the drug companies and medical industry are marketing companies

Mark speaks about the popularity of prescription drug advertising

Jim talks about rugby and fitness

Jim transitions in to mental health and experimenting with drugs before getting off them finally

Mark shares the way he thinks we should use drugs…but not long term - lifestyle choices

Jim recounts how we met when Jim was struggling with depression some years back

Mark reflects back on

Mark says we’re all fucked up

Self awareness is the start…am I taking car of myself?

Mark talks about how helpful having an agent is in the journey to perform at higher levels

Jim says environment is a big dal too and Mark concurs

We’re a product of the 5 people you spend the most time with

Mark brings up what we watch and listened - You Tube and anxiety

Mark shares how he gets rid of anxiety very easily

Mark wraps it up with some expectation setting on what’s coming next

Higher performance - Mark cites his mother and father

You have to be ready

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Mark begins by summarizing the last episode about the IMC framework and philosophy

He then introduces the concept of “radiant thinking”

Jim shares that he discovered radiant thinking while seeking answers about his dyslexia

Mark reads the definition of radiant thinking

Mark brings up agency and how we function as agents at IMC

Mark speculates that most people don’t self reflect and those that do are triggered by events

He states that true self awareness is a life long journey

Jim talks about the evolution of the IMC

“The imperfection Is The Perfection”

What happens to us does not define us…how we react does

Mark says personal accountability (self-accountability) is the whole deal…the foundation…the juice

Jim brings up self-alignment.  Radiant thinking is alignment

Life is not linear, it’s radiant

Jim shares how he thinks the brain works

Mark talks about communicating in a moment.  Empathetic listening involves self awareness

When serving others, you begins with empathy and self awareness

Jim speaks of living in the present…leading to self control

Fear comes from the past and the future

Mark shares a recruiter training story about projection - the 90/10 rule of self awareness

Jim says people are seeking people with order and control

Mark asks Jim when he became self-aware and Jim identifies as an inventor

He struggled with communication until he discovered his dyslexia and now he leans on new technology to communicate

Mark asks Jim more about how his mind works

Mark talks about how to speak with different people in different circumstances

Women and men think different…and that’s a good thing…the world needs everybody

Mark reflects on a misunderstanding he had with Jim just before the show

Jim talks about using Chat GPT for foundational work

Mark brings up the time he questioned his faith and he recognized how self awareness is a gift

Jim brings up some conversations with his daughter about being a different person as he grew

Conversations don’t need to be right or wrong.  No winner and no loser

The need to be right diminishes over time…or it should

Mark talks about his son’s addiction and recovery and the amazing self awareness that has come into his life

Mark puts the IMC program in the context of self awareness

Jim pulls agency back into the conversation

Most good things come from bad things - Mark Jr’s collapsed lung and recovery

Most people just need a little nudge - that what we do at IMC

Jim says he really appreciates people who can laugh at themselves

Mark jokes about how your kids start turning the tables on you as they become adults

Jim wanted to let his daughter know he’s a different person now - humanizing him

Jim asks Mark…what are your “selves”…he strives for authenticity

Jim ends with self worth and self love and gets a few laughs

Mark begins by setting up what the guys are up to next

The fly wheel of Self Awareness and the foundation of their work

Mark speaks about the Manifesto and upcoming programs in development

Jim goes into some detail about how our wheel works

He explains that we all begin with our self…self awareness, Self accountability…

The guys have both found that in talking with people about our podcast and our direction that many people are in agreement with our philosophy

The center of the wheel and the five areas of focus around the wheel:

Worldview

Relationships

Money

Profession

Health

The imperfection is the perfection

After Jim does a high level summary, the guys go into detail in each of the 5 areas and the center of self

Why are we doing a podcast and what is this wheel all about?

Self awareness is the key to making progress and being successful

Mark talks about experience and the value of mistakes and successes - wisdom

Jim agrees about the importance of self awareness

Mark shares who the program is for and who it’s not for

Why our culture is ripe for self awareness

After committing to being self aware, the next step is self evaluation

Jim brings up the fixing your car analogy

How hard we are on ourselves - self talk

Why having an agent is so helpful - to bring objectivity and help part the clouds

Jim brings up self worth and self accountability

All 5 categories are interconnected

None of this works without self accountability

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better”

Finally the expectation of result is a complete self transformation

Mark shares the difference between band aids on symptoms versus addressing root causes

People who are ready to get to the root cause are who we want in the program

Jim asks Mark to talk about his background in recruiting and then shares his own background

Mark explains his experience and how it helps him as a coach

Jim shares how all 5 areas are always impacted by the other 4.  They are all tied together

Mark shares how professional coaching bleeds into all the other areas

Both of us identify as entrepreneurs among other things

Mark talks about learning from the mistakes of others and the value of a good agent

Jim brings up worldview and Mark talks about how one arrives at a worldview

It starts with the adults in our childhood - parents, teachers, coaches, etc…and then reshapes based on our adult political views.  Spirituality also factors in

Mark talks about how noisy the political landscape is and ho he’s tried to speak with people who disagree with him civil and with kindness and generosity…the program addresses this

Next up is money - scarcity versus abundance

Scarcity is driven by fear and pessimism. Money is hard to make, rich people are bad…

Mark says he’s ready to help in part because he’s done his own inner work

The next category is Health - Mental and physical

Jim says guys often keep their emotions inside

Mark says it’s all like exercise.  Show up every day, consistently, in small doses daily

Breathing, meditating, praying and visualization

Results will come later - delayed gratification.  Trust the process and don’t quit

Jim shares how he and Mark together years ago. Depression and seeking a solution

Mark shares his experience with Depression and Jim shares details

Mark say if you commit to the “Self” practices, you can fix almost anything with this holistic approach to root causes

Mark says the next step is an action plan. The “wheel” approach

Mark shares the weakest link in the chain

Being proactive is better than waiting for something bad to happen

The last key area is Relationships

Jim talks about all the different categories in the relationship category

Mark says communication is key.  What you say, when you say it, how you say it and to whom you say it

Jim mentions the impact of birth order on your success

Mark begins to set expectations about what’s next.  A manifesto and a program rolling out between now and the first of 2024

You can take the manifesto and go it on your own, but for people that want an agent, a guide…we can expedite your journey with our agency, our coaching

Jim brings up the assessment process and the idea that we will also continue to put out free resources to help as many people as possible

Mark “we’re collectively all in this together”

Mark opens with the definition of resentment

What it is and why it shows up in our lives

Jim brings our flywheel into the discussion and how many things are still present from our childhood

The guys both agree how important self awareness and personal accountability

Life is not fair

We all resent, but the difference is between those who wallow and those who look for personal accountability

Jim - I’d rather die trying than live in regret

Mark relates his divorce to the topic

Jim asks, how much are we still stuck in the past

Mark jokes about forgiveness in the context of his ex

Jim puts Mark on the spot

Mark admits he is mad at himself to some extent for thinking he could change her

Jim says most people blame and cannot look inside

Mark talks about managing her reengagement and abandonment and how he needs to let go

Mark brings up his mom’s suicide and how he resented that for a sec

Jim says we all resent

Jim resents our politicians for what they done to ruin the country - Worldview

Jim brings up professional resentment and Mark reminds Jim of his story

Jim says he’s more resentful of allowing his boss to get away with it

Resentment and dignity are intertwined

Mark brings back the concept of unfairness and why he speaks up, why he votes

Jim brings back the wheel

Money resent - Mark talks about not hiding money and being taken advantage of

Making decisions an emotional state

Mark resents not firing his attorney and the back story to that

Jim shares his attorney story…that fucking guy…

Mark talks about firing his attorney and then getting sole custody of his kids

Mark talks about his kids resentment of that whole process and everyone in it

Negative emotions processed quickly and moving on with learning is the way to go

Jim brings up listening to a podcast with the author of The Secret - it’s good to get your problems out or they’ll sneak up on you later…regret and resentment

Mark talks about how to process resentment and regret and how some of it stays around and needs further work

Mark talks about accepting your responsibility and how to move on,  Self aware, nope to blame, and create space for some loving thought…move on

Jim speaks to learning what not to do if that bad thing happens again

Mark says you don’t make good decisions from a place of fear

Jim says yes and it’s unfair to blame others in that same spot

Blame gets you nowhere

I’m sorry and I forgive you…unconditionally

Mark talks about apologizing to his son and the time leading up to it

Jim references a Podcast about Putin and how he became who he is

How we become who we are.  Pain and resentment can shape us

Mark says he’s a broken man.  Not an excuse, but an understanding

Jim relates Putin’s judo background to his recent actions

Mark talks bullyinigand the psychology of it

Mark begins with what he believes “agency” is

We all need an agent off and on during our lives

Jim adds to the definition from his perspective

Jim tells a story about his good friend who was a professional baseball manger

The story of a young man signing a $40 million dollar contract and how he didn’t negotiate the contract, his agent did

The agent is not emotionally attached, strictly business

Mark talks about his career as an agent - recruiter

Agents need to be great listeners

Family and friends do not make good agents, they’re too close

Jim talks about another good friend who played in the NFL

Coaches have agents too

Pros and celebrities often need protection from their own families

Great agents can be life changing

Mark and Jim bring the flywheel framework into the discussion - agency touches every spot on the wheel

Jim asks Mark about his recruiting experience and how that works

Mark brings up a more recent client experience

Mark says how valuable questions are in helping someone with a big decision

Vulnerability and fear are driving forces and agents can really help with these

Change makes people uncomfortable

Much of what a good agent does has nothing to do with money

Both of Mark’s daughters, who are coaches, have coaches

Great agents get deep into the personal lives of their clients

Both guys are natural mentors and people come to them for advice all the time

Mark talks about his decision to start his own company and telling his dad

Jim - some of the worst advice came from the people closest to him

Jim distinguishes between experience, knowledge and wisdom

We don’t have the answers, but we can facilitate our clients answering their own questions

Wisdom comes from bad decisions, mistakes and failure

Telling someone that you know what they should do is irresponsible

Mark tells the story about helping his girlfriend’s daughter - changed her life

Agents help create clarity and confidence…and hope

Jim talks about the importance of good tools and people to teach you how to use them

Jim asks Mark what tools he uses as a recruiter

Resumes, LinkedIn profiles and his “Find Your True Purpose” workbook - self assessment

Jim brings up roadmaps and Mark mentions our new partner Jeff and his roadmapping tool

They discuss the areas they can help with - quite a few

Jim brings up AI and it’s uses moving forward

Mark mentions two AI. uses and how important prompts are

Both guys agree everyone needs to look into AI

Mark offers their services

Don’t take criticism from someone who you would not go to for advice

The guys are both dealing with anxiety and flinch at how widespread it is

Mark reads a definition

Then he puts anxiety in the context of our self awareness fly wheel

Mark’s kids all have issues with anxiety and they were all together last weekend

Mark speaks to the sources of anxiety

Jim restates the use of our wheel and The Middle East conflict as a source of anxiety

Jim starts sharing some stories that happened over the weekend at a college football game.  He had two small “run ins” during and after the game

Jim brings up the media

Mark brings up our uncertain future including talk of another world war

Jim says war is what humans do

It’s not a partisan conversation, it’s a collective national position

Mark talks about the covid disaster, immigration, Ukraine, Israel and Hamas

Jim brings in China and Russia

Jim reflects on the good that came after World War 2

We’ve lost all trust in our government and large institutions

Mark says we’re also moving away from God - God fearing people are happier

No higher power increase loneliness and anxiety

Church is as much about community as it is about religion

Isolation is on the rise because of all these things…more anxiety

Jim comes back to his sports stories - college football

We have experience with the 18 to 35 year olds (we both have daughters)

Mark thinks men are being emasculated and this is confusing the kids in this age group

Both guys agree on progress and tradition.  Some changes have been good and some have turned out to be harmful and unproductive

Back to the football game related stories

Nothing good happens when the word “dude” enters the conversation:)

Jim got the stink eye for his “ladies first” comment.  How dare you call me a lady

Mark says it’s too bad we even have to think about this shit

Mark shares his coffee shop experiences with liberals and language

Jim gets hit with a peanut in the back of his head and threw it back and hit the wrong guy in the head (another dude)

Jim thinks young people are angry and anxious and have been brainwashed about our country and certain traditions

When your anxious it’s more likely you’ll get angry

Mark shares his wellness routine including breathing, praying and meditation.  These are all anxiety killers

Jim has decided to be more reflective, empathetic and self aware

Mark inserts his personal accountability stance and Jim agrees

The world doesn’t need more anger, hate or anxiety

The guys are talking about triggers.  We all have them

Knowing what your triggers are makes them easier to handle

This involves self awareness and that takes work

Mark mentions pausing when you get triggered

Triggers in this context are negative

Pausing allows you to regain objectivity

Jim talks about triggers from his childhood and younger years

When you allow yourself to be triggered all kinds of bad things can happen

Jim brings up our flywheel and the 5 areas

Profession - what kind of bosses have you had. Mark cites a LinkedIn post that he commented on where his story was similar but the end was different. Jim talks about the uncertainty and failure that is being and inventor

Money is loaded with triggers.  Scarcity to abundance.  Both our parents and grandparents come from scarcity families. Mark mentions his dad and Jim his mom

Worldview - Trigger land with politics.  Jim brings up the Gaza conflict and his anger for the current administration.  Both guys talk about limiting media intake to avoid getting so triggered

Mark says politicians and media are triggering us on purpose.  Jim says what’s happening now is a religious war and that shapes our worldview. Mark shares a car accident story and how we are triggered by tragedy.

Health - Mental health is where the triggers are.  Mental health needs constant attention. Mark shares his aging process and how it triggers emotions

Relationships - Men and woman..Mark says men are different.  Men do confidence, competition and simple things.  Jim says men are simpler and Jim says woman armor complicated and clever as well

Mark weaves in a story about his ex wife and her triggering strategy.  Jim has a friend in a similar toxic ex-wife relationship and kids

Mark tells part of his ex-wife story…talk about triggers and her manipulation techniques

Jim’s perspective in support of Mark

Mark and Jim are both fascinated with human behavior

Both guys have a good laugh and give their understanding that her bad behavior is driven by anger and sadness

Mark gives some details and they both identify this behavior as projection

Jim tells a story about his Europe trip and his interaction with his wife regarding spending so much time together and how they got along

Mark identifies this as a transformative moment - empty nest

Mark’s ex comes back into the story - a lack of self-awareness

Jim says a lot of people are outwardly shiny but inwardly miserable

Mark says the external stuff is not how you get to happy.  Happy is all internal

Fear based versus love based decisions

Mark brings up gratitude and how long his list is when he thinks about it

Jim ties in humility and how powerful that emotion can be.  How adversity shapes us

Jim brings up AA members and how self accountable they are

Skilled sailors are built on rough seas

Mark’s ex comes back in again - Jim plays psychologist

Jim mentions the difference between knowledge and wisdom

Wisdom is born of experience

We took last week of because Jim was traveling around Europe for a few weeks

Mark suggests we use The Wheel and Jim explains the 5 components of the wheel

Relationships, Money, Health, Profession, and Worldview

Mark adds the center of the wheel - Self

Mark brings in Worldview

Mark asks Jim about his trip

We discuss how things have changed everywhere

Jim reminds us that Europe has always had wars going on

Jim says America is no longer the big stick and Europe has lost respect for us

Jim was treated quite well by the French - great food and people

He felt the Europeans were more in harmony…

Things and people were lighter, less threatening, easier

Mark says the media exaggerates how bad things are

Americans are competitive, individualistic and

Jim brings sports into the discussion

Jim talks about the difference in approaches to work and life

Europeans Start later, close earlier, linger over meals and take more vacations

Mark talks about work ethic being embedded in the DNA

Mark shares his daughters wanting to linger over meals and not eating fast

Europeans linger and eat for the experience

Europeans socialize and enjoy each others company

Mark misses eating dinner together as a family

Jim cites that corporations have taken over in the US and small business is thriving in Europe

Small businesses are becoming scarce here in the US

Covid accelerated everything

Mark talks about tradition breaking down over here

Jim explains why European roads have roundabouts and we don’t

Jim saw a great deal of young people out and about

In US people are growing old and lonely where in Europe 3 and 4 generations live together

Mark talks about growing up in Boston and the Italian and the Irish neighborhoods

Money doesn’t buy happiness.  It creates isolation and complacency

Jim wants to know more about which countries have more than 2 political parties

Mark jokes about American ignorance

Jim wants a third party and thinks it would lessen the division over here

Europeans have their own countries but they’re also European and have figured out how to get along

Mark brings up the Ryder Cup

Jim talks about his visit to the World Rugby Championships which is one of the reasons for his trip

Game comes first and the player comes second - the ultimate honor is to represent your country

Mark brings tradition back up and the activity of taking down statues

Jim brings up the Irish “Troubles” and Mark shares his experience having married an Irish girl

Jim brings up the current situation in Israel

Mark goes off a bit about globalization the pro Palestinian riots here in the US

Mark gives his opinions on Israel and Jim had enough:)

Jim said things have changed but he has too

Jim says he was purposeful about respecting each different culture as he moved from country to country

Mark remember taking public transportation and get off at the last stop of the train and sample the small town off the map places.  Genuine and hospitable

Both guys loved Amsterdam

Jim finishes with a story about visiting his cousin in the Swiss Alps by Lake Cuomo

Mark talks about his dad’s family ties in Newfoundland and his desire to visit there

Jim is traveling for the rugby World Cup   He doesn’t have his good mic but it should be fine

Jim shares some details about the games and some of the places he plans on visiting

Mark makes the statement that most people don’t travel much

Jim shares some trips one and two years ago and how technology has made traveling much easier

Mark talks about his dad and brother’s worldly travel and his ability to travel as a kid

Mark reflects on how airline travel has changed

Mark tells his story sitting in the cockpit with his dad while taking off!

Jim sat next to the King of Tonga at the Tonga/Canada rugby match a few years ago and then has other rugby stories to tell

Jim gives insights into the difference between rugby and other sports

Jim reminds Mark that the world has become much smaller and you can get access to fine things everywhere and things are expensive everywhere

Mark tells his story about visiting Dublin in the 90’s versus today.  Mixed races, food, cell phones and traffic.  Then he goes on to his trip to Europe after college

Mark says you can tell in moments if the person you are speaking with has traveled

Jim says it’s not better or worse, it’s just different and you get adjusted and people get along

Jim shifts to his experience in Amsterdam and how cool it is.  A lot of young people and all the restaurants were full

Jim talks about our laws versus the relative openness in Europe (drinking and cell phone usage)

Mark talks about his trip to the North of France and how they were celebrating their 2000th anniversary.  Perspective

Mark talks about how vast the Roman Empire was and how fragile things are and how civilizations fall quickly

Jim brings up the war in Ukraine and Mark shares his own views

Americans don’t know European history

Marks talks about the documentary about cities in the world where more people live beyond 100 and why - the family culture, good food, faith and exercise

Jim brings up globalization and the impact on tradition and culture

Jim talks about his disappointment in the amount of graffiti in Milan and all over the world for that matter

Mark cites a lack of respect and accountability

Jim agrees that the younger generation has stopped caring and are scared

Mark also says, these criminals are not being arrested

Mark says the people in power are scaring the younger generation with climate change and war

Jim speaks to the lack of homeless people in Europe and Mark ends with some accountability

Mark starts talking about being a Baby Boomer and how we think generationally

There are a number of differences that impact our thinking

Geography, culture, religion, age, gender…

Jim says we need to understand and be aware of where people are coming from

Jim brings up Entitlement and says entitled people hold themselves in higher regard and then expands on what entitlement can mean

Mark talks about older generational wisdom and storytelling and his father’s monthly poker games

Jim says all those people are also flawed

Mark talks about his “perfect” dad and his uncle Kevin and the contrast and context.

Jim brings up Mark’s deal making and the idea that he’s dealing with 2 or 3 generations in one deal 20’s to 50’s

Mark talks about his kids friends when they were teenagers and Jim brings up the fact that that was 15 years ago!

15 years ago things were different

Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s bad

Jim brings up an event he went to in San Francisco over the bridge.  He speaks about how liberal politicians have ruined SF, but…?

Jim talks about how big cities go through cycles and that maybe SF is on the mend???  Private citizens and business owners have hired their own police forces just in the last few weeks and have made hundreds of arrests and convictions

Mark talks about his experience with crime and homelessness in FL

Generational leadership - both our presidential choices are embarrassing and old.  Old politicians are being reelected and we expect things to chance

America need to get the older generation out and a new younger generation

Mark brings up Rogan, Musk, Carrolla and Maher

Bill Maher has become interesting in light of his stance on free speech and free thought…a great sign

Mark talks about politics in a generational context

Stop bullshitting me and don’t tell me how to think.  Our generation needs to take responsibility for fixing

Jim talks generational coaching evolution from Vince Lombardi to Bill Walsh.  From WW2 gritty to West Coast offense and more encouraging

Not breaking down and rebuilding but coaching them up.  Management styles have changed also…more empathy

Mark talks about racism and it’s roots and the difference between race and culture

Mark cites the different times and how we judge people during the time in which they live

Generational differences are real and need to be recognized

Mark brings up a poll “YouGov”

Jim asks some good questions about the poll

What people believe versus what is actually the case

Perception versus reality

What % of the country is black?

The guys talk about reality versus speculation

How many marriages are mixed race?

local versus national and how we’re being misled

How many families make more than $500,000

What % of Americans are vegetarian?

Mark brings up his brother - in law and the idea that we all need different diets/consumption

What % of Americans live in NYC?

What % of Americans are transgender?

We are expending energy on tiny slivers of the population and we are being distracted from our real problems

Mark brings up Disney and Jim feels optimistic about race, gender and ESG trends moving back to center

Both guys are optimistic about the ship turning back to practicality

Mark identifies these trends as social engineering and not human nature

The poll is now over and Mark shares some commentary

The media runs race, gender and wealth stories - you’re being brainwashed

The reality is that most people are practical and think just like you do

Mark cites events that are blown out of proportion

Jim says the media and advertising are one in the same and speaks about the history of the media

Jim tells his dynamite story - the media fuels and incites false narratives

Media got regulated and now it’s come full circle back to monetary incentive

The media is driven by money and advertisers and not the news

Jim brings up Big Pharma

Mark brings up the upcoming NFL season and political campaigns

Mark is a fan of investigation before acceptance

Mark tells his bank teller story - the human condition

What does the “mainstream media” even mean anymore

Joe Rogan comes up as one who is being authentic and practical - answering only to himself

Mark - “Dad, how do I know what to believe?”

Mark distinguishes between the left, the right, the middle and then the fringes on the right and left

Jim thinks that’s a 3rd party

Mark mentions Tip O’Neil.  The Dems and Repubs used to get shit done over dinner and cocktails

Mark talks about Magic and Larry Bird

Jim bring up LeBron James and Colin Kaepernick

Jim is bothered by the race baiting the most

Mark ends with how to deal with emotion and not taking the bait

Mark brings up the topic of adjustments in middle age

He asks Jim about his recent trip alone for 11 days in his fully equipped Ford Transit van

Jim cites his solo journeys started a few years ago.  “Things were getting tough”

He went to Europe alone and discovered some things about himself

Jim’s van is fully equipped - bathroom stove and bed

He went through 7 states in 11 days and realized America is a beautiful place

The quiet was wonderful and he appreciated the opportunity to think his own thoughts

Mark mentions retreats and sweat shops

Jim enjoyed the nights in his van as much as the one night at the Ritz

Mark asks Jim how his wife feels about this and his answer is cool

There’s a mutual benefit

Mark talks about his alone time beach afternoons every Wednesday for 6 months and how spiritual and relaxing the sun and ocean are

Jim talks about his food experience. He brought his own and didn’t drink that much

The guys talk about alcohol

Jim says changing your environment is healthy and how much he appreciates windshield time…sunsets, fields and mountains

Jim brings up people and the differences from more dense populations

Mark says the would be good for everyone, but particularly good for people you don’t like being alone

Jim appreciated not having a deadline or destination to restrict him and how he could come and go as he pleased because of the van

Jim liked the alone time for the self sufficiency.  No lines, no waiting…

Gas prices in SF were $6/gal and in Utah it was $3.97

Jim cites California’s challenges

The disparity between Twin Falls Wyoming and Las Vegas!

He has two friends he visited that started over and now have built great new lives

The power of a change in environment

Mark talks about the notion of annual guy weekends

Jim talks about friendship in mid-life and rekindling with good friends

Jim switches to his Florida alligator story - his metaphor…when you move out of your “space” you grow

Both guys speak to the value at 17 or 18 of “leaving” to grow

Mark wanted to go as soon as he graduated

If you’re not living, you’re dying

Mark says college is no longer serving most young adults and leaving to another country  might be the thing that’s best for our youth

Jim cite’s Israel’s youth program and that there are social acclimation benefits to college

Jim ends with the phenomenon that was weather on his trip.  In charge, in control of your environment

Mark brings up Dopamine

Jim cites a book he just read relating to neuro diverse people and how their brains work differently.  The dyslexic mind processes 4 or 5 times faster than a normal brain. This is good and bad

Drugs sex and gambling are some bad sources

The connection between dopamine and addiction

Our cell phones are dopamine crazy

Mark cites a 60 minutes experiment with Anderson Cooper about exactly this

Jim brings up workaholics and dopamine

Mark brings up his older brother as ADHD when it wasn’t yet diagnosed

Both guys have doubts about the need for all these drugs

Mark tells about his “runners high” experience in Chicago in his 20’s and marathoners

Jim shares his 20 year career of dopamine hits from rugby

Both guys are of the opinion that dopamine can be had through only natural sources

Mark talks about his meditation practice

Jim asks about the negative sources of dopamine

The guys talk about fighting when they were younger

Mark tells his fight story with his son present (8 years old)

Jim shares some of his experiences being in full control during sex, sports and fighting.  Full control

Primal urges and survival

Jim brings up concussions and some studies he’s familiar with.  Jim’s conclusions and how Mark and Jim met

Both guys talk about pro sports and retirement

Mark brings up his fighter pilot brother and retirement.  Then they talk about veterans

Sports coaching and the differences between sports and business

Jim says that’s why sports are played in seasons…not sustainability

Mark brings up middle aged men and replacing old habits

Jim says he’s struggling with the middle aged transition

Mark brings up his dad and aging adjustments

Jim brings up alcohol and the first 1 or 2 drinks

Mark shares his alcohol stories

Jim uses the phrase “lubricant for the mind”

Good conversations can hit you up with dopamine.  Meeting new people

Mark talks about presenting an offer to a candidate as a real high

The conversation starts with Jim’s 15th annual barbecue for the High School football team he played for 40 years ago…good stuff

Jim reflects back to how he became an active volunteer for the high school and specifically his football team 15 years ago

Mark makes the observation that good players rarely make good coaches.  Many great players don’t want to be coaches

Jim started helping by being the weight coach for the freshmen and saw that the training facilities were in really bad shape.  And that kids are kids.  No color or size or hair style…just kids

Jim began a fund raising initiative for new facilities and all the details that went into that He rallied some successful alum and raised a ton of money…some of them professional athletes

It started with a golf tournament and then they all reflected on how life changing these investments of time and money could be and the went into high gear

Mark gives Jim kudos for the great work

Then Jim tells us what the program looks like now and how these efforts will give young men direction and belonging…changing lives

Jim fills in the gaps from his life journey from high school graduation to today…very cool

The importance of strong male role models

Jim shares some more football stories and life lessons including him overcoming some major transformative events including a car accident and  discovering he had dyslexia

Jim ties it all back into his 15 year run asa mentor and this years backyard barbecue

High school kids are being “prepared in socialism and released into capitalism”

“The Season Of Life” book is an important set of lessons about men’s roles in this world

Jim shares the status of 9 alum that are all successful that also came back to the barbecue

One of the alum brought a “special guest”.  An alum named Andre Ward - gold medal undefeated champion boxer who gave an awesome speech for about 15 minutes

Jim opens a window to all the politics and effort that went into what has become a movement to include all 3 high schools in the district $240 million dollars raised!

Mark and Jim share their perspectives on Andre’s speech,,,powerful.  Jim shares Andre’s credentials as an athlete, but more importantly as a man

Jim breaks down Andre’s speech

Other topics…show up every day

Jim opens the barbecue with his “one rule”…there are no rules.  You guys earned the right to be here…and they have not had one incident in 15 years

Mark mentions Bill Campbell and the book “Trillion Dollar Coach”

Jim shares some more alumni success stories and ties them into their common “wins”

The guys appreciate how sports eliminates the group speak.  Skin color doesn’t matter in sports

Mark talk more about the importance of men being men and Jim agrees..why all the division

Mark thinks politics has bled into many areas that it doesn’t belong.  Scare people and weaken them and you can control them

Mark and Jim agree on the political division but think it’s turning

Great stories!!

Mark leads with integrity

Jim is reminded about the difference between integrity and morality

Mark tells the story of his busboy coke dealer friend from his 20’s

Jim talks about his gardener as the man he knows with the most integrity and how his house cleaner is a close 2nd - Lupe’s success story

Mark talks about teaching his kids to do what they say

The guys discuss punctuality and “Island Time”

How does integrity change from culture to culture

How about mistakes and forgiveness

People with integrity take personal responsibility

Mark talks about how he trained his employees to be responsible regardless

Mark talks about service people and those who take responsibility and those who don’t

Holding the door open for women…everybody.  And when people don’t say thank you

What about forgiveness and integrity

All the words the are right underneath integrity

You can’t be a leader without integrity…people won’t follow you

Jim sales call story

Mark’s mentorship story and self respect

When you play stupid games you win stupid prizes

Jim’s 2nd sales story - game playing. 

Mark talks about his new hedge fund buddy and his integrity checking approach

Mark asks Jim about why people stay in jobs where they are being disrespected

Jim has a great counterpoint to Mark’s position

Your integrity will be put to the test

Mark starts with saying he thinks he has a brand and it’s a work in progress

Mark talks about asking friends what his superpower is.  Communication was the common thread

Think of a phrase, start using it, keep using it

Jim brings up the difference between company brands and personal brands

Mark loves the word authenticity, but ironically to claim to be authentic means you’re not

Mark brings up Bill Campbell and The Trillion Dollar Coach

Jim struggles with the personal component of branding and wants to figure it out.  We don’t naturally celebrate our accomplishments .  It’s generational

Things need to make sense.  The goal is to be authentic and consistent

The goal is to help others

Jim brings up the $1000 cup of coffee in the context of how we might offer our services

Mark agrees that people need to be qualified and have skin in the game

He talks about being a podcast guest as a marketing strategy

Jim takes the topic deeper and gets interested in the psychology of qualifying prospects…we need to qualifying them

Mark shares the context of being the editor of the podcast.  Our stuff is good

What are you worth?  How much should I charge?

Jim loves the idea of agency.  Everyone needs an agent

We should be agents

The Wall Street Journal article about mid life crisis/transition coaching space

Jim’s take on the article is a bit different.  He shares his wife’s experience at a women’s retreat

Mark appreciates the need for community and purpose

The value of being of service

Mark talks about the hiring process and his project helping a couple of kids looking to start a recruiting company

Mark shares the idea of mastermind groups

Jim recognizes that the work is helping people rebrand themselves

Mark brings up Larry Bird, Bob Wolfe and Red Auerbach

Then Tom Brady and Bill Belichick and ego

Let’s be agents for aspirational clients

Jim opens with a story about his disappointment and shies away from talking about himself

Mark jumps in and shares how he has had to disappoint people as a recruiter for 35 years…sorry man you didn’t get the job

Jim reminds us that it’s a big deal for him to even fill out an application because he has dysgraphia.  Mark reminds Jim of how he should be proud of having overcome this limitation

Jim then shares how one little dissapointment brings every other disappointment in your life rushing into your consciousness and you beat yourself up.  This can help you reanalyze things but it can also be challenging

Mark brings in his kids and how they were abandoned in the divorce.  Getting rejected blows and watching others get disappointed is rough

Mark talks about being empathetic and Jim makes the point that he’s sharing less

The less you share the easier life is

The guys talk about cutting each other off and the way they communicate on the podcast

Mark talks a bit more about his divorce and how it impacted the sale of the company.  His disappointment in one of his partners and how his other partner was awesome

Jim brings back in Mark’s recruiting experience disappointing people.  Mark get’s into more detail about feedback in the interview process

Mark talks about how the ego plays into disappointment

Jim mentions he isn’t set up well to fail because he succeeded early in life.  It also is a time to reflect on how to get better

Mark brings God into the discussion

Mark reflects on his mother and sister.  What part of this disappointment could he influence

Is compassions better response

Mark talks about how competition is both a friend and foe

Jim agrees. He then brings creativity and Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams

Dopamine

Why would someone take his own life?

Mark asks Jim, how should you behave when you have to disappoint someone

Jim says call.  No text, no email.  Compassion and empathy

Mark says if possible, face to face

Mark cites his recent article about the lousy feedback step in the interview process

Mark brings up Monty Python and the Life of Brian - man being woman

In the context of social media - reaction to your online posting/articles

Jim shares his online application experiences

Mark wants to talk about recapping the takeaways

Humanity, compassion and context.  Person to person

How should we handle disappointment ourselves

Jim and Mark agree…don’t complain and don’t share all your disappointments

Nobody gives a shit about you or your stuff

Jim has a 14 year old house guest.  She has come for the 3rd summer.Jim and she get a long

He discusses what he is learning from her as well as mentoring her

When he uses a word she doesn’t understand he asks her to Google it and screen shot for reuse later in life

He tells her he thinks she will do great things

Mark says to tell her not to ever do anything because someone says she should

Mark talks about the subconscious and how Jim’s mentorship could change her life

One of the words Jim and his guest Googled the word subconscious and how unconscious is related

Jim reads the definition of “subconscious”

Mark says he heard that we are formed by the age of 4 or 5 and then your environment kicks in.  Parents, friends, relatives, worldview, etc…

Jim recognizes his responsibility as a role model

Mark also recognizes the importance of mentorship.  Then he goes into how we have control over our thoughts yet rarely exercise control over them

Mark talks about his dream and how it was so positive rather than the normal conflict memory

The guys talk about dreams in specific and general and Mark attributes it to his inner work

We can control ourselves and our subconcious thoughts toward a better life

You either get bitter or you get better and its a choice

Jim talks a bit more about his house guest

Mark talks about a call with his friend and his question about the kids

Mark told his friend that he was happiest that all 3 kids take responsibility for their own happiness

Once you figure out it’s all up to you, things get better

Jim talks about fabricated fun spots and the guys agree they don’t like them

They both share childhood vacation stories

Mark asks what are those subconscious things that are “in his way”?

Jim texts some writing on the subconscious mind he found online and Mark reads them…in the opposite order than he was meant to:)

The writing/articles focus on both the subconscious mind and some words by Freud

The articles really relate to the guys discussion and then Jim brings back in the application of some of these principles to his 14 year old guest…very cool

Mark talks about our obligation to model and mentor to teach people how manage their emotions and awareness

Jim doesn’t think older people will be convinced to change their mind and Mark agrees…except for his dad:)

You have to listen well and you have to pay attention

Both guys agree not to look to others for happiness

Jim tells his wonderful mentorship stories with the football teams of his alma mater.  He’s done it for 15 years and accomplished a ton over the years. Great stories!!

Mark shares his stories working with the homeless kids

Mark speaks directly to middle aged men and their choices about controlling their happiness

Jim talks about one particular coach and how we all have our story

Jim thinks that without sports he’d be in jail

Mark shares a Denzel Washington story

Jim says it doesn’t have to be a father that mentors, just a good man who wants to

Jim starts curious about my idea about ageism as a topic

I’m 61 and Jim is 58

70 is the new 50 Mark talks about the lag between having a new trend and when we catch up

Mark talks about the logic behind dismissing solely based on age

Jim brings up output and Jim casts some doubt about 

Mark talks about remote vs productivity, vs context

Mark talks about the frailty of youth and the benefits of experience

Mentorship - experience and wisdom

It’s time to leave a mark…a legacy

Jim - you get bitter or you get better

Mark speaks to Jim’s dysleksia

Jim talks about his father in-law losing his filter

Mark talks about the people who choose better

Being negative is easy.  Being positive takes work

Mark’s default is not opting for anger

Another of Jim’s favorite quotes…reading and writing

Mark reflects on Jim’s dyslexia

Mark brings his dad in again and talks about his ability to make you feel special

Our kids are distracted

Mark gets a bit emotional about safe spaces and victimhood

Jim jumps in to defend young people

Jim talks about our fathers being learners - intellectually deep and interesting

Mark puts his perspective back in.  He loves young people

Let’s just reconsider the value of experience

We complicate things more when we’re young

We’re making things complicated

Jim talks about how there is so much change

Threads vs Twitter

Where is this going?

Jim brings up Government tech collusion

Mark says why don’t we know more sooner when bad things happen.  Evidence should be available sooner and people should be punished

Don’t think like everyone else

Pay attention and choose better

Let’s talk law enforcement.  Mark says it must be really difficult to be a cop now

Same with politicians

Jim brings up the BLM protests and he says it’s a tipping point.  Mayors and Governors giving orders for police to stand down

Jim says it’s weak leadership

Mark talks about getting arrested at age 12 - “bumper skiing”

Jim talks about crime and the lack of consequences as well as the current state of San Francisco

How did we get here?  Laws not being enforced

Mark describes what he believes the hierarchy - cops, criminals and DA’s

Are DA’s being selectively selected - Liberal versus conservative

Mark says the data does not support systemic racism and the problem is much deeper

Jim talks about being arrested as a young man and how it curbed his behavior.  Drinking and driving at 14 and how he talked his way out of it

Mark has respect for the police from his parents

Both guys talk about being held to account by their parents

The best police candidates are shying away and older cops are retiring early

Jim tells positive cop stories and how it’s different now

If you physically accost a cop, you lose your rights

Both guys agree cops demand respect and we need them to avoid chaos

We need to let cops enforce the laws

Jim talks about too much law enforcement being a challenge too

Both guys also said that cops need to behave correctly

How we form our opinions about cops

Mark gets arrested again!

Jim talks about teaching young men how to treat cops and then tells about an interaction with cops at his home during a party for high school football players

One lesson is that you need to also know your rights as well as being calm and respectful with cops

Jim knew he had a life lesson opportunity with the kids

Mark praises Jim’s mentorship and Jim says we need to help the police

Mark tells two more “getting arrested” stories

The boys talk about how challenging it is to be a cop and how Mark was essentially racialy profiled - AKA great police work and that he felt no inclination to press charges - they were trying to protect us

Jim finishes with a story about some cousins who spent time in prison and how he reconnected with one of his cousins who got out of jail.  The officer who arrested him became a mentor to the ex con.  He said the officer saved his life

We don’t celebrate the good things cops do

Mark says the cop thing is bigger than just the cops.  It’s society too

Jim starts with resistance is part of life

He uses weight lifting as an example

The results occur over time with consistency

Mark talks about resistances due to ego and that resistance is a sign of progress

Everyone has the same issues

Jim says it happens early and forever

The guys love their sports:)

Resistance is physical, emotional, and spiritual

Resistance feels bad, but it’s good and your results manifest over time

Mark admits to a fear of success and Jim disagrees

Mark talks about getting criticized on line

Jim quotes - “If you’re not failing you’re not trying hard enough” and “don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better” and “I’;d rather die trying”

Mark tells about his first big risk and not being scared at all

Jim recognizes different stages of life and why young people’s ignorance can be a gift.

Jim brings ego back into the discussion

The guys discuss professional athletics and retirement as well as Jim’s most recent fundraiser.  Jim puts his ego aside later in life

Mark says if you need your ego to get something done you’re probably doing the wrong thing

Mark talks about his older brother and his retirement from flying jet fighters

Jim talks about the importance of humility

Mark says humility is a strength not a weakness

Jim recalls taking his son  to the US Open and his rugby finals loss as a youngster

Mark talks about his kids always listening and watching him

Jim tells his story about his Japanese assistant and shares some Japanese culture - what you do, not what you say

Mark reminds us that getting gut punched means you’re making progress

The guys end with self awareness, self evaluation and self execution

Mark starts out with western medicine and frames it from raising kids to present day

The guys both believe the system is broken

Jim wants to personalize the story…his dad passed before Covid and ht family is grateful he passed able to be with family 2019

Jim talks about his friend who died alone during Covid, who died from a “Covid related” issue

He tells a third story about people losing everything to the healthcare system in the last days of their lives

Mark tells his childhood story of his knee prognosis - surgery or no surgery

Mark tells the story about his dog and pediatrician:)

Question everything

Mark talks about taking the kids to doctors when they were young

The pharmaceutical industry and it’s corruption

The guys talk about nurses and doctors and the system and it’s broken nature

Jim talks about the fact that they “practice” medicine and are flawed

Then they go into our food system and the poison that is our food

Mark asks, “aren’t we responsible for our own health?” And then transitions into the holistic alternative

The whole medical industry contributes to the problem

Mark talks about his fathers health journey - 94 years young

Mark talks about personal choices

Jim talks about the placebo effect

Mark and Jim disagree about doctors, Mark is more skeptical

Mark blames all the institutions surrounding the delivery of care - CDC, FDA, AMA, insurance companies, etc…

Jim talks about the collusion between all these entities

Mark throws Fauci under the bus with all the other politicians

Mark talks about questioning doctors and the gender confusion issue

Medicine is a business, it’s a profit driven business

Jim shares a story about his neck surgery then and now from his rugby days…very compelling…second opinions

Mark applauds Jim’s decision

They both talk about emotional issues manifesting into physical maladies

Doctors are human and therefore imperfect - you need to question diagnosis and how many different entities are driving medical decisions

Jim shares some personal details about some behaviors that impact his health

Mark talks about self care and tells his daughter’s “sting” experience with the department of health

Jim says if you walk into a doctors office, you’ll walk out sick

Mark tells his story about the heart surgeon who had a heart attack and how it changed his approach to wellness

Jim shares his carnivore diet story

Mark concludes about how fear makes people do things they wouldn’t normal do

Covid was a farce and take your health into your own hands

Make good choices.  The choice is yours

Jim says do the right thing 80% of the time and you'll be good

Mark’s mic was off but the sound is good enough and the content is too good to do it over

Mark starts with a great quote from Denzel Washington

Jim says the imperfection is the perfection

Todays topic is around the idea of giving up or quitting and letting go 

Jim talks about quitting as a normal feeling but that actually quitting brings about regret…he’d rather die trying

Mark talks about quitting being necessary to make space for new things…or people

The guys talk about being harmed by people that you need to let go

Jim states that hanging on or chasing relationships is giving up your dignity or is it compassion?

Jim shares a couple of stories about friendships lost and old friendships renewed

As life gets complicated you have to make choices and some of those choices are hard

Sometimes people disappear for good reason and come back later

Mark quotes his dad “If you’re not being taken advantage of every once in a while, you’re not being nice enough to people”

The guys bring up self awareness and self worth as guiding emotions in the context of ego

Jim talks about the value of forgiveness and how hard it is

Mark talks about reconnecting with his mentor after 25 years…why it took so long and how nice it is

Jim catches Mark saying “you don’t really know why though do you?”

Jim talks about friends growing bitter and not better and how difficult it is…Mark agrees and talks specifically about health

As soon as you give up on your health, everything else follows

The guys bring up quitting on family

Mark mentions the daughter in-law and mother-in law challenge and the relationship with his own mother

Jim asks what about when people quit on us?

The guys both cite personal examples

Both guys cite conditional relationships they experienced

Mark talks about revisiting self-awareness daily because of how circumstances change and evolve sometimes really fast

Mark talks about having choices when time is freed up and how choosing to serve others is a great choice

Jim puts the topic in the context of Mark’s career advisory services

And how important career decisions are in the context of life

Jim quotes the book “Strength to Strength” regarding your second half of life regarding lessening capabilities and developing wisdom

Mark cites his dad as a great role model

Jim talks about his sister and a recent call he got from her that was quite validating.  Mark talks about his sister in a very different light

He talks about what he calls “conditional” relationships and how he won’t stay in them

Then the guys talk about different ways of quitting and how sometimes we get back together because we forget why we quit in the first place

We can get back together when both people come back lovingly and with the benefit of the doubt

This episode starts “mid idea’ with Jim sharing where he thinks “it” started

What “it” turns out to be is leadership and the division of ideology known as “woke” and “rational”:)

Mark tells his story about the Russian spy who defected.  How he said on a tv talk show in the 70’s that the Russians have been infecting our schools with a socialist/communist

The guys cite the Bud Light and Target incidents where they tried to serve the LGBTQ community and it blew up in their face

Mark reflects back on some DEI discussion we had and how it leads to having unqualified people in positions of power.  Identity politics

Mark says we need to hold people accountable and Jim is encouraged by the Bid Light debacle

Jim mentions white guilt and entitlement at the core of this issue and then he brings up Blackrock and the DEI/ESG initiatives being pushed back on.

Both guys are optimistic that the wokeness is not sustainable

Mark and Jim consider all of it propaganda

Mark tells his story about the first time seeing a white person kneeling and apologizing to a black person

BLM is going bankrupt and the owners are crooks

Mark says no one is willing to say…you have to look at historical behavior through the lens of when it was taking place…not today

Media. Academia, Hollywood and Political leaders are dividing us

Jim says “we’ve been comprised” and the guys discuss the Biden crime family in the context of no accountability

Mark brings up Jan 6th and our lack of trust in our leadership and then talks about a PhD scientist interviewed about the climate change hoax

The guys bring up the wind turbine mess and Al Gore’s crimes

Mark says they’re scaring our kids

Jim moves on to the Covid scam and the fear behind driving continued mask use

Mark says fear is driving all of it and the misuse of compassion

Jim quotes Malcolm X and how his warnings have come true

Jim speaks about the great equalizer - sports

The guys disagree and then come around about how to solve the problems in the poor black communities

Mark brings up the Swamp and entitlement

The guys speak a bit about the immigration challenge and how it make no sense

Mark makes a point that we are making decisions with no plan for the long term repercussions

Jim talks about what it means to be an American

The guys think it’s all a lack of leadership

Then Trump comes up again and Jim speaks about the globalist agenda

Mark goes to the freedom of speech pushback

Jim tells his Def Leopard story to close in the context of privilege and white guilt

Mark closes out with his “troubles” in the bag story

The podcast starts off with Jim talking about emotional intelligence and how people park their cars:) He also feels pretty strongly about the questions people ask and how intently they listen to your answer Mark speaks to the importance of active listening and authenticity.  Being in the moment in a world of distraction Jim distinguishes between fleeting contact online and face to face contact over a few hours of time Jim is asked “what’s the secret to a successful marriage?”  He breaks down how important it is to change and evolve together.  You reinvent yourselves as you age and mature and learn Jim’s friends discuss prior marriages and learning Mark discusses his divorce and being a single dad.  He open’s up about his new relationship with his girlfriend Jim open’s up about his struggles and his wife’s transition from stressful high profile work and graceful retirement…and the empty nest condition Jim sites how simple men are and how complicated women can be and how we all evolve We need to celebrate the differences between men and women Mark talks about learning from mistakes and hardship.  He goes on about the importance of communication and the search for meaning, learning and growth Jim says we choose to either grow better or bitter in and around the 40’s or 50’s Mark brings up his dad’a ability to evolve and learn - learning and evolving keeps you young Mark’s daughter has a wonderful friendship with one of his own friends Couples often evolve.  Sometimes one does and the other does Mark talks about how bitter was never an option for him.  It’s a choice and it requires work Jim talks about the energy people give off.  Good and bad People are attracted to positive aura and repelled from negative Mark comes in hot and he needs to be conscious of settling down and keeping space when he enters a room Mark talks about his new relationship and how different it is at 61 years old Jim talks about some of the challenges young people face Mark talks about the importance of communication and the dangers of poor communication How helpful sincere apologies can be Jim adds some perspective on death and losing loved ones and reflects on his father’s legacy Mark concludes that everything in life is a choice

Just another reminder this podcast is raw.  No intro, no outro, no ads or music.  Just solid content  The guys explain the flywheel foundation for the podcast.  Then Mark and Jim discuss the most recent CNN Interview with Donald Trump and the current divided political landscape.  Mark suggests that we’re moving back to the middle.  Next Jim opens up about the Trump CNN Townhall interview.  Jim listened to the interview on the radio…no video and how unique that experience was. Then it’s off to the races about Trump and Biden.  Those are our best two choices?  Really. Mark and Jim disagree and agree on various political views and the SWAMP enters the conversation.  The guys discuss our legal system and why DEI doesn’t work.  The latest Bud Light marketing fiasco.  Mark is optimistic about the future.  Jim says the mainstream media is falling down.  Then the guys talk team sports and how team sports mirror how a free society works.  Will there be any choices besides Biden and Trump?

We did this season raw.  No intro's or outro's, no music, no ads...just interesting content.  Mark and Jim explain the "Flywheel Of Self Awareness" and how it serves as the foundational structure of the podcast. Then they talk about the current hiring landscape, how DEI isn’t what people think it is and more.  They discuss different ways of looking for work and how humanity is gone from the process.  Then it’s on to more creative ways to package yourself and your work to make you more “hirable” for potential employers and/or clients.  Jim talks about the advantages of AI for someone who is, for example dyslexic such as Jim himself.  Writing becomes so much easier it’s literally a game changer.  The guys close out with some more AI predictions and finally some insights on what makes men happy…Enjoy

On today’s episode Mark + Jim focus on every aspect of health in your life - the physical, mental and emotional. They both share the importance of eating whole, clean foods and how it has changed their lives. As well as making time for exercise and adjusting their routines as they have gotten older. They also speak on some heated political issues and how the mental health crisis just might be at the root of it all. 

Here are few specific topics they dive into during this conversation that you dont want to miss: 

Resources:

Hannahs 3 Day Gut Reset: https://go.hannahaylward.com/3-day-gut

The Get A Helmet Podcast for Anxiety Help: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/get-a-helmet/id1320506226

The Inspired Performance Institute, Dr. Don Wood's Program: https://www.inspiredperformanceinstitute.com/a/21845/jZCwnLQj

On today’s episode Mark + Jim dive into the topic of Identity. All of the sports you played, conversations you’ve had, experiences dating all the way back to childhood play a role in how you see the world. They make you who you are. Every human experiences trauma, whether it be big or small. This conversation unpacks how trauma plays out in your life and what you can do to move past it. 

“Every single one of us has experienced trauma. Some of it is recognizable and memorable and some of it is not. Some of it we don’t remember. Some of it is extreme, like sexual abuse and some of it is less so, like getting yelled at. If unaddressed it festers in our subconscious and attacks us as if it’s happening right now.” - Mark 

Other Topics covered during this episode:

Resources: 

On today’s episode Mark + Jim dive into the topic of careers. This conversation goes really deep into truly getting to know what it is you love to do and giving yourself permission to go there in the first place. They also discuss finding a job at this stage of life, taking big risks, sales and how the job market has changed tremendously. 

Here’s a sneak peek of what you’ll hear on this episode:

“If you had your druthers and you could find the intersection between what youre passionate about, what youre good enough at that you could teach other people and that you can monetize -- that intersection is the gold.”

“The vast majority of people I speak to aren’t doing what they want to be doing.”

Other topics discussed:

-Finding new work as a middle aged man

-Men lacking confidence and how that causes big issues in the workplace  

-Being bored and unfulfilled with your work and caught in the limiting belief that there isn’t something more aligned for you

-The pressures men feel to provide 

-How the hiring market has changed and that most jobs don’t require a college degree anymore

-The importance of telling your story versus sharing your credentials 

-Finding the intersection between what you’re really good at and what you love

-outdated sales tactics 

-The incredible results they have both witnessed through The Inspired Performance Institute in helping people make big transitions in life and move past any subconscious blocks 

-The role your subconscious plays in your career choices 

-Finding a mentor and not trying to navigate these decisions on your own 

Resources mentioned on this episode: 

The Inspired Performance Institute: https://www.inspiredperformanceinstitute.com/a/21845/jZCwnLQj

Link to Mark’s free career workbook to find your purpose: https://www.7pillarsglobal.com/professional-track

Mark Aylward's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aylwardmark/

Jim Gurule's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jimgurule/

Books mentioned during the episode:

You Must Be Out of Your Mind

Emotional Concussions

On today’s episode of the Imperfect Men’s Club Podcast, Mark and Jim dive into the topic of relationships and the number one priority being to nurture your relationship to self.

Here is a sneak peek of what you will hear…

“You want to be held accountable? Have a conversation with one of your kids.”

“Once you decide you are in it for the long term, whatever that means to you, you’ve got to sit down and talk about sh*t. You gotta talk about religion, sex, money, children, expectations.”

“After having raised two daughters, they really taught me how to listen. One of the other keys to a successful relationship is to listen.”

Other topics discussed during this episode:

-How listening can be the most powerful tool in relationships.

-When you marry someone, you marry their family.

-Processing trauma from your past to benefit the relationship you have with yourself and with your spouse 

-How men tend to cover up trauma from their past with business or athletic achievements 

-The self awareness required to not bring your past into your present relationship

-The work that goes into a healthy marriage.

Here’s where to find us:

Mark Aylward's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aylwardmark/

Jim Gurule's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jimgurule/

Imperfectmensclub.com

If you would like to learn more about healing trauma through the Inspired Performance Institute, you can do so here: https://www.inspiredperformanceinstitute.com/a/21845/jZCwnLQj

Welcome to the Imperfect Mens Club Podcast! We are so happy that you are here. The show kick offs with a little insight into Mark's work as a Career Mentor + Jim's as a Futurist + Inventor.

Here is a sneak peek of what you will hear:

“If you fell down the expectation was that you were just going to get up and rub some dirt on it. As much as that is maybe outdated, wouldn’t it be great to find this intersection between masculinity and empathy?” - Mark 

"It's not what happens to you, it's how you respond to what happens to you. That is a decision.” - Jim

Topics we hit on during this episode:

-Why we are here and what we will talk about in future episodes, what you will get out of this show 

-How Jim + Mark Met through the Inspired Performance Institute while Jim was searching for help with his brain health 

-Finding alternatives for your mental health struggles that really work

-How moving through moments of vulnerability is empowering

-Men and emotions

You can learn more about the Inspired Performance Institute and Dr. Don Wood's work here: https://www.inspiredperformanceinstitute.com/a/21845/jZCwnLQj

Please visit our website to learn more and to read full show notes: imperfectmensclub.com

We are here to have open, honest and sometimes difficult conversations to help other middle aged men in the world be the best versions of themselves they can be. From everything to relationships, health and professional development, we are here to create conscious space for men just like you to reach your full potential.